The Dollhouse (18 page)

My body melted under his touch until all I wanted to do was curl around him like a contented cat and lay there forever.

"Are you awake?" Julian asked.

I made a low sound of contentment in my throat, unable to produce enough focused attention to speak.

"On your back," he commanded.

Blinking blearily in the low light, I raised my head. My body felt heavy-limbed and lethargic. "What time is it?"

His voice broke through my early-morning haze, cracking like a whip. "Don't make me repeat myself, Dalea."

I quickly rolled over onto my back, desperately fearing his displeasure. "I'm sorry, it's just so early. I'm not completely awake—“

"Did I ask you for an explanation?" His voice was clipped.

"No, sir," I said, my voice small. He wasn't happy with me and the thought filled me with a feeling of dread.

"Put your arms above your head."

I obeyed, stretching my arms up until my fingers wrapped around the slats in the headboard. He produced a length of rope from the bedside table and leaned over me to secure my hands to the wood. I tugged experimentally at the binding, but the knot only seemed to tighten more with each movement that I made.

In other circumstances, being bound and helpless underneath him would have been arousing but I quailed under the glare he leveled at me.

My gaze dropped.

"Look at me, Dalea."

And I did. He knelt over me, completely comfortable in his own nakedness. Pre-dawn light reflected off the surface of his chest, highlighting the muscles that corded and bunched with each breath that he took.

My gaze fell automatically to the erection that bobbed gently against his upper thigh. I had to force myself to look him in the eyes. He noticed what drew my attention and a small smirk broke the stone-set of his face for just a moment.

"I expect any instruction that I give you — particularly those of a sexual nature — to be followed
explicitly
.
" His hand slid up to my throat, pressing down just slightly more than was comfortable. He moved between my spread thighs, nudging them apart with his knees on each side. "It doesn't matter if you've just woken up or if I've kept you up all night and you can barely keep your eyes open. You must train yourself to always be alert to my commands. Is that understood?"

I tried to nod but the movement was limited by his hand at my throat.

"Yes, sir," I whispered.

"I forget how new this is for you." His expression had altered, no longer angry but speculative as his gaze traveled down my body. "I have confidence that you will learn quickly. Of course, I'm happy to provide all of the
correction
that you need."

My heart beat faster at the meaning his voice infused into the word
correction.
His hand moved to his erection, gliding up and down the length of it until it hardened completely.

He watched me watch him. An answering throb pulsed in my belly with each stroke of his hand. I was tied to his bed, unable to escape him but willingly submitting to whatever will he chose to impose on me. The thought was terrifyingly exciting.

"Is this what you want?" he asked. The hand that wasn't pumping up and down on his shaft slipped between the damp curls covering my folds and a single finger pushed inside of me. "Or is it something else that has you so wet you've nearly soaked the sheets?"

"It's you," I gasped. "It's always you, sir."

"How nice." He moved over me, pressing me down into the mattress. His elbows braced on either side of my head so I didn't have to bear the full amount of his weight. "I suppose I could fuck you. Or I could leave you like this for a few hours while you ponder the importance of obedience."

I twisted my hips up against him, the movement suggestive and desperate. He couldn't leave me here like this, I wouldn't be able to bear it. And I knew he wanted it as much as I did.

"Please," I begged, moving underneath him in a way that was frantic. My reaction to him would have shamed me if I had room in my mind for thoughts that weren't exclusively about how desperately I wanted him inside of me. "Please fuck me, sir."

"Why should I?" His lips touched my neck, kissing and then biting hard enough to make me gasp. The tip of him rested against my entrance, so close that my own personal heaven was less than an inch away. "What will you do for me?"

"Anything," I gasped, embarrassed of the breathy and desperate quality of my voice. "I'll do anything you want."

He smiled against my skin. "Such a good girl."

With a jerk of his hips, Julian buried himself to the hilt inside of me. I writhed underneath him, pulling at the restraints binding my arms. I desperately wanted to grab his shoulders or drag my nails across the skin of his back, but I was helpless against him.

"I like you like this," he said between slow, deliberate strokes. "You won't ever be able to get away from me, Dalea. All you can do is submit. You're mine — body and soul."

I knew it was a perverse fantasy but the erotic idea had the exact effect on me that he intended. The filthy words he murmured into my ear sent the spirals of pleasure to greater heights.

He shifted his body until he knelt on the bed, still inside of me, and raised my legs until both of my ankles were hooked over his shoulder. His palms were warm as they slid up my calves.

At this angle, the pleasure was sharper and deeper. When he sank to the hilt inside of me it felt like he plundered my womb, causing my belly to tighten in pain and pleasure.

