The Dysfunctional Test (26 page)

“Aw, good,” her mother said. “You made up.”

“They don’t look made up to me,” Yjaka Mitch said.

Exhaling heavily, Troy looked at her. “Forgive me,” he mumbled for her ears only.

He cupped the back of her head and pulled her to him. As his mouth fell over hers, she gripped his arm, holding on for dear life. His lips moved against hers, his tongue darting inside. How could he kiss someone like this, in front of a room full of people, then want her to fall for someone else? God, no one kissed like Troy. No one.

By the time he pulled away, she was nearly laying in Yjaka Harold’s lap in the next chair.

Troy glanced at the other faces. “See, all made up. Does anyone else need a kiss to make it better?”

Jaws dropped. All but two. Shana and Katie raised their hands. Kuma Viola looked like she wanted to raise hers. As the room laughed, Camryn picked up her fork, pretending everything was normal, and pushed salad around her plate.

Heather tapped her wine glass with a fork. “Justin and I wanted to thank everyone for being here. Bernice and Tim, you couldn’t have made this more special. We’re just very grateful to have all of you with us.”

Wine glasses raised and clinked.

“I’m grateful for wine,” Katie said. “Now, what are we up to tonight?”

“Karaoke,” Justin said, inserting a huge bite of salad into his mouth and winking at Troy.

Camryn dropped her fork and glared at Troy. This had to be his damn idea. A thing on his damn list. And now she was damning in her head!

“Oh, how fun,” Shana said.

Troy leaned over and whispered, “We’re almost through the list, Cam. Tonight, you make a fool of yourself.”

Her eyes narrowed. Good thing she’d dropped her fork or it’d be in his eye. “Not doing it.”

He smiled, the conniving jerk. “Yes, you are. And you’re going to have fun doing it. For you. For me.”

“Like hell.”

His gaze dropped to her mouth and up again. “We already checked cursing off the list. Shame on you.”

The caterers removed their salad plates and replaced them with a heaping bowl of pasta. Cam stared down at her plate, wondering where all this food was supposed to go. Troy’s lap would be a great place…

“Oh,” Troy said to the family. “There’s a rule about karaoke tonight. Someone else picks the song you sing. Everyone pulls names to see who picked whom.”

Son of a…

“This is going to be
sooo
fun!” Katie shouted with way more enthusiasm than Camryn could muster on a good day. “We do have hard alcohol, right?”

Chapter Seventeen

Life Lessons According to Camryn:

Every day of my life I have a most embarrassing moment.

Troy was up next. He glanced through the title list Justin had printed out of the songs programmed for the karaoke machine, wondering who picked his name and what song they chose.

Camryn’s dad was doing his best rendition of “Blue Suede Shoes”, making Troy’s ears bleed in the process. Nana was laughing so hard he was sure a heart attack was in the near future.

From his table in the back, he glanced around the media room. Justin and Heather’s friends were sitting up front on the floor, well on their way to a drunken coma and urging Dad to pop his hips like Elvis while he sang. The aunts and uncles, along with Justin’s parents, were winding down on the sectional, half-mast smiles christening their faces. Heather and Justin flanked Troy, rupturing his eardrums, encouraging Dad along as if front row at a Bon Jovi concert.

Camryn was in the far corner at another table, talking to John, Anna and Fisher. Emily was nodding off in Cam’s lap. As Cam laughed at something John said, her hand fell on Emily’s head, stroking the little girl’s hair. Troy wondered if, when the time came, her kids would have hair like hers, the exact shade of a cinnamon stick swirling in a cup of tea. Or her smile, subtle. Endearing. Or her eyes, huge and hazel.

Before this week, those eyes were listless and distant. Now, Cam had life back. His list was opening her, and closing him. He used to get anxious alone, rarely making it a night or two without calling some woman to fill the silence or popping into one of his favorite bars. Now all he wanted was him and her. Alone.

