The Drunk Logs (14 page)

We started off in the opposite direction, as Pat began to point in different directions, a strong reminder of the nurse when I first entered.

“To your right are the showers, uh, to the left down this hall is nothing, just another way to get to the counselors’ offices. To the right here, are just a couple of tables where the guys play card games or read the paper. And behind the tables is a cabinet with paper and pens and the games I was telling you about. Left is the elevator, to the right another shower room, uh, to the left is our kitchenette. Let’s go in, because there’s another room off that.”

As we entered, Bobby stood at the counter and made a sandwich.

“Didn’t you just eat lunch?” Pat asked.

“This is for later, if I get hungry. What’s up, Matt?”

“Hey.”

We passed Bobby, as Pat opened the refrigerator door that stood next to a large pane window.

“Obviously,” Pat said as he pointed at Bobby, “you can see we can make any food we get that’s left over from the cafeteria. And on the counter there’s bread, cups, napkins, toaster, microwave, and a juice machine. Silverware is in the drawers. Over here,” he said as he closed the refrigerator door, “is the media room where they turn on the TV at night.”

I poked my head into the room and saw everything reminiscent of a typical family room. Piano, lounge chairs, sofas, a card table, and a 54” flat screen TV.

“A lot of visitors that come through here get pissed that we have these things. They want us to suffer. But if you think about it, we’re not prisoners. So…I don’t know. Oh, and yes, we do have cable.”

I was speechless.

We exited the kitchenette as Bobby began his second sandwich.

“Do you want me to get you another loaf of bread, Bobby?” Pat asked.

“See if they have any wheat, smart ass,” Bobby answered.

We continued down the hallway when a door opened and a large, seven-foot monster, with light blond hair, white t-shirt, blue shorts, and flip flops, barreled past us.

“What’s up, Big Toledo?”

“I forgot that Bruce Lee’s usually in the kitchen now, so I have to grab some food before he eats it all.” The guy called Big Toledo’s voice faded as he ran down the hallway.

“My God, is that guy huge,” I said in amazement. “What is he, a football player or something?”

“No, just a kid who got hooked on oxycodone.”

“A kid?” I asked.

“Yeah. He’s only 17 years old.”

I looked back in disbelief at the size of the man-child, as Pat, unfazed, kept in step.

“Now, you can see that it’s quiet and most of the doors are closed. That’s because around this time, everyone is just relaxing outside. It usually gets livelier at night when they lock the doors and we have to stay inside. Usually around 9 o’clock.”

I tried to take everything in. Then we reached the end of the hall.

“Okay, here to the left is another room with a TV in it. Some of the guys come down here when they want to watch something else. This is also an extra group room when the groups need to double up. Oh, and there is a telephone in this room. The kitchen and a room next to the tables have one too. Do you have a calling card?”

“Yeah,” I said as I touched my wallet in my back pocket. “They told me to bring one.”

“Good. You can use the phone whenever you have free time, but you might have to contend with someone already on it. There isn’t a waiting list and you’re only supposed to be on it for ten minutes, but most of these guys don’t give a shit and talk forever. So if you see an open phone, grab it.”

As I peeked in, I saw a few black desk chairs scattered about, a large table, and another flat screen television. We turned around, walked only a few steps down the hall, and stopped.

“This hallway should only be used when you’re leaving or have a complaint. It’s where all the administration personnel are. Below them, on the first floor, past the nurses’ station, is the women’s ward. That is a no-no place to go, and you will get kicked out if you are caught fraternizing with the enemy. You can look and talk, but your hands can’t go where your eyes already are.”

“So it’s shut up, listen, and do as you’re told,” I said as we walked back down the hall.

“That is all you need to do. Because in the end, what it all boils down to is, if you’re not taking this shit seriously, I could give a damn about you,” Pat said as the veins on his forehead began to pulse. “I mean, this is my first time in a treatment facility and it better be my last. I gave everything to crack. I have to start my life completely over and I’m forty-five. But the way I figure it is, I’m still alive and have a lot of years ahead of me. I’ve been given a second chance, so why not make the best of it. I mean, we have ex-cons and young people here that are just doing it because they don’t want to go to jail. I’m doing it to live.”

