The Devil's Deuce (The Barrier War) (49 page)

“Yeah,” Danner said. He added quickly, “You can tell me to
mind my own business if you want, I won’t mind.”

“No, it’s an important question, I think,” Birch said. “And
the answer is never.”

“Never?” Danner said, incredulously. “But, I thought…”

“We’ve never had sex, Danner,” Birch said, cutting him off.
“We’re not married.”

Danner choked over his own tongue and mumbled a few
meaningless sounds, his thoughts a churning mass of confusion and conflicting
emotions.

“Why do you ask, Danner?” Birch said softly.

Danner was silent, and he stopped and stared awkwardly at
the ground before him, refusing to look at his uncle.

“Danner?”

Still he was silent.

“I can’t force it from you,” Birch said, “but you wanted to
ask me for a reason. So talk.”

“Alicia and I… a few nights ago…” Danner stammered, then
broke off. “I don’t know what came over me, Uncle Birch. I mean, I love her and
we’ve been together a couple times, and some things have happened, and I
thought that time would be no different, but… I mean…”

“The two of you had sex,” Birch said. Whether he meant it to
be there or not, Danner heard a tone of condemnation in his uncle’s voice that
made his soul shrink up inside of him in guilt.

“Yes.”

“Danner, have a seat,” Birch said, indicating a set of low
stairs leading to someone’s back door. The two of them sat down beside each
other, Danner looking dejected.

“You’re an adult now and can make your own decisions, and
while I’m not your father, were you to have this talk with him, I think he’d
tell you something similar to what I’ll tell you, whatever that’s worth,” Birch
said with a wry smile. “Still I don’t pretend to be Hoil, and I don’t pretend
to know what kind of values he raised you with, so take my words for whatever
you will.”

Danner nodded in understanding.

“The Prismatic Order, based on the values for which it
stands, does of course advocate that a couple be married before they have sex,”
Birch said. “Intercourse between two people isn’t something to be taken
lightly, which is
partly
why the stricture of marriage exists, and I
believe those who engage in casual sex simply don’t understand what it truly
means. Maybe it just means something wholly different to them. The values of
the Prism advocate commitment and a firm emotional basis that’s supposed to be
symbolized by marriage,” Birch said, “but that doesn’t mean the emotions and commitment
exist
exclusively
within the
bonds
of
marriage. And if they’re there, I don’t know that there exists any
moral
obstruction to those two people having sex.”

Birch paused to let this sink in. Drawing a distinction between
religion and morality did not always resonate with some people.

“But why then have you and Moreen never made love?” Danner
asked after a moment’s thought. “It’s obvious you two love each other
absolutely, so…”

“Because I haven’t been able to devote and commit my life to
being with her, Danner, and that’s important to me,” Birch answered softly. “We
all respond to our duty such as we feel it requires. Some paladins, such as
Garet, have time to settle down and take a wife and raise children. I’ve always
felt my calling to lie elsewhere, and I’ve devoted my life to following that
call. Moreen understands this and has never tried to unfairly tie me down by
forcing herself on me or trying to trap me through means of a child. She loves
me too much to hinder me, knowing that if I’m going to be with her, it has to
be of my own free will and choice, or else my presence is meaningless.

“I haven’t committed myself to her to the physical extent
inherent in sex, because I cannot, or at least have not been able to, commit to
her in marriage,” Birch said. “I hope to change that soon, but with the war
already upon us, I cannot in good conscience divide my commitment between God
and Moreen. God has always and will always come first, so long as He calls me
to duty. When the time comes, Moreen and I will be together, and I will likely
spend the rest of my days making up to her the years she spent waiting.”

Danner stared at his uncle in amazement and more than a
little awe.

“In short, Danner, what I’m trying to tell you is that
extramarital sex is not
necessarily
a bad or wrong thing,” Birch said,
“but it is most certainly not something to be taken lightly. I can’t and won’t
blame or condemn you or any man for doing so, just so long as you understand
what it means. Sex for
purely
physical enjoyment and fulfillment – what
you might call
lust
– is considered wrong, and I’m inclined to agree
with that assessment. But sex for the purpose of expression within the bounds
of loving commitment and emotions… No, I can’t condemn a man for that.

