The Distance (16 page)

“Yes!” She did a fist-pump and headed for the door. “Come on, guys, let’s go search the front yard. The door was left open, and some of the convicts might have gone over the wall!” Zachary and Elijah hurried after her.

“There we go,” Nana announced, standing and picking up her towel by the corners. It held at least two dozen shucked clams. “We’re all done here. Let’s feed those little fellas, call in a pizza order, and relocate to Switzerland while the crab wranglers do their thing.”

We quickly distributed all the clams around the tub, and the crabs really went for them. As we took turns washing our hands, I asked, “What are we going to do with them?”

“We’re gonna keep ‘em. Poor little things, being stuffed in a cooler like that! It’s a wonder they’re still alive. This tub’s no kind of habitat for them either though, so we gotta figure out something better.” She pulled her phone from her bra as she said, “I’m gonna call Dante, he’s real smart. He’s a good problem-solver too, so he’ll know what to do.”

Nana punched some numbers, and when her oldest grandson answered, she yelled into the phone, “I know you and Charlie are planning to come for dinner, but you need to drop whatever you’re doing and get here as soon as possible Dante, because I got crabs! There are so many of them, it’s like a swarm! I figure you’ve got a lot of experience with stuff like this, so hurry up and get over here!” She disconnected without waiting for a response, and I bit my lip to keep from laughing. I would have given anything to see Dante’s face during that call.

“Why do you think he has experience with crabs, Nana?” I asked.

“Well, because he and his husband own that nice restaurant, and they serve a few seafood dishes. I’m thinking they might order crabs occasionally and know what to do to keep them alive.” Nana took Ollie’s hand and they headed out of the bathroom as she called, “Come join us for cocktails. Bring Virgil too, if you want.”

I made a nest for the tiny crab out of a clean hand towel, and he seemed pretty content as he peeked out of the folds. Kai held him for me as I rummaged through a few Christmas decorations in one of the storage closets in the hall. Finally I announced, “Just what I was looking for,” and pulled a stuffed snowman from one of the shelves. I plucked off its little red and white mittens and gingerly slipped them over Virgil’s claws as I explained, “Now he can’t pinch us. Funnily enough, they’re a perfect fit. Not too tight, I don’t want him to be uncomfortable.” On a whim, I took the snowman’s red and white knit hat with a red pompom on top and centered it on Virgil’s shell. A bit of double-stick tape on its underside held it in place. I held up the crab to admire his outfit and said, “It looks like we just found Waldo.”

“That’s adorable. So are you.” Kai kissed me and said with a smile, “Thank you for inviting me over tonight. I don’t know when I’ve ever had this much fun.” I didn’t either.

*****

An impromptu block party in the front yard followed the cocktails, pizza, and lots of ice cream (courtesy of the dancers, who were gracious about losing the crab roundup to the kids). Colorful drag queens, a couple dozen go-go boys, neighbors from up and down the street, and several of Nana’s little senior girlfriends danced, laughed and mingled with some of her dark-suited family members, who looked like they hadn’t left their mafia roots far behind. All in all, Cockstock went out with style, and Humpington and his stodgy dinner guests seemed sufficiently horrified, so Nana counted it as a win.

Kai and I lingered on the sidewalk in the early morning hours, long after the last guest had gone home. He brushed his lips to mine and ran his fingers into my hair. We kissed each other tenderly for a long time, and when we finally broke apart, he rested his forehead against mine and said softly, “You keep surprising me, over and over, in the best possible way.”

We made idle small talk, trying to postpone the inevitable. But finally, he kissed me once more and told me, “I’m already looking forward to Friday,” before getting in his car.

After he drove off, I remained rooted to the sidewalk and wrapped my arms around myself. I could still taste him on my lips, and instantly missed the warmth of his body against mine. His clean scent lingered on my jacket, and I closed my eyes and breathed him in.

