The Elite: The Complete Series of Boomer and Player (With Bonus) (22 page)

“Listen, I gotta get going. I have a briefing to get to. I’ll try to call again later tonight.” I paused, hating the silence on the other end, knowing that I was hurting her by leaving so abruptly. “Okay, Holly?”

“Yeah. Okay. I—uh—take care, okay?”

“I will.”

I clicked out of the call, closed the program, and shut down the computer in a hasty sequence. My worries and doubts flooded over me and swirled around the empty room that was suddenly too quiet. I’d never been one to believe in fate or fairy tales or perfect love stories. I’d always thought romantic movies were just make believe. But after meeting Holly, my thinking had changed.

The last night we’d spent together could have been ripped right out of a chick flick, and for a time, I’d been thinking that maybe we were on the brink of finding that once-in-a-lifetime, forever love that would lead to our own happily ever after. My doubts and trust issues had never reared their heads even when Holly’s had. I’d been the strong and confident anchor. Unchanging. Stabilizing. But as I sat in the aftermath of our call, I realized that we appeared to have switched roles. Holly was the one trying to put on a brave face and I was just trying to keep my shit together.

All I knew, as I left the state room to go to my briefing, was that if I didn’t figure it out soon—I was going to lose her—forever.

Chapter Five

Holly

By Saturday afternoon my lack of focus at work had finally caught up with me to the point where I was forced to spend the whole weekend locked inside my office. Hunter had come with me and was snoozing on the couch in the corner. Unfortunately, my mind was still with Jack and the incredibly awkward conversation from the day before. Although I’d run through the conversation in my mind at least a dozen times, I still couldn’t figure out where things had gone wrong. What had started as a flirtatious, and erotic conversation, had so quickly plummeted into what felt like the beginning of the end—my head was still spinning. My escape into work had been a last resort to get my mind off of it, but as I stared at the computer screen loaded with spreadsheets and numbers, nothing was absorbing into my brain.

I put in my headphones, cranked up some music, and attempted to get back into a productive zone, but the figures in front of me began to melt into a blur as my eyes glazed over. Hunter stirred, his paws raking across the cushions, as he stretched out, and I smiled as I watched him settle back into sleep, mesmerized by the rise and fall of his little puppy belly. I wondered if I should wake him and go for a short walk around the block. On the surface, it appeared to be a logical thought, but I knew myself well enough to know that it was just a stalling tactic.

“Come on Holly, you’re not in high school anymore. This is the big leagues,” I reminded myself, forcing my attention back to my computer.

One of my biggest fears when I’d opened my accounting business was that I wouldn’t be able to handle all the pressure that would rest solely on my shoulders. I no longer had a team of coworkers and other CPAs that would be able to jump in to help, if things got crazy. Instead, I’d traded structure and a guaranteed pay check for the freedom of owning my own business.

So far, it had been one of the best decisions I’d ever made. But, as I struggled to get into the groove, I realized the one downfall I hadn’t thought about, was what would happen in the midst of a personal crisis. I didn’t have anyone who’d be able to throw me a lifeline. If I didn’t get through the workload, instead of an angry boss, and maybe a slap on the wrist to deal with, I’d have a horde of angry clients demanding money back for the services they’d paid me to do.

I just had to pull up my big girl panties and get the job done.

After a much needed pep talk, I managed to get through half of my inbox and the printer was humming away to spit out an assortment of pages that needed to be signed and sent over to a client in regards to a 401(k).

I opened the next email in the long line of messages and started to read the first lines when my phone rang. I practically lunged out of my seat to answer it. So far, once Jack had left San Diego and was aboard his aircraft carrier, he hadn’t had access to a phone and we were only able to communicate over video calls. But thanks to a Pavlovian response, I found myself having a mini panic attack every time the phone rang. I sighed, shaking my head at myself, as I sank back into my office chair and answered the call.

“Hey girl! Where are you at?” Rachel’s chipper voice came across the line.

“I’m at the office,” I replied, pressing my eyes closed in anticipation of the lecture she’d give me.