“Now mind you,” Birch said, and now he did smile, “I’m not
God, so my personal views may not exactly coincide with the divine, and I
certainly don’t presume to speak for Him. I could inadvertently be leading you
down the path to sin, but I don’t believe anything done in a spirit of true
love is wrong. Love is one of our virtues, after all.”

Danner laughed.

“Think long and hard, Danner, and be certain of what you
really believe,” Birch said, “because it’s all too easy to get swept away, and
then it may be too late. Just remember, it’s never too late to change your
mind, so don’t feel trapped by your past. It just tells you what you’ve done
and who you’ve been. It’s only the present that tells a man who he currently
is
,
and the present is always open to your choices.”

“No offense, uncle, but for a former Red paladin,” Danner
said, “you have a talent for lecturing. No wonder you turned White.” Then he
laughed. “You know, I’m going out there tomorrow and will probably be
slaughtered, but this is the stuff that’s on my mind.
This
is what I’m
worrying about.” He laughed again, louder this time, finding a release in the
joyous sound.

Birch chuckled, and the two patted each other on the back.

“Now then,” Birch said as they stood. “Foolish as it may
seem, the Prismatic Council has ordered that there be a play tonight, sort of
as a way to try and take people’s minds off the possibility of imminent death
and perhaps to inspire them. I think they’re idiots, but I certainly could use
a distraction, and it might even get some of the poor people in the city to
come out of their cellars for a little while and breathe. Will you be coming?”

“Depends on the play, I guess,” Danner replied. “If it’s
Jaema’s
Lament
, you can count me out. Too
sappy for my tastes.”

“No,” Birch said, “it’s not the lament. I don’t remember the
title, but it’s a story from before the Merging War, shortly after the paladins
were first formed as an order. It’s a drama, of course, and supposed to be
quite good.”

“In that case, I suppose I’ll come,” Danner said. He sent
another mental message to Caret telling him of the change in plans, then
followed Birch back to the Prism’s chapterhouse. He thought about going to see
Alicia instead, but Danner knew he wasn’t ready to see her again, especially
not after his talk with Birch. He had a lot to think about, and that would take
time. He just prayed he’d have that time.

- 2 -

When they arrived, the play was already beginning. They found
empty seats next to Garet and Garnet, along with Moreen, James, Perky, Nuse,
and ─ to Danner’s great surprise ─ Gerard. The commander of Shadow
Company greeted Danner calmly, and Danner was immensely grateful Flasch wasn’t
there. His quick-tongued friend would undoubtedly have made some comment about
the harsh paladin’s presence at a theatrical performance, and Danner preferred
Flasch alive and his skin intact.

The first half was interesting and well-acted, but Danner
was distracted by a dull nagging sensation in the back of his mind. When he
couldn’t focus on it to get it out in the open, Danner pushed it aside and was
able to enjoy the rest of the act.

The story was one of two friends who joined the fledgling
Prismatic Order together and finished their training as paladins of the Red and
Blue Facets. In the early days of the Order, they were devoted to helping
people and spreading the virtues of the Prism. Then suddenly demons began
appearing in the lands, and the paladins were called upon to face the unholy
threat. No one yet knew about the Merging as the source of the demons.

The two paladins traveled together, searching for more
demons against which to prove themselves. At one point, they entered a town
that had fallen under the influence of a group of demons, and the townspeople
stoned the two paladins and took them both captive. Under the directions of a
demon, the townspeople crucified the Red paladin on a man-sized facsimile of
the
Tricrus
and disemboweled him. When they came to take the Blue paladin,
he managed to escape and fled the town.

After the paladin escaped, the curtains dropped and the
lights came on to announce the intermission.

“Damn, they missed this story in our classes,” Danner
commented to Garnet as they walked out. Birch overheard and laughed quietly,
then turned to James.