The entire day, and Kai, had been so wonderfully unexpected, and it felt like whatever was happening between us had the potential to grow into something beautiful and amazing. But I couldn’t do what I always did and try to turn it into an instant relationship. That never worked out, and I already knew he wanted to take it slow, for both his sake and his daughter’s. I had to keep some distance between us, because if I tried to rush it, I’d ruin everything. I turned my face to the heavens and whispered, “Please don’t let me screw this up.”

Zachary dropped into the booth across from me and muttered, “Kill me now.” It was Friday afternoon, and I’d come to visit my friend at work just as the lunch rush ended. “I’m so tired, and I wish I could take off my aching feet and throw them away. I think I need to take all the money I earned this week and buy a better pair of shoes. That’ll leave me with zero net gain, but at least I’ll have a chance of surviving my next shift.”

“That’s probably a good idea. Do you have any more tables?”

“Just you. For the love of God, don’t order anything.”

I grinned at that and said, “If I do, I’ll go to the kitchen and put the order in myself. I’m friends with the two guys who own this place, they won’t care.”

“You’re right, they won’t. Jamie and Dmitri are incredibly nice. It makes me feel guilty for hating this job so much. In their defense, it’s not Nolan’s I hate, it’s waiting tables in general.”

Cole came up to us and put glasses of water in front of Zachary and me, and after we thanked him I said, “I didn’t know you were working here again.”

“It’s just for the time being. My friend Miranda tends bar here and told me they’ve been short-handed at lunch, so I’m picking up a few shifts while I figure some things out.”

I studied River’s boyfriend as he took off his wire-framed glasses and wiped them with the short, black apron he wore with his jeans and green Nolan’s t-shirt. He was half African-American and half Jewish, and that lineage had bestowed him with a lot of tightly spiraled caramel-colored curls, which he’d been growing out into a wild cascade. Cole was about my age, but he looked older, especially that day. There was weariness in his dark eyes, and they were underscored with shadows.

Instead of immediately hitting him with a million questions about how he and River were doing, I pulled something from the pocket of my t-shirt and said, “I’m glad you’re here, it saves me a trip to your apartment. I was at Christopher Robin’s art gallery earlier today and bought a stack of tickets for his upcoming new artists show and masquerade ball.” I handed a colorful ticket to Zachary and gave another one to Cole. Its background was a landscape painting by Ignacio Mondelvano, one of the show’s featured artists.

“Wow, thanks,” Cole said.

“You’re welcome. I’m doing my part to make sure this event sells out, not only because it’s raising money for a great cause, but because Skye and Chance are both featured in the show, and I want a lot of their friends to be there to support them. Chance doesn’t know his photographs are going to be on display though, so keep it under your hat.”

Cole slipped the ticket in his pocket and asked, “Do I have to dress up?”

“Yes and no. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. A mask and whatever you’d normally wear for a party will totally get the job done. Of course, if you want to get really dressed up, there will be people who do that, too. Just go with whatever makes you comfortable.”

Zachary thanked me, but like the true introvert he was, he seemed a little concerned about the dressing up part. I told him, “I’ve already worked out costumes for you and me, so all you have to do is show up and sparkle.” That only increased his concern.

“I assume River will be there, since his brother Skye is part of the show,” Cole said.

“I guess. The place holds close to a thousand people though, so it’s not like you’ll be forced to get up close and personal or anything.”

Cole put his glasses back on and raised an eyebrow as he asked, “Did you give me this ticket because you’re hoping River and I will see each other across the crowded room, all our troubles will magically disappear, and we’ll reconcile on the spot?”

Yes. Totally. “No, of course not,” I said. “I just want you and all our friends there. I’m going to feel really bad for everyone involved if that huge venue is half-empty.” I pulled ten more tickets from my shirt pocket, fanned them out, and showed them to Cole. “This is how I’m doing my part to help Christopher, Skye, Chance, Ignacio and the other artists, all at the same time.” If it also ended up benefitting Cole and River like I hoped it would, that would be a huge bonus.

“You’re a good friend, Jessie,” Cole said.

“Thanks. I try.”

