The Diary of Bink Cummings: Vol 4 (MC Chronicles #4) (5 page)

Ignoring Big, my midwife retrieves an underwater monitor from her bag, then places the little probe on my belly. The steady beat of Harley’s heart is immediate, as it floods the room with its cadence. “She sounds perfect.” Doc smiles, meeting my eyes. “And you’re at ten centimeters. It’ll be time to push whenever you’re ready.”

My legs tremble at the thought and I flash her a tight smile, my fingers gripping Big’s arm that is across my chest.

Oh, shit. I don’t think I’m ready. If I am, then I’m officially a mother. And that means this little life will be birthed into this world—my world. A world full of men, leather, bikes, and booze. A world where family and loyalty is number one. I thought that I was ready for this. I did. I’ve spent hours powering through unyielding contractions. Now … Now, I don’t know what to do. I’m freaking out here. A mother. I’m going to be a
mom.
The single most important job in the entire universe. Now if that’s not an unnerving revelation, I don’t know what the hell is. I can’t believe I let Big do this to me. I should hate him for making me this scared. For knocking me up. Even though I don’t regret my daughter, not in the least, this wasn’t exactly a planned pregnancy. But I can’t seem to conjure a sliver of hatred or anger toward him for knocking me up. I love him too much. After everything we’ve been through, I love him even more. Not sure if the asshole deserves it. Nevertheless, I do with every part of me, and I know he feels the same.

A single tear slips down my cheek, and I brush it away before anyone notices. Big’s lips press to the side of my head, delivering a lingering kiss before whispering, “You ready, babe?”

Am I ready? Hell no, I’m not ready. I didn’t nest like all the books said I would. I don’t know the first thing about being a mom. What if she doesn’t like me? What if I fuck up? What if I’m like my mother? Oh shit … what if
I am
like her?

Another tear breaks free as the edge of another contraction coils in my spine before spreading into my belly like roots of a tree. The growing urge to bear down swarms my brain, and my body reacts on a million-year-old instinct. On its own volition, my body curls forward over my belly. To assist me, Big grabs my knees, pulling them apart as he brings them closer to my shoulders.

Oh … dear lord!

Holding my breath, I push like I’ve never pushed before, yet nothing seems to change. There’s a burning inside my pussy that makes me want to scream or kill Big, but I can’t as my jaw locks and I keep pushing. Clamping my eyes shut until my forehead aches, my legs quake and tears mat in my eyes. I feel everything spread open, and then the contraction subsides. Thankfully, the gnawing sensation to bear down scatters, leaving only the niggling urge in the back of my mind.

“That was a good one. But you need to breathe through the next. Don’t hold your breath the whole time.” Reassuringly, my midwife strokes my leg from the edge of the pool where she’s kneeling, her eyes swapping between my birth canal and my face. “And keep your eyes open. You’ll want to see her come out.” She looks to Big. “If you want to, once the head is out, put your hands between Bink’s legs so you can deliver your daughter yourself.”

“O-kay,” Big croaks, then clears his throat. “I’ll deliver her.” It comes out stronger this time.

Glancing around, I realize that everyone is now standing. Gunz has his phone out to snap pictures. Jez and Pixie are locked arm-in-arm, observing. Deb is on her knees behind Big as she swipes the cool rag over my forehead again. Beth’s standing idly beside Gunz, her eyes matted with unshed tears. The only people missing are my sister Jo, who had to work, Dixie, who’s visiting family, and Candy Cane, who’s busy watching the kids at her house. Pretzel was brought there today, too. That’s where Big had gone when I’d first come upstairs. We didn’t want to worry about him getting too over protective of me. It’s bad enough I have Big to keep at bay. Add my pups and it’s too much to deal with at a time like this. Not when I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown.

My nose burns as I try to reel in my emotions. The itch to cry digs to the surface, so I close my eyes, tipping my head further onto Big’s shoulder.

He kisses my temple. “You’re doin’ great, babe.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready,” I whisper, expressing my deepest fears aloud.

Another stupid tear finds its way down my cheek, but before I can bat it away, a warm, rough finger catches it. Peeking through eye slits, I watch Gunz wipe it on his jeans. A sense of warmth skitters through me, strengthening me from the inside out. My family is here, and I’m gonna get through this.
We’re
gonna get through this.

