The Devil on Horseback (43 page)

Then I saw a sight which sickened me. At their head was a face I knew.

Leon’s.

I only just recognized him in the light from the flare, so distorted was his expression. I had never thought Leon could look like that. His eyes were wild with hatred, his mouth distorted. How different from the suave and kindly man I had known!

“Hang him!” shouted a voice.

“Hang him? That’s too nice.”

Then they marched on him. I saw him fall . and Leon was there.

I could not hear what Leon said, but he was commanding them.

They took him away. I saw him attempt to fight them on but even he could do nothing against so many. I felt sick with fear and horror. I was shaking with misery.

Oh God, I thought. He is right. It is too late.

II

Perigot was beside me.

“Mademoiselle, we should go … quickly.”

“No,” I said, “I shall not go.”

There is nothing that can be done. “

“What will they do to him?”

They are killing his kind all over the country. Mademoiselle. His wish was that you should leave at once for England. This is no place for you. “

I shook my head.

“I shall not go until I know what has happened to him.”

Perigot said sadly: “Mademoiselle, there is nothing we can do. His wish must be obeyed.”

“I shall stay here until I know,” I said firmly.

I went into the chateau and to my room. I sat down wearily, my thoughts with him. What would they do to him? What punishment would they inflict for what they called centuries of injustice? His crime was that he belonged to the oppressors. It was now the turn of others to oppress.

He had tried so hard to save me. His thoughts had been all for me. If he had not returned with me to the chateau he would have been in Paris now. Not that there was safety there, but he would have been with his colleagues at the Court and surely they would have made some stand.

What could I do now? What was there to do? Nothing but wait.

Where had they taken him? Where was he now?

I dared not think.

Leon was the traitor. I had been fond of Leon. It was hard to believe that he would have been the one to lead the mob to the Comte. Nearly all his life he had been nurtured in the chateau fed, clothed and educated. And all the time he had nursed such resentment that at the first opportunity, he had turned against his benefactor. But his twin brother had been killed . by the Comte; and that was something which had never been forgiven.

But he had tried to recompense them. He had taken Leon into his household. Leon had looked after his family. Ursule had helped them. But they could not forgive. All those years they must have been waiting for revenge and Leon had so carefully concealed his true feelings as to deceive us all.

It was Leon whom I had seen on the night of the ball. That should have warned me. But I could not believe it then and had convinced myself that I was mistaken.

But what was the use of brooding on these matters now. There was only one thing that mattered. What was happening to the man I loved.

I stood at the window, peering out. I could see the light of a flare in the distance. I strained my eyes. Was he there now? They would kill him. It was murder I had seen in their eyes . the hatred for those who had been born to riches and possessed that which they coveted.

I believed that something died in me at that moment. Nothing I could ever do would be the same again. Life had shown me an opportunity to love, to live excitingly, dangerously perhaps and I had passed it by. My puritanical upbringing had not allowed me to accept what life was offering me. I wanted to make sure . and so I lost my chance.

This would have come. This was inevitable. But at least we might have had some life together.

Someone had come into my room. I turned sharply and saw Nou-Nou. :

“So they have taken him,” she said. They have taken the Comte. “

I nodded.

“God help him. They are in no mood to be gentle.”

I said passionately: They are madmen. They look like savages. And these are his own people . the people who have lived on his estate, benefited from his bounty . “

That could be dangerous talk,” she said.

“It’s true,” I cried.

“Nou-Nou, what will happen to him?”

They’ll hang him, most likely,” she said dispassionately.

“No!”

“It’s what they’re doing. Hanging them on the lanterns. That’s what I heard. They’ve taken the Bastille. It’s the start. It’s the beginning of the Reign of Terror. There is no chance for the Comte and his kind.

I’m glad my Ursule went when she did. This would have been terrible for her. They won’t spare the women, you know. “

I could not bear to look at her. She was so calm and almost gloating.

“Oh yes,” she went on, ‘it was right she should go when she did. It wouldn’t have done for her to live through this. “

I did not want to look at Nou-Nou, nor to listen to her;

I wanted to be alone with my sorrow.

But she came to me and sat beside me; she laid a cold hand over mine.

“You will never be with him now, will you?” she said.

“You will never lie beside him and exult in what she so dreaded. Her mother was the same. Some women are like that. They should never marry. It’s not fair to them. But they are reared in ignorance … as it is right they should be … and then suddenly they come to knowledge and they find it unendurable. Such was my little Ursule. Such a happy girl she was . playing with her dolls. She loved her dolls. They used to call her the Little Mother. And then … they married her to him. Anyone else would have been better. She was so like her mother in every way . yes, in every way.”

I wished she would go. I could think of nothing but him. What were they doing to him? He would suffer from indignity more than physical pain, I knew. I kept thinking of him as he had been the first time I had seen him, when I had called him the Devil, on Horseback. So proud, so formidable, invincible.

I can tell the truth now,” Nou-Nou was saying.

“It’s like a burden dropping from you. I always felt the need to tell the truth. I’ve been on the point of doing it many times. You suspected him, didn’t you?

Everyone suspected him-you too. Yes, some thought you’d have a hand in it. He had a motive, didn’t he? He was tied to her . and she couldn’t give him a son and there was a young healthy woman . you.

Mademoiselle. It was easy to see how he felt about you. They were all waiting, weren’t they? I laughed, I did, to think of Gabrielle LeG rand What a blow for her, although she might have known it wouldn’t be her . even if he were free. But they go on hoping, don’t they? Such opinions they have of themselves. It was easy to see she had long been a habit with him. “

“Please, Nou-Nou,” I said, “I am very tired.”

