The Doctor's Memories (BWWM Pregnancy Romance) (5 page)

Chapter 8

Nick was beside himself. She was gone, had left him! Again! He could not believe that history could be so cruel as to repeat itself in this fashion, yet it had. He stared at the empty glass in his hand as if just realizing it was there for the first time, the open bottle of scotch next to him a third empty. The glass split into thousands of fragments as it hit the wall, his harsh cry of “Selena!” reverberating through the quiet emptiness of his apartment.

The next morning, Nick woke to an apartment that was in disarray. Books and pillows everywhere, even some smashed crockery in a corner. ‘
Fuck I was out of it!’
he muttered under his breath as he started restoring some order to the chaos around him, his brain beating what he could only think of as the last tattoo against his skull. He found an empty whisky bottle halfway under the couch and picked it up.  ‘Fuck,” he said to the bottle in his hand, “no wonder I feel like shit!”

After a hearty breakfast, which he forced himself to eat, three cups of coffee, two aspirin and a long, cold shower, Nick felt ready to face his problems, the main one being: seeing Selena. He found his cell phone that somehow had landed up wedged behind one of the cushions on his couch, and dialed her number. There was no answer. “Shit and damnation!” he swore at the offending instrument.  Then he dialed again, this time to make a reservation, and made a third call to the hospital to arrange for a leave of absence. He threw a few things into his bag. It was time to leave.

Nick walked up the flight of stairs to Selena’s apartment and knocked. After standing around a while, he knocked at a neighbor’s door, only to learn that she was at work, singing. He cussed at his own stupidity. He was still working on Eastern Time, and had never thought about the time discrepancy. He dragged his weary body down to the street and walked the few blocks to the bar. There she was, on the stage, singing. He sagged into a corner stool and ordered a coffee, much to Jake’s disgust, and made himself comfortable enough for a long wait.

Selena noticed him the moment he walked in and struggled to keep her poise. Although her voice wavered a few times, nobody seemed to notice, and she managed to finish her set to the usual thunderous applause. She made her way towards him and passed her guitar over the bar counter to Jake. When she finally stood in front of him, she managed only two words in a whisper. “You came.”

“Yeah, sweetness, I did. Did you honestly think I would stay away? We need to talk, I need to talk.”

“Yes, I think we should. I went to see my mother. There are things, I think, you don’t know, and you need to hear them. I can’t believe…” she broke off what she was saying, trying desperately to keep her emotions in check.

“And I need to tell you about Emily. It’s not what you think.”

“Yeah okay. Look let me ask Jake if I can take the rest of the evening off, okay? I know it would be asking a bit much seeing as I have been away, but he is an understanding kind of guy.”

“Sure.”

Selena made the necessary arrangements with Jake, who walked over to Nick. “Look friend, she came back in a state. If you hurt her any further, I swear, I will kill you, understood?”

Nick nodded. “That is not my intention.”

“Okay then.”

Nick kept the other man’s gaze. “Okay.”

“Your place or my hotel?” Nick asked as they walked out of the venue.

“Hotel, I think, if you don’t mind.”

“Nope. I don’t.”

They walked the route in silence.

“Coffee? A drink? Water?” Nick asked once they had entered his hotel room.

Selena shook her head. “Nothing, thanks. I would like to get to the point, if you don’t mind. I need to tell you what I learnt from my mother when I stopped over there on my way back home. I am not sure how to put it, actually. It’s been rattling around in my brain and I have been having a difficult time working through it, so if it comes out wrong, please understand, will you?”

“Okay, sure.”

Taking a deep breath, Selena told him what had transpired after her father had taken her away from him; her parents’ reasoning, their actions, her pregnancy, of her father’s visit to Nick’s parents, and her accident.

“You were pregnant and you never told me?”

“I’m sorry Nick. That is all I can say! I can’t remember why I didn’t tell you when I suspected it. Maybe I wanted to make sure, or maybe I didn’t think you would want a child. I just don’t know!”

“God, Selena! I would have been overjoyed! I wanted to marry you!”

Nick was beside himself. She had not thought to tell him! How differently things might have turned out!

“Nick, I am sorry for not telling you at the time, but hell, I don’t remember why I would not have told you! Being angry at me will not solve anything! I am not the same person, don’t you get it? I am me! Yet, I am not me! I used to be a person you say you loved; I am still me, yet… Argh! How do you explain how I feel? I feel responsible for something I have absolutely no recollection of!”