Big’s calming breath fans over my ear. “You’re my old lady. And ya wouldn’t be my old lady if you weren’t the most amazin’ woman I’ve ever fuckin’ met. You can do this. I’ve got ya, no matter what. You two are the best damn thing that’s ever happened to me. You’ve got nothin’ to be afraid of. We’re doin’ this together til I’m rottin’ six feet under. Ya got me?” His arms give me a quick hug before securing my legs all over again. A marshmallow sweetness sticks to my heart, making it swell. How does he know what I need to hear, when I need to hear it?

Before I’m able to respond, the next contraction inundates me with unabating pain. The urge to push swallows me whole, and I can think of nothing else as my body takes over. Bearing down, I breathe like I was instructed; in, push for the count of ten, out, air rushes from my lungs. Blood pounds like a maddening drum in my ears. The faint voices of encouragement play in the background, unable to crack the haze of white-hot agony. Sweat pours down my cheeks. Unable to give up, I push harder. A stabbing strikes through my pussy, warning to me to stop. I don’t. Another deep inhale and I hold my breath to push with everything I’ve got.

Through the grinding of my jaw, Big’s loving words filter through my inner torment, settling in my brain. “I love you, Sugar Tits. I love you so fuckin’ much. You’re doin’ it,” his voice waivers, clogged with emotion.

The unfathomable searing of my flesh eviscerates me, and I scream inside my mind as my daughter’s head dislodges itself from my birth canal just as my contraction abates.

“Touch her.”

With a hard tug, my midwife peels my hands off Big’s forearm that I didn’t even realize I was clawing at and forces me to feel my daughter’s head. Big’s hand joins mine as we run our fingers through her hair. Leaning up, I’m able to get a tiny view of her head poking out of me. Somehow, deep inside, the pain I know I’m feeling recedes, and all that I can focus on is her. That beautiful little head spreading me open, as the love of my life touches my hand as we hold her head together. I choke a sob, willing myself to wait until she’s born to let my guard down. I’m almost there.

“Just one more, and she should be out. This was a lot quicker than I expected.” My midwife sounds surprised.

The sniffles of my sisters register, as does the heavy rise and fall of Big’s chest against my back. Turning my head, I meet his eyes. They’re teeming with tears. I lean in to kiss his lips. They tremble when we touch—warm, soft, and full of unspoken emotion. “You’re about to be a daddy,” I whisper, and he nods, his lips timidly kissing mine once more. Listening, I hear his throat work as he swallows thickly. Giving him a moment to gather composure, I turn my sights back on our daughter. Big’s hand is bigger than her head itself. My heart squeezes at the magnificent view.

“On your next contraction, I’m gonna need you to listen to me. You can push a little, but I need to make sure the cord isn’t around her neck. Then Big Dick,” I nod, and her eyes move from mine to his, “you can pull her from the water once her shoulders come out.”

He doesn’t say a word, but from the way my midwife looks at him, she knows he understands.

The welling ache in my back starts as all of my contractions have, and then I’m being thrust into the most painful moment of my life. Jez takes one of my legs as Gunz grabs the other so Big can ready himself to catch our daughter. Chin to my chest, I inhale one final breath and hold it, before putting every ounce of my fading energy into pushing my daughter out.

“Push, baby,” Big encourages, and I do. Every part of my body coils tighter, and my eyes widen as fire consumes my pussy like the flames of hell. I breathe through it, wanting to wail in pain and triumph as I hear my midwife confirm she’s almost out and her cord is fine.

Milliseconds feel like hours as my oxygen dissipates, because I refuse to stop pushing long enough to breathe. A sensation of emptiness envelopes my aching pussy as Big lifts our daughter from the water and lays her tiny body on my chest. Gasping for breath, my hands instinctively wrap around the bundle in my arms as Big rubs her back to coax a cry from her.

“Come on, sweetheart; give Daddy a little somethin’,” he speaks softly to her. “Come on.” He pats her back as my midwife stands at the edge of the pool, watching us.

Jostling her in my arms with her daddy tapping her back, Harley finally cries for the first time. The music to my ears turns my world upside down, and suddenly, I’m bawling in succession with her little wails of life. Her little fingers flex on my chest as she squirms on me, her squinted blue eyes cast up at my face.

“Shhhh,” I soothe, rocking her in my arms, trying to calm her. Reacting almost instantly, she quiets down, snuggling into my chest. Big reaches the cups of my bra, carefully ripping them down so my skin is on our daughter’s. I press her tiny, tulip shaped lips to my nipple, and, as if on instinct, she opens up. Big holds my breast for me, feeding it into our little one's mouth as she attempts to suckle.

“My girl’s got good taste. She likes her mama’s tits as much as I do,” Big coos, and I shake my head, smiling as droplets of happiness keep running down my face. Leave it to him to be that inappropriate.