“I haven’t seen Vander since we got back,” Birch remarked.
“I assume he’s been busy in the libraries.”

“He has been yes, but he was supposed to meet us here
tonight,” James replied. “
Cameran
and
Samin
is one of his favorite plays, though Heaven knows
why; it has nothing I know of that would speak to him personally. Why do you
ask? I thought you still didn’t like him very much.”

“I think that may change,” Birch said with a ghost of a
smile.

“Oh?”

“You once told me no one ever liked Vander except you,
because you knew his secret,” Birch reminded him.

“And?” James said, his lips twitching in understanding.

“I think I’ve discovered his secret,” Birch said quietly so
no one could overhear their conversation. He shook his head. “I can’t believe I
didn’t see it before, but then I never compared notes on him with anyone else
until Perky and I were sailing back from the elven isle. He said he found
Vander to be too reserved for his own good, that he seemed to worry about his
usefulness, and he had a need to prove himself to others by subsuming his
identity with theirs and emulating them. That got me to thinking, because
that’s exactly how I pictured Perky, at least critically speaking.

“So I asked Nuse, and he said Vander was sort of a
non-entity in groups, which I agreed was true,” Birch said. “But Nuse said
Vander came across as too dry of wit at times and somewhat lacking in what one
might call absolute morals, at least for a paladin. It was hard to place, and
admittedly it came second-hand through an interpretation, but those same things
could be seen in Nuse. Which made me reexamine how I personally saw Vander, and
I saw that everything I found objectionable and distasteful in him was actually
something in me that I either hadn’t seen or else don’t normally admit to.”

Birch shook his head ruefully.

“To think I spent all that time avoiding him when I was
actually trying to avoid what I couldn’t see in myself.”

“Congratulations, Birch,” James said softly. “You’re one of
only two or three people who have ever realized Vander’s secret, and as I once
mentioned, Vander is not one of those privileged few. You’re right that it’s
rarely anything he says or does directly, it’s just a sense he exudes when he’s
alone with someone, and it’s almost universally a reflection of their flaws or
less desirable traits. He doesn’t know that he does it, and even if he did, I
don’t think he’d know
how
he did it. But it’s a useful tool, both in
self-evaluation and in evaluating others. I’ve taken Vander with me on numerous
diplomatic occasions and, after introducing him to people, I’ll talk to them
hours later and ask their impressions. It helps me see more clearly who they
are as people, and I’ve come to rely on it.

“The Prismatic Council has often praised my abilities as a
Yellow paladin, but truthfully, I wouldn’t have half my success were it not for
Vander’s unsuspecting help.”

Birch nodded, understanding James’s capitalization on the
Orange paladin’s strange abilities.

“And actually,” James said, looking at a dwarven clock on
the wall, “I’m going to go try and find the good brother Wayland, to make sure
he doesn’t miss the rest of the play. I’ve got enough time to get to the
library and back, and anyway, I’ve already seen this play two or three times.”

“Alright,” Birch said. “I’ll keep an extra seat open.”

Suddenly curious, Birch left to go find Danner to ask him
his
impressions of Vander.

Knowledge: The balance and combination of intelligence, wisdom, and
experience.

- “An Examination of Prismatic Virtue” (801 AM)

- 1 -

When James returned, the play was finished. Birch had been
worriedly looking over his shoulder every few minutes, wondering where James
and Vander were.

The play continued as the Blue paladin recovered from his wounds
and had to balance his desire for vengeance with the need for justice. An angel
in disguise confronted him and made him realize that it wasn’t the
townspeople’s fault, but rather the demons who were controlling them. So the
Blue paladin returned to the town in disguise and exposed the demons, then
helped the townsfolk destroy them.

“If there be a swordsman better than I, let me receive his
blade in mine eye,” the most powerful demon shouted, challenging the onrushing
villagers.

“Thy sin and vice stoke demonic pleasure, but now there is
come one who will take thy measure,” the actor-paladin shouted as he rushed
forward to destroy the leader of the demons.