The Dysfunctional Test (35 page)

“Do you remember?” he asked.

Yes, she remembered. How could she ever forget? He’d kept this toy all these years? How could one little thing mean so much to him? When they were kids and she gave this to him, she just wanted to make him feel better, to help him understand things wouldn’t always be that horrible.

“You gave that to me once. There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by I haven’t looked at it and thought of you. You saved me. No one knows me like you do. I don’t want anyone else but you, or to live one more day without you.”

Her heart stopped. Her vision blurred. Her throat closed. “Troy?” she managed to croak out. She used to have the vocabulary of Webster. Apparently now it was reduced to Dr. Seuss.

“Open the truck door,” he whispered.

Wiping her palm over her cheeks first, she pried open the little door to the truck. A ring lay inside. “Oh, God,” she muttered, tucking her pinkie inside to scoop it out.

As she stared at the single gold band and square-cut diamond, he dropped to his knees. She gasped.

“Troy, it’s one knee, not two,” Yjaka Mitch said.

“Oh, be quiet,” her mother said. “He can do it any way he wants.”

“I’m just saying, he’s doing it wrong. You propose on
one
knee…”

At the word
propose
, everything else tuned out. The room became a quiet hum of filtered noise. She looked at the ring, so small and beautiful. He would have known she didn’t like flashy. He knew her better than anyone else, just like he claimed of her.

And he wanted her. Dear God, he wanted…

“Camryn,” Troy beckoned with a firm voice, drawing back the chatter from the room. Her crazy, crazy family. He was doing this right in front of the whole nut farm.

“She should’ve worn her hair up.” From Kuma Viola.

“No, I like it down.” From Tetaka Myrtle.

“It’s not like she knew this was coming,” Heather defended.

“Get on with it.” From Nana. “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, missy!”

“Perhaps we shouldn’t say horse in front of her. She may be traumatized.” From Dad.

“She’s gonna say no. Look at her.” From Yjaka Harold. “We should just buy her a dozen cats now.”

“I love you.” Troy.

He was all that mattered. Troy. Just Troy. The pain in her chest eased. Her stomach settled. And she didn’t know true happiness, true love, until right now. Love was everything. Life was nothing without it.

He rose from his knees, took her hands in his. “Don’t go off somewhere. Don’t tune me out. Stay with me.”

“I’m not… I’m here. Troy…”

“I know true love is hard for you to believe in,” he said, cutting her off in a panic.

“No, Troy…”

“You are my happy ending, Cam, and I want nothing more than to prove to you they exist.”

Well, damn. If that wasn’t the sappiest, sweetest darn thing anyone ever said. And he
had
turned her into a gushy female too, because her eyes were welling again.

“Is she crying?” Yjaka Mitch asked.

“No,” Nana barked. “She’s sweating from her eyes, you idiot! Of course she’s crying.”

“Naw, can’t be,” Yjaka Harold argued. “Cam doesn’t know how to cry.”

“They’re happy tears. Right, Auntie Cam?”

“Yes, Emily,” she said, wiping the tears, looking at everything she always wanted and never knew. “And they lived happily ever after,” she whispered to Troy.

“What?”

She barely saw him through the haze of tears. “I said yes.”

The family erupted in cheers behind him. Troy stood there staring, looking shell-shocked, as if she hadn’t said anything.

“That was so romantic. I have goose bumps,” Kuma Viola claimed. She smacked Yjaka Harold upside the head. “Why didn’t you do something that romantic?”

Yjaka Harold rubbed his head. “What was wrong with putting the ring in the mashed potatoes for you to find?”

“I almost choked on it. You didn’t even get down on one knee,
prevariti
!”

Camryn couldn’t remember what
prevariti
translated to in English, but she hoped it meant fool. She shook her head and started to slide the ring onto her finger when Anna’s voice cleared the noise.

“No, Cam. He’s supposed to do that. Troy?” They both looked at him, but he hadn’t moved.

