The Embrace (37 page)

In 1964 she had a lucid period. We thought she was getting better but she told me she didn’t want me to end up resenting her. The next night I woke early. The sun hadn’t set, but Lottie wasn’t in the room.

I found her on the roof, and I knew immediately it was too late to save her. She walked in to the sun and killed herself. It tore Alexei and I apart. For about 6 months we sat in silence, killing small animals who came near the home. I freed Alexei that same year. We had no reason to be together anymore, and I couldn’t look at him without thinking of Lottie. He told me he was going back to Russia but I haven’t seen him since.

I travelled around Western Europe, trying to forget her. I arrived in Spain in 1975. I had hoped to find Diego there as it was close to his home of Portugal, but instead I found Joan.

I hadn’t seen her for 270 years but she was just the same. She was still as beautiful as ever, yet something about her scared even me and I had been a vampire for over 900 years. She had three male servants with her, each one of them doting on her like Gyorgy had. She said she wanted to start a Spanish sect, with herself as queen. She said that she needed an edge over other vampires, and so she wanted some of my blood.

I don’t know if Gabriel mentioned this but vampire blood is powerful when ingested by a fellow vampire. It’s fatal to a human but to a vampire it’s a powerful elixir. I am an ancient creature, and so my blood had even more valuable properties.

I refused to give her anything, of course. I didn’t trust her motives, and I had suspicions that she would drain all of my blood while I was in a vulnerable state.

I managed to escape but she pledged a vendetta against me. I’ve spent every moment of the last 40 years trying to escape her. In 2002 I was in Belgium when her legion attacked. They are much strong in number now. There were at least 10 in Belgium alone. That’s why I fled to England again. It’s the place where I feel safest. 

I guess that’s the end. Now I’ve found you.”

I had so much to think about. I was intrigued by Diego’s story, the one which still terrified Robert 250 years after hearing it. Gabriel hadn’t been mentioned yet either and so I was still in the dark as to the connection between them.

“Are you going to tell me what happened to Diego?”

Robert shuffled awkwardly at the other end of the sofa. He was obviously trying to avoid answering the question.

“The past few months have been filled with people lying to me about important things. Gabriel kept everything from me, and now my whole life with him seems to have been a lie. I’m fed up of people keeping secrets from me.” It felt good to let it all out.

“It’s not a nice story, especially not for you, but I promised to tell you everything I know and there’s no way around it. It was wonderful seeing Diego again. I knew him as well as I knew myself, and that’s a luxury for our kind. He was keen to tell me what had happened since our last meeting. I had expected him to be with Lucius for eternity so it was a shock to see him alone.

After Lucius freed me, he and Diego traveled around Britain for a while before leaving for Germany in 1600. Lucius was an incredibly powerful vampire, even back then. I don’t even know exactly when he was created, but he was ancient even by my standards, and he wanted control.

When they were in Germany they set up a sect of their own. Lucius was in control and he put Diego at his right hand. They named it the Germanitas Order. They took the name from the Latin for brotherhood, as well as a play on it’s German birth place.

Any vampire knows that sects are more powerful if there’s a blood bond between the members, so they created new male vampires. By 1611 they had 8 followers. In 1648 they were still going strong, with even more followers. Diego had power in this order, more than he had ever had before, and it gave him independence. 

One of the vampire recruits by the name of Aiden, was desperate for Lucius’s approval. He often brought back men who he thought Lucius would like, and he only killed when Lucius permitted it. He lacked any foresight or cunning, but he was bloodthirsty even for our kind.

That year Aiden introduced a new vampire to the sect. The new arrival had recently been orphaned after his master committed suicide. He was English but his master had been Indian and so they had been traveling back West when the suicide happened, leaving his mate stranded in Germany. Lucius accepted him as a member of the group on Aiden’s insistance.”

He stopped and sighed, avoiding my gaze.

“What’s wrong? What are you keeping from me?”

“The new vampire was called Gabriel.”

I could hardly swallow. My whole body tensed up in shock and my eyes began to water. Gabriel had never told me about his creation and it felt wrong that Robert was the one revealing this intimate part of my mate’s past.

“I’m sorry. I knew this wouldn’t be easy for you. Gabriel was ambitious even then. Aiden became his lackey, following him around all the time and doing his bidding. They seemed to keep secrets from the others in the group, and they rarely hunted with anyone else.

In 1700 Lucius decided to become a recluse. He was probably around 2000 years old and many of the ancient vampires decide to do the same at some point. He left the Order to Diego. The Diego I knew would have been a wonderful leader. He was levelheaded and strong; He never gave anyone more or less than they deserved, and he told me the men accepted him as they had accepted Lucius. He was an older brother to them, and some of them were his own proteges. Despite this, he was only in charge for a year.”

“What happened?”

“He was overthrown. Gabriel and Aiden rose up against him to take over the Order. Gabriel wanted more authority and he wanted to make the Order more manipulative. He wanted to change their goals, make them more about killing women rather than brotherhood. Diego refused to put them down as it went against the Order’s beliefs, so they removed him by force.”

I was stunned. Gabriel had been my world for years. I had thrown away my only chance at a normal life for him, doting on him and waiting for him to visit me time and time again. He had been a light during the dark years of depression inflicted on me after the murders. Hearing that he was capable of such crimes made me feel sick inside.

I didn’t even notice Robert moving towards me until his arms were already around me. I knew that his body was cold but for some reason it felt like there was a warmth radiating from him.

He gently stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head. I felt waves of love pouring through that kiss and in to my body.

“Who does that room upstairs belong to?” I asked, trying to change the subject.

