The Ectoplasmic Man (16 page)

“Really now,” I said, considerably exasperated, “simply tell your young man—”

“He is quite insistent. You will find him by the shooting-range.”

Very well, I thought to myself as I started off down the pier, not only had I made a bollix of the confidence Holmes had placed in me, but now I would no doubt have to fight a jealous lover for this bloodless schoolgirl. I approached the shooting-range full of the conviction that whatever became of me was no more than I deserved.

I spotted the young man by his striped jacket, hunched over a rifle, making short work of a series of china targets. He was a first-rate shot.

“See here, young man,” said I, hoping to appease him.

“In a moment,” came the reply, as five more shots found their targets.

“Nice shooting, sir,” said the pitchman, when all the targets had been broken. “Here’s your prize, then.”

Acknowledging the pitchman with a nod, the fellow turned at last to face me. “Here you are, Watson,” said Sherlock Holmes, handing me a large cloth bear.

^*
George IV’s summer palace, an elaborate imitation of the Taj Mahal. Watson probably considered it an inexcusable tax burden; others merely found it hideous.

O
N
T
HE
B
RIGHTON
L
INE

“H
olmes, this really is too much,” I said, as we boarded the train to London. “Your capacity for disguise grows more remarkable all the time.”

“Yes, this is rather a good one,” he chuckled, leading me into a private compartment in the forward car, “but I wasn’t certain just how good until I saw how completely shocked you were to see me.”

“It is astonishing! And all the time I sat wondering if that old sailor could be you.”

“No, Watson, when you see a man whose hook is of the same length as his hand, you may be sure that it is not the trapping of a disguise.”

“But your age, how did you manage to appear so young?”

“Well, as you can see, there was very little of my true self involved.” This was true enough, for as he spoke Holmes began to remove layer after layer of make-up, wax, and gauze paddings, all of which contributed in one way or another to his youthful appearance. “And I’m sorry to say that to a gentleman of your advanced years, anyone walking without a pronounced stoop gives the impression of youth.”

“I’m afraid that’s true,” I allowed, “and yet, the disguise fooled the others.”

“Actually not, Watson. Deceiving Herr Kleppini was my only concern. The girl and the sailor were in my employ.”

“What! Then the sailor’s remarks — the girl’s attentions towards me—?”

“Fear not, old boy. No doubt the young lady would inevitably have succumbed to your attractions, even without my prodding. As for the sailor, Wooden Jack, yes, his actions were entirely of my own devising. It was necessary that the entire scene be carefully orchestrated beforehand. I thought it played out rather well, don’t you?”

“But — I—” Vainly I sought to make sense of what had passed, but I could find no logic to what Holmes was telling me. “You must explain all of this from the beginning,” I said. “How did you manage to arrive in Brighton before me? I saw you walk away from the platform, and mine was the last train down this afternoon. Did you hire a special?”

“You might say that,” he answered, dabbing at the remaining traces of make-up with a coarse towel. “Now, Watson, we have precisely sixty-seven minutes left before reaching London. I shall endeavour in that time to explain the matter fully.” He felt about in his pockets for a pipe, though apparently he had not thought to include one in his commercial traveller’s attire. I offered a cigar. “Thank you,” he said, leaning back in his seat. “Very well. As you yourself have asserted, Watson, it has become necessary to conclude this investigation as quickly as can be managed. I have hourly wires from Lord O’Neill apprising me of recent Anglo-Germanic communications. They have a grim tenor, Watson, very grim indeed. It is only a question of a day or so before Houdini is thrown to the wolves, merely to appease the High Court of Cologne.”

“This is terrible!” I cried.

“Quite,” Holmes agreed. “Therefore, a precipitous course of action was indicated. While I would most assuredly have discovered the true
particulars of the plot in my own fashion, that may have taken as many as four more days. I find that we do not have that much time.”

“That is clear enough,” I said, “but I don’t see how our exploit in Brighton can possibly bring about a swifter conclusion to the case.”

“My good fellow, the case will be solved by morning!”

“By morning! But how?”

“Allow me,” he said, reaching over to pull down the window coverings which separated our compartment from the passageway. “We are getting ahead of ourselves. Let us return to our parting in Victoria. You will recall asking how I could be so certain that the Gairstowe letters had not already been applied to whatever blackmail or scandal motivated their theft. This was an extremely sound question, Watson. I replied that Lord O’Neill had discovered a letter which discredited the others, shielding the prince against any foul play.”

I recalled with shame how I had blurted out this information to Kleppini, inflicting untold damage upon the careful plans of Holmes. “I’m terribly sorry, Holmes, I know I have—”

Holmes held up his hand. “Not a word, Watson. You must hear all of this.” He dabbed at the last remnant of make-up on his face with a pocket square. “I chose to answer your question by telling you of this letter, and in doing so I provided a comfortable safeguard against our possible failure to recover the letters. Had I been telling the truth, this safeguard would have granted us the leisure to conduct our investigation properly. As it happens—”

“You lied?”

“Shamefully. There is no such letter at Gairstowe. All of the papers were stolen, and they could at any moment bring disgrace and ruin to the future sovereign of England.”

“This is horrible!” I cried. “But if this is the case, what was the purpose of telling me otherwise?”

So that you would believe it to be true.”

“Holmes, don’t talk in circles! If I have been deceived I deserve an explanation!”

“I am trying to provide one,” he said quietly. “I wished you to believe that this document existed so that you would tell as much to Kleppini.”

“Then... then...” At last I began to perceive that I had been the unwitting object of an exceedingly devious manipulation. “How could you have known that I would divulge the information to Kleppini? I am not by nature a gossip.”