“The office?” I could practically hear her wrinkling her nose. “What in the world are you doing there? It’s Saturday.”

“I know, I know. I’ve been such a basket case all week, I haven’t been able to get anything done. I have more email messages than I can even see on one screen, a voicemail full of requests, and two new client presentations to put together before Monday.”

She sighed. “That stinks. I’m at your condo.”

“You are?”

“Yeah, I brought lunch and thought maybe afterward we could go get a mani pedi. My nails are trashed from being at the beach, and I figured you probably haven’t had time to get one since you got home from the trip.”

“I wish I could,” I replied, glancing down at my nails that—as Rachel had guessed—were horribly neglected. Sadly, I found that taking care of myself fell way down on the list of priorities when everything else was crazy in my life. I didn’t look like a total swamp monster, but I definitely hadn’t carved out time for pampering in a long time.

“Well, do you want me to bring lunch to you?”

My stomach rumbled, as if it could answer the question for me. “Sure. I don’t know how much fun I’ll be, but you’re more than welcome to come over. I know Hunter would love to see you.”

At the sound of his name from across the office, he perked up, lifting one ear in my direction. I smiled at him and he opened his mouth, his tongue lolling out of the corner of his mouth, into a happy doggy smile.

“Okay,” Rachel said, her tone brightening up a bit. “I’ll be there in 10.”

I hung up the phone and plowed through three email messages, stopping only when the printer finished its job. I was signing contracts when there was a soft knock on my office door right as Rachel’s head poked inside. Hunter lunged off the couch and started barking frantically, dancing around at her feet until she stopped to stoop over and pet him. “Hey, Huntey! I missed you too buddy!” After a moment, his attention shifted, and we both burst out laughing as his nose went into overdrive near the white paper bag clutched in Rachel’s hand. “You’re impossible,” she told him, lightly bopping him on the nose. “Not for you. Pietro’s is far too precious for puppies.”

I smiled over at her, and arched a brow. “Pietro’s? What’s the occasion?”

Pietro’s was a fancy Italian bistro a few miles from my condo. When Rachel and I lived together it was one of our favorite places to go, although thanks to the high price tags it was usually saved for special occasions like birthday’s, promotions, or exceptionally long weeks.

Rachel shrugged as she came to the desk. She set the bag down on the only clear corner of my workspace and unpacked to foil wrapped packages. “No occasion. I just thought my best friend could use some cheering up.”

I pulled back the foil from the box she handed me and smiled down at the creamy fettuccine Alfredo inside. “Well, this should do it!” I looked up at Rachel, as she settled into the chair opposite me, before reaching for the second container she’d set in front of me. A quick peek inside revealed a generous portion of Caesar salad. “I suppose I should be a good girl and start with my veggies.”

Rachel smiled. “I’ll let you make that call. You won’t have any judgment from me either way. In fact, if were doing confessions, I already started on dessert in the car on the way over here.”

I laughed and rolled my eyes. Rachel was one of the few girls I knew who could get away with eating dessert after every meal and still maintain a fitness model physique. She attributed it to her long runs on the beach every morning, and after watching Jack run on the beach, and the powerful display of his leg muscles pumping with each stride, I was finally starting to believe her.

“So, besides drowning in work, what’s going on?”

I shook off the memory of Jack and looked over at my friend. “I talked to Jack last night.”

“Oh?” Rachel paused, her fork dangling in midair between her mouth and her own meal. “You don’t sound all that happy about it.”

I released a slow sigh. “Yes and no. Things have just been so strange since he left. I knew it wouldn’t be the same as when we were together in Holiday Cove, but I didn’t expect it to be this difficult.”

Rachel nodded thoughtfully. “Difficult how?”

“Well, besides just missing him like crazy and worrying about his safety, I’m realizing that talking to him on a computer isn’t the same as talking to him face-to-face. It’s like all the sparkling chemistry and fireworks, all that stuff we shared, isn’t necessarily gone, but it’s not the same.” I hesitated, wondering how much of our previous call I should tell her about. Rachel and I have been best friends for years, and shared all manner of girl talk, including graphic details of our sex lives. Neither one of us was a prude, but I still wasn’t sure if I should tell her about the phone sex that had led up to the awkward conversation. But, the sharp contrast of the two conversations, and the sequence of them, was the thing that had me the most hung up.