Cole changed the subject by asking, “Do you want me to put in an order for you? Zachary, you should eat too, you never took a lunch break.”

“I was too behind to take a break,” Zachary said, “and you don’t have to wait on me.”

“It’s no big deal,” Cole told him.

“I’ll take two orders of Nana’s pasta with marinara,” I said. “I happen to know Zachary likes that.”

“You got it.” Cole headed to the kitchen.

“Do you know why one of Nana’s Italian dishes is sold at an Irish restaurant?” Zachary asked before downing most of his glass of water.

“Her grandson Dante put it on the menu when he won the pub from its original owner in a poker game. Later on, Dmitri won it from him, and he gave it to his husband Jamie as a wedding present. That’s when the name changed to Nolan’s. I wonder if Dante and Dmitri still participate in those poker games. They sounded epic.”

“No kidding. I love poker, but I can’t imagine playing for stakes this high,” Zachary said, waving his hand to indicate the attractive restaurant with its dark wood booths.

“Me neither.”

He changed the subject by asking, “Do you really have our costumes picked out for the masquerade ball?”

“I do, but they’re a surprise. All I’ll say is, don’t change your hair color, because it’s perfect right now with what you’ll be wearing.”

Zachary looked worried. “Please don’t do anything too elaborate. I don’t want to stand out.”

“I won’t, I promise.”

“Shouldn’t you be planning a couples costume with Kai? I assume you’ll want to ask him to be your date.”

“I’m saving a ticket for him, and I’ll ask him to come with us when it gets closer. Right now though, it’s too far off,” I said. “I don’t want him to think I’m making assumptions about us being together a month from now.”

“Why not?”

“I refuse to make the same mistakes with Kai that I’ve made with so many guys before him. I really like him, and I want to give us a fighting chance. That means taking it slow and not putting any pressure on him.”

“Sounds reasonable. When are you seeing him again?”

I said, “Tonight. Nana and Ollie are going to a charity gala, so I’ll have the house to myself and I’m cooking him dinner.”

“Did you see him this week?”

“God I wanted to. I thought about him all the time, but like I said, I can’t rush this.”

One of the restaurant’s owners brought out our meal a few minutes later. Jamie said, “Hi Jessie! This is on the house. Thanks for getting Zachary to sit down and actually eat something. He worked so hard during the lunch rush that I was worried he was going to keel over.”

“Thanks. I have something for you and Dmitri, too.” I handed him two tickets to the masquerade ball. “I hope you and your husband can find a sitter for your little girl and turn it into a date night. I’ve heard through the grapevine that you’re overdue for one.” He thanked me and seemed excited about it, and when he went to find his husband to tell him about the event, I said, “This is fun. I feel like I get to be a fairy godmother and send everyone to the ball.”

As we ate, Zachary asked, “Did Christopher give you some input on Chance’s photos while you were at the gallery today?”

“He did. I helped him paint these big, portable display walls for the event, and then he and I finalized what’ll be included in the show. He even offered to print them onto canvas for me. He’s excited about this. He said he’ll share the blame if Chance is mad we’re doing this without asking him, but I told him I’d take the blame. Chance’s husband and Christopher’s are cousins, so I don’t want to cause problems among family.”

Cole came over to refill our water glasses, and I said, “Since this place has emptied out, why don’t you sit down for a few minutes?” I slid over to make room for him in the booth, and he put the pitcher on the tabletop and sat beside me. “You know I have to ask what’s going on with you and River,” I told him. “I’m worried about you guys. This separation is just temporary, right?”

Cole sighed and said, “I don’t know.”

“What happened? I thought everything was going great between you two.”

“It started out so good. We totally clicked when we met, right from the start. But over time, it just started unraveling. Conversations that should have happened didn’t. Little resentments got pushed down instead of being aired. Feelings got hurt. A hundred little things kept building and building, until I couldn’t take it anymore.” Cole looked like he wanted to cry, but he didn’t give in to it.

“I can tell you still love him,” I said gently.