“No, you are not,” Holmes agreed. “But from the moment you entered Kleppini’s booth, every word uttered by myself, the girl and Wooden Jack was calculated to produce your outburst.”

“You — then all of the indignities I have borne were contrivances of your own?”

“Yes,” Holmes said with a merry chuckle. “You must forgive me, but it really is quite amusing. I knew that only an extreme personal affront would cause you to betray my confidence, and the simplest way to affront you proved to be a test of your loyalty to me!” He sank back against the seat, laughing heartily. “Quite ironic, is it not?”

I regarded him for some moments in cold silence, my anger building as his laughter subsided into a series of contented chuckles. “Holmes,” I said at length, “I do not see the mirth in all this. You have flouted my loyalty to you, engineered a public humiliation, and what is more, you seem to find all of it marvellously entertaining!”

“My dear fellow!” cried Holmes, seeing at last that I was deeply offended. “Pray forgive me! I assumed that you would understand, once you saw how—”

“I understand nothing,” I returned, cutting short his excuses, “save that my feelings are beneath your notice. I am less a friend than a chess piece to you, Holmes!”

“Watson—!”

“If you had wanted Kleppini to know about this new letter, you could very simply have told me the truth! I’d have played along with your gambit as well as the girl or the sailor! But instead you chose to make a mockery of my years of faithful companionship!”

“Watson, you must allow me—!”

“I’m having none of it, Holmes!” I shouted, turning away from him to control my outburst. “Do not try to explain,” I said, composing myself with great effort. “The facts are plain enough. I see that our association is no longer of use to you, Holmes. Perhaps I had best end it here.”

Seldom have any words of mine produced such a marked effect on Sherlock Holmes. He could not have seemed more shocked if I had threatened to throw him off the train. In truth, his surprise and apparent contrition caused me a great deal of satisfaction, but for the time I contented myself to look stoically out of our compartment window, leaving him to his thoughts.

How long we sat in silence I cannot say, but when Holmes spoke again his jocular tone had been entirely replaced by one of earnest conviction. “Watson,” he said, not meeting my eye, “for more than twenty years I have been honoured by your friendship, yet in all that time I can recall little which I have done to earn it. Having few emotions myself, I tend to disregard those of others, save as a means to a logical end. My deception this afternoon was just such a means, Watson. Yes, it is true that I took the girl and Wooden Jack into my confidence, but the burden of convincing Kleppini of the new letter did not rest with them, it rested with you. You are not an actor, Watson. I required that your conviction be fuelled by actual belief. That is why I misled you. In doing so I have wounded you deeply. I can do nothing more than offer my apologies. Once the case is solved and the full implication of what I have done is known to you, I am sure you will forgive me.”

“Meaning to say that I deserve no further explanation until then?”

“I have no explanation to give! The case is not yet solved!”

“But surely you have a theory?”

“It is pure speculation. As you have often heard me say, it is a capital mistake to theorise in advance of the facts. This case is such that I haven’t had time to gather all of the facts. Accordingly, I was forced to take the measures which you have found so offensive.”

“But what good will come of it? You must tell me that much.”

“Very well,” he said with a sigh, “I shall try to explain everything so far as I have determined, but you shall have to forgive me where I will inevitably be proven wrong.”

“I shall bear that in mind for posterity,” I said drily.

“I’m certain that you shall,” Holmes said. “Now, you recall that when I asked you to come to Brighton it was to observe whether or not a substitute could have taken Kleppini’s place at one of his seances, allowing the real Kleppini time to return from London before he was missed.”

“But this was a ruse to cause me to reveal the existence of the safeguard letter.”

“Actually, I had both aims in mind. And now that you have attended Kleppini’s reading, what do you conclude about the man himself?”

“Well,” I began, recalling what I had supposed was the purpose of my journey to Brighton, “I saw nothing at the reading that bespoke any great skill or talent.”

“Precisely so,” Holmes agreed.

“Though I didn’t see him attempt any conjuring tricks or escapes, his manner hardly supports the notion that he is a serious rival of Houdini.”

“I entirely agree. The man is no match for Houdini. Which leads me to wonder how he can so very nearly be a match for me!”

“What can you mean?”

“The problem before us is as subtle and carefully devised as any I
have seen. I’ve not encountered such a devious turn of mind since the death of the professor. I cannot believe that Herr Kleppini is capable of such a crime.”

“What? Then you do not believe that Kleppini is the villain?”

“Oh, he is guilty of the theft, surely. And he may have had a hand in the murder. But Kleppini was merely the agent of the crime, not the mind behind it. There is another, much cleverer man at work than he. Someone who has gained cognisance of the daily routine at Gairstowe, and of the peculiar quirks of our new acquaintance Houdini. Our man is capable of planning the inspired breach of the Gairstowe vault, and of the brutal murder of the Countess Valenka. Does that sound to you like Herr Kleppini and his ’spotted lizard of destiny’?”

I agreed that it did not.

“So, there is someone in the shadows, someone who must be brought to light through the series of events which we have just set in motion. By morning we shall have him!”

“So you have said, but I still don’t see how our debacle in Brighton can possibly lead to the criminal’s capture.”

“It will, Watson, it will. First, as soon as we arrive at Victoria, I will go to Baker Street and rid myself of these clothes. You must go directly to Scotland Yard. There you will tell Houdini that the pleasure of his company is requested by Sherlock Holmes.”

“But he is locked in a cell!”

“He will not be for long, unless I am very much mistaken. Take these tools, though I doubt he’ll need them.”

“But Holmes! You did not see him! He was thoroughly bound and chained, even he cannot escape from such restraints!”