The Echo of Violence (24 page)

This time when she looked at Kinkaid, a tear slid down her cheek. She didn’t know him at all.

New York City

When Jessie got back from Cuba, the first thing she did—even before she went home—was to break Seth out of Sentinels headquarters. The trip back to the States had only been tolerable because she thought of him every minute. And she couldn’t wait to see him.

At headquarters, Jessie raced through the computer analysts’ bullpen. When she didn’t see him, she ran for his dormitory room. This time of night, he’d probably crashed after the long hours he’d put in. She knocked on the door to his room with her heart doing the cha-cha-chá. And a marimba band was knocking around her belly with a mounting impatience that made her skin tingle.

When he opened the door, she almost laughed at the big grin on his face when he first saw her. His sweet dark eyes lit up. And his tousled hair looked as it always did, like he’d just gotten up. Jessie felt like a kid, opening the best Christmas present, meant only for her.

“Let’s blow this place,” she said. “It’s time we saw New York City. What do you say?”

Before he answered, she leapt into his arms and kissed him. Their bodies fit in all the right places. And she breathed him in like a drowning woman taking a
gulp of air for the first time. In his arms, she felt loved. And if she hadn’t been so happy, she might have cried like a baby.

His lips were perfect. Insatiable hunger fed their first touch, but that melded into a savory slow burn of intimacy that could have gone on forever. He nuzzled her neck and her ear. And his tongue sent a ripple of chills over her skin.

“I don’t want our first time to be…” she whispered into his ear. “…here.”

He pulled away enough to stare down at her, and he laughed. She loved the sound of it.

“Knowing these sick Sentinels’ geeks, they’d record us on surveillance and we’d go viral on
YouTube.
”

“Not exactly what I had in mind.” She chuckled.

“Then show me what you love most about New York City, Jessica Beckett.” He grinned, still holding her in his arms.

“Now why didn’t I think of that?”

While Seth packed, Jessie thought of places to take him. She’d been too busy with training to explore. In truth, she’d always wanted to share these places with someone special. Even though it was late, they took a boat ride around Manhattan, a private charter trip that Seth had sweet-talked a proprietor into making and had paid for dearly.

The neon lights of New York shimmered on the water. A real-life postcard she never wanted to forget. And the Statue of Liberty gleamed like a beacon, an unforgettable image. The air off the water dropped the temp, and she rubbed her arms to stay warm. Seth didn’t miss a thing.
He wrapped his arm around her and held her hand. And for the rest of the trip, they kissed and talked.

When they got back at the dock, Jessie grabbed a cab, not wasting another minute. She took Seth home to her place on the Lower East Side. In the past, whenever she had sex, she turned out the lights to hide the scars on her body. They were constant reminders of the horror of her childhood. And even with Harper, she felt the same anxious urgency to undress in the dark. Her shame had become a part of her, but for him, she wanted their first time to be different. She let him undress her, piece by piece. And they bathed together by candlelight. Seth kissed her jagged scars with such tenderness that it brought tears to her eyes. And they made slow sweet love for the first time…and the second…and the third.

Jessie fell asleep in his arms, listening to the beat of his heart. She’d never felt so cherished.

When she woke the next morning, Seth was up making breakfast. She put on her robe and joined him in the kitchen.

“You’re ambitious.” She grinned as he handed her a cup of coffee and kissed her on the cheek. “You might get invited back if you keep this up.”

“Keep what up?” He winked with a devilish look in his eye.

“I’ve created a monster.” Jessie laughed. “My kind of monster.”

He served her fresh-squeezed orange juice, her favorite kind of bagel with cream cheese, and a bowl of fruit. After they sat down, he brought up his news.

“Garrett offered me a job. He wants me to work for him. In Tanya’s group.”

“Oh, my God. That’s great. So…when are you moving? I can’t believe it.” She didn’t have to think about it twice. She reached for his arm and grinned, but when he didn’t return her smile, she asked, “What’s wrong? You’re not telling me everything.”

After a long moment, he told her the rest.

“He gave me the choice of working here…or in Chicago.”

