The Diamond Deep (38 page)

Ruby slid into the silky-soft pantsuit that Jali had crafted for travel. She belted a multi-colored scarf over the loose green top, picked up one of the simple beaded necklaces she wore in the early days, when she might have been locked-up for wearing one. The colors didn't quite match the fancy new outfit. But it made her smile, and feel a bit like her old self. She dropped it over her head.

Joel waited in the living room, his jaw set and his eyes cold. “Good morning.”

They had slept as far apart as their bed allowed, barely touching in the night. She had tried to soften him with caresses twice, and he had merely grunted and refused to roll over and meet her eyes. But he was looking at her now. She said, “I have to leave. It might save us all.”

He thinned his lips and closed his eyes.

It wasn't like him to be petulant. “I don't want to leave you. I'm sorry. But it's the best thing I know how to do. We'll talk every day. Our people need you there for them. They need your strength, your power.”

He turned away, staring at a picture on the wall. Damn it. She needed this one person, this one love, this one central fact in her life. He was part of how she thought about herself. She contemplated his back. He looked stiff and way too serious. “It's not as if you can hold a note.”

His shoulders relaxed, if only a tiny bit.

“But if you want to come along and try we'll record you and send you back here for everyone to listen to.”

He turned and took her into his arms, rubbing his strong thumbs along each side of her spine, the smooth material letting them slide right into the soft places between muscles. “We should beg for an hour's grace and return to bed. I should have made love to you all night.”

She whispered, “We'll have more time. I will come back.”

“You had better.”

“And you,” she pulled back and looked up at him, “you need to be here waiting for me.” Her throat felt thick.

“I know.”

He leaned down and kissed her, taking her mouth as hard as he ever had, his tongue questing and demanding, stamping her as his.

The door announced the arrival of a pack robot to get her bags.

Ruby had trouble breaking from his arms to let it in. Maybe they should fight more often.

She walked beside Joel and behind the short, square pack robot. It had four wheels for legs, and made a soft whirr as it moved down the corridor. At the doorway between home and the rest of the
Diamond Deep
, she found Jaliet, Dayn, Ani, and KJ waiting for her. A small crowd of well-wishers gathered a respectful distance away.

Haric also stood by the door, a small bag at his feet. He looked at her with such hope in his eyes that she winced. She went directly to him before she even acknowledged the others. She knelt so that he would be a little taller than her. “I would love to be able to take you. But I can't.”

He held up his slate. There was figure of twenty credits on it. “I can help pay my way. I earned this, working. Off the system, so the credits went to me. It took me three days of cleaning out garbage containers.”

His chin quivered ever-so-slightly. He read the look on her face, and looked down at the ground.

“You found that work by yourself? How?”

“I asked. One of the men that's helping Allen build out the bar knew.”

“Really? Did you have to pay him for finding you the job?”

He looked back at her. “Only two credits.”

She hoped her pride showed on her face. “You're growing up.”

“Someone will need to take care of you while you're traveling. I know how to do that.”

“I know you do.” She hadn't even thought of him, and she should have. Although she did need Min. Damn it. “I can't take everyone I care for.” She paused, and kept looking at him until he nodded. “You can help me, though. You can figure out how to have more people doing what you did. That's enough credits for ten days of life support. Give it to SueAnne, and work with her to figure out how more people can do that kind of thing.”

She sensed he was fighting tears. But he squared his shoulders and stepped back into the crowd that had gathered to see them off. Onor and Marcelle, SueAnne in her wheelchair, Lya (of course, and wearing a sour face), Allen, others.

As she watched Haric fade behind Onor, she felt the sudden loss of connection. She would be able to talk to them all because of the slates, at least to the extent that she had time. But she wouldn't be able to hold them or see them. Marcelle's belly had grown big enough she could have her baby before Ruby got back. It wasn't likely, but sometimes first children came early.

Relief flooded her as Min made her way through the group. She'd chosen to wear white, and Ruby wondered if that was all that was in her bag. In spite of the small defiance of her wardrobe, she looked scared, her eyes big and her lips thin.

The door opened. Naveen stood behind it, dressed in fabulous browns that glittered with golden threads and hints of blues. His clothes flowed as he walked toward them and everything Jali had made, even the outfits that had seemed over-the-top, dulled in her memory.

She smiled at his finery. This trip would be for show. Like an echo of the feeling of separation that had just nearly stopped her, she felt repulsed by what she was about to do. Her day-to-day work for the community would end while she did this. She would dine and sleep well, and be pampered. All this, while SueAnne fretted about the cost of food and Joel struggled to keep people working, while most of her people had never left this small, awful place that was so much less than the
Fire
had been.

She needed to be spectacular. She hesitated, suddenly feeling the job was impossible, like she was tiny in the vast
Deep
.

Ruby took a deep breath and gave Joel a last long look before she greeted Naveen with the bravest smile she could muster.