He moved me at arms length and I could see the confusion on his face. I hadn’t even expected the question to come out so it surprised me too.

“The bedroom, the dresses. Who does this house belong to? It feels like someone lived here.”

He nodded and smiled. The smile was sad and cold, and I couldn’t bear to see it.

“It’s Lottie’s stuff. I haven’t been able to get rid of it yet. There are some of Joan’s things there too, her books mainly, and a few things Catherine left behind. I don’t want to forget them so I try to put something in that room which reminds me of them. It makes it easier to get through the day without them.”

That was the first time I saw the loneliness Robert held on his shoulders. He had been living alone for a long time. The women he had once held dear were either dead or enemies who felt nothing but hatred for him. He was all alone in the world, and I knew exactly how he felt.

“You know you and I aren’t that different.” I said, putting my hand on his. “I’ve had everything I love taken away from me over the past few years and sometimes it feels like I have nothing left. I think you know how that feels.”

He looked me right in the eyes and something passed between us. It was a bond, something I could hardly describe. It felt like we were joined by some force beyond my understanding. That one glance seemed to let me see every part of Robert’s being, past and present. There were no lies, no dishonesty, only a plain truth in front of me. I hadn’t experienced anything like this with anyone.

He moved with incredible speed over the small gap between us until he was right next to me. His lips locked with my own in a perfect match. I was lying flat on the sofa by this point, held in place by Robert, but it felt perfectly natural.

After a few moments, he moved away. I felt dizzy with his sudden changes. He had been there one second, making me feel complete for the first time since my death, and now he was gone. I sat up and saw him pressed against the wall at the other side of the room with a look of shock plastered on his face.

“What’s wrong? Did I do something?” I asked, my words coming in short bursts.

He shook his head. “No, it wasn’t you. This isn’t right. You belong to someone else and I have no right to take you.”

I strode towards Robert but he pressed himself even closer to the wall, almost as if he was trying to push through it. I placed my hands on his shoulders as softly as I could and made sure he raised his eyes to meet mine.

“Gabriel made me but I don’t belong to him. I don’t belong to anyone but myself.” I felt like the world around me was vibrating, everything crashing to the ground around me in a chaotic heap. It was only my words which fell in to place perfectly. “I am the only person who decides what I want, and I want you.”

I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his as gently as possible. Even just that light touch sent a wave of electricity through my body at a deadly rate. He kissed down my neck and ran his hand down my arm. It came to rest on my own hand and our fingers interlocked like young lovers at the height of a new relationship.

He lead me through the living room and up the staircase, checking behind his shoulder over and over to make sure I was still there. We stopped outside his bedroom, obviously not the one he had preserved as a memorial to his former mates. Kissing him inside that room would have felt like desecrating a shrine.

His bedroom was more understated than the rest of the house. There were no opulent decorations or signs of wealth. It was still in keeping with the home, but in a more subtle way.

He lay me down on the soft sheets. The scent radiated out from them, with Robert’s natural smell standing out. He lay beside me, running his fingers down my skin and watching me with wonderment, as if he was looking at his latest muse.

He leaned in and kissed my cheek with a softness I hadn’t felt from Gabriel, even during our happiest moments. I tried to shake thoughts of my mate from my mind. I knew comparing the two of them would only lead to trouble, but I couldn’t help it. Robert seemed tender and utterly honest. I didn’t even know whether Gabriel had ever loved me the way I loved him. I could no longer be sure of anything he had told me over the years.

Every time Robert looked in to my eyes over the next few hours I felt something pass between us. We had a bond, something innate which linked us together despite the fact that we were practically strangers. We were so similar, each drifting through life with years of loneliness trailing behind us. We both longed for someone who would love us unconditionally. Robert and I could give that to one another. We could be there for each other eternally, providing one another with everything we had ever wanted.

When Robert held me in his arms, it became even clearer that I had no love for Gabriel anymore. Even if his love for me turned out to be real, it wouldn’t be pure. Too much had passed between us for the relationship to ever work. I needed everything with Robert to pan out the way I hoped.

We lay side by side, holding hands without saying a word. Nothing needed to be said after the hours we had just shared together. We chose to remain silent, taking in every moment of untainted beauty. Speaking would have ruined the atmosphere balancing between us. 

Eventually Robert broke the silence. He had to or else we would have stayed in that position for hours, and we both knew I had other commitments to face.

“I love you.” He said.

A human being would have laughed at that. Love is something humans build up to, and something which is only said after building a relationship for weeks or months. A man professing his love after bedding the object of his affection would have been seen as a manipulation to humans.

But vampires love more strongly than humans, in fact far more intensely than any creature I know of. It felt as if Robert and I had known each other for years, and I knew his feelings were sincere.

It’s hard to describe how I could be so certain. I had thought the same about Gabriel, and now I had been proven wrong. But Robert was everything Gabriel was not. He wore his heart on his sleeve and had been honest with me right from the start.

“I love you too.  Life would be so much easier if I didn’t, but I want to be with you more than anything.”

We sat up together and he kissed both of my cheeks. I hated to think about leaving him but I knew I had to go. I couldn’t live with Robert forever, not yet. Gabriel still thought I loved him the way an obedient mate should, and I didn’t want to arouse any suspicion.

“I need to go. Gabriel will be worried.” I didn’t want to mention Gabriel’s name but we both knew it was necessary. We couldn’t sweep my domineering sire under the rug completely.

He nodded but I could tell it hurt him too. I imagined the potential future I could have without Gabriel. Every time I thought about hunting or travelling the world, I pictured Robert by my side. It made my heart ache to think that he might not be the one to share eternity with me.