She looked up into his face and saw a single tear wandering down his cheek. She wrapped her arms around him as they both wept for a child that had never even had a chance to draw its first breath.  “This is so fucked up!” she heard him say.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry.”

He held her tighter, bending to kiss her wet cheeks. “Honey, it was not your fault.”

“A part of me knows this, understands this, yet another part of me can’t forgive myself Nick! I wish I could remember! It is driving me insane!”

Nick cupped her face in his hands and, lifting it upwards towards him, planted a gentle kiss on her lips. At her response, the kiss deepened. His hands trailed a blaze of fire over her back, her sides, and moved down to her hips, pulling her closer. She could feel his need against her, and felt her own rising to match his. She tugged at his shirt, drawing it out of his pants, and her hands did their own wandering over his back, her nails scratching slightly.

“I want to make love to you, Selena.”

“I want you to make love to me, Nick,” came her whispered response. “I need you to take this away, and make it better.”

They worked at undressing each other while their mouths stayed in contact, kissing all the while. Their naked bodies were finally free of constraint and meshed together, while their hands whispered over the other’s body, touching, stroking, and exploring.

Nick pulled her down onto the lush carpet of his suite, touching her body while he watched her reaction.

“Nick…please.”

He positioned himself over her, his mouth feasting on her breasts, licking at them and suckling on them alternatively until she thought she would go mad with need.  His questing hand found her mound and toyed with her clit, rubbing the hard little nub until her breathing grew shallow and ragged. He dipped two fingers into her, and felt her wetness. While his fingers worked at her, his mouth kept at their assault on her breasts, until she squirmed under him. “Please, take me! I want you!”

Nick did not let her wait. Raising himself between her knees, he put his hands around her hips and lifted her torso upwards. As he did so, he plunged into her, and using her hips as leverage, started moving inside her, over and over, picking up the pace as she started thrusting upwards towards him, her movements in perfect time to his. They continued the sexual dance until her cry of release which drove him over the edge, their climax simultaneous. Spent and replete, they fell asleep in each other’s arms, oblivious to their surroundings.

It was a few hours later that Selena woke. She was confused at first as to her surroundings, but Nick’s arm around her waist fueled her recollection speedily.
Oh my god, I slept with Nick, a married man, again!

She carefully freed herself from his embrace, donned her clothing and made her way out the door. It was the click of it shutting that woke Nick. Looking around briefly, he realized that Selena, yet again, had left him. He pulled his fingers through his hair. “Oh fuck not again! This is becoming a habit,” he said, to no one in general.

He slowly pulled on his clothes, having decided that, come hell or high water, Selena was going to hear what he had to say.

Half an hour later found him banging on her apartment door. “Selena, it’s me. Open up!”

“Go away, Nick. This is an exercise in futility! You are a married man and I…” she laughed harshly, “I am just a messed up version of something you once thought you loved! Just go away! Go back to your wife, and your nice house, your nice job, and your nice life! I am a mixed up mess that just went into overdrive!”

Nick banged at the door. “Open up this fucking door right now, or I’ll break it down! Do you hear me?” He kept up the banging with his fist, the neighbor of earlier coming out to check what was going on. Nick motioned him that everything was alright and he should go back inside, which the old man quickly did.

“Open up, Selena! Open up right now!”

“No!”

Nick put his shoulder to the door and gave a heave. He could hear wood cracking, and got ready to give another push when he heard the deadbolt slide back. The door opened a crack and he could see a portion of Selena’s face. “Open this fucking door now!”

Selena stood back dejectedly and allowed him to enter her apartment, her shoulders sagging and her head hanging.

Chapter 9

Nick softly closed the door behind him and took her in his arms. Selena pulled away. “Please, don’t!”

“Selena, I…”

The silence between them was thick.

“Nick, just say what you came to say and then leave, please?”

“Okay. Look, Selena, I’m married, but…”

“Yes. I know. I found that out for myself didn’t I? Which begs the question, what do you want with me?”

“No, no, no! It’s not like that. You don’t understand. Will you just shut up for a moment and let me finish?”

Selena shrugged. “Sure. Go right on ahead. The floor is all yours.”