Onor watched the gentle curve of Marcelle's lips as she blew on the tea SueAnne had sent for her. She took a tiny sip, and placed the teacup back on her desk. “That
is
good.”

“SueAnne said it would help calm your tummy.”

“I feel like a house.”

If it weren't for her pregnancy, they would surely be with Ruby instead of here, fighting disease and the boredom of the masses. “I know. How was your day?”

“School's interesting. It's far more interesting than what we got on the
Fire
. Ix is attending classes instead of giving them. You'd like the one we had today on intelligence.”

“I wish I had time.”

“Did you know there are five recognized species of AI? And three different classes of body they can inherit?”

“No.”

“Here, taste this.” She passed him over the tea. “The infirmary is full. There's still the sickness, the same one. We're calling it a Deep Flu.” She glanced over at him, and when he didn't say anything, she continued. “We lost two more old people. Keep SueAnne away.”

“I hadn't heard it was contagious.”

“I don't think so. But I'd rather not take risks. SueAnne is a savior. I never thought I'd say that about someone from command.”

“We're part of command now.”

She sighed. “It was easier not to be. People keep looking at me like I shouldn't have this job. Like I'm too young or too favored.”

“You are.”

She made a face.

“Ruby trusts us,” Onor said. “If you think the Deep Flu is contagious, tell me.”

“I don't. Not really. Besides, what would that change?”

“Our medical staff think it's not, right?”

“Right.” She reached for the tea.

“I haven't tasted it yet.” He did. Bitter. “Wow. You like that?”

“Yes. How about you?”

“Allen's hired two people in from the
Deep
to help get the bar built. They're doing awesome work.”

She laughed. “You're kidding. With all of our unemployed people, we're paying someone else?”

“Just to do things we can't. You're going to be amazed.”

She looked away.

It was a running argument between them; she wanted more resources for the infirmary and the school, and he wanted to keep people busy. The bar itself had become almost like a shared dream for the old cargo-bar people. As far as the rest of the credit allocation problems, Onor counted himself lucky that Joel and SueAnne were making the final decisions. He and Marcelle might never agree on some topics. He stood up. “I've got to go. Don't you take any risks with this disease.”

She turned back to him slowly. “Just keep me in this tea and don't bring me any new food. I'll stick to the squares.”

So she really was worried? But it was only children and old people who were getting the . . . what was it? Deep Flu. “Let me know how things stay in the infirmary.”

“So you can take the dead off the daily tax rolls?”

“Don't sound so bitter. So we can tell if we need to try and do something.”

“What do you mean by that?”

He was going to walk into a trap. He could feel it. But he opened the door anyway, since he'd started. “I'm sure there are medical resources somewhere on the ship.”

She stared at him. “But those would cost credit.”

“Of course.”

“How much?”

“I hear it's a lot. A few days of a robot doctor could cost a few hundred credits. More than everyone in the colony is earning for the common pot these days.” He could see from the look on her face that he'd been right to suspect he was stepping into trouble. “Look, you didn't see the Brawl. You haven't been outside. You don't know how bad it can be. We need time, and the only way to have time is not to spend credit while we're learning to earn it.”

“You agree with that? You think these people—including the children—could be saved and you're advocating that we don't do it?” She stood up, one hand on her belly. The rest of her seemed to have thinned, and the angry set of her jaw made her face look pinched.

He swallowed. “We don't know if they can be saved. We have to think long term.”

“Since when did any of us not take care of our own?”

“All of the rules have changed.”

She fell silent. When she spoke, she did so slowly and in a measured way. “No. No they haven't. There are new rules imposed on us from the outside. But our own morality? We have always cared for everyone. That's how we survived. When people like Koren talk about ships like the
Fire
coming home empty, I'm sure it's from lack of caring.”

He spoke as evenly as she had. “My parents were murdered. Hugh died fighting. Ruby's friend Nona died in the warrens under the gray levels after two reds raped her.”

“But we—we the grays—we never let our children or old people die if we could help it. Fighting over power is one bad thing, and you're right. It was bad. It was awful. That's why we revolted. But if we fail to care now,
it will be worse
. How can you think any other way?”

“Can you accept that there's no good choice?”

She shook her head and stared at some spot on the wall above him. “There are still right choices. Pass that on. Tell SueAnne and Joel what I said, even if you don't believe it.”

“I do believe it. You just haven't seen the Brawl.”

“Can it really be worse than watching children die?”

He went around the desk and took the teacup from her hand. “It could be the same.”

Ruby waited offstage. Naveen stood beside her, close enough to hear his breathing and smell the strong drink she'd seen him toss off a few moments ago. Other than the slight sickly scent of alcohol, he showed no effects of the liquor at all.

He had dressed down this time, still sparkly but much less flamboyant than what he had worn to travel in. “Why aren't you dressed up?” she asked him. “You look almost like a normal man.”

“To highlight you.”

“I still think I should have worn an old work jumpsuit.”