The Doctor's Undoing (12 page)

He waited for a moment, but the invitation he half expected didn't materialize. He wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed. He supposed they hadn't reached the spend-time-with-the-parents stage. He knew he certainly wasn't ready to inflict his family on Haley yet, though for totally different reasons.

“You, um, have told your parents that you and I are more than study buddies now, haven't you?” he asked, surveying her face closely.

Her eyes met his then skidded away. “Not exactly. I really don't discuss my sex life with my parents.”

Sex life. He didn't really like that phrase. Sure, he and Haley were lovers, but it was somewhat more than that. Right?

Maybe he needed to remind himself why there was little chance he and Haley were meant to be together forever.

“Don't think I'll be seeing my family anytime soon,” he said casually. “They're all pretty scattered.”

She sank into the armchair, studying him curiously. “You'll go home for the holidays, won't you? Thanksgiving or Christmas?”

“Probably not Thanksgiving. Maybe a day or two during Christmas break.”

He had spent last Thanksgiving watching football and studying alone in his apartment. Because none of his siblings
had gone home for the holiday, he'd claimed a need to study to avoid doing so, himself. Cowardice, maybe, but he hadn't wanted to subject himself to his father's distance and his mother's criticism at that time.

Last year had been so very difficult. He'd been overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the material he'd been expected to memorize, by the number and frequency of the tests on that material, not to mention the clinical lessons and preparations for the looming Step 1 of the licensure exam. He just couldn't face his parents and their open skepticism that he'd ever make it all the way through to obtaining his M.D. He'd had too many doubts, himself, at the time. Had it not been for his friends, he might well have given up.

By not telling his study friends he had no other plans for Thanksgiving last year, he hadn't had to deal with invitations to spend the holidays with their families, which always made him feel awkward and out of place. He would be just as content to spend the upcoming holiday quietly on his own, for that matter. He'd gone home to northeastern Arkansas both of the past two Christmases, but hadn't particularly enjoyed the visits and had come back to Little Rock after only a few hours with his difficult family.

Haley looked as disapproving as he'd expected. “You should at least spend a little time during the holidays with your family if you want to mend fences with them.”

After some of the things she'd already seen on the wards, he'd think she'd be a little less rosy-eyed about families. He supposed the more time she spent with some of the more questionable elements of society, the more cynical she would become. A shame, really, but probably necessary if she was going to succeed in her chosen field.

“I'm not entirely sure I do want to mend those fences,” he said gently. “Not every family unit is worth saving.”

Haley sighed a little and shook her head. “I don't believe in giving up.”

He laughed softly, grabbed her wrist and tugged her down on the couch beside him. “I know. You've been saying that to me for two and a half years.”

Steadying herself with a hand against his chest, she laughed ruefully. “Sorry. It just slipped out.”

“No need to apologize. I'm glad you're the type who never gives up.” Especially on him, he added silently as his lips covered hers.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, snuggling closer for the very thorough kiss. After a few long, delectable moments, she squirmed as if in discomfort, and he loosened his grasp.

Pulling her mouth from his, she glanced downward, then looked up with a smile that made his heart stutter.

“I have always wanted to say this,” she said, trying to keep a straight face. “Is that a gun in your pocket or—”

“—I am very happy to see you,” he said with a laugh, swooping in for another kiss.

Relieved to put thoughts of families and holidays aside, he laughed with her as they worked together to extricate him from the holster, their hands fumbling, then lingering. There was plenty of time for serious talk later. For now, he was just going to enjoy.

 

Haley discovered quickly that the surgery rotation was as exhausting as Anne had warned.

Out of the four choices Haley had been given—trauma, surgical oncology, VA and peds—she had marked trauma as her first choice, thinking she would see the biggest variety and learn the most on that block. Ron had selected surgical oncology as his first choice. Which didn't surprise her, really. She had noticed his fascination with hematology and oncology, though he hadn't openly declared that was the specialty he wanted to pursue. Specifically, she thought he was interested in pediatrics hem-onc.

Why wouldn't he just admit it? Was he afraid to say what he really wanted, in case he didn't get it? Or was he just hesitant to commit himself to any specific path at this point?

Shouldn't she know him well enough to have those answers by now?

They'd both gotten their first choices, so the surgeries they witnessed were quite different, though their schedules were very similar.

