The Dysfunctional Test (4 page)

Her eyes closed briefly. “Would you be my date for the wedding?”

He almost laughed until he remembered she didn’t have a sense of humor. He glanced around the room for a hidden camera anyway.

“What are you doing?”

“Um, nothing,” he said. “What about your very serious boyfriend? Fisher said…”

“It didn’t work out,” she said impatiently, cutting him off and swallowing. “Look, long story short, I’m alone. You know Mom and Dad. Heather’s worried about the family embarrassing her. I just need someone to be the guy I’ve been dating long enough to get through the trip. We’ll break up right after.”

He got up and looked under the couch. There had to be a hidden camera somewhere. A microphone. Something. Because Camryn Covic was stoically sitting in his living room, asking him out.

“Troy, what are you doing?”

“Did Heather wire the house? How’d she get you to do this?”

When she didn’t answer, he looked up from where he kneeled on the floor. Her hand fluttered to her mouth and her gaze darted to the window.

She wasn’t kidding. He was an ass. He sat back down with a measure of control. “I’ve seen this movie, you know. It always ends with them falling in love.”

“Won’t happen.”

She was right on that account. “You can get any guy you want. Why me?”

The way she looked at him had even his inner child cowering. “There’s no need to make fun of me. I know you don’t usually date women like me, but…”

“Women like you?” he repeated.

“Yes, we’re vastly different. I’m not you’re type.”

Now he was interested. “And what’s my type?”

She rubbed her forehead. “Thin, bottle blonde, and a bust size bigger than their IQ.”

“Ouch, Cam. Now who’s insulting whom?”

At least he’d succeeded in frustrating her as much as she did him. Not easily done with regards to Cam. The woman could handle anything, make any person feel like an imbecile. She let out a harsh exhale and looked away.

“Why wouldn’t I date you?” Not that he didn’t know the answer, but he was curious what her reasoning was.

“Christ, Troy. You look like you’ve been digitally enhanced from the moment you get out of bed.”

“Was that a compliment?” It kinda sounded like a compliment.

She just stared at him, so he looked back. Really looked. Camryn was more cute than hot. More girl-next-door than girl-on-stripper-pole. She had a cherubic face slightly offset by a button nose. Her complexion was paler than her siblings, making her shoulder-length, cinnamon brown hair an emphasis. She wasn’t a twig like Heather, having more of an hourglass curve he could always appreciate in a woman. But her eyes… It was like she never grew into them. A cosmic mix of green and blue and brown.

If she wasn’t Camryn Covic, he probably would be attracted to her.

“You know me, Troy,” she said quietly, finally breaking eye contact. “I know what doing this will mean for you. But, please, I don’t want Heather looking back on her wedding day and only remembering how I ruined it.”

She couldn’t ruin something if she tried. More importantly though… “They’ll hate me. Your family is the only one I have. After this supposed breakup, they’ll hate me.”

She shook her head. Stared into her lap. “No, they won’t. They’ll think you temporarily lost your mind. They’ll hate
me
. For letting you go, or hurting you, or messing up another relationship.”

No way did she believe that. Except the defeat in her face said she did. Her lips pressed together as if trying not to cry. The Cam he knew didn’t know how to cry.

“Are you even attracted to me?”

Her mouth popped open. Her head whipped up. “Excuse me?”

“The family is going to expect us to act like a couple. Holding hands, kissing, public displays of affection.”

“I don’t do public displays of affection.”

He wondered if she did private ones. He scooted next to her and draped an arm behind her back.

She flew off the couch. “What are you doing?”

He didn’t think her eyes could get any bigger. How wrong he was. “Kissing you.”

“Why?”

Standing, he took a step toward her. She stepped back.

They did this dance until she backed herself solidly against his entryway table. He pinned her by placing his hands on either side of her waist. When he leaned in, not to kiss her but to whisper in her ear, his cheek brushed hers. The rough rasp of his day-old growth grazed her pale, soft cheek. She sucked in a breath and grabbed his T-shirt, bunching it in her hand.

And just like that, he didn’t know who was playing the trick on whom. Had no idea what his original point was in doing this. He closed his eyes and inhaled, smelling lemongrass. Light and clean and distinctly her. He couldn’t tell if it was her heart or his pounding. Either way, it wasn’t a good sign. For balance, he opened his eyes.

“Can you fake this kind of attraction, Cam? Because if you can’t, this won’t work.” He took a step back, not enough to free her, but enough to look down at her to see if she was as ruffled as he.

She stared at his chest. Swallowed. “This was a mistake. I’m sorry.” As if just noticing her grip on his shirt, she dropped her hand. “Pretend I never said anything.” She brought her arm up and brushed by him.

Was that a tremor in her voice?

With his back to her, he could hear her walking to the couch to grab her purse, and then turning the knob on his front door. In the twenty years he’d known Camryn, he’d never known her to ask for anything, even help. Especially help.

Not then. Not now. Not ever.

It had to be so humiliating for her coming to him, particularly about something like this. And he’d just embarrassed the crap out of her. After all she’d done for him…

“I’ll do it, Cam.” He turned and looked at her when she paused. “I’ll do whatever you need. I promise.”

She gazed at her hand on the knob and nodded, but said nothing before leaving.

He stared at the door. Ran a hand over his hair. Stared at the door some more.

Finally, he pulled out his cell. “A little warning would have been nice, Heather!” His voice came out way harsher than he’d intended, but he’d just been rattled three times in the course of twenty minutes.

“I know, I know. But Cam would’ve killed me.” She paused for him to speak. He didn’t. “Are…you going to do it?”

He looked at the door again. “Yes.”

“Thank you, Troy.”