But that wasn’t the best of ideas even on a bad day. Pretending to date and actually having romantic feelings were two separate things. When this all came down, the family would desert him. They may love him, but Camryn was their real family. He was just some guy they helped out once upon a time. He should have stopped this thing between them after the first kiss in the yard on day one. Fisher may not have meant what he said back in Milwaukee, but he was right just the same.

Troy wasn’t good enough for her.

She deserved more than a construction worker whose only family resided in jail. More than his genetics for her future kids. She needed someone with a five-year plan, who wanted the same things from life. Someone who made her smile like she was now. He turned the key with this list, she opened the door. Now, whoever she chose to spend her life with would wait across the threshold, and she’d be able to love him openly.

Maxwell wanted her back. The thought tore his insides to pieces. Troy wondered if she’d go back to him, and if she did, if she’d regress back to old Cam. Or maybe she’d date someone like Justin’s friend, John. The guy’d had a crush on Cam from the second Heather introduced them a few years back. John looked at her the way Fisher looked at Anna.

Heather whooped next to him as Dad finished his song with a painful flourish. “Your turn, Troy.”

Anna stood. “Hold on, I have to put Em to bed.”

Emily’s eyes widened. “I don’t want to go to bed.”

“It’s late,” Anna said, “and we have a big day tomorrow.”

“But you promised I could sing a song with Auntie Cam!”

“Let her go ahead,” Troy said. “I’ll take my turn after.”

Cam carried Emily to the front of the room and pushed some buttons on the karaoke machine. She set Emily on her feet in front of her and gave her the microphone. Her hands were shaking. Good. Nervousness was a sure sign this was embarrassing the hell out of her. Cam pretended she didn’t give a damn what others thought of her. But she did. Her adult life had been spent in camouflage, hoping no one would notice her. She needed to make a fool of herself. Needed to feel awkward.

The music for “Somewhere, Out There” began to play as Cam kneeled behind Emily. She adjusted the monitor, and as the lyrics came on the screen, she pointed to them and sang along with Emily. Only Cam could turn karaoke into a teaching lesson for Emily, showing her what the words looked like as they sang them to start recognizing how to read.

Emily’s voice overpowered Cam’s, but from what he could hear, her singing voice sounded just like her speaking voice. Soft. Lilting. She wasn’t half bad. From across the room she looked at him and smiled.

Yeah, definitely wanted her alone. Now.

Heather grabbed his arm in a vice grip. “Ow. What’s wrong with you?”

Heather’s eyes bulged from her sockets. “You’re in love with her!” she said in a loud whisper.

Troy glanced around, but no one was paying attention. When he looked back at Heather, he thought about denying her accusation, but what was the point? He’d almost lost control with Cam earlier today and told her he loved her. “So what if I am?”

Heather looked at Camryn, then back to him. “You have to tell her how you feel.”

Now that was even funnier than watching Nana sing “I Love Rock and Roll”. Plus, he didn’t need Heather’s advice. “I know how to handle a woman, thank you very much.”

“She’s not a woman, she’s Cam.” Heather bit down on her lip, examining him, acting like she wanted to say something but couldn’t. After a long pause, she finally said, “God, Troy. Please don’t break her heart.”

Okay, now he was starting to get a little pissed off. “Everyone’s so worried about
her
heart. What about
me
? What about
my
heart? I do have one! What if she breaks
my heart
?”

The room erupted into claps and cheers as Emily and Cam finished. Troy tore his gaze from Heather to look at Camryn. Hell, she’d already broken his heart. A couple times now. His point with Heather was moot.

Camryn made her way to the back of the room once more while he concentrated on breathing. It wasn’t until she was seated that Troy realized the item on his list wasn’t checked off.

“Uh uh,” he argued. “Singing a song with Emily doesn’t count, Cam. Get back up there. Who picked Cam’s song?”

John stood. “I did.”

He walked to the front of the room while Camryn shot Troy little ice daggers through her glare. Heck of a superpower, that. Resigned, she stood and returned to the front of the room. John punched some buttons on the machine and sat down. As her song started to play, she beamed a grin at John so immense that Troy’s chest constricted in jealousy.