Wearing scrubs, Haley arrived at the hospital before five every morning to see her assigned patients. Between six and six-thirty, she went on rounds with the resident and attending surgeon. Between seven and seven-thirty, she scrubbed in for surgeries. The scrubbing was a lengthy and meticulous process, after which she had to hold her gloved hands above her belly button line. If she dropped her hands below that zone, she was no longer sterile and had to rescrub. It was so easy to let her hands fall accidentally; she had to pay a lot of attention to their placement, though she was assured it would come more naturally with practice.

During the surgeries, she served as second assistant. The resident was first assistant. As a student, Haley was allowed to hold the retractors and occasionally hand an instrument to the Registered Nurse. With the surgeon, resident, R.N. and scrub tech surrounding the patient, not counting the anesthesiologist at the patient's head, the student had the worst view of the entire procedure, but Haley was still fascinated by it all. Sometimes after a routine surgery, the attending surgeon would leave the resident to close, and Haley became first assistant. Her resident was quite nice, and allowed Haley to tie a few sutures, which was especially exciting for her.

After surgeries, she checked on her patients again and did afternoon rounds. Sometimes there were afternoon surgeries to scrub in on. She was also expected to see her patients on
weekends. Once a week, there were grand rounds, at which she had to dress in professional clothing and her white coat rather than the comfortable scrubs.

Though the med students put in long hours on this rotation, surgical residents practically lived at the hospital, putting in eighty hours a week and having to rush to get all their responsibilities crammed into that legally mandated time frame. She'd lucked out on her resident again. Mike Stanfield was a pleasant, second-year resident who hadn't yet allowed himself to adopt the all-too-common surgeon's egotism. He was as susceptible to a surgical resident's exhaustion and stress as his peers, but he wasn't as prone as some to take out his problems on the staff and students surrounding him.

Ron hadn't been as fortunate. His resident, Paul Singer, was a…well, a jerk was the only description that came to Haley's mind when she thought of him. Arrogant, intoxicated with what he saw as the power of his long white coat, abusive to anyone he considered his inferior—which were most of the people around him, including the patients. He made no secret of the fact that he'd chosen medicine primarily because he liked the salary potential, and surgery because he didn't have to spend a lot of time with conscious patients. Like the other surgical residents, he was overworked and under-rested, but he directed his anger toward the nurses and med students.

Singer particularly disliked Ron, because Ron made no pretense of being either impressed by him or intimidated by him. He treated Singer with the same easy manner as he did everyone else, giving him the professional courtesy he deserved, but refusing to be browbeaten by him.

“The guy has it in for me,” Ron admitted to Haley after one particularly rough day. “He deliberately bumped into me and made me break the sterile field to steady myself, then yelled at me for being an idiot and not knowing how to stand in an
O.R.. This after he dropped a retractor and blamed the scrub tech for it. Doing everything he could to make everyone else look like idiots in front of the attending.”

“Jerk.” Haley nestled more snugly into his shoulder on her couch, offering comfort with a hug. “What did the attending do?”

Ron shrugged. “Dr. Rankin pretty much ignores him. Either she's just used to the guy or she doesn't really care how he acts. I can't get a handle on what she's thinking. She doesn't say much. Just does the cutting, barks out instructions, then leaves Paul to close up and abuse the help. She's not outright rude to anyone, the way Singer is, but she's not overly friendly, either. I'll just be glad when I'm off this team.”

“I don't blame you.”

“I'll probably get crappy evals from them, especially since Singer hates me. No telling what he's saying about me to Rankin behind my back.”

“I hope it won't be too bad. As hard as it must be, you need to try to get along with Singer while you're on his team.”

“I'm not the one being a jackass,” Ron answered flatly. “I'll do my job, but I won't kiss up to the idiot. But I'll also try not to take a swing at him, the way I hear one nurse did recently.”

She winced. “Male or female nurse?”

“A woman. Almost flattened the twerp. Of course, she was suspended. I heard he was told to be nicer to the staff, but since there was no real consequence to his behavior, he paid no attention.”

“I hate to think he's going to be treating patients.”

“Yeah. Treating them like garbage. But there's nothing we can do about it.”

“You should report his behavior to someone. Surely someone cares that he's acting that way.”