“Of course I do. I always will. But we were making each other crazy. I know a lot of it was my fault. This is only my second real relationship, and the first one ended horribly. I was trying not to make the same mistakes with River, but instead, I made all new ones. I think you know I used to date Hunter, the former porn star,” Cole said. “He and I used to fight like cats and dogs. Every little thing would turn into a yelling match. I vowed I wouldn’t do that again, so River and I never fought at all. I was too afraid of ruining our relationship the way I ruined the last one. If something he said or did bothered me, I just kept my feelings bottled up. You can only do that for so long though, before you reach your breaking point.”

“You seem to have a really good grasp of what went wrong,” I told him.

“I should. I’ve been in therapy for a long time,” Cole said quietly. “I started a year after my first relationship ended, when I realized I couldn’t move past it on my own. But the thing is, even though I understand what happened with River and I can clearly see my role in it, I can’t seem to let go of all this anger and hurt.”

“Have you told River any of this?” Zachary asked. He’d stopped eating and was fully focused on his coworker.

“I tried, but it just ended up sounding like I was blaming him for all those little things that had been building up. I really wasn’t, but I guess it came across that way. He started to get defensive, and I got upset, and that made me withdraw from him again. It’s like there’s this disconnect when we try to communicate. I’m saying ‘apples’, he’s hearing ‘oranges’, and we both just end up frustrated and angry. Since I don’t see that changing, I don’t know how this could ever work out.”

“But you love him, and I know he loves you,” I said.

Cole slid from the booth and said, “If only that was all it took to be in a relationship. But if you can’t talk things out, you’re kind of doomed from the start. Anyway, sorry if all of that was TMI. I just wanted you to know what happened, and that it wasn’t River’s fault. I know you’re friends with him, Jessie, so I hope you’ll be there for him. I know he has to be hurting right now.”

“It sounds like you both are.”

He nodded, trying to keep his voice steady as he said, “I wanted to be with River forever, but we can’t keep making each other miserable. We just can’t.” Cole took a step back from the table and gestured at Zachary’s plate. “I’m sorry to interrupt your lunch with all of that. Please keep eating. I’m going to go change, I’ll talk to you both later.” He turned and fled the dining room.

Zachary watched Cole leave. His voice was almost a whisper as he said, “I don’t get it. If I ever found someone I loved, who loved me in return, I’d fight for that person with everything I had. But it seems like he’s just giving up.”

“There’s a context, though. His relationship with Hunter completely devastated him. Maybe he’s afraid of getting hurt that bad again, and it’s making him pull away from River. I mean, I’m just guessing, but that makes sense to me,” I said. “But it sounds like they still love each other, so maybe there’s a chance they’ll find their way back together.”

“I hope so. I don’t know them very well, but I hate to see any couple struggling like that.”

We decided we were done eating and packed up the remainder of our lunch in to-go boxes. I then helped Zachary wipe down his tables and restock his station, then asked, “Do you want a ride home?”

“I’d love one, but I don’t want to go home yet. Chance and Finn are spending the day together before working late shifts this evening, and I don’t want to intrude on their couple time, so could you drop me off at the LGBT community center instead?”

“Not a problem.”

We said goodbye to his bosses and coworkers and headed to my car. After the quiet calm (at least after the lunch rush) of the restaurant, San Francisco’s Richmond District felt frenetic. The sidewalk was crowded with people, who all seemed to be in a hurry. A massive double-length bus, jointed in the center with what looked like a huge accordion, cut through the ever-present traffic. It pulled up right in front of us with a loud hiss of hydraulics, and the door swung open and even more people began spilling out.

I fed off the city’s energy, but I watched Zachary recoil as all that noise and activity battered him. He put on his sunglasses and hunched his shoulders against the throng, almost shrinking into himself. My heart went out to him, and I linked my arm with his. “On second thought, come to Nana’s house with me,” I told him. “I have plenty of time before my date, and we can hang out.” I wanted to give him an oasis, at least for a little while, since he didn’t want to go home. He really needed that. He gave me a grateful smile.