Heather’s voice had gotten weepy, so he plopped on the couch and drank from his beer.

“That guy she was seeing, Maxwell, he kinda did a number on her.”

No one ever did anything to Camryn. She’d never allow it. “How so?”

“Don’t tell her I said anything, okay. She just…”

Troy set his beer down and leaned forward. “Just what, Heather?”

She paused long enough to have him worried. “She got let go from the firm and found out she has to move in the course of a day. She’s moving back home. It’s probably killing her.”

Yeah, he could tell. Strip Camryn of control and independence and she was nothing. “What does that have to do with the ex?”

“He broke up with her right before she got fired. Said some things…”

Troy stood, tension wringing his jaw tight. If it was bad enough to have Heather upset, he could only imagine what it was doing to Camryn. “What did he say?”

“I just think she needs a morale boost, okay. Tell her she’s pretty. Make her feel special. If anyone can do that, you can.”

Camryn was not one of these women men had to placate. Say empty, meaningless things to. He was pretty sure Cam would’ve punched him if he did. Heather knew that too. And they definitely weren’t real a couple, so what in the hell had happened for Heather to want to intervene?

“Heather, what did he say?”

She paused. Sighed. “He called her a robot. Compared her to a fish in bed.” Troy ground his teeth. “He was sleeping with someone behind her back.”

Troy looked at the futon like Camryn was still sitting there. That look on her face and the things she’d said started making more sense now. If Camryn was anything, she was confident. When she came over today, she seemed the same. He didn’t bother to try to understand, delve deeper.

No. He cracked jokes and…

“I’ll talk to you later, Heather. Thanks for letting me know.”

Chapter Three

Life Lessons According to Camryn:

Laughter is only the best medicine if you’re the one laughing.

After the house was asleep, Camryn poured herself a glass of wine and went to sit out on the back deck. She could smell the dandelions and fresh-cut grass. This was the only peace and quiet she used to get as a kid, sneaking outside at night to breathe. Only now she felt less guilty about it. It was also the only time she didn’t have to pretend to be fine. The small quarter-acre lot in her parents’ subdivision was quiet except for the crickets.

She was pretty sure that’s all she and Troy would hear tomorrow at dinner after the family found out they were “dating”.

Earlier, she’d had a plan before heading over to Troy’s. If he had agreed to this charade, they’d go over the details of their “relationship” to not trip over each other. Her family would demand details.

Except he’d tried to kiss her. Her mind had been a mess ever since. God, for a second there, she’d wanted him to kiss her too, proving insanity did run in the family.

Her cell rang from inside the house. She set her wine down and went to get it before it could wake anyone, answering while sitting back down on the deck.

“Did I wake you?” Troy. He’d changed his mind.

“No. I’m glad you changed your mind, though…”

“I didn’t change my mind.”

Oh. Then why was he calling?

“You wanted me to do this, Cam. I said I would.” When she didn’t respond, he cut in. “Look, I’m sorry for how I acted earlier. You just…surprised me.”

She took a sip of wine. He surprised her too, so they were even. “We probably should go over some things.”

“That’s why I was calling,” he said, his voice low. He was probably lying next to a beautiful blonde and trying not to wake her. “When did we, um…start dating?”

God. He couldn’t even say it. “January of last year.”

“And how?”

Huh. She wasn’t sure on that one. “I don’t know. Maxwell and I met at work.” She swallowed. Her stomach churned. “Maybe you came to Chicago for the weekend and stopped by? Something happened?” If that wasn’t the biggest crock of…

“Okay.” Silence. “Are we discussing marriage?”

Maxwell’s rejection cut her all over again. “We were, yes. But we can play that casually. I know you don’t want to get married…”

“I never said that.” He didn’t have to. If Troy ever got married the depression rate for the population of single women would skyrocket. Troy would also have to be heavily medicated just to get down the aisle. “One must find the right person first.”

Huh. She didn’t remember him being this good a liar. Surprised, she said, “You just seemed like the type to not settle down.” Resting her head against the back of the chair, she let a soft breeze cool her off as she closed her eyes.

“What color underwear are you wearing tomorrow?”

Luckily she hadn’t been drinking just then. “Excuse me?”

“I know Nana. She’s gonna want proof we’re for real.”

Yeah probably. She tried to rub the tension from her forehead. “I don’t know, Troy.”

He laughed.
Laughed.
“Oh yes you do, Cam. You probably pick your clothes out a week in advance. I’ll bet you even know…”

Darn him. He did know her. “Blue, okay? They’re blue.”

“Do you still sleep in boxers and a white tee?”

She looked down at herself and pursed her lips.

“I’ll take your silence as a yes. We grew up together. I know more than you think.” He paused, waiting for her to say something. When she didn’t—or rather, couldn’t—he said, “I sleep in the nude, by the way.”

As if he was in front of her, she slapped a hand over her eyes. He must have heard because he laughed again. She cleared her throat, hating how he was the only person who could ever get past her defenses. “Anything else, Troy?”

“Yeah, move in with me.” Air wheezed from her lungs. “Until you get a place. You won’t have to stay in the nut house.” Pause. “I have a guest room. I’ll wear pajamas. Promise.”

Her grip tightened around the phone. No one had ever been that considerate. At least, not in recent memory. Then again, Troy had always been a nice guy. A flirt, naughty as hell, and with an uber dark past he hid from the world. But nice.

“Just think about it,” he said quietly. Too quietly. “Oh, and Cam?”

“Yeah.”

“You looked really nice today.”

She expected “see you tomorrow”, not that. Troy had never told her she looked nice. No one had ever told her she looked nice. She had her mouth open to say an awkward “thank you” when she realized why he must have uttered the compliment.