“Honey, he's probably been reported a million times. No one cares as long as he keeps doing the job. Which he does. The lousy thing is, he's a good surgeon. Might even be great one day if no one breaks his fingers first.”

“Talent is no excuse to treat other people with so much disrespect. My resident's a good surgeon, too, but he's decent to people. I've only heard him snap a few times, usually when it was warranted, and always followed by an apology when it wasn't justified.”

“Yeah, Singer would probably choke before he'd get an apology out. Which wouldn't be such a bad thing, considering.” Ron dropped a kiss on top of her head, then said lightly, “Oh, well, just two more weeks on this team and then I can move on to the next block. If I get lousy evaluations, whatever. I don't want to go into surgery, anyway.”

She frowned, still suspecting he was interested in pursuing hematology and oncology. “You're going to just let them say whatever they want about you without even trying to defend yourself?”

“No get-in-there-and-fight lectures tonight, okay, Haley? I'm just too tired for a locker-room talk right now.”

She straightened abruptly away from him. “I'm only trying to help. What if Singer's spitefulness somehow does cause you problems in the future?”

“Then I'll deal with it. Don't worry so much about it.”

“Just try to get along with him, okay?”

He lifted an eyebrow. “I'll handle it.”

He was starting to sound annoyed, and she bit back any more expressions of concern that he seemed to be so nonchalant about the possibility that his unpleasant resident would hurt his résumé. Maybe he was right, maybe one ill-tempered resident and one uncaring attending wouldn't cause much trouble for Ron. But that didn't mean he should just give up and say there was nothing he could do about it.

Irked with him for not listening to her, she shrugged. “Fine. It's your career.”

“Exactly.”

Scowling, she pushed herself off the couch and stalked toward the kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee. She intended to spend the rest of the evening studying. If Ron wanted to join her, fine. If not—that was his business, too.

M
aybe it was because Ron was having such a difficult time in his rotation, but Haley sensed a new distance between them as the long Thanksgiving weekend approached. It was a tough rotation for both of them. The hours were long and the work demanding. They didn't even try to spend much time together during those weeks. It was simply easier when they weren't working to go to their individual apartments and get as much rest as possible, taking every free waking moment as an opportunity to study and prepare for the following day.

Maybe Ron's tension had nothing at all to do with her, Haley tried to reassure herself. Maybe it was due to his problems with his resident and his concerns about doing well in the challenging rotation. Maybe he was just tired.

He certainly looked exhausted on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving when they managed to grab an hour to have lunch together in the hospital cafeteria. They'd talked shop during the meal, staying away from personal issues in such
a public venue. At least, the conversation didn't get personal until Ron indirectly brought up the looming holiday, a topic they had yet to discuss.

“At least we'll have a couple days off after tomorrow,” he muttered, wearily massaging the back of his neck with one hand as he pushed his empty soup bowl away with the other. “I plan to sleep for at least ten straight hours, if I can manage it. And after that, I won't have to work with Singer ever again, if I'm lucky.”

She frowned. “You are going home for Thanksgiving, aren't you?”

She had simply assumed that he would dine with his family that day, as she would with her own. It didn't seem odd to her that neither had extended an invitation to the other; their relationship was hardly at the spend-holidays-with-the-families stage.

But he shook his head with a slight shrug. “My family never made a big deal out of Thanksgiving. Dad's always at his deer camp that whole long weekend. He doesn't expect me to join him. He knows I've never been much of a hunter—just one of many disappointments for him when it comes to me.”

“What about your mother?”

“She goes to her sister's house for Thanksgiving. My aunt Belinda, who can't stand my dad and isn't too crazy about any of the rest of us. She's been warming up to me a little since I started medical school—she likes the idea of having a doctor nephew—but let's just say I'd prefer to keep our relationship the way it's always been. A distant one.”

She moistened her lips. “So what are you going to do for Thanksgiving?”

His smile was probably intended to be reassuring. “I just told you. I'm going to sleep in, watch some football, maybe order a pizza. And for one entire day, I'm not even going to open a medical textbook. It'll be great.”

She struggled internally while she gathered her dishes. And then the words tumbled out of her. “Why don't you join my family for Thanksgiving dinner? I'm sure my parents would be delighted to have you.”

He shot her a look across the small table. “Thanks, Haley, but I'll be fine on my own. Really.”

