The Door at the Top of the Stairs (22 page)

"Jesse?" Morgan was shaking her. Jesse opened her eyes and stared vacantly. Morgan turned Jesse's face so she was looking directly at her. “Jesse, focus on my eyes. Come on, Kid, stay with us. Focus."

Jesse blinked a few times, then realized Morgan was talking to her. She closed her eyes, then opened them wide and blinked again. "I'm here. I'm okay, Morgan. Stop shaking me."

Morgan let go and leaned on the arm of her chair.

Ryland said, “All right, Jesse. One step at a time, tell me what you saw. If you hear me say stop, open your eyes and look at Morgan."

Jesse took a shaky breath and closed her eyes. "I know exactly what the tools were."

"All right, then let's name them."

"A battery, an inverter with clamps, a—" Her throat clamped completely shut.

"Stop Jesse. Stop and look at Morgan."

Jesse's eyes locked onto Morgan's.

"Good, now breathe. You're on our front porch in one of my favorite Adirondack chairs, and there's no reason you can't breathe."

Jesse blinked at the absurdity of not being able to breathe while sitting in an Adirondack chair on Ryland's porch. She forced herself to smile, which immediately opened up her throat. "Okay, the other thing was a fire starter." She spat out the words before her throat could close again.

"Good. What happened next?"

"One man…." Her hand unconsciously rubbed her arm from her shoulder down to her elbow, then back to her shoulder again.

"Guillermo, hooked the clamps to the battery, and plugged the fire starter into the inverter."

Ryland watched the hand movements. “And you were able to see him connect everything. Did you understand what he was doing?"

Jesse shook her head. Her shoulders had bunched into knots, and she forced them to relax, still rubbing her hand up and down her arm. "Not at first… I had an idea, but not exactly."

Morgan listened to the easy cadence of Jesse's voice. It seemed as though she was having an easier time remembering without reacting. She sat back in her chair and relaxed, relieved that things were going so well.

Ryland saw the shift in Morgan's posture, and said, “Morgan."

When she met her eyes, Ryland shook her head ever so slightly.

Morgan tried to understand what Ryland was telling her. She looked at Jesse, who was sitting quietly in the chair watching them, then looked back at Ryland and raised her shoulders slightly to let her know she didn't know what she was supposed to do.

Ryland thought a minute. "Do you remember what color ribbon you had Michael tie to his horse's tail last year?"

Morgan understood immediately. She'd had him tie a red ribbon to the tail because his horse had developed a nasty habit of kicking anyone who dared walk behind him. She sat forward and rested her elbows on her knees, trying to appear casual and unconcerned. It didn't work, but she thought she'd try anyway.

Jesse watched the exchange. She had no clue what Ryland was talking about, and she didn't care as long as no one was asking her questions. She put her head on the back of the chair and rested a minute. When her eyes closed, Guillermo took the red cable and attached it to the battery post....

Richard had brought a chair into the room and he was sitting with one leg crossed over the other, waiting. He spoke to her. “So, Little Sheep, you're wondering what he's doing, am I right?

Jesse couldn't take her eyes off of the cable attached to the battery.

Richard pointed to the fire starter. "
That
is one of my training devices." He held up a cattle prod. “And
this
is my other. I will be in total, absolute control of you when we're done today."

Jesse watched the fire starter turn from red to light orange. She backed up farther into the wall, trying to find, for the hundredth time, another avenue of escape.

Richard nodded to Miguel. “Bring her."

Miguel grabbed her arm and she fought him off with every ounce of strength she had. She jerked away from him and he grabbed her again. It took all her strength, but she managed to lunge hard enough so that both of them fell onto the dirt floor. She kicked and pushed to her knees, trying to get away. He pulled her arms out from under her and they collapsed once more onto the dirt.

"Cody!"

That isn't right. It’s Miguel.
She kicked out again, desperate to get away.

"Cody!"

Jesse opened her eyes and, to her surprise, she was lying on her stomach in the grass on the other side of the porch railing and Morgan was holding her down with her entire body. Jesse put her cheek down on the grass and listened to herself pulling in strangled breaths.

Ryland, who was apparently the reason she couldn't move her legs and feet, spoke with reassuring confidence. "All right, Jesse, we're going to let you up now. Tell me where you are first."