When he had a hard time looking her in the eye, she knew what he’d decided before he even explained.

“I don’t want to disrupt my dad,” he told her. “His doctors are in Chicago. And with dementia like his, changing his routine could be devastating. I can’t do that to him. I’ve accepted Garrett’s offer, but I’m staying in Chicago. I hope you understand.”

She wanted to be happy for him, but she couldn’t. She didn’t know what to think. Everything had happened so suddenly. It had taken her a lifetime to feel she even deserved happiness, but owning that feeling and sustaining it were too very different things. She needed time. Time she didn’t have.

“This is my last day in New York. I’ve got a flight out late today,” he said.

It took a moment for his words to sink in. As happy as she’d been with him in New York, she had been just as heartsick to know he’d be gone by tonight. Jessie had to remind herself that she still had feelings for him. That hadn’t changed, but a growing ache in her stomach left her empty inside.

“You still want to see New York City?” She tried to smile, but only gave it half an effort.

“With you? Yes.”

After they ate breakfast, she took him to Central Park. They had a picnic in the grass, took in an exhibit at the Met and looked over Central Park from the rooftop of the museum. They had a quiet dinner at a restaurant on the Upper West Side, but all too soon their time together had ended.

After he had packed, she called him a cab from her place. When it arrived, she stood with him on the curb and they kissed. And after they pulled apart, she said, “After today, what I love most about New York City…is you in it. I miss you already, Seth.”

Her eyes welled with tears. And when she looked up, she saw he wasn’t immune to the moment. The trail of a tear glistened on his cheek, and he didn’t bother to wipe it away.

“I want you in my life, but I won’t force you.” When he kissed her on the cheek, he said, “I love you, Jessie.”

No man had ever told her that. The moment was wonderful and terrifying at the same time.

Without waiting for anything from her, Seth slid into the cab and waved good-bye. Dumbstruck, she stood on the sidewalk and watched as the taxi rolled forward and merged into traffic. He told her that he loved her. And it scared the hell out of her.

When he was gone, she whispered, “I love you, too.”

Gomez Hacienda in Baracoa, Cuba
Morning
Days later

It had taken days for Kinkaid to get back on his feet. Alexa had stayed to help him. She wanted to make sure he’d pull through the worst of it, but the strained silence between them had become palpable. He was too weak to notice at first, but eventually he did. And when they were alone, with their hosts gone for a few hours, he pressed her for answers.

“What’s going on, Alexa? You haven’t said much lately.”

“Never thought you’d complain about that.” She forced a smile as she stood near the kitchen.

Moving slower these days, he walked into the living room, dressed in jeans and a navy T-shirt. His dark hair was wet from the shower. She had brewed coffee and been waiting to cook for him.

“Are you hungry?” she asked.

“Not really. Coffee works.”

Kinkaid’s body had taken a beating, but there was nothing wrong with his eyesight.

“What’s this?” He pointed toward the front door and narrowed his eyes. “You leaving?”

He noticed her gear packed and behind a chair near the entry. Whatever time they had together had run out. She had already made arrangements to leave Cuba that day. She felt like a damned coward, but she had to remind herself. There was nothing real between them. All they had were old memories and her gullible
notion of a road not taken. He had never promised her anything. And the attraction and feelings she believed they shared hadn’t been there at all. Their emotional connection had been a one-way street, driven by her desire to make a change in her life—and wanting it to be with him.

“Yeah, life goes on,” she said. “Didn’t you get the memo?”

Her words came out harsher than she had intended. Or had they? Anger colored her mood. She was leaving, acknowledging that she’d been wrong about him, but he’d lied to her.

And that hurt, damn it!

“Why didn’t you tell me that you’re married, Jackson…and that you have a kid?” She couldn’t hide the hurt in her voice. It made her sound like such a…
girl
. The last thing she wanted. “I never figured you for soccer games and PTA meetings.”

“What?” He glared at her. She’d crossed a line, and she had no idea how. “Did Garrett tell you about them? I’m surprised he had the nerve, the bastard.”

What did Garrett have to do with Kinkaid’s wife and child? Heat rushed to her cheeks, along with the cold realization that she was treading on dangerous turf and going in blind.