“Let’s eat,” Tetaka Myrtle said.

The family muttered to each other and dispersed between the kitchen and dining room since the main attraction was over.

Heather and Justin sat on the couch next to Fisher. Anna set Emily down, and the little girl bounded towards the kitchen.

“Troy,” Anna shouted. He blinked and stared at her. “She said yes. Put the ring on her finger.”

“Yeah, okay. Right.” He closed the distance between them and took the ring, placing it on her finger with all the sentiment of an android. “I thought you were going to say no,” he said. “I didn’t think…” His hands closed around her wrists. “Did you mean it? Tell me you were serious. ’Cause I couldn’t take it if you backed out on me, Cam. You know I can’t offer you much. All I have is a three-bedroom ranch and a decent job.”

Tugging her wrists free, she cupped his cheeks. She didn’t want anything but him. Forever. “You have me,” she said. “You’ll always have me. I don’t need anything else but you. I love you.”

He still looked doubtful, a look she remembered from their youth any time someone did something nice for him. Sliding her arms around his waist, she whispered in his ear, “I love you, Troy. Honest. I love you.”

One hand came up and clutched her arm, tightening and flexing before drawing around her back. His chest shook. A pent up breath whooshed out. “God, Cam. I love you too.”

He lowered his head and closed his mouth over hers. And oh, how she missed this. When the kiss turned from relieved to sweet, she smiled against his mouth. That seemed to drive him crazy. His hold tightened, pulling her flush against his chest. His free hand dove into her hair.

“I’m never, never letting you go,” he said.

“I hope you meant figuratively. Things may get a bit awkward otherwise.”

He laughed, releasing any trace of residual tension. “I want to take you home, make love to you through the night and…”

She couldn’t wait for the
and.
“Later,” she said against his lips, a promise if she ever made one.

Something tugged on her skirt. Emily stared up at her. “Can I play with the truck?”

Camryn looked at Troy. “You’ll have to ask him, honey.”

For a second, he looked torn, trapped somewhere between past and present. But after a moment he nodded, grinning down at her niece. “I don’t think I need it anymore. You can keep it.”

Enthused, Emily took the toy and ran off.

Camryn looked at her sister. Heather winked back. “Fall wedding?” she asked, linking Justin’s fingers with hers.

Leave it to Heather to wait an entire five seconds before demanding the details.

“You could have the wedding here,” Bernice said.

“We forgot you were there, Mom,” Justin said, laughing at the laptop still in Fisher’s lap.

“Figures. Plan a whole wedding and no one can remember you’re there afterward. I mean it, though. You could have the wedding here.”

Camryn looked at Troy and shrugged. “Or we could leave the family here and elope to Vegas.”

Troy laughed. “Tempting.”

“I’m going to log off,” Bernice said. “Congratulations, you two.”

Fisher closed the laptop and set it on the table.

Heather cleared her throat, raising her eyebrows at Camryn. “I told you he’d pass the test.”

Camryn smiled and shook her head while her siblings laughed at their inside joke. Troy slid an arm around her waist, drawing her to his side, and looking all kinds of confused. This only caused more laughter.

“What is so funny in there?” her mother demanded.

“Nothing!” they shouted in unison, taking Camryn back to good memories of her youth.

Just as they were settling down, Troy asked, “What test?” and they erupted into hysterics all over again.

“Camryn,” Heather said, fanning her face with her hand. “It’s time Troy knew our secret. Go ahead and tell him.”

Troy’s brows rose as he looked at her.

“Well,” Camryn started, “once upon a time, three little kids created something called the dysfunctional test…”

Nana’s Slavski Kolac Bread

(Nana’s Lesson: This is typically made for
Krsna Slava
—the celebration of a Serbian family’s patron saint day. However it can be made for
Hristo se Rodi
—Christmas. If made for Christmas, Serbians call this money bread or St. Nicholas bread, they wrap coins in aluminum foil and bake coins inside the bread. Now, get going!)

