The Encyclopedia of Me (18 page)

“No!” I said. “Don't be sorry! I like it! I mean, I like you! I mean —”

But I didn't have time to say anything else because at that exact moment we heard voices. Loud voices. Not just Freddie Blue, but someone else. And Freddie Blue sounded scared.

My first thought was
Gadzooks, it's an ax murderer!
But if it was an ax murderer, Freddie Blue wouldn't be talking, and she was talking a lot. Kai and I looked at each other and I could tell that I was blushing all the way past the roots of my hair. I hoped he couldn't see it. If I blushed any harder, I'd likely spontaneously combust. And that would be harder to hide.

We didn't move. I didn't move because I couldn't, due to the fact that my legs were asleep. And he didn't move because he was scared. I could tell he was. I didn't blame him, with parents like his. I'd be grounded, but it would be worse for him. His whole body curled inward and cringed.

“I'm sorry,” I whispered.

He shrugged. His face got a little tough and the voices got closer and closer. And the next thing we knew, a really bright flashlight was shining at us and a voice was saying, “You kids are in so much trouble.”

“Uh-oh,” I said.

Kai grabbed my hand, hard. I somehow got to my feet and so did he. I could see that Freddie Blue was crying like mad, but when I caught her eye, she winked at me so I knew it was all part of her act.
90

Why we hadn't thought about security patrols, I had no idea. We aren't dumb people! We are gifted! We go to Cortez! With the combined “gifted” thoughts of all three of us, you'd think we would have come up with “security guard patrols.” But apparently not.

And then it was too late.

As you've probably guessed, my mom and dad were not very happy to be woken up at midnight with the news that their daughter was at the police station, which is where they took us because they apparently had had a lot of trouble with kids sleeping in the store lately and they were going to make “an example” of us. I was super scared. Kai and I were both crying. Freddie Blue took a different approach
91
and was saying things like, “My dad is a judge, he'll get me off the charges!”

I can only guess that no other major crimes were occurring and the police were borsk
92
and needed something to do. After they brought us sodas, I felt less scared. Clearly they weren't going to throw us into cells with hardened criminals and drunk college students. All they were going to do was call our parents.

Oh, and also the store manager to see if the store wanted to press charges.

Which, luckily for us, they didn't.

Dad got there first, before Kai's parents and Freddie Blue's. I waved to them as I left. I couldn't do anything else. “Bye,” I whispered. Kai didn't even answer. He was staring at his shoes.

I felt terrible.

Dad was furious. I knew that because he kept saying, “I am furious!” If I was going to pick better words for what he was, I'd choose “incandescent with rage.” Dad doesn't usually get that mad, but his hands were shaking.

“You are grounded, kid,” he said. “I can't believe you would think that was a good idea. What a stupid, stupid thing to do.”

“I'm sorry,” I muttered. Because I was sorry. I really was.

“I can't believe you'd be so irresponsible,” he continued. “And lie to us. And even think of doing something so silly to begin with. You are the Peacemaker in our family! Not the Troublemaker! There is a world of difference between the word ‘peace' and the word ‘trouble,' Tink! And who is that boy?”

“Er, he lives next door,” I said. “He's Kai. Kai is . . . just some kid.” Even saying that, I felt disloyal. He's not just some kid! He might maybe be my boyfriend! I wished Mom had come to get me because I could have told her about Kai. She would have understood.

“And I hear the store is a mess,” he went on. “You're lucky they aren't pressing charges. How dare you? Seriously, how dare you? I wouldn't have expected this from you, Tink.”

I wanted Dad to stop talking. I wanted to be alone in a quiet room to try to figure out what I was thinking. I knew it was a dumb thing to do. But no one got hurt, right? Not that I'd have said that to Dad. I wouldn't dare.

“I'm sorry, Dad,” I said again.

“Uh-huh,” he said. “Sorry you got caught, or sorry you did it?”

“Sorry for all of it,” I said. I closed my eyes. I hadn't gotten what I'd wanted from the adventure, which was to be normal BFFs with FB again. If anything, that whole thing had gotten worse.

But I'd gotten something else. And maybe it was what I'd been looking for all along.

Maybe it was sort of like my dream came true. In a way that made a lot of people mad, sure, but still . . .

It happened.

Kai kissed
me
.
93

See also
Adventure; BFF; Boyfriend Race, The; Crush List; Fish; Grounded; Kissing.

I know nothing about Mesopotamia, but when I think of an encyclopedia, it's the first thing I think of. I have no idea why. If you are really curious about the details of Mesopotamia, you should go to a garage sale and purchase your very own set of gold-edged books, which contain the answers that you seek, plus millions more.

Encyclopedias are really pretty awesome,
94
you know.

A Chinese philosophy, sometimes also called “School of Mo,” which makes it sound like a movie spoofing something serious. Basically the idea is that you should love everyone
exactly the same amount
: your mom, your brothers, your teacher, the guy at the bus stop with the waist-length beard, Mrs. O'Malley, whoever. ALL THE SAME. Which is ridic, because you can't really choose how much you love a person. It's not a
decision
. Sometimes you meet someone, and you're like, “Oh, hello, you seem nice enough, maybe we'll be acquaintances who say hello in the hall sometimes or share a pen if one of us forgets ours at home,” so you don't love them at all. And other times, you'll meet someone and you'll think about them all the time until you suspect you might be going a bit crazy and then they'll kiss you in an ice cream shop and then call you, and you'll hang up on them, and not see them again until you spend the night with them in the mall, where they will kiss you again, and you'll keep thinking about it over and over again, and then you would know that if you went to the School of Mo, you would flunk out entirely and be asked to never set foot on the campus again.