Pat stopped in mid-stride and looked at me with concern.

“I’m sorry if it came out wrong, Matt, but I need to worry about myself. If you’re not serious about getting help, it was nice knowing you. If you are, then we can be friends.” He took a long, deep breath. “It looks like you’ll make it, though,” he said with a smile. “Remember the past, just don’t dwell on it.”

We both remained quiet the rest of the way down the hall as I tried to understand the purpose for which I was here.

As we walked over to our respective sides of the room, I opened my schedule to see what was on the agenda for the day.

“Hey, I’m gonna go grab a shower, all right?” Pat said.

“All right,” I said as I read the schedule. “Lecture from 2:15 to 3 o’clock,” I whispered, as I looked up at the clock above the door. “Got 15 minutes.”

I grabbed the sports section from the nightstand and lay back in my bed, as the words from Pat resonated in my head.

“To all patients, lecture will begin in 10 minutes; lecture will begin in 10 minutes.” My heart stopped for a minute as I waited for my name to be called.

The silent halls gradually awoke as doors opened and patients started to shuffle into the hallway.

“Matt H., please report to the nurses’ station, Matt H., report to the nurses’ station,” the intercom blared again.

“They always have perfect timing,” I mumbled to myself, as I sat up in bed.

The hallway was ablaze with patients as they walked and talked and waited until the last minute to head down to lecture. Pat passed with his wet hair wrapped in a towel as Bobby sat at a table, read the paper, and finished one of his sandwiches.

The elevator door opened as Jack Jack exited. “Peter Pumpkin Head, looks like your face is deflating. Are you going down to lecture?”

“I first have to go to the nurses’ station,” I answered.

“I thought that was your name I heard a blazin’ through the hall,” Jack Jack said as he headed into the kitchenette. “Take a pill for me, all right?”

I entered the belly of the elevator as the door moaned shut.
It’s odd not to have music playing in here
, I thought. “Hello,” I shouted, but the small echo died out quickly. I hurried out of the elevator and bumped into the military wannabe.

“Watch where you’re going, asshole.” The darkness from his eyes penetrated me, as if everything he saw before him was just a nuisance that needed to be tolerated.

“Sorry,” I said as I hurriedly walked away, and bumped into yet another person.

“I’m sorry,” Victoria said.

“No, it’s my fault. I wasn’t watching were I was going,” I said and we smiled at each other.

“You know, if we keep fraternizing like this, they’re going to kick us out,” she said.

“Yeah, I’m sure Carl is around here somewhere.”

Victoria began to look around with slight apprehension.

“Well, I have to go to the nurses’ station again. So, I guess I’ll see you in lecture?”

“I'll save you a spot,” she said as she turned the corner.

The detox floor was vibrant with patients I had never seen before.
It’s Friday, so they probably admit a lot more before the weekend
, I thought.

I sifted through all the new colored and dressed patients, rounded the corner, and stood in line by the half-door. As I looked into the nook, I saw all the lounge chairs were taken and the walls had become a leaning post for the overflow of patients. The faces told many different stories, but they were united just the same. And the words unheard were spoken by their stares with the hope their question would be answered. “When did I become like this?”

“Matt H., come on down,” Molly said.

“Hello, Molly, did you ring for me?” I asked as I strutted up to the half-door.

“Boy, aren’t we in a good mood today? And, yes, I did.”

She opened the door, but caught herself as she abruptly shut it.

“You with your sweet talk, I almost forgot to check your wristband.”

“Come on, you know it’s me,” I said and smiled devilishly, extending my arm.

Suddenly, I was slammed against the half-door.

“Molly, are there any patients I need to see today?” said Jack Jack with his arm around me and holding a tongue depressor.

“Get out of here,” I said as I pushed him away.

“Jack Jack, I told you, you are not supposed to come down to this area anymore. Do you want me to call Dr. Lyedecker?” Molly had become irritated. “And aren’t you supposed to be in lecture?” she asked him.

“Screw him, if it wasn’t for me he wouldn’t have anything to do.”