He thought she had extended the invitation out of pity—and she supposed he was right, for the most part. It wasn't that she didn't want to spend the day with Ron—but she had to admit to herself that it worried her a bit to include him in her family holiday. She would analyze the reason for that later.

“I'm sure you will be fine,” she said with a breezy smile. “But I'll be in the car almost two and a half hours that day, round-trip. I would enjoy the company.”

He studied her face very closely, making her resist shifting self-consciously in her seat. “Do you want me to come with you?”

“I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want you to—”

“Haley,” he cut in firmly, his eyes holding hers. “Do you want me to be with you on Thanksgiving?”

There was a lot more to that seemingly simple question than was immediately apparent. More for her to evaluate later, she decided, keeping her response strictly on the surface. “I would love for you to join us. As I said, it would be nice to have company for the drive.”

He frowned, and she could tell he wasn't satisfied with her tone. He seemed to want something more from her—something she couldn't quite decipher in this time and place. Did he want her to assure him that he meant much more to her than a temporary bedmate—or to reassure him that she wasn't expecting anything more?

She didn't have time to fret about it now. And this certainly wasn't the place for an intimate conversation, she thought as someone bumped her shoulder with a tray, moving on without even an apology.

She glanced at her watch. “I have to get back upstairs. Let's consider this settled, shall we? You're joining us for Thanksgiving.”

“It wouldn't do any good for me to argue with you, would it?”

“None at all.” With a nod, she stood and picked up her tray. After only a momentary hesitation, Ron followed suit.

No holiday had ever been more welcome to Haley. She desperately needed the four days off, even though she expected to spend a good portion of that time studying.

She'd learned so much during the past month, she thought wearily early Thanksgiving morning as she sat behind the wheel of her car, headed toward her family home in Russellville. She was looking forward to doing her second month of surgery rotation, which would be divided into two, two-week blocks.

She glanced at the passenger riding quietly in the other seat, gazing out the window at the scenery they passed along westbound Interstate 40. She still wondered if she'd done the right thing by persuading Ron to join her today, even though his first instinct had apparently been to politely decline.

It wasn't that she hadn't wanted him to come along, she assured herself. It was only that there was so much potential for awkwardness with her family. Her parents hadn't thought it at all odd when she'd told them that she'd invited Ron. But they still thought he was just one of her study friends. Would they be able to tell the difference in the relationship once they saw her and Ron together?

They'd been lovers for almost two months now, though they had spent only a few nights together. The fact that they didn't spend even more time together was partially due to their busy schedules, but also a deliberate choice on her part. She didn't want Ron leaving his toothbrush at her place or hanging his shirts in her closet. That was no way to keep their relationship breezy and casual and fun. Getting too intimately entwined
was a sure way to end up with a hole in her life—and another in her heart. She was relieved that she hadn't had to spell out her conditions to him; he seemed to understand the boundaries she'd implicitly drawn, and he had never overstepped them.

Probably because he was as determined as she was to keep this all light and easy, she thought, remembering how skittish Ron had always been about commitments. She suspected that was part of the reason he'd been so hesitant to accept her Thanksgiving invitation; spending time with the family probably skirted a bit too closely to long-term relationship territory for his comfort.

They'd settled into a routine that suited them both. They got together a couple of nights a week to study, share a meal, talk and laugh. And, occasionally, to share amazing, mind-blowing sex.

What they did not do was talk about the future. Or share any deep emotions. There were still many things Ron had not told her about his past—nor did he seem inclined to do so. Which was one of the clues, as far as she was concerned, that he was no more thinking permanence than she was.

They were having fun. Enjoying each other. Relieving some of the stress of medical school by playing. No need to add to the stress they were already under by trying to force a relationship neither of them was ready for, she assured herself.

“You're quiet today,” she commented, needing a distraction from her line of thinking.

He turned toward her with a smile. “Just enjoying the ride. Feels good to be out of the hospital for a day, doesn't it?”

“I was just thinking that. I know you're glad to have that rotation behind you.”

“Yeah. No more Singer. Hooray.”

She smiled. “So has he completely destroyed your former interest in hem-onc?”

“I was never interested in surgery,” he replied lightly. “I kind of like having a life outside the hospital.”

Which hadn't exactly answered her question. “So hem-onc is still on the table for your specialty?”

“Depends on which residency program I can charm my way into,” he quipped with a laugh.