“Yes, you’re tired and they’ve taken him, haven’t they? They’ll show no mercy to him. He wasn’t much of a one for showing mercy himself, was he? He’ll be swinging from a lantern by now. Perhaps they’ll hang him from one of his own.”

“Stop it, NouNou.”

“I hated him,” she said fiercely.

“I hated him for what he did to my Ursule. She dreaded his coming to her.”

“You’ve admitted it would have been the same with any man.”

“Some might have been kinder.”

“Nou-Nou, will you please leave me alone.”

“Not till I’ve told you. You must listen to me. It’s best to know the truth. It can do little good now. Perhaps that’s why I’m telling you.

I knew her mother well. She was good to me. She took me in when I had my trouble . when I lost my man and my little one. She put Ursule into my arms and she said: “Here is your baby now, Nou-Nou.” And then there was something to live for. She was my baby. My little love. And I stopped thinking so bitterly about my own sweet baby. Her mother was a sick woman. She was like Ursule . listless . never wanting to do much, turning away from her food, and then me pains started.

They flared up. She suffered terribly. She was mad with pain, and then she took her own life because she could not endure it any more. It was going to happen to Ursule. She was so like her mother. I knew, didn’t I? Who could know better? She had the pains . only mildly as her mother had had them at first and I had the doctors to her. They said she was suffering from that which had killed her mother. I knew what it was going to be like. “

She had my attention now. I was staring at her in amazed horror.

“Yes,” said Nou-Nou, ‘she would have suffered if she had lived. And she would never have taken her own life. She had strong feelings against that. She’d talked of them often.

“We’re here to fulfill a purpose, Nou-Nou,” she used to say.

“It’s no use giving up half-way.

If you do you’ll have to come back and do it all again. ” I couldn’t bear to think of her suffering … not my little Ursule. So I saw to it that she didn’t…”

“You, Nou-Nou. You killed her.”

To save her pain,” said Nou-Nou simply. There! I’m a murderess, you’re thinking. You’re thinking that they should take me and hang me on a lantern or send me to the guillotine.”

“I know you did it for love,” I said.

“Yes, I did it for love. My life is empty now she has gone. But I know this: she is suffering no pain where she is now. That’s how I console myself.”

“But you let it be thought…”

Sly lights came into her eyes. That he had killed her. Yes, I did. He had killed her . a thousand times in his thoughts. He wanted her out of the way, but he didn’t kill her. I, who longed to have her with me forever, did that. “

She covered her face with her hands and began to cry.

“My little one. She looked so peaceful lying there. She would just slip away, I knew. No pain … never again. All her fears of him were over. She is happy now, my baby. She is with that other baby … my two darlings together.”

“Oh, Nou-Nou,” I said, and tried to put an arm about her.

She threw me off.

“You’ll never have him now,” she said malevolently.

“It’s all over.”

Then she rose and glided towards the door. She stopped there and looked back at me.

“You should go home,” she said.

“Forget this happened … if you can.” She took a step back into the room and fixed her wild eyes on me.

“You are in danger too. They let you go tonight, but you are one of them, remember.” Her lips twisted into a grim smile. The cousin . the same family. Now you will see what it means to belong to such a family. They were after the big fish tonight. But all fishes are sweet, as is the blood of aristocrats to them. They want to see it flow . the sons’, the daughters’, the nieces’, the nephews’, the cousins . “

“Nou-Nou,” I began, but she had turned away and as she went she muttered: They will come, I tell you. They will come for you. “

Then sfae went out and left me.

I felt stunned by her revelation. I had misjudged him, and I might never have a chance to ask his pardon.

What was happening to him now? Desperately I tried to curb my imagination. I could not shut out of my mind the memory of those distorted faces, crazy with blood lust, determined on revenge.

They had taken him. Nou-Nou’s voice kept echoing in my ears: They will come for you. “

I sat at the window waiting for the morning. What I should do then I did not know. Where had they taken him? What had happened to him?

Perhaps already . I would not allow myself to believe that. I found myself making bargains with God.

“Let me see him … only once. Let me tell him that I know now how I misjudged him. Let me tell him that I love him . that I have always loved him, but that I was too inexperienced, too bound by convention, to know it. Once … let me see him once.”

He would have said I should not be here. I should have gone off with Perigot while there was a chance. How could I? I could think of nothing but him. My own safety seemed of no importance. If they were going to kill him they could kill me with him.

In the distance I heard shouting. I was immediately at the window, looking out. There were lights among the trees . torches coming nearer to the chateau as I watched.

Now I could hear their voices. Did I imagine it or could I hear the word: ^Cousine. “

They were chanting something.

Footsteps outside my door. Light running footsteps.

Voices were whispering. It was the servants.

“They are coming for the cousin … now.”

I went back to the window. I heard it distinctly.

“A bos la cousine. A la lanterne.”

My throat was dry. So it had come, then. I was to be taken’ by the mob as he had been. This was the price I was to pay. I had allowed myself to be drawn into subterfuge. I had pretended to be Margot’s cousin for her sake and afterwards I had allowed the deception to be continued.

Now this very pretence could cost me my life.

I did not want to die. I wanted so much to live, to be with my love, to grow old with him. There was so much I had to learn about him .

about life. I had so much to live for . if he could be with me.

The noise from below was horrific. I shut my eyes and it 301 was as though those faces made hideous by greed, envy, hatred and malice were closing in on me.

The light from the torