The Encyclopedia of Me (12 page)

Dad is the opposite. He always goes in and tries to hold on to Seb and hug him and go on and on and on about how much he loves him until Seb snaps out of it. Mom gets so mad when he does that. She says he's positively reinforcing the behavior.

Anyway, I didn't need to be told to go twice. I followed Lex out the door. “Whooo!” I yelled. I don't know why I yelled that. I think I was just so glad to not be in the House of Haywire anymore.

Lex glared at me. “Yeah,” he said sarcastically. “It's a total celebration. I'm going to the beach. Are you coming or are you just going to be a freak?”

“I'm not a freak,” I said. “I'm coming.”

“Whatever,” he said.

“Want to get ice cream?” I said.

“No,” he said. Then he totally stalked off without me.

“Fine,” I yelled after him. “Go!”

Which is why I went for ice cream by myself.

Which is why I saw Kai.

Which is why what happened, happened.

I am not prepared to write any more of this story right now. You are going to have to wait for the letter
I
, which I realize is probably going to be on the next page, but I am just not willing to write about what happened quite, quite yet.

See also
Aaron-Martin, Sebastian (Seb); Autism; Ellery, Charlotte.

Until I fell in love with the Tree of Unknown Species, I was totally and completely terrified of being high up. I was more afraid of heights than I am of elephants or even being murdered in my sleep by a mask-wearing criminal with claw gloves.
68

Now I am not at all afraid. It went away, just like that. I can't remember why I was scared before. It's weird how that happens, how one day something can scare you so bad that your legs won't hold you up, and then you try it. And then everything changes, and it turns out you are OK, after all.

Mom says that I'm still afraid, I'm just pretending not to be, but I think that's just because she might be a little bit jealous that I'm completely cured and she is not.

A hickey is a bruise that you get when your skin gets sucked very hard, either by a vacuum cleaner or by a mouth (your own or someone else's). You can give yourself one by putting your forearm into your mouth and sucking really hard. Freddie Blue and I give ourselves hickeys sometimes in class if the class is very boring. Once she had fourteen hickeys on her arm. It looked like she'd been punched repeatedly by someone with a tiny fist, such as an elf.

Apparently, boys like to give you hickeys on your neck, but honestly I don't see how this could even happen, unless they are pretending to be vampires and you are pretending to like it.

A really loud noise made by twin brothers during full moons, which they think is hilarious and usually causes at least one passerby to scream and run away.

I don't actually remember when this started — it seems like the boys have been doing this stupid howl for my whole life, probably because they have. Lex says it helps Seb to work out all his stuff, to stand on the front lawn and just howl like a banshee at the moon. Seb says that he does it because Lex is actually a werewolf and the only thing that keeps him from eating the entire family is this stupid and annoyingly loud ritual. When I was little, that scared me to death, but now I know they are just kidding around. They never miss a moon.

I guess I don't mind it. I'm used to it, looking out my window on moony nights and seeing them there, heads thrown back, howling like psychos. It's actually sort of funny.

See also
Aaron-Martin, Sasha Alexei (Lex); Aaron-­Martin, Sebastian (Seb).

Ice cream is a frozen dessert enjoyed by everyone. Go ahead, show me someone who does not like ice cream. You can't, can you? Because everyone likes it. Because it is delicious.

This entry is not really about ice cream.

It is about kissing.

It is a long-ish story. Be prepared. Maybe get a snack and a cold drink! Find a comfy place to sit, like maybe a hammock.

Yes, this is the story that began with
Haywire
. If you have forgotten what happened in
Haywire
, I will wait while you go back and reread that entry. I have time.

Done? OK, then.

So Lex stomped off to the beach without me, and I headed into the ice cream shop. The very best ice cream shop in the world, as I may have already mentioned. I have two words: WAFFLE. And CONES. I was looking forward to seeing if they had my favorite of all flavors, which is called Sparkly Unicorns and Happiness. It has chocolate and tiny peanut butter cups and big swirls of caramel and marshmallow and colorful sprinkles. Basically everything you can put in ice cream that tastes good is in there.

Kai was outside the shop, eating a huge cone of about eight different scoops, most of which looked like chocolate. At first I was nervous, then I went right away to excited to see him, then I noticed who he was talking to, and within a split second, I went right to downright annoyed. He was talking to a big gang of girls from my school, including, but not limited to, the horrifically awful Stella Wilson-Rawley. I glared at her ferociously, totally forgetting that I was going to practice being über-friendly at all times.

“Hey, Tink,” said Ruth Quayle.
69

“Hello,” I said, without opening my mouth, which made it come out funny, like a small growl. She gave me an alarmed look. I tried to smile but I did not feel like smiling.

“Tinky Tinky,” said Stella, and smirked.

“Grak,” I mumbled, which wasn't the least bit witty but was all I could come up with.

I was about to push by her when Kai noticed me. He gave me this huge, manic, crazy-guy grin and shouted, “THERE you are.”

Which made me slightly happy. But then, before I could even say, “Hi,” which is what I was going to do, but in a voice that was just slightly frosty and unwelcoming, he grabbed me and then he

. . . kissed me right on the mouth.

With his mouth!

Which had melted ice cream bits on it! And saliva!

I repeat: HE KISSED ME ON THE MOUTH! WITH HIS SLIMY MOUTH!

I was so stunned that all I could do was gawp at him like a fish that has been tossed onto the beach by a rogue wave and cannot breathe air and is dying. Your first really meaningful kiss is supposed to be amaaaaaazing and mine was just plain shocking. SHOCKING. I didn't have time to mentally prepare! I thought I liked him! But then I didn't! And then I did again! And now I just wanted to run away, screaming!

But why?

My heart started pounding like someone trapped in an elevator who is about to plunge to a terrible demise. I couldn't get my breath. He then whispered something in my ear.

“WHAT?” I said loudly, because I didn't hear him. I couldn't hear anything. Well, that's not true, I DID hear SWR saying, “Ew.”

“Thanks, you SAVED me,” he repeated.

I can hardly remember the next bit because my head was spinning like a Tilt-A-Whirl. But I must have somehow gone in, ordered, and paid for my Sparkly Unicorns and Happiness cone because the next thing I knew, I was marching directly out the back door of the shop. Alone.

As in, with no one following me.

Not Kai the Kisser. Not Ruth, my supposed new friend. Not
anyone
.

I kept marching until I got to the beach, but by then, I felt light-headed. From the SHOCK! And my ice cream had melted all over my hand, giving me that gross sticky-finger situation that I hate. I was tragically forced to throw away the cone. I threw away Sparkly Unicorns and Happiness! Could things get worse?

I thought about it. I guess it would be worse if, for example, a passing great white shark — and yes, they DO have those here — could suddenly become demented and throw itself onto the beach, snapping its jaws at everything that moved, chomping off my right leg below the knee before belly flopping back into the bay. Worse, no?

Maybe not, actually.

At least that wouldn't be
embarrassing
. Or
awkward
.

I sat and ran sand through my fingers and stared out to sea. Crab traps bobbed up and down on the waves, and kayaks paddled by in colorful flocks. Every once in a while, someone dove in and shouted from the cold. Finally, Lex came up behind me and grabbed my shoulder, scaring me half to death. I was obviously totally still in shock, or I would have smelled his approach and been ready for the assault.

“Time to go,” he said.

We walked home slowly. I could feel my legs again, but I wished I couldn't because they were itchy from the sand and also felt like lead. I sighed dramatically, in a universal signal of, “Ask me what is wrong!”

“Stop doing that, you're bugging me,” Lex went, and then he punched me hard on the arm.

“THAT HURT!” I shouted.

“You're a total pain,” he said. “I don't need this. I'm not your babysitter. Why do I always have to look after everyone?”

“I'm not a baby,” I said. “And you aren't looking after me. I go to the beach alone all the time.”

“Whatever.” Lex shrugged, putting his iPod on. The music reverberated loudly around his head in a cloud.

I hated Lex right then for not asking me what happened. Why do other people get nice siblings who they can confide in about things and I get . . . LEX AND SEB?

Talk about unfair.

When we got home, the house was quiet. Lex went and made himself and Seb sandwiches. I did not want a sandwich. I did not want anything. My lips felt weird and tingly, like maybe I was going into anaphylactic shock.
70
I sat down on the hall floor. The floor is tile and it was nice and cool against my skin. It helped, sort of like how an ice pack helps when you hurt your knees trampolining on them in the middle of the night during sleepovers.

Half of me was going,
Wheee! He kissed me! A cute boy kissed me! KAI kissed me!
The other half of me was going,
Ick! Ack! Ick! Ack!
Kind of like a ticking clock, or more like a ticking bomb. Punctuated every now and again with stabbing feelings of fury! Betrayal! And rage! None of which I really understood!

And the combination was dizzying.

I dragged myself to my room and called Freddie Blue.

“She's not home, Tink,” said FB's mom. “She's gone camping with her dad this weekend.”

“Camping?” I repeated. “Freddie Blue doesn't camp.”

Her mom laughed grimly. “I know, right?” she said. “Well, I'm sure she's having an adventure, if nothing else. Her biggest adventure yet, no doubt.”

“But!” I said.

“I'm sure she would have invited you, but her dad was taking her with some of his friends and they probably didn't have room,” she said quickly.

“I don't care,” I lied. “Just tell her I called.”

Camping!

Life was so unfair.

I lay back on the cold tile, which had stopped helping, and I cradled the phone like it was a tiny kitten on my chest.

And then it rang.

“Hey,” said Kai. “May I please speak to Isadora?”

I knew it was him, right away, but for some reason I said, “Hang on a sec.”

Then I held the phone away from my ear and screamed, “TINK!”

Then I pressed the
off
button very, very softly, like I didn't want anyone to notice that I did it.

He didn't call back.

I don't know why I did that.

I got up off the tile floor and went down to the basement. Dad's bike was glittering clean; it looked finished. It looked like an artist's version of a motorcycle and not like an actual motorcycle. I walked by it, careful not to touch it and leave fingerprints, and grabbed Seb's board from the storage room. Then I headed down to Drop Mac Park. Swooping was obviously the only answer. Maybe swooping is always the answer, in situations where ice cream is not.

I don't really have much more to say about ice cream other than that, if you think about it, it's really pretty good for you. It's made from milk! Calcium! Have some. Your bones will thank you.

See also
Camping; Haywire.

Irony is when something happens that is funny only because it's twisted in some way. For example, it's ironic that I had a crush on Kai and then he kissed me, which made me NOT have a crush on him, but now thinking about the kissing and thinking about Kai gave me back the crush. Actually, that isn't ironic; I'm just trying to work some things out and sometimes it helps to write them down.