Doc gets the tools around to clip Harley’s cord. Then she clamps it and hands Gunz the scissors. My eyes grow huge, and I turn to look at Big, mouth agape.

“I told him he could do it,” he expresses, his hand busy caressing our daughter’s back.

“You’re letting him cut your daughter’s cord?” It’s still not registering. I can’t believe this.

“Are you okay with it, Baby Doll?” Gunz places the scissors on her umbilical cord.

“Um…” I look to Big again. “You’re sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. Gunz is her grandpa, and she’s probably gonna be his only grandbaby. I wanted him to do the honors. Don’t worry, babe.” Big kisses the side of my forehead. Damn, he’s been awfully selfless. That’s a huge damn thing to give up.

With the nod of my head and a warm smile, I give Gunz the go ahead. Her cord is snipped, and he, too, wipes tears from his eyes. “Proud of you.” He rubs my knee. “Very proud.”

“Thanks,” I croak, more tears trickling.

“You did good, Mama.”

Big kisses the side of my head, and I turn so I’m able to acquire a kiss. He doesn’t leave me hanging for long when our lips meld together and he thrusts his tongue hungrily into my mouth. Mmmmm. A stout thickness starts to prod at my ass, and I pry my lips from his with a gasp. How can he be hard at a time like this?

“You’re turned on?” I tease, stifling a yawn. Honestly, I’m wrung the hell out, and could really use a good seven days of sleep. Not that I think that’s gonna happen anytime soon. I’m well aware that motherhood means countless nights of little to no sleep.

“I’m not meanin’ to be.” He grins, sliding a strand of my hair off my forehead and tucking it behind my ear. Then he kisses me there. “I can’t fuckin’ help it. When I’m happy, I’m happy. And look at her.” He nods toward our little bundle, and I follow his gaze, watching her sleep on my chest, my rigid nipple hanging from her mouth. “She’s fuckin’ gorgeous. My cum made her.”

Oh. My. Fuck.

This man…

Those surrounding the pool chuckle quietly.

“I can’t believe you just said that,” I mutter.

Even my midwife is amused by him. Her hidden giggle and amused eyes tell me as much. Goofy, deliriously happy Big is not a norm around here. The guy is smiling nonstop, and his eyes won’t stop shining. I adore that look on him.

He shrugs. “Hey, it’s true. I might’ve fucked up a lot of shit in my life. Done a helluva lot I’m not proud of, but her…” He nods downward. “She’s the best fucking thing I’ve done, aside from claimin’ you.”

Leaning back, I peck his lips once more. “You know you can be sweet sometimes.”

“I’m not sweet, Sugar Tits. I’m honest.”

Honest, sweet, same damn thing in my book, if he’s acting this way.

Cuddling into my man’s arms, our daughter sleeping on my chest, we wait for the rest of my pregnancy to conclude as I try to relax and let nature take its course. Big rubs Harley’s miniature back as my eyes turn heavy. I can’t wait to take a nap. Looks like my little girl has already beat me to it.

I’m a mom. I can’t believe it. A mom … and nothing has ever felt so perfect as this moment.

Turning onto my side, upstairs in our comfy bed, I stretch and smile at the beautiful sight before me.

“Hey, Sugar Tits.” Big grins dreamily my way, with our daughter curled on his bare chest, wearing nothing but her diaper and a pair of pink booties. His hand covering her back works as a makeshift blanket. From this angle, the contrast of his vivid ink clashing with her milky skin is shocking, but adorably so. A blissful grin quirks from the corner of my lips.

“Hey.” I reach out to rub her tiny hand that’s flat on her daddy’s pec. Fast asleep, she wiggles a little under the pad of my finger. “How long have I been out?” I remember giving birth and delivering my placenta after Gunz clipped the cord. And I vaguely recall Big helping Harley and me from the pool and into this bedroom. He’d taken her from my arms, wrapped her in a towel, then used another to dry me before helping me to bed and onto of one of those giant blue pads. You know, to catch anything gross that might leak out. From there, my midwife had come in to check me. Then, unable to keep my eyes open, I passed out from exhaustion. Even though I really didn’t want to.

“It’s after six,” he answers.

“I’ve been asleep that long?”

It’s been four hours? That’s not acceptable.

A lump of guilt forms in my throat.

What have I missed in all that time?

“Ya needed it, babe. Givin’ birth ain’t no cake walk.”

He’s right. I know that, but still…

“Where is everyone? I didn’t even get a chance to say thank you before I passed out.”

