The Devil's Monologue (5 page)
Read The Devil's Monologue Online
Authors: Kimberly Fuller
Tags: #hell, #bully, #devil, #afterlife, #3 years later, #h a carter
Look at me, Bitch,
is all I want to scream when I see her feathery
brown hair wafting through the crowd.
I just want some kind of
acknowledgment, to know we are still on the same page. That night,
when it was done, my first thought was that she would tell and I'd
be in trouble.
That
was my first thought.
That
was what I cared about more. Not her. The fear
that she may talk still swims in the pit of my stomach every time
our eyes lock for even the slightest second, and I see the quiver
of fear drape across her face. That little bitch could ruin
everything for me if she wanted to.
What is wrong with
me?
I keep wondering.
I feared what the Old Man would do to me if he ever found out what
I did. I was sure he'd beat the hell out of me for one, and two,
he'd make sure no one else ever knew about it.
Through all of our down and outs we had,
that was always one thing I could count on. The Old Man had my
back, and he always took care of business. I hated to say it, but I
knew after high school, I would never live up to his standards,
even as shitty as they were.
“Fuck it,” I whispered under my breath. I
was doing this. Tonight even. My mom had enough pills to kill a
herd of elephants if the gun failed to perform.
“Always have a back-up plan”. Thanks,
Coach.
I could feel my face
scrunch into a scowl as I watched my “friends” laughing.
Laugh it up, Bitches. After tomorrow, at least
you'll have something to laugh about.
broke through my anger, startling me. I turned quickly, my
lumbering arm knocking a stack of textbooks to the ground with
several hard thuds.
Joanna Fairley scrambled to pick up her
scattered books and papers as I stood, frozen at my own stupidity.
I wasn't used to being so clumsy. It took several long seconds
before my brain even registered to help her.
“I'm sorry, Jo,” I confessed as I handed
her the one heavy chemistry book I managed to recover. I forced a
smile through my embarrassment. My heart beginning to thump thump
once again in my chest. It always did around her anyway, but the
previous panic attack made it difficult to breathe even more
so.
She stopped short as I handed her the book.
Her amber colored eyes stared at me with such disbelief that I
became self conscious for one of the few times in my life. I could
tell she was thinking heavily about our encounter, but whether it
was good or bad was hard to tell. You never know what some chicks
are thinking. She opened her mouth to speak, but waited several
moments before uttering any sounds. The awkwardness of the
situation was not something I was used to. It made me want to
hide.
“Did you just say what I think you said?”
she asked slowly, unsure of the question herself.
I was slightly taken
aback.
What did I say? Was it something
stupid? I don't remember saying anything other than....
that I don't say sorry enough for people to not think it uncommon.
All of my usual charms seemed to evade me as I was at a loss for
words.
I had really lost my shit over this Genna
thing, and of all the girls to talk to, having it be Jo was almost
overbearing. I just nodded quietly instead, almost afraid to look
Joanna in the eye. She suddenly seemed too good for me. All the
years of daydreaming my life with her after high school became
ignorant and childish. I had never felt so small and insignificant
as I did just now.
Joanna peered from side to side, as if
looking for witnesses to this special occasion. She looked back me,
her gaze softer than before, and smiled. She actually smiled at
me.
“A little humility can do a person some
good, you know. Chivalry looks good on you, JJ. You should try it
more often,” her soft cheeks blushing as she turned to leave.
My heart skipped nervously, thankfully in a
good way. I wasn't sure if I wanted to smile or cry at her honesty.
I settled for an embarrassed chuckle and a chagrined grin. My heart
wouldn't stop pounding, my palms were clammy, and my entire body
seemed to be stuck in that moment until she was completely out of
sight, leaving the vision of her smiling face tucked securely into
my brain. I knew this time it wasn't the anxiety kicking in.
I felt completely and utterly stupid, but
triumphant at the same time. She smiled at me. I did something
shamefully loser-like, and she smiled at me!
My bumbling idiocy aside, I felt on top of
the world just now. New found vigor surged through my body, fanning
the flames of my smoldering confidence.
I never was a very religious man, and I
haven't been to church nearly enough lately, but I honest to God do
believe in miracles.
No gun.
No pills.
No funeral.
No fake ass tears.
No dances for you, Assholes.
Now, there's only Jo Jo.
my destiny. In those short minutes in front of the school, this
beautiful angel changed everything. Who knows what would have
happened if she hadn't shown up right then, at that moment in time.
She saved my life. I had always been convinced it was a sign that
we were meant to be. Soul mates, and all.
Yet, this happened. Why? Why did this
happen?
Since I now reside in Hell, I can only
assume that there is a God as well. So, why did he do this? What
does he get out of it? Why would he grant me such a creature and
then hand her to someone else?! It's like dangling a lollipop in
front of a wealthy child, but letting the diseased orphans lick it
first. Cruel Bastard.
It was common knowledge that I had had a
crush on Joanna Fairley since the day we met, but after that chance
encounter, it wasn't long before I became more than slightly
obsessed with everything she did. I wanted to know everywhere she
went and everyone she talked to, my heart already claiming her as
my own property. This was the first time in my life that I had
thought more about someone other than myself. She was always on my
mind, no matter what I did I just couldn't shake her. She invaded
my every thought, every dream, every spare second my mind had to
offer. Each nerve in my body screamed to touch her whenever I
thought of her creamy skin, which was practically all the time. I
was never sure how to control myself around her. Should I play coy
and wait for her to come to me? Should I go full boar and just lay
it out there? I felt so stupid around her. My fingers fidgeted and
my stomach fluttered with drunk butterflies. Every day I stared at
the one thing I wanted most in the world but couldn't have. This
was something my daddy couldn't fix. I had to have her though,
there was just no other way.
off her soft silhouette in the far corner. I never understood why
such a pretty girl always preferred to sit in the back of the
class. Her hair was tucked delicately behind her ear, long and
silky. My fingers trembled at the thought of stroking those golden
locks.