"Jesus, you're so fucking tight," he said before pressing a close-mouthed kiss into the side of my foot.

The orgasm came over me suddenly and I convulsed around him. He plunged inside of me, thrusts becoming uneven and erratic as he came to his own completion. We crashed against each other, bodies slick with sweat.

He collapsed against me on the bed and reached up to untie the ropes that still bound my wrists over my head. The moment that my hands were released, I reached down to push my fingers through his hair. He rolled over on the bed and took me with him until I rested against his chest.

His lips caught mine in a kiss that was slow and deep. I stared down into his eyes and it felt like I could fall into them.

"You're amazing," he murmured, pulling me down so I settled against him and my head tucked underneath his chin.

We lay there in companionable silence, broken only by the steady tick of the grandfather clock in the hallway.

I could feel his heart beat underneath my cheek and my head rose and fell with each breath that he took. When I looked up at him, his face seemed more open and relaxed than I had ever seen it.

The realization slowly dawned that I had never been with him like this, when the walls he kept so carefully erected between us came down. I would be a fool not to take advantage of it.

"Will you tell me something about yourself?" I whispered against his chest.

His hands tightened on for a moment, but then he relaxed. "You know what you need to know."

"But you know so much about me."

He tipped my chin up with his finger, and the expression he wore was repressive. "Do not mistake this as a relationship of equals. The rules for us are not the same."

I knew better than to ask him about his wife, though a hundred questions about her burned through my mind. My fingers brushed across his lips and he made no move to stop me.

I was attracted to him like a moth to a flame and with an intensity so desperate that it scared me. Even though I knew that he deliberately kept most of himself from me and that in the end he would break my heart, it didn't change a thing.

"I just want to know you," I said softly and the truth of it was heart-wrenching.

His expression softened. "You may have five questions."

I sat up eagerly. "Tell me about your family."

"That doesn't sound like a question." He moved up in the bed and propped the pillow up behind him so he reclined against the headboard. "Can you be more specific?"

I frowned at him. "You aren't going to make this easy, are you?"

"I hadn't planned on it." His eyebrow quirked in amusement. "And I'm counting that as one of your questions."

"You're so mean," I pouted.

His smile was wolfish. "You have no idea."

"You're right, I don't. That's sort of the point."

"Ask your questions before I change my mind, woman."

I thought for a moment. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"I had an older brother but he died when I was a child. My sister is an interior designer in San Francisco. I see her at Christmas."

"What about your parents?"

"My father died five years ago, which is when I took over as CEO of the company. My mother lives here in Colorado, just outside of Denver. She prefers golfing to mountain sports."

I was certainly no expert in geography, but it didn't sound like his mother lived far from here. "Does she come here often?"

Julian coiled a lock of my hair in his fingers. "This house holds too many memories for her, I think. It's been in our family for a hundred years. She raised us all here."

"This is your family house?" I looked around in confusion, even though I knew that I wouldn't find the pictures or keepsakes that normally decorated a house that had been in a family for that many generations. The house was beautiful, but sterile. Anyone could have lived here. "It doesn't really look like it."

"The house is mine now. I am not a sentimental man." His tone made it sound like a warning. The expression in his eyes turned closed-off and cold.

"What kinds of things do you like to do for fun?" I asked, deliberately changing the subject.

"Besides fuck you, you mean? Nothing. Making money is my only hobby." He pulled me roughly into his lap and his hand pushed into the hair at the nape of my neck. "Those are all of your questions, pet. I even threw in an extra one."

I couldn't hide my disappointment. "Alright."

He laid down on the bed and took me with him, tucking my head underneath his shoulder. "Go to sleep."

I stared up at the dark ceiling as his breathing became deep and even. Sleep remained elusive for me. It was becoming clearer and clearer that each passing day would make it harder for me to walk away.

And I eventually would have to walk away. Julian and I didn't really have a future. He had a wife and he kept himself too controlled and walled off from emotion to ever truly be in love.

This was like a dream — fleeting and surreal. One day I would have to wake up and face the real world.

But not tonight
, I thought as I burrowed deeper against him.
Not tonight.

"
H
ello
?"

"Hi, Momma," I said into the cordless phone that Naomi had left on the bedside table. No doubt she had instructions to retrieve it promptly when I was done and return it to whatever part of the house that she kept it hidden.

"How's Colorado? Are you getting a lot of work done?"

"Yeah, it's great." I had told her that Berkmore Global sent me to Colorado for a temporary internship. Obviously, I couldn't tell her that I was working at the world's oldest profession. "I'm really lucky."

"We miss you."

"I miss you guys, too." Julian had been gone long enough that his side of the bed was cold when I awoke. I felt acutely alone. "Is everybody doing okay?"

