The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (95 page)

Wedding legend has it that a young Dutch woman fell in love with a miller who had given away most of his flour to the poor instead of selling it to the bread factories in town. When the girl's money-hungry father forbade the marriage and denied the couple a dowry, the townsfolk took pity on the poor young couple and showered them with gifts to help them set up their home, where of course they lived happily ever after. And thus was born the wedding shower.

How accurate this story is, and what happened to the girl's dysfunctional father, we don't know. But we do know that it's a nice story in that the friends and other assorted happy townsfolk became the young couple's family and supported the young couple in their decision to marry.

The shower has evolved into a pre-wedding party, usually with a theme centered around gift-giving. Some showers can be truly practical, like
a linen shower where everyone pitches in to take care of all the household sheets and towels. Other showers are silly, like the lingerie showers that single-handedly keep Victoria's Secret in business.

The shower was typically a bride's “date with the girls” until the groom was included and the “couples shower” became popular. Yes, it reeks of straight tradition, but a shower is a great opportunity for small groups to celebrate, so why not once again skew tradition to your own situation?

A lesbian or gay shower can be given for the couple together, or individual parties can be thrown for, say, Groom One and Groom Two, which can be a healthy break from the constant pre-wedding togetherness. A Last Hurrah where you're the center of attention and get gifts—how bad could it be? Most gay couples have some sort of a pre-wedding party that combines a shower with another tradition such as the bachelor or bachelorette party or the pre-wedding luncheon.

As we said, showers are usually based on a gift theme. It's fun to be showered with gag gifts, but if a well-stocked refrigerator will make a stronger contribution to your ultimate well-being, tell your friends to toss the erotic lollipops out the window and bring in the groceries.

Several shower ideas follow—some tried and true, others brand-new.

Each guest brings a beautifully wrapped cleaning utensil such as a new mop head or a can of Drano. (Pretty sexy, huh?) If the couple have just moved into a new house or apartment, everyone could pitch in and help clean up the place or even do some painting. Or maybe not.

For the couple who has everything. The gifts must be $5 or under; free is best of all. Some possibilities:

Everyone brings a story about the couple during their earlier days.

You must
make
a decorative gift using found materials from around your home.

Have a talent show: guests present a performance (three minutes, tops); they can sing, dance, do a skit—whatever. The more unusual, the better.

Popular with Oprah fans. Here, everyone brings books under one unifying theme such as “I should have read this years ago” or “No home should be without a copy” or just plain “love.”

Everyone contributes grooming products like cologne, aromatherapy bath salts, and rub-on tattoos. Get out the moisturizing cream and hair treatments, do your nails, and give one another facials. Read trashy magazines and dish the couple.

Wherein you bring an item that you don't want in your home one minute longer but feel that the couple really needs. Lava lamps, ABBA posters, and porcelain statuettes all become gift fodder for this category.

Along with gift-giving (everyone watches as the gifts are opened to choruses of oohs and aahs), there are other customary occurrences at wedding showers:

The ribbons that were beautifully wrapped around your packages are made into a ribbon bouquet to carry during the wedding rehearsal and then treasured for years.

A friend is appointed to record who gave you what gift so you can later write thank-you notes. Another friend writes down your reactions, and at the end of the gift-giving session the remarks are read back and modified with the phrase “under the covers” or something equally as clever. For example, “Oh my God, I've always wanted a waffle iron… under the covers.”

You play your own version of
The Newlywed Game
or couples trivia.

Give a
This Is Your Life
–type presentation or a slide show of childhood memories.

Have everyone bring in ideas about “ways to keep love alive” or “tips for a successful relationship” and put them in a book for you to keep.

Of course you take lots of photos, run a tape recorder, or get out those camcorders. But remember to ask permission before posting anything on YouTube.

And, if you must, there are a plethora of marital aids (okay: dirty gifts) at your local novelty store that were created for just this kind of occasion. Edible undies, anyone?