Talk to her, you
idiot!
I yelled at myself as the teacher
left the room, leaving me open to strike up a
conversation.
Granted we were not
exactly alone in a room full of classmates, but since this was the
only class I had with her, it was my only opportunity. I was pretty
sure there would be no objections to me moving seats. These lackies
would do just about anything I said. Well, all except
him,
and he doesn't
count. It was now or never.
chewed on the edge of her pencil, the worn pink eraser tracing the
edge of her mouth so seductively that it made my insides boil. I
got up out of my front row seat and sauntered to the back of the
room. My eyes fixed hungrily on the rise and fall of her chest,
barely noticeable through her tightly knit green sweater. She never
looked up as I plopped myself in the empty desk beside her.
“Hey, Jo Jo,” I said softly and as
innocently as my nerves would allow.
Her gaze stayed transfixed on the stack of
loose papers spread out across her desk, but I did not digress.
Women were my forte, after all.
I let out a long thoughtful sigh as I
reached out my hand, removing the pencil from her grip. I held it
tight in my fingers, so intoxicated by holding something of hers
that I almost lost focus. She looked up from her busy work,
slightly aggravated, but not overly annoyed. She was out of my
reach, but I kept pushing forward.
“Jo Jo, your eyes are as sweet as
summertime honey, but a girl like you probably already knows that,
right?” I grinned sweetly.
“What do you want, JJ?” she asked
cautiously. I could tell despite our encounter on the front lawn
before, she was still unsure of me. I tried to think fast as to how
to break through this wall, but came up short. I regressed back to
old tried and true methods, thinking perhaps with a little more
force she'll just melt like the others.
“Just time with you, Baby. Isn't that what
any self-respecting man would want? Time with the most beautiful
girl in the room?” I gave her my best come hither look as the same
old bullshit rolled smoothly off my tongue.
She leaned in close to me, her coconut
shampoo swirling around my head, leaving me utterly
breathless.
“Your crappy pick up lines don't work on
every girl. Especially not this one,” she said bluntly. I wasn't
surprised, somehow, I knew it would take more effort to gain her
trust than it had for the cheap wannabe's I was used to dealing
with.
“Pick up lines? Why, Joanna Fairley, I am
deeply offended. I want nothing more than to spend a little time
with you,” I declared, placing an exaggerated hand over my heart,
“Scout's honor,” I winked.
She huffed loudly and rolled her eyes.
Damn, this really wasn't easy.
“You and me, Babe. Two against the world.
Come on, what do you say? We were made for each other,” I winked
again, smoothing back my hair, trying to keep my nerves in check as
I blew her a kiss. I eased back in the chair of my new found seat
and prayed something would click in her as it did in me. I needed
some kind of sign before I lost my mind. I watched her cover her
mouth, and was sure she was hiding a smile. Maybe this egg was
beginning to crack! My heart was leaping as she leaned even closer
to me, dangerously close.
A warm smile spread across her face as she
started to speak, “ Dear, sweet JJ,” she began.
This is it,
I told myself with intense excitement. I was
beginning to think I was going crazy.
highlight of some other bimbos lives, you are not, nor will you
ever be mine. I suggest you take your weak ass swagger somewhere
else. I hear the girls you usually date are willing to accept
credit cards these days. Maybe Daddy can buy you a new girlfriend.
Although, it might cost you extra to include that big ego of
yours,” she finished her speech with an arrogant smile.
I was more than taken
aback by this hurtful declaration. She hadn't even given me a
chance before throwing me under the bus.
Who the fuck did she think she was?
Here I am pouring my best out to her and she scoffs at it
like she's better than me!
me!
My heart grew desperate
and angry. Deep impenetrable rage bubbled and raced down to the
tips of my fingers, forcing them to curl and snarl into tight
fists. I stood up without thinking and grabbed the edges of her
desk, clenching the fake wood angrily in my hands, envisioning them
encompassed around her throat. My eyes bore into hers, searching
for some kind of explanation. Was she serious? I started to wonder
if the girl who had saved my life had actually meant to. What a
fucking bitch!
Trust me Jo Jo, I could
find a hundred women like you, better than you even, who would
gladly grovel at my feet and lick my toes for a chance to be with
me.
several moments. Fire seemed to ignite and erupt within her as
well, her cheeks blazing hot. The room got quiet around us and I
could hear her heart thump wildly. I suddenly wondered if she
preferred a challenge over just being lusted after. Some girls were
bitches, that was a given, some girls liked to be controlled and
told what to do, and some just liked the thrill of the fight. I was
beginning to think I knew which category Joanna fell into. It all
made sense now.
My resentment faded, and my hands slowly
started to detach themselves from her desk. In one smooth motion, I
reached up to stroke her flushed cheek.
She met my advance with an icy stare, not
backing down. Fueled earlier by the blatant disrespect of her
brashness, I returned her glare, but now I was understanding she
simply liked a little pain with her pleasure.
“Ah, Jo Jo, you'll come around,” I said
reassuringly. I gave her a knowing smile and winked before
returning to my seat. My heart more than skipping a tap dance of
excitement in my chest. The teacher returned only seconds later,
squashing any chance of more foreplay. I stole a glance back at
Joanna, barely hearing the teacher's announcements about next
week's test. What did I care anyway? Mike was taking care of that
one for me.
I watched Joanna's delicate body tremble
through her green sweater, wondering anxiously if she was thinking
of me as she hugged herself. I licked my lips again at the thought
of tasting the sweetness of her skin through that shudder. I could
hardly contain my smile.
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