"Of course, things don't fall apart just because you're not around."

"What did the oncologist say?" I asked, knowing that she wouldn't tell me anything unless I asked the question directly.

"Everything looks good," she said.

"That's it? When's your next followup appointment?"

"In a few weeks, I think," Momma said in that breezy way that made me want to strangle her.

"Did the tumors shrink—“

"Tomorrow was Lucy's first day of kindergarten," she said, cutting me off. "She's really excited, let me go get her."

"Wait—“

But I could already hear the rustling as she set down the phone. It worried me that she was being so cagey, but Momma loved to keep problems from me until it was too late to fix them. I just prayed that she was telling me the truth.

"Dal-ya," Lucy yelled into the phone, her fading lisp still putting a special emphasis on my name. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, babydoll. Did you have your first day of school?"

"Uh-huh."

"Did you make lots of friends?"

"Yeah, but Cody was mean to me on the playground. He pushed me down the slide."

"Well , you know what it means when boys are mean to you. It means that they like you."

"Nuh-uh. That's stupid."

I laughed. "It is stupid. You're a lot smarter than me for figuring that out."

"You're silly." There was more rustling and I heard barely audible voices in the background. "Momma says we have to go because it's a school night."

"Oh, okay. I'll call you again soon, okay."

"Okay. Bye, love you."

"School starts really early," Momma said as she came back on the line. "If Lucy doesn't go to bed now, there's no way that she'll wake up in time."

"That's okay," I said, trying to hide my disappointment. It wasn't until this moment that I realized how much I missed my family. "Is Luis around?"

"He won't be back from work for another hour but I'll tell him that you called."

"Oh, okay."

"Anyway, I have to get Lucy tucked in before it gets too late. You'll call back soon, right? Whenever I try to reach you it goes right to voicemail."

I ignored a slight pang of guilt at that. I hated the lies and the subterfuge. "Yeah, I can't always answer. They really keep me running here."

"Well, don't spend too much on your feet. You'll get varicose veins."

No danger of that,
I thought to myself. Julian definitely seemed to prefer me in positions other than vertical. "I'll do my best, Momma. Love you."

"I love you, too."

I held the phone to my ear for few moments after she hung up, listening to the empty drone of the dial tone. I wanted to see my family. I'd already missed my little sister's first day of school. I hadn't been there to help her pick out her very first backpack or write her name neatly on all of her school supplies.

I couldn't deny that Julian cast a nearly irresistible lure. But what was I being forced to give up?

* * *

N
aomi was
in the dining room when I went downstairs, laying out one place setting on the table. She glanced up at me as I approached and set the last utensil down with an audible sniff.

"Is it just me?" I asked.

"Mr. Julian has always come and gone as he pleased," was her impassive response.

"Must be nice to have that kind of freedom," I murmured as I slid into the seat that she held out from the table.

Naomi set a bowl of yogurt and a plate of fruit down in front of me. "I've always found that women will insist on getting what they think they deserve."

I glanced up at her. "You're going to have to explain that one to me a little better."

"I mean that if you truly know what you're worth than you won't settle for anything else."

"You sound like a motivational poster."

Naomi picked up a cloth napkin and shook it in front of my face. "That doesn't mean I'm wrong. Men like Mr. Julian are used to taking what they want, but that doesn't mean you have to give it to them."

I set down the spoon in my hand and stared up into her serious brown eyes. Even if I didn't understand exactly what she was saying, there was clearly a meaning behind it. "Are you telling me that I should leave?"

She placed a hand on my shoulder and the gesture was so gentle that tears threatened in the corners of my eyes. "I'm saying it's just as important for you to get what you need, as it is for anyone else."

"Thank you, Naomi." I brushed away the tear that threatened to fall and slide down my cheek. "I can't imagine what you think of me, carrying on like this with a married man. I swear I'm not a bad person."

"Married man?"

"I promise you that I didn't know at first. But I've seen his ring and it's not like he's hiding it from me. I never thought I'd be one of
those
girls, you know." I realized I was blathering but couldn't seem to stop. Somehow, Naomi had become my only confidante. "I've never wanted to hurt anyone and the thought that Julian's wife is back in Chicago waiting for him to come home just kills me, but I'm not strong enough to walk away."

"You're worried about Mr. Julian's wife?" Naomi asked carefully.

"Is she a wonderful person?" I asked apprehensively, not sure if I wanted that question to actually be answered. "Should I feel even more terrible?"

Naomi cleared her throat and turned away, as if carefully choosing her words. "When I first met Mrs. Berkmore-Hathaway, I thought she was one of the loveliest people that I've ever met. That hasn't changed."

My face fell. "Oh."