Molly picked up the receiver. “Jack…leave now.”

With a smirk, he raised his hands. “I’m leaving, don’t worry.”

She put down the receiver, checked my wristband, and opened the door. I sat in the chair and stuck out my arm, while Molly slid on the belt. She pushed the start button, and the machine started to hum.

“I swear to God that boy needs to be put on tranquilizers. No wonder he gets into so much trouble. One of these days, Dr. Lyedecker is going to find a way.”

Puzzled, I stared up at Molly. “What do you mean, one of these days?”

Beep, the machine stopped, and released its air. Molly checked the reading, removed the belt, and clicked her pen as she wrote on her clipboard.

“What I have been told is that Dr. Lyedecker has tried everything to help Jack Jack, but nothing that he has done so far has had an impact on him. So apparently, he’s been in close contact with Jack’s father and this time is his last chance. They have determined that his father is enabling him to keep using by repeatedly sending him here when he relapses. So after this, no more; he’s going to have to hit his rock bottom to realize that this is not a game.”

Molly's face was filled with sincerity, but it seemed as if there was nothing she could do.

I began to rub my head. “Yeah, but…”

“He’s already been told. He has to make the decision.”

She walked over to the medicine cabinet and grabbed a cup of medication. As she walked back, she clicked her pen again and wrote on her clipboard.

“More medication?” I groaned.

“Yes, sir, your blood pressure is still be-bopping up and down. So, someone will see you before lights out and check on you throughout the night,” she said as she opened the door.

“Boy, when I win the lottery I’m going to hire you to take care of me,” I said.

“Pay me six figures and I’ll even do your laundry,” she smiled.

As I looked at the clock above the door, I realized I was late for lecture and bolted out of the office and down the empty hallway.

“Slow down,” a voice echoed behind me.

I clicked the latch on the door, entered the auditorium, and slowly closed the door behind me. I scanned down the rows of seats and saw a lone seat open at the end of the aisle, next to Jack Jack and across from Victoria.
I swear, they plan the seating just to torment me
, I thought.

I watched a counselor as he tested the buttons for the video equipment behind the podium, when a patient noticed that there was a problem and walked over to assist him. Victoria smiled as I slid into the open seat. As I turned to the right, I gave a nod to Jack Jack and Sam.

“So, what’s this lecture about?” I whispered to Jack Jack.

“This is a good one, it’s about meditation. He shows a video that tells you how to breathe and relax. And if you want,” Jack Jack pointed forward, “you can go lay down on one of those black mats he has on the floor in the front.”

I sat up and leaned forward through the collage of heads, and noticed the black pads lying end to end on the floor. The helper patient walked back to his chair in the front row as the instructor stood in front of the podium, looking ready to begin.

He was a plain looking man; young, white, with a slight build, and he wore a black nylon jump suit that swooshed when he walked. His voice was calm and educated, which matched the sincerity that beamed from his somewhat nervous smile.

“Hello, for the ones that just entered, my name is Robert Macklin. I am a registered nurse and physical therapist, but I specialize in nutrition and meditation. Today, we will be learning about meditation and how to apply it to your recovery and in dealing with the stresses of everyday life. We will be watching a video that will explain the process of meditation, and I sincerely hope that you participate in the lesson to get a better understanding of how meditation works. There are a few mats that I have laid out here in the front, if anyone wishes to take full advantage of the lesson. If not, you can easily participate while sitting in your chairs.”

As he stood behind the podium, he smiled as he gazed back and forth across the field of patients.

“So, if there aren’t any questions, anyone who wishes to come up to the front, can. And I will begin the video.”

A large rumble echoed throughout the auditorium as patients clamored to the front, and plopped their bodies onto the mats. Jack Jack pushed my legs out of the way and jogged down to the front with Victoria close behind, while Sam occupied the seat left by Jack Jack.

“Aren’t you going to lay on one of the pads?” I asked Sam.

“No, I have trouble getting up from a chair, let alone from the floor.”

The lights dimmed and the auditorium became pitch black, except for the small light that beamed through the entrance door. Laughter from the patients who acted like school children danced in the foreground as a quiet voice filled the auditorium.