“Emily and I are in the process of getting divorced. It should only be another two weeks or so and then I am free. There has been nothing between us for years; hell, the first time you and I had sex was the first time for me in just over two years! I’m not cheating on her! Hell, if anyone has been cheating it’s been her! I came home one afternoon, earlier than expected. I changed shifts with a buddy at the hospital, and when I entered our home I found her in bed with her personal trainer! Seemed it had been going on for some time, since just after our marriage, to be exact. She is nothing to me, do you understand? And as for the marriage, it’s just a little piece of paper that still holds us together, which will soon be gone as well, do you understand? Emily and I are not an item! That evening when she saw you she decided to cause some mischief, that is all, it’s what she does! She will let no opportunity go by to hurt me in some way. Tell me you believe me, Selena!”

“I believe you, but why didn’t you just tell me all of this right from the start? I mean, you could have told me at any time, why keep it such a secret?”

“Hell, I don’t know? It didn’t seem so important? It fled my mind? I didn’t want to concern you with the sordid details of my fucked up marriage? Look Selena, it wasn’t my idea to get married to her in the first place, and I suppose I feel, or rather, felt responsible, in a way.”

“Tell me.”

“Well, after you disappeared, I was a damn mess. I didn’t care anymore, about anything. My parents had been fostering Emily onto me for a long time, and I, well, I suppose I just thought there was nothing left so why not? I mean, I heard you had died! I believed it! I had no reason not to. So, to make my parents and hers happy, I gave in. I started seeing her and pretty soon we were an item. A year later, we were married and living in suburbia. We had the house, the white picket fence, the two cars in the garage, but no two point five children, thankfully. Apparently she was not willing to give up her perfect figure for children yet. We argued about that, but thankfully, she won that one. The thought of having to share custody with her…” Nick shook his head disparagingly.

“So, two years ago I found out she had been screwing around and that was that; the start of a long, drawn-out and messy divorce, that thank god, is finally almost over! That’s about it in a nutshell, minus all the dirty little details. Do you want them too? To hear about our arguments? Our fights? A doctor in my position works long, weird hours, Selena, and I needed her support. None was forthcoming. She wanted to go see all the latest plays, go to parties with friends, travel, hell, anything to spend money! I’m not like that. I take what I do seriously, even though I don’t really have to hold down any kind of a job if I don’t want to. But the thing is, I love what I do. It is who I am. I am a doctor, and have never wanted to be anything else. She couldn’t understand it. She has never held down a job, never worked a day in her life! She is the proverbial spoilt brat daughter of a rich man. I don’t suppose it’s her fault, it’s how she was raised, but we were never a good fit. I wish her the best in life, just so long as I don’t have to be a part of it.”

“Oh Nick, I am so sorry for jumping to conclusions like that.”

“Yeah well, when I am in a relationship I commit to it. I don’t sleep around, and I was committed to my marriage. I just didn’t love her, not the way she wanted, and I suppose she knew it. On the other hand, I believe she married me for the same reasons I married her: our parents wanted it, and, I suppose, on the surface, we were a good match. I just didn’t love her, not the way I loved you.”

Loved.
The word reverberated through her. Before she could go into the matter further, Nick had gathered her in his arms and started kissing her. Her mind said no, but her duplicitous body betrayed her, and she felt herself melting into him, returning kiss for kiss, and her hands trailed their way over his body, as if they starved for him, wanting to get reacquainted with every hard plane of it.

“Nick, I haven’t even had a shower yet!” She had uttered the first coherent thought that had popped into her head, but Nick seemed to like the idea.

“A shower…” An evil grin spread over his face and he grabbed her by the hand, dragging her towards the bathroom. “Let’s take one together!”

“But…”

He was jerking off her clothes before she could utter another word and started kissing her while taking off his own, haphazardly, with one arm firmly around her. Her brain turned to mush as her body betrayed her to the moment. Nick’s one hand fiddled around in the general vicinity of the faucet, and, finally finding them, turned on the shower, the same hand feeling the spray and adjusting the temperature. When it was to his liking, her backed her into it, not letting her go, and his lips not leaving hers, as if he feared that if he was to stop kissing her, she might disappear.

The warm water soon soaked them, yet neither seemed to notice, wrapped up in each other as they were. Nick lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around him. He pushed her up against the cool tiles, the chill of which did nothing to cool the heat of her desire. Selena gasped into his mouth as he entered her, and he ate it, no, breathed it in, relishing the verbal manifestation of her need. “Hold on to me,” he breathed into her gasping mouth, “and don’t let go!”