See also
Ice Cream Incident, The; Kai; Mega Mall.

The label you are given to differentiate you from the other seven billion people on the planet.
95

I happen to think that your name is one of the most important things about you. For example, when you hear the name “Freddie Blue,” you imagine a pretty girl who is fun and popular. When you hear the name “Tink,” you probably picture either a tinker
96
or an animated fairy. You hopefully have a perfectly exquisite name, like Grace or Indigo or Sienna. I really like the name Sienna. If I got to pick my own, I think that's what I'd pick.

Of course, I didn't get to pick my own. Which is why I was named after a very famous dancer, Isadora Duncan, even though a dancer is the last thing I'd want to be. And Tink? No one would choose to call themselves Tink, I don't think. I wouldn't. I mean, I wouldn't NOW. Obviously, I DID ages ago, when I was four and told everyone they were to call me Tinker Bell because I preferred it to Isadora.

Who lets their kid choose a name from a Disney movie?

My parents, that's who.

If/when I ever have kids, I'm going to think carefully about their names and make sure to give them really good ones. Then I will actually take the crazy and novel approach of calling my kid by that name instead of renaming them something that sounds like the sound of a coin dropping on a hardwood floor.

See also
Aaron-Martin, Isadora (Tink).

The act of sleeping at random times during the day.

I stopped napping when I was two, just like everyone else. On the other hand, I have started again now that I'm nearlyconstantly grounded. It's the kind of napping where you wake up feeling sick and groggy and like you're lying under a blanket of wet, foggy wool. My muscles are going to atrophy! It can't be healthy. I think Mom and Dad did not properly think through this form of punishment.

Napping would be a lot more pleasant if my brothers didn't keep waking me up by continuing their passionate hobby of full-body-contact Wii playing. The shouting at two
p.m.
when you are sound asleep is completely uncalled for, IMHO.

See also
Grounded.

Animated movie about a clown fish who gets lost and ends up in a dentist's office.

AKA my favorite movie of all time, although I formerly hated this movie due to my fear of fish. Now I will love this movie forever. I think I will buy it. No, better yet, I will buy it for Kai for his birthday! Actually, I don't even know when his birthday is. Or what his middle name is. Or whether he likes egg salad sandwiches. Or his last name even.

I don't know anything about him. Not really.

And he doesn't know anything about me. Not yet.

I hope he wants to find out more.

Does he?

And if he does, why doesn't he just call and ask? I'm grounded, not
muzzled
.

So maybe he's just not that interested.

Maybe he doesn't want to know me, after all!

And just as quick as the shock you get when you stick your finger in an outlet accidentally while trying to plug in your straightening iron, I am in a terrible, awful, no-good mood now. It has nothing to do with
Finding Nemo
, I just mention it because I don't want you to think I'm just happily jotting down encyclopedia entries and nonchalantly ignoring the fact that I'm trapped in my house with a hairless cat who has more affection needs than anyone can satisfy, and my phone isn't ringing. And it could be! It works. I just checked.

See also
Grounded; Fish; Kai; Mega Mall.

A country in Scandinavia where, like Alaska, there is snow and probably bears and lots of thick, woolly sweaters. The major difference being that in Norway, skateboarding was illegal until 1989.

1989!

Think about it!

Outrageous!

Or at least, that's what Ruth Quayle said when she phoned me, proving to me that my phone worked AND I was allowed to talk on it. She managed to fit in a dozen different topics in about fifteen minutes, including the thing about skateboarding in Norway, a complicated story about Claymation and filmmaking, the strange pasta her mom was making for supper, and something about how if you lick a slug, your tongue will go numb. I didn't have to say anything, which was a relief, because I had nothing to say.

“Want to go to Drop Mac?” she said. “I have totes designed this awesome sail for my board. It is going to be seriously gnarlicious.”

“I can't,” I sighed. “I'm grounded.”

“WHAT?” she yelled. “That's totes outrageous! School starts next week! You are being robbed of your last week of summer! What did you DO?”

So I told her.

Maybe because I was lonely and grounded and upset, I ended up telling her the entire story, including the kisses — she gasped and said, “I totes knew he liked you!” — and about Freddie Blue and how she was acting.

“Freddie Blue Anderson is a big phony now,” said Ruth. “She used to be totes funny and now she's just a big Stella-clone.”

The way she said it was so matter-of-fact, my blood ran cold. Because maybe she was right. But it couldn't be true! Could it?

“She is not,” I said frostily and hung up.

I flopped back on my bed, which was rumply and uncomfortable, and watched Hortense slinking her way invisibly across the floor. She had a way of doing this, like if she moved super slowly she'd be camouflaged, that was so dumb it was funny.

Then I picked the phone back up. I could call FB. I could — I WANTED to — call Kai. But instead I called Ruth back, mostly because her number was right there on the call display. And also because I felt bad. “I'm sorry,” I said. “I didn't mean to hang up on you.”

“It's OK,” she said. “I shouldn't have said that. I guess I didn't think about it. I know you, like, like her. So whatevs. It's probably just a phase or whatever.”

“Yep,” I said. “Probably. I mean, I know her pretty well. So.”

“Yeah,” she said. “So. Anyway, forget it. Look, call me when you're ungrounded. I've got to go sail this thing. Wish me luck!”

“Luck,” I said, and hung up, feeling more alone than ever. Outside, the sun blistered down and the breeze lifted the leaves of my (Kai's!) Tree of Unknown Species, flipping them back and forth between darker green and silvery green. It was so pretty, my heart ached. Ached because it was trapped in my chest, which was trapped in my room, which was trapped ­inside forever and always.