More guilt curdles deep.

“Thank you for what?”

“Helping today.” That’s pretty self-explanatory; not sure why I need to clarify.

Big scoffs under his breath, careful not to wake our babe. “You’re shittin’ me, right?”

Frowning, I poke out my bottom lip. “No.”

“Well, you damn well better be. Your sisters don’t need to be thanked.” Frustrated, he shakes his head. “And they’re all here. The brothers have been chompin’ at the bit to see her,” he jerks his chin to Harley, “and you.”

“They haven’t seen her?” Why in the hell hasn’t he showed them? It’s been hours.

“Hell no,” he growls.

“What? Why not?”

“You need to be there, that’s why. And they understand that. The sisters have already made dinner and everyone ate. They saved us both a plate. Now they’re all hangin’ in the basement.”

I can’t believe he did that. I’m not sure if that’s sweet or stupid. Maybe a little of both. Granted, probably more sweet, since I did want to see everyone’s reactions when they get to meet Harley for the first time.

“So they’re down there drinkin’ like fishes and playin’ video games?” I raise a brow, tucking my hand beneath my head. A twinge of pain reminds me that I just gave birth. Hell, my entire body pretty much aches. I’ve gotta take things slow. Next stop, pain killers.

Big shakes his head. “No.”

“No?”

“Those fuckers aren’t allowed to be drunk when meetin’ our girl for the first time. Blimp hasn’t even lit up all day. He’s stone sober. Hell, I’m sure Deke would murder any of ‘em if they drank a drop.”

Now that, I believe. He’s an over-protective one, that’s for sure.

“Did Doc go home?” I change the subject, not wanting to dwell on the fact that almost my entire family has been cooped up in that basement all day without an ounce of liquor to quench their perpetual need to party. Because, if I do dwell, I’ll think about how nice of them that is and how much that hits me straight in the center of my chest. Then I might just cry, which I’ve done plenty of. These hormones better level out soon, ‘cause this cryin’ shit is not something I like to do.

“Nope. She’s downstairs, too. She looked over Harley after ya passed out, and she also weighed and measured her.”

The urge to weep surfaces. However, I stamp that bitch down. “I missed it.” My bottom lip trembles and I suck in a sharp breath, reeling in the final douse of my emotions.

“No. Gunz videoed the whole thing so you could watch.”

I guess that’ll have to do.

“How much does she weigh?”

“Eight pounds, three ounces. About two pounds too fuckin’ much.”

Whatever.
She’s perfect.

“I was about a week late, Big. And she’s
your
daughter. I’m amazed she wasn’t ten pounds.” That was something my midwife and I had spoken about many times. Big being the size he is, we were pretty sure she’d follow in his footsteps. Surprisingly, we were wrong. Although eight pounds isn’t a bad size.

“That’s what Doc said. But that’s still a helluva lot of baby to push out that sweet pussy of mine.”

Grinning, I roll my eyes hard enough that he catches it. An amused grunt is his response. “You already know my pussy will get tight again. We’ve talked about it,” I remind.

“What?!” he hisses, loud enough to make our daughter jump, her eyes snapping open. Gently rubbing her back and across the little puffs of blonde hair at the base of her neck, he settles her down until she returns to dreamland. “You think I give a flyin’ fuck if your pussy is loose or not?” he finally adds.

Blushing with shame, I bury my face into the pillow. All men care about that. I’m not stupid.

“Hey.” A domineering finger taps the side of my head. “Hey, you better look at me, babe.”

Fine.

Not wanting to fight, I do, only because he’s being nice.

My cheek rests on my pillow as my eyes cast up at Big, who’s equally entranced in me. He shakes his head for the millionth time today, running his hand over the top of his low man-bun. “I don’t give a flyin’ fuck if you have the loosest damn pussy in the world.” I open my mouth to argue that he’s full of shit, but I’m cut off as he carries on. “You gave me this precious little leech.” His hand strokes her back, his gaze swinging to her with pure joy. Then back to me with the same abundant love.

Regardless of those spellbinding eyes, that ridiculous nickname strikes a nerve.

“Don’t call her that,” I reprimand, meaning every word.

“I’m gonna call her that.”

The hell he is.

“That’s a terrible nickname to call your daughter,” I snip.

“Seein’ her suckin’ on your tit while you were dead to the world, I decided that’s her name.”

Nope. Not gonna happen. Over my dead body. Who in the hell nicknames their child hours after she’s born? Her name’s Harley, for Christ sake; it’s not like the girl needs another name to be called. At least not yet.