“No, I listened to your iPod. That’s all.”

“And that’s enough.” He raked a hand through his hair and turned his back on her. With a loud sigh, he stuffed his hands into his pockets and let the silence build a wall between them.

When he finally spoke, she barely heard his voice.

“My wife and little girl are dead. That recording I have…it’s the last time I heard their voices.”

Alexa felt as if she’d been sucker punched. She had barely gotten used to the idea of his being married. Now to hear his wife and child were dead ripped her heart out—for him. A guy like Kinkaid lived to protect. He’d been trained for it, but the instinct came naturally. It was in his genes. For him to love someone enough to marry her and have a baby, his wife had to be a very special woman. And a father should never experience the death of his little girl.
Never.

Alexa ached for him and knew he was hurting. She had no doubt grief had been the reason for his stay in a mental hospital. For him to lose it like that would have been devastating for a take-charge guy like Kinkaid. She waited for him to say more, but he didn’t.

“When did it…happen?” she asked.

“After the last mission I had with you. Nearly five years ago. They were murdered, Alexa. And I was the one who found them.”

“Murdered?” Alexa was numb with shock. “Who would have killed them, Jackson?”

“It was a professional hit. Police didn’t even get close to finding out who did it.” When Kinkaid turned, his face was flushed. “Garrett had a security detail on them, but something went wrong. After what happened, I called it quits with the Sentinels…and Garrett. If I’d stayed, I would have been too tempted to kill your boss.”

“Since your family was under Sentinels’ protection, did it have something to do with a mission?” she asked, but didn’t wait for his answer. “Why didn’t Garrett
conduct his own investigation? When one of his own comes under fire, he’d be the first one to…”

“Look, that’s not how it went down. And I’ve said too much already. I don’t need you involved in this.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Any of it.” She hadn’t meant to ask that, but the words were out before she could stop. And there was no reining back the heartache she felt inside.

He shook his head. “I kept my wife and kid a secret from everyone. In our business, having a family makes you vulnerable. And they meant too much to me. I couldn’t risk
anyone
knowing, not even you. And after they were killed, I wasn’t exactly thinking straight.”

But Garrett had known about Kinkaid’s family,
, she thought.
Garrett was supposed to keep them safe.

A stab of fear gripped her stomach, making her wonder what had really happened. And she had a feeling Garrett would have nothing to say, not about the death of Kinkaid’s wife and little girl. Alexa didn’t know what to believe. She respected both men and had feelings for them too—
very different feelings.

“Kate mentioned you had a charitable foundation.” She changed the subject, wanting to understand. “What’s that all about? You work as a mercenary for drug cartels, siding with the highest bidder. That doesn’t fit the image for…what’s the name of your foundation?”

She tried to recall the name. When he filled in the blank, saying, “Lost Angel,” she suddenly knew.

The foundation had been named for his daughter.
Daddy’s little angel.

“Oh…I’m so sorry, Jackson. I didn’t know. And you don’t have to explain. Not to me.”

“You’re right about one thing. I
am
taking money from drug cartels. It’s just not what you think. Let’s leave it at that.” He sighed and fixed his gaze on her. “My wife and kid are dead, Alexa. And I’m getting on with my life…my way.”

“Are you?” She cocked her head. “Who are you trying to convince?”

“Look, this is none of your business.”

“Yeah, I finally see that,” she said. “Thanks for the eye-opener.” She headed for the door.

“No, you don’t understand. This is too…personal. Having a kid, it wasn’t like anything I’ve ever felt.” He stopped her with the emptiness in his voice. “Love at first sight can be a powerful and consuming feeling. I never believed in it until the day my daughter was born, and I held her for the first time. That moment was so…perfect. Even now, I can smell her skin and feel her move in my arms.”

Tears drained down his cheeks. She knew he was in another place and time, and he’d taken her with him. Alexa felt his gut-wrenching pain and experienced his profound sorrow.

“It was going to be the three of us,” he said. “And all I wanted to do was protect our baby girl, but when it counted, I couldn’t do that.”