2 tablespoons active dry yeast

1 teaspoon sugar

3 tablespoons flour

1/2 cup warm water

1 1/2 cups warm water

6 cups bread flour

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup butter, softened

3 eggs, beaten

1/4 cup of lemon juice

1/2 cup sugar

1 egg, beaten with 1 tablespoon water

Mix yeast, sugar and 3 tablespoons flour in 1/2 cup warm water until dissolved. In large bowl, combine 1-1/2 cups warm water, salt, butter, eggs, lemon juice and sugar. Add yeast mixture and the remaining flour gradually. Dough should be stiff. Knead by hand for approximately ten minutes and put in a bowl to rise. Cover bowl with a damp towel. Let sit for 1-2 hours, or until dough rises to twice the size. Knead again for another 5 minutes. Put in a well-greased 9-inch round cake pan. Let it sit for about a half hour, then place in a preheated 350 degree oven. After 30 minutes, brush bread with egg wash mixture and bake for thirty minutes more. Cool on a wire rack.

Mom’s Sarma

(Troy’s Disclaimer: This may taste good, but it makes the house smell terrible!)

1 large head cabbage

1 pound ground pork

1/2 pound ground chuck

2 large eggs, beaten

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon paprika

1/2 teaspoon black pepper

1 can tomato sauce, plain

5 tablespoons cooking oil

1/2 cup cooked rice

Cut the core out of the cabbage and lightly salt inside. Mix uncooked pork and beef. Add salt, paprika, pepper, eggs and rice. Boil cabbage until pliable, about 15 minutes. Drain and pull leaves apart. Place 3-4 tablespoons of meat mix on a cabbage leaf and roll, folding the corners in. Drip oil into a 13x9 baking pan. Set cabbage rolls on top, pressing together snugly. Pour tomato sauce over rolls. Bake covered in a preheated 350 degree oven for 45 minutes. Uncover and bake an additional 15-20 minutes.

Sweet Cheese Gibanita

(Camryn’s Disclaimer: Also spelled
Gibanica
, this can be made with meat or cheese. If made with cheese, it can be made sweet or salty. My family always made it sweet. Your doctor, your hips, your butt, and your cholesterol will hate you after eating.)

1 container of small curd cottage cheese

2 sticks of butter, softened

1 package of cream cheese, softened

3/4 pound of Feta cheese, crumbled

6 eggs

1/2 cup of cream

1 cup of sugar

1 package of Filo leaves, or 1 package of thick dough leaves

Beat butter and sugar until smooth. Add cream, cheeses, and eggs. In a 13x9 greased pan, lay down a thin layer of leaves, covering the bottom of the pan. Spoon thin layer of cheese mixture over leaves. Repeat this process until cheese mixture is gone. It is ideal to have at least 4 layers. Bake in a preheated 350 degree oven uncovered for an hour. Cool 10 minutes before cutting. Serve warm or cold.

Dad’s Roasted Lamb

(Dad’s Disclaimer: You may also slow cook this on a spit or outdoor rotisserie. Marinate the lamb cut with saucepan directions for an hour or two first.)

1 leg, shoulder, or loin of lamb

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 cup vinegar

1 cups water

1/2 teaspoon of pepper

2 teaspoons of parsley

1 tablespoon of garlic powder

1/2 teaspoon thyme

4-5 slices bacon, uncooked

Rub the lamb with salt and lay it in a deep dish baking pan or roaster. In a saucepan, combine the vinegar, water, pepper, parsley, garlic powder, and thyme. Bring to a boil and pour over the lamb. Lay bacon slices over the lamb meat. Bake in a preheated 375 degree oven. Cook times vary on cut of meat. Typically covered for 30 minutes, then uncover and bake another 10-15 minutes. If you try to pierce the meat and it offers no resistance, or falls off the bone, it’s done.