“That’s awful.” I’m not letting up.

Unyielding ice-blue eyes meet mine. “Get used to it, Sugar Tits.” He’s defiant.

Nope, he can fuck off where the sun don’t shine.

“You can’t call a baby leech. Seriously. That’s messed up, ten ways from Tuesday.” With effort, I sluggishly sit up in bed until my back settles against the cool headboard, sending a chill down my spine. Big protests as I move. I ignore him and do whatever the hell I want. Seated upright, milk seeps from my nipples, so I wipe it off before folding my arms rebelliously across my chest. Then I garner eye contact again. This time having a firm grasp on my attitude and fizzy hormones.

“As I was saying, you can’t name our daughter leech.” Yep, my sass is fixed in the motherfuckin' on position. My adrenaline pumpin’. Hell, I can’t even feel any pain right now. That’s a relief.

“I just did. You named her Harley, so I’m nicknaming her.” Big’s face is unreadable. Tone level. I can’t tell if he’s pissed, neutral, or tickled. I hate when his face is Switzerland.

Grasping at straws, I try to reason with him. “Can’t you just wait? I mean until she’s a little older.”

“See these lips.” He points to her teeny pink mouth that’s making a sucking motion even though nothing’s in there. “Our girl likes to suck. She’s a leech, babe. And I’ll be killin’ the boys when she decides she wants to suck somethin’ other than your tits, or her thumb and lips.”

Gah! This man is a pain in my ass.

“You have a sucking fixation, Big. First, you name me Bink—”

“No,” he interrupts. “You basically named yourself Bink. I did not.”

“You so did.”

This is not how I saw my daughter’s birthday going. Her mother and father arguing over some bizarre nickname. Although, in true fashion, it fits our usual M.O. Always bickering at the stupidest damn times. Kinda surprised this is the first time today. I love my Neanderthal, but I don’t like him when he's unreasonable—like right now. Don’t you agree?

“Big’s Bink. You came up with that all on your own when you were a cute little shit.” He smiles thoughtfully.

“What? I’m not cute anymore?” I tease, batting my eyelashes like a fool to try and defuse the situation.

“Shit, no. You’re sexy as fuck.”

Grimacing, I look down at my body. Yeah, I’m definitely not feeling sexy in the least. I still look pregnant, and those stretch marks look like a saber tooth tiger tore me up.

“Stop doin’ that,” he scolds, so I school my expression. “I know that look. You’re always gonna be sexy ‘cause you’re mine and ya make my dick hard. Now stop moping and let’s show off our little leech to the fam. Then we can give her a bath. Yeah?”

Fine. I’ll let it go for now.

Instead of arguing, I ask, “You didn’t bathe her either?” as Big carefully climbs off our mattress with our princess still laying on his chest. He uses one hand to secure her entire body in place.

Freezing at the end of the bed, Big pivots on his heel to glower at me, lips pursed, forehead creased. “Jesus, woman, do ya not know me at all? I would never do that without you. Especially not the first damn time. She was already pretty clean from bein’ in that pool with us for so long.” He takes a step toward the door. “Now, I’m gonna go tell Deb to make the men sanitize their hands before I do somethin’ stupid and suck those fat tits into my mouth.” His eyes zero in on my breasts, and I find myself feeling extra self-conscious so I cover them with my hands, refusing to meet his gaze. My cheeks burn hot under his scrutiny, my heart fluttering with repressed nerves. I wish he’d look away.

I tug the blanket higher.

“Babe,” his tone is gruffly deep, yet gentle, “ya gotta stop that.”

I don’t think I can,
I’m desperate to say. But choose to remain quiet instead. Head tipped, hands clutching the blanket, my eyes remain glued to my comforter clad legs.

The sound of the door opening resonates. “I’ll hand Harley off to Gunz and I’ll be back in to help ya get ready. Then we can go sit in the living room. But you need to get a hold on that coverin’ up in front of me. I’ll let it slide this once. But I don’t want you hidin’ your body from me again. It’s too damn beautiful,” he finishes, closing the door in his wake, not awaiting my reply.

God, I wish I could believe his words about my body being beautiful. To me, it looks like a mangled shipwreck. Dropping the blanket, I run my fingers over my swollen belly where my stretch marks bounce under my tentative touch.
Ick.
At least I got the most amazing thing out of this. A healthy daughter, who my old man has decided he’s going to call leech… Who in the world calls a baby that? Apparently him. Another battle for another day. Now I just gotta get outta this bed and face my family. I sure hope they’re excited as I am. I know they’re gonna love her.