Great. He’d never been jealous of anything a day in his life. Not even when he should have. It left a sour, frightening taste in his mouth.

And then recognition dawned over the song John picked. “This is cheating,” Troy insisted. “This song has no words!”

“Sure it does,” Cam said into the microphone, smile never faltering. “Tequila!” she sang.

Katie, Shana, Cade and Heather joined her, dancing around the front of the room. Troy didn’t have the heart to argue. One look at her and he knew she was having fun. It may not constitute fully making a fool of herself, but it was damn near close enough.

Sitting back, he swiped a hand down his face.

“I picked your song,” Justin said.

Troy’s eyes narrowed as he looked at the wicked, wicked grin on Justin’s face. “Dare I ask?”

Anna left the room to put Emily to bed.

Camryn shouted out the last “Tequila!” She fell against Katie, laughing.

He swallowed, wanting to look away and couldn’t. If he never saw beauty again, the image of her like this would tide him over.

“Come on, Troy,” Justin urged.

Troy’s glance darted to the front of the room where Justin was waiting on him. Troy hadn’t even noticed Justin get up. Slowly, he rose, ready to take his own punishment. He took the microphone from Justin.

“Be happy I didn’t pick the
Titanic
song,” Justin whispered. “That was my first choice.”

Troy grimaced. Justin’s choice had to be a step up from Celine Dion, right? Katie whooped at him, shaking her chest like a Brazilian native. Well, at least he wasn’t the stripper like she’d suggested in the car earlier.

And then the music started.

Troy whipped Justin a deathcon stare. Camryn and John laughed so hard she fell off her chair, then scrambled to get back on. This wasn’t the first time his list backfired on him, but by God it would be the last.

Deciding to make the best of it, and figuring more than half the room was too drunk to remember this tomorrow, he started to unbutton his shirt. Why not? He’d always been the life of the party before.

Camryn stopped laughing. Katie whooped again. And as he started to sing “Total Eclipse of the Heart”, the entire room sang along with him. Poorly.

Troy slid his shirt down his arms, raised his hand, and swung it over his head like a propeller. Heather jumped up and rooted him on. Bernice covered her eyes and shook her head. Dad let out a groan loud enough to uproot the weeping willow on the front lawn. Camryn remained frozen, pretty pink mouth hung open in shock.

Checkmate.

While singing the second verse, he strutted over her way and sat in her lap, gyrating his hips for good measure. She turned six shades of red. For a girl who hated color, she sure looked good in red.
Now
she was embarrassed. Ha.

Standing, he moved behind her and leaned forward, singing in her ear, walking his fingers over her collarbone in a public seduction even a drag queen would be proud of. She covered her face with her hands. He grabbed her hands and held them down.

Knowing the song was near complete, he strutted back to the front of the room, belted out the last chords, and unbuttoned the fly of his pants.

The song ended before anything else came off. Intentionally so. The family clapped like circus monkeys. Katie and Shana looked disappointed. And he was pretty sure Miller Lite was taking his man card.

Grinning, he shook his head while donning his shirt. The older crowd excused themselves to bed. Fisher and Anna joined them. Katie was barely standing, Cade flopped on the couch near comatose, and Shana was still giggling from Troy’s mediocre striptease.

“We should get you guys back to the hotel,” he said.

Katie pouted. “So early? How ’bout one more drink?”

He looked over at Cam as she walked toward them. John slammed his drink back and joined them, more than a little tipsy himself. “One drink, Katie dear, then we leave.”

Justin moved behind the small corner bar and set out a row of shot glasses. He poured tequila and passed them out to the others. He raised his shot. “To family, friends and Cam reminding us of tequila!”

They took their shots, all but Cam and Troy, and set the glasses face down on the bar. Before the tequila could kick in, Troy ushered them to the garage as Heather and Justin headed to bed. Cade was already passed out when Troy hauled his dead weight into the passenger seat.