“I don’t know Rach, I just feel like I’m losing him before I ever got him. He’s so busy that he doesn’t have time for me right now. And even just saying that makes me feel like a selfish bitch, because what he’s doing is obviously so much more important, but at the same time it just makes me worry that when it’s all over, we won’t have anything to stand on. I’m a realist, and I know the foundation we built on vacation was good, and that I’d felt things I’d never felt before, I’d be an idiot to forget that it was only a week and a half.”

Rachel waited as I paused to determine my next point. I didn’t want to dismiss what Jack and I had shared, but there were times when I questioned if what we’d shared at the beach was just an illusion—a dream— and I was waiting around for him to get home just to find out that we weren’t going to work outside of the vacation bubble.

“This is real life, not a fantasy or the plot for a romance movie. It feels like I’m basing too much on too short a time. And I’m starting to think that I’d feel that way whether he was three hours away or three continents away. Long-distance relationships are hard. They’re hard for people who have been together a lot longer than we were—so there’s this part of me that feels like everything were doing to try and stay connected while he’s gone, is pointless because the odds are stacked against us and they were from the very beginning.”

My hands went limp, lowering my lunch bowl to my lap as I reclined back in my chair. My body felt like a sponge that had been wrung out. Every negative thought, doubt, fear, and niggling worry had been laid bare. It was a relief to finally get the words out of my head, and into the world, but there was also a sense of despair at hearing them said out loud.

For a moment, I considered what I’d be thinking—or saying—if the tables were turned and it was Rachel telling me about some guy she’d met on vacation and thought she was falling in love with. I would find it hard not to be skeptical. Back in Holiday Cove, it was easy to drown out that part of my mind— the part that thrived on logic and order. The part that knew a long distance relationship would be hard—if not impossible. But, I’d been so wrapped up with Jack and how good it felt to be with him, those thoughts faded to the background. When he was there, right beside me, smiling at me, kissing me, or making love to me, I lost sight of the realities of our life outside of those two weeks.

Now, back in my real world, without Jack’s daily presence, it was as though my doubts were all I was left with.

They were all I could see.

Rachel set down her food and leaned forward, bracing her elbows on the edge of my desk. “Have you considered the fact that you’re feeling this way because you’ve been burnt by this life before? Maybe, after everything with your ex-husband, it makes it easier for you to come to the conclusion that you should cut and run?”

“Cut and run?” I jerked my eyes up to stare at her. “I never said anything about cut and run.”

“You didn’t have to.” Rachel’s eyes softened as she met my gaze. “It’s understandable, Holly. Anyone who’s been through a divorce has a hard time learning to trust again. Especially when they were the ones who were cheated on. I think most of the time you’ve moved past all of that, but there’s still going be some fear and pain left behind. The fact that Jack is in the military, and now on a deployment, and you’ve been launched right into this long distance relationship with him might be bringing up all of those insecurities. It’s like returning to the scene of the crime. Now, I’m not saying that you’re wrong, for all I know Jack could be a total loser. But I don’t think he is. From what I know, both from meeting him, even thought it was brief, and from what you told me about him, he seems like the real deal.”

“He is, Rach.” I nodded, and couldn’t help but smile.

“Well, then, from my point of view as your armchair psychologist over here, it seems like your source of anxiety has nothing to do with who he is, or even how fast your relationship moved or is moving, and has everything to do with the fact that when you were married, your ex was deployed with the military, cheated, came back and acted like a total asswipe. No one would be in a hurry to repeat that story. So, as much as your heart is telling you that Jack’s different and it feels different and you want the same things, your mind is still there reminding you that you followed your heart once before and you ended up getting hurt. Badly. And I think as long as your head and your heart are at war, you’re going to feel this way.”

Rachel’s words sunk in slowly, but took root once they were planted. “But how do I get them to agree? How do I convince my head to trust my heart?”