"But," Naomi said, her voice careful. "The situation is more complicated than you seem to know."

"Complicated how?"

"It's not really for me to say. Perhaps you should speak with Mr. Julian."

I scoffed. "I'm sure that conversation would go just perfectly."

"Well you'll never know otherwise, will you?"

* * *

"
I
have a gift for you
."

I barely reacted as the voice as smooth as silk and hard as iron floated over me. I set aside the book I was reading and looked up to see Julian standing in the door of the study. The lamp next to me — the only light in the darkened room — wasn't enough to make him seem like anything more than a shadow.

"Is it a puppy?" I asked lightly. Enough time had passed that I was no longer surprised by his sudden appearances and disappearing acts. "I'm going to be disappointed if it's not a puppy.”

"I think you'll get over it." He crossed the room with his hands hidden behind the back. "Lucky for you I don't like guessing games."

He dropped a heavy white box wrapped in plastic on my lap. I flipped it over to read the words embossed on the other side. "Are you serious?"

Julian raised an eyebrow, obviously amused by incredulity. "I am always serious."

"This is a Macbook Pro!" I turned the box over in my hands, barely convinced that it was real. This laptop was one of the best that Apple made and was better than anything I'd ever owned before. "This is for me?"

"It's all yours." He produced a glossy catalogue and tossed it on top of the computer. "The community college on the other side of the mountain has courses starting next week. I thought you might like to enroll in a few of them online.”

"Online classes?" I picked up the catalog and slowly turned a couple of pages. "Why?"

"Why not?" He sat on the arm of the sofa and looked down at the catalog over my shoulder. "Do you have something more important occupying your time?"

"Obviously not." My fingers stroked over the box, marveling at how even the packaging seemed expensive. I'd never actually owned a computer before. The school had given me a used Dell laptop as part of my financial aid package but I'd had to return it when I dropped out. "Thank you. This is amazing."

His fingers stroked down my cheek, making me shiver. "Anything for you."

Not anything.
I wondered if he said things like that to his wife. If he plied her with gifts and sweet words before he betrayed her trust in the worst possible way.

"I didn't think you'd be back tonight."

The fingers on my cheek moved lower to trace the curve of my bottom lip. "Do you wish I'd stayed away?"

"No." I couldn't lie to him even if I'd wanted to. "It just seems like a lot, going back and forth all of the time. Especially considering how much you hate to fly."

He grimaced in apparent agreement. "Unfortunately, the company won't run itself."

"But people must miss you when you're gone."

He shrugged. "That's unlikely."

"There must be someone." My gaze fell to the hand that rested against his knee, where the gold wedding band glinted darkly in the dim light.

His fingers gripped my chin and tipped it up so our eyes met. "If you have a question, then ask it."

"Does your wife know about me, about this?"

The fingers on my chin tightened until I let out a small pain sound. "I've asked you not to pursue that.”

"But—“

"And now I'm telling you," He released the iron grip on my chin. "Disobey me again and you will bear the consequences."

I stared down at my hands as they clenched together on top of the ridiculously expensive computer that rested on my lap. "You don't understand what this is doing to me."

"I do understand." His voice had softened but still contained a core of steel. "And I need you to trust that there are things I understand that you do not."

I closed my eyes against the overwhelming wave of emotion that threatened to overtake me. I couldn't speak and just shook my head as tears blurred my vision.

"You wanted to submit to me, Dalea. You promised to repress your will in favor of mine." His fingers slipped into my hair and caught against my scalp until he cradled my head in his hand. "I know it's difficult to surrender to things that you don't understand, but I know you're capable of it."

"Please—“ The word was barely a whisper.

Julian stood abruptly, leaving me cold. "Look over the catalogue and then give me a list of the classes that you'd like to take. I'm going to get in the shower."

He left the room without another word. I sat there silently in the dark, staring down at my lap. The computer still sat next to me on the sofa and I pushed it away, feeling angry and despondent.

Is this really what I wanted — to be controlled and owned like a favored pet who was rewarded with caresses and treats in exchange for good behavior? Was Julian worth this horrible feeling of guilt?

I heard a rustling sound and looked up to see Naomi standing in the doorway. The housekeeper's face was impossible to read in the dark but I could make out the grim set of her mouth.

Without a word, Naomi reached into her pocket and pulled out something small. Her hand moved to the low table by the doorway and set the item down on the top. I heard the clink of metal against the wood.

She silently retreated back into the darkness of the hallway, leaving me alone. I surged forward off the couch and quickly crossed the room.

A key sat on the table, silver and small on the dark surface. I used my fingernails to pry it up and held it in my hand. Naomi didn't need to explain herself, not really.

She knew as well as I did that there was only one locked door in this entire house.