Her hands snaked around his neck, and was rewarded with the ride of her life. Nick loosened her arms from around his neck, and lifted them, each in turn, above her head, so that she was holding onto the shower’s spout. His head bent, and he nipped at her breasts, taking each of her nipples into his mouth and rolling it around his teeth until he sucked at each one, hard, the sensation making her body arch towards his. “Na ah! Stay still!”

He continued his onslaught, the feel of his cock inside her coupled with the sensations he was causing with his mouth, almost made her cum. Almost, but not quite.

Nick abruptly stood up, and Selena almost complained, was it not for the fact that he started gyrating his hips, slowly at first, but, seeing her excitement growing, speeded up the motion, until she was keening, begging him for her release. He did not disappoint, his hands around her hips and ass holding her tightly, keeping her in place, while he carried on with his invasion of her tight pussy.

“Cum for me, cum for me baby! I love seeing your face when you cum!”

His words were the final spark needed for her to topple over the edge, her body convulsing, and, was it not for his hands holding her, she would have fallen. Nick waited for every last contraction in her belly and pussy to pass, then he started the motion all over again, his pelvic thrusts getting more and more urgent as he built up to his own release.

“Again, Selena, cum again! With me!”

Glancing at him through wet eyelashes, she could see the effort he was having in keeping his orgasm under control, the sight so sexy, so arousing, her body started convulsing as her own hit her, over and over, timed with his, their juices mingling as they clung to each other.

“Fuck me!” were the first coherent words Selena could utter.

“Honey,” he laughed breathlessly, “I just did!”

He let her stand again, took up her sponge, lathered it with her soap, and proceeded to wash her down, the strokes lazy and content. He toweled her down and wrapped a towel around her, picked her up again as if she weighted nothing, and went through to her bedroom where he put her to bed and slid in behind her. They were asleep as their heads hit the pillows.

***

Nick awoke to bright sunshine streaming through the windows. It was a moment or two before he realized what it was that had woke him up. It was the incessant ringing of his cell phone in the next room. The ringing stopped and he snuggled back under the covers, but just as he got comfortable, it started up again. He groaned, but decided he needed to go to the bathroom anyway. He slipped out of the bed, hoping not to wake Selena as well and padded out of the room, naked. He fished around till he found the offending device and saw that there were three missed calls from the same number. He dialed.

Selena found him there and heard the tail end of his conversation.

“Yes, of course. Yes, I’ll come as soon as possible. Yes, do whatever is necessary, just don’t let anything happen to her. I know. Yes. I’ll fly out as soon as I possibly can. Yeah, see you.”

“Nick, what is wrong?”

“That was my mother’s cardiologist. She’s been admitted to hospital. She suffered a massive heart attack. I have to go!”

“Of course you do.”

“Come with me?”

“Oh Nick no! All this flying to and from New York is eating at my savings!”

“I didn’t ask you to pay for your flight, Selena, just that you come with me!”

“But that’s the thing, Nick. I can’t. This thing we have, it can’t really go on!”

“What in hell’s name are you talking about, Selena? I love you! Come with me!”

Tucking the sheet she had wrapped around herself tighter, Selena shook her head. “No. You don’t love me, Nick, you love who I used to be! I cannot remember that person, don’t you understand? Don’t you get it? I am me. That Selena was... Don’t you get it? You are in love with a different woman, from a different time! This is now, and this is me. A singer. I go to a bar every night and I literally sing for my supper! I live in an apartment that you would not really be seen dead in, except it's miles away from where anyone knows you, and I have no recollection of who I once used to be, what I did, even of what my dreams and my aspirations were! I am not that Selena! Not the one in your head! You don’t really know anything about me, except what you have imagined, and you want back what you lost. I am sorry, but I cannot be that person! That Selena died the day that car hit her on the street corner, along with her unborn child, and this is the one that woke up in that hospital! Me!”

Nick ran his fingers through his hair, a gesture, she had noticed, he did whenever he was frustrated.

“Look, this is not over! I have to go, my mother needs me, hell, she may even be dying, and I need to arrange for a flight out of here. I have to tell you, I seem to have a constant case of jet lag. But hear this: I will be back! I am not giving up on you, on us! I know what we had, and I know we can have it again! This is not the end of this story, do you hear me?”

She looked on in silence as he gathered his clothing, donned it, and stalked out her apartment, slamming the door so hard that it bounced back on its hinges.