She wasn't amused. “You can get into any residency program you want, Ron.”

“Hmm.” With that vague, inscrutable murmur, he turned to look out the window again. And she let him get away with it because thoughts of residency programs, quite probably in different states, depressed her a little. That was no way to feel on Thanksgiving.

Ten more miles passed in silence. They passed the town of Conway, about halfway to Russellville. Wondering why he was being so uncharacteristically quiet, she asked curiously, “Are you nervous about meeting my parents?”

He looked at her with lifted brows. “I've met your parents before.”

“Well, yes, in passing, with the rest of the study group. But this is a little different.”

“Because it's only me this time, you mean?”

“Well, that and…you know.”

“Because I'm sleeping with their daughter now?”

She nodded wryly. “I guess that's what I meant.”

“I wasn't sure you'd told them that part.”

“I haven't,” she said quickly, her eyes on the road ahead. “That's not the sort of thing you tell your parents.”

“But you have told them we're seeing each other now, haven't you? As more than study friends, I mean.”

“My parents know we're very good friends.”

He turned in his seat, shifting his seat belt to let him consider her more fully. “You haven't told them?”

“Like I said, there are some things they don't need to know. I tell my mom when we do things—like when we went to the fair and to the Halloween party—so she knows we spend a lot of time together.”

“But they think we're still just friends.”

“Very good friends,” she said again, a little wary of his tone.

Why did he sound so aggrieved? She would think he'd be relieved that she hadn't made an issue of their changed relationship. Seemed to her as though that would take some of the pressure off him as far as spending time with her parents. He wouldn't have to wonder if they were assessing him as a potential son-in-law. That just wasn't an issue between her and Ron.

He shrugged. “I guess you know best what to say to your folks. You know I've never been close to my own, so I don't tell them much of anything about my life, but I thought it was different with you and your parents. Thought you'd tell them we're a couple now.”

A couple. Her fingers tightened on the steering wheel. She was sure he hadn't meant that the way it sounded, but still…

“Yes, well, I don't tell them everything.”

“So, you don't want me to make an issue of it?”

She shrugged, keeping her gaze firmly fixed ahead. “You know. Parents worry. They'd probably fret about whether I'm staying focused on my training, whether I'm getting enough rest, that sort of thing.”

“So as far as they're concerned, we are still just friends.”

“Very good friends.” She didn't know why she kept stressing that, as though it were a boon to his ego or something, but he didn't comment. Only turned his attention out the window again.

They'd passed Morrilton and were almost to Russellville when he spoke again, surprising her with his topic. “My
family's getting together the weekend before Christmas this year. Mom called yesterday to tell me about it. She said it was the only time everyone could get together.”

“So they're having the family Christmas gathering early.”

“Yeah, by a few days. My sister's bringing her boys from Florida to see their grandparents—and get their presents, of course. Mom wants everyone to come while Deb's there.”

It was the first time he'd even mentioned his sister's name. “Your whole family will be there?”

“Well, except my brother Tommy. He's not eligible for parole for a couple years yet.”

She still didn't know what his brother had done to be incarcerated, but she figured that was none of her business, so she didn't ask. “What about your other brother?”

“Yeah, Mom said Mick was going to try to make it. It's off-season for carnies, so he'll probably be able to take a few days.”

“And you'll be there, of course.”

“Not sure. I told her I didn't know what my schedule would be that weekend.”

“You should be able to take that one weekend off. You'll be almost done with your surgery rotation.”

“I'll need to be studying for the surgery shelf exam.”

“You can spend extra time before and after studying. Your family is reaching out to you, Ron. Shouldn't you at least make the effort?”

His short laugh held little humor. “Trust me, it's not going to be a Rockwell family reunion. Dad will drink the whole weekend, same as he always does. He gets quietly smashed, then just sits and stares at the TV, throwing an occasional insult around. Mom will bitch about how no one ever comes to visit, and then about how much work it is for her when we do. Mick will do some drinking, then he and Dad will get into
it over something and Mick'll storm off. And at some point during all that, Deb will burst into tears and rush out of the room.”

“And you?” she asked, inwardly cringing at the dispassionate prediction.

“I'll crack some jokes. Sometimes the others will laugh, other times they'll get ticked off, but that's what they expect from their youngest kid.”

“You should go.”