Jesse focused on the voice, wanting to know Ryland was in control, could handle whatever had just happened. "I don't know.

I'm in the yard...I'm in your yard."

Ryland released Jesse's legs and Morgan climbed off to the side. Jesse brought her hands to her eyes and lay with her face in the grass, exhausted....

Richard pointed to Miguel. "Take her clothes off." Miguel grabbed Jesse's shirt and tore it off….

"Cody!" Jesse was on her back now, and Morgan was holding her down again. Jesse opened her eyes and focused, confusion and distrust making her head hurt. She reached up to rub her head and Ryland quickly said, “Don't close your eyes. Keep your eyes on Morgan."

Jesse opened them. She felt like she was moving between two parallel worlds. "I'm fucked up."

Ryland's calm expression helped Jesse cope with what was happening. "No, you're not, but you are taking us for a ride today."

She came around and sat near Jesse's head. “I need you to sit up and stop being so relaxed, would you, please? Every time you close your eyes, you're self-hypnotizing."

Morgan took her cue from Ryland and projected calmness and control at the same time she was trying to catch her breath. She sat back on her legs, and when Jesse's eyes flicked to her, Morgan raised her eyebrows and shrugged.

Jesse sat up, already worn out. “Ryland, I can't do this today.

I'm just fucked up."

"Tell me, without closing your eyes, what you saw."

Jesse looked up at the tree line, wanting to get this over with so Ryland would leave her alone. “Richard was sitting in a chair, and the fire starter went from red to orange."

"Did anything else happen?" Ryland had already realized that, for Jesse's back to be so burned and scarred, she had to have been naked, or at least naked on the top of her body.

Jesse shook her head.

"Yes it did. Tell me what happened."

"Nothing happened." Jesse's eyes flashed, warning Ryland to stop.

Ryland casually glanced at Morgan's legs. Morgan was on the opposite side of Jesse from her, and she needed her on the same side in case Jesse came after her, which was a strong possibility.

She waited a minute, trying to work out how to accomplish what she wanted without giving Jesse any ideas.

Morgan watched her and waited for some type of clue as to what Ryland needed. Ryland caught her eye, then casually backed away from Jesse. She lowered her eyes to the spot where she'd been sitting. Morgan immediately stretched her legs and moved to that spot.

Jesse wasn't paying attention. Her emotions were simmering.

She had no intention of telling them about anything. Fuck them.

Ryland moved up beside Jesse again, but she made sure to stay farther back than Morgan. "What happened next?"

Jesse focused angry eyes on Ryland and growled.

“I...told...you.
Nothing
happened."

Ryland decided to push, but before she did, she rested her hand on Morgan's back. She felt Morgan shift slightly into a more balanced position.

"Where are your clothes, Jesse?"

Jesse's brain exploded. She threw herself at Ryland, damning her for knowing, hating her with every fiber of her being. She reached for Ryland's throat, but Morgan was too fast for her. She had her pinned down again, but this time she'd get away. She
had
to get away. She
had
to stop Ryland from knowing.

Ryland was relieved Morgan was able to hold Jesse down without her help this time. Jesse needed to see that she was unconcerned and in control. She sat and waited while they struggled, knowing Jesse wouldn't have enough energy to struggle for long. When the struggling stopped, Jesse put her head back and closed her eyes....

Miguel was standing over her, holding her torn shirt….

Ryland sighed. “Damn it, Jesse, I wish you'd stop doing that.

You can get off her now, Morgan. She's gone."

Morgan was trying to catch her breath. “Ry, I'm getting too damn old for this. How much longer is this gonna take?"

Ryland raised her eyebrows. “I wish I knew."

Miguel pulled her to a standing position, and she realized they'd stripped her. She was totally naked. Richard came up behind her and whispered in her ear while Miguel stood in front of her with the cattle prod. She couldn't see Guillermo.

"Now, my little sheep, listen carefully."

"Cody."

Jesse opened her eyes and saw Ryland and Morgan sitting next to her again. She rubbed her face with her hands. “Jesus, am I here or there? Both fuckin' places are real."

Ryland said. “This is the real world, Jesse; the other is just a memory. I'd prefer you'd bring your experiences out in words, and not relive them. Would you please keep your eyes open and on Morgan. Please?"

Jesse remembered Ryland asking about her clothes, and her face burned red.

Ryland noticed the blush. “So you were naked—what happened next?"

She'd said it so casually, Jesse didn't have time to react.

Morgan watched as Jesse started to put her head down on her knees and close her eyes. She reached out and swatted Jesse on the head. “Eyes open—we're not going through that again."

She opened her eyes and twisted her head around to try to relieve the pain in her neck as her shoulder muscles constricted into tight knots. “Richard stood behind me with the fire starter.

Miguel was in front with the cattle prod. He held the fire starter an inch from my back and told me not to move." Jesse stood up and crossed her arms. Her heart was pounding so hard it hurt.

Morgan and Ryland stood as well.

Jesse felt the pulse in her neck with her fingers, wondering whether it was her heart that was supposed to explode instead of her head.

Ryland stepped up and pulled Jesse's hand down. She replaced it with her own and felt Jesse's heart racing. "You won't die, Jesse.

You've got a strong, good heart. What happened next?"

Breathing hurt too. Every time she took a breath, her chest constricted and forced the air back out. She managed to pull in enough air to speak. “Miguel put the prod to my chest and shocked me, and I'd jump back into the red-hot starter. I'd jump forward to get away, and when I did that, I got shocked." She grabbed her arms and squeezed. "When I jumped back, I got burned, and they'd laugh and Richard would tell me not to move." Jesse clutched her chest and bent over, frantic that her heart would have to stop altogether to keep from exploding. She smelled her flesh burning around her.

"Did you learn not to move?"

"What?" Ryland's voice sounded far away.

"Did you learn not to move?"

Her hand was tearing into her chest to slow the pounding. She went to her knees and put her head in the grass. “Yes." She took in a lungful of air. “The prod...hurt less."

"So when Richard told you not to move, you learned how not to move?"

Jesse nodded.

"And my guess is, that wasn't fun anymore for Richard, right?"

Jesse slowly raised her eyes, stood up and backed away. She shook her head, willing Ryland to stop. Morgan stepped behind Jesse and she backed into her.

Ryland ignored Jesse's panicked expression as she walked closer. "What did Richard do to make it fun again?"

Jesse turned abruptly and buried her head in Morgan's chest.

Tears she'd fought so hard to keep in let loose in a torrent of pain.

“Stop, Ryland! Goddamn you, why can't you just stop?"

"Jesse, this is important. What did Richard do to make it fun again?"

"Nothing, he did nothing! No one did anything to me! Just leave me alone! I don't want to know! Just leave me alone!" She sobbed into Morgan's shoulders, pulling herself into them, trying to get away from Ryland's voice.

"You have to say it, Jesse. We can't stop until you say it. What did he do?"

Morgan's heart was pounding just as hard as Jesse's. She didn't want to know what happened next. She wrapped her arms protectively around Jesse. “It's enough, Ry; we're done."

Ryland shook her head sadly. “We're not done. Jesse, what did Richard do?"

Jesse turned and screamed at Ryland, sobbing between each word. “He fuckin' told Miguel to put the cattle prod up inside me!

But you know what?" She wanted to hurt Ryland, but Morgan held her back. “I kicked it away! And when I'd kick it away, he'd burn me!" She tried to escape from Morgan, who held on tight. Fury raged inside of her, and she screamed, “The only way I could get away was to push back into the fire starter until it burned me so bad I'd pass out, and I did that and did that, over and over, but I kept waking up!" She dropped to her knees and held her head in her hands, unable to control the wracking sobs that shook her body. "He put it inside me, Ryland. He put it inside and shocked me until I didn't move anymore."

In a daze, Morgan sat down on the grass. She pulled Jesse into her lap and held her, her own tears falling into Jesse's hair. Ryland got down on her knees and held both of them together, quieting Jesse until she had nothing left inside but emptiness.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Jesse didn't get out of bed the following morning, and Morgan didn't have the heart to pull her out. She and Ryland had stayed up most of the night talking about Jesse, about what had happened, and about how she was going to react. Morgan moved around the barn, feeding the horses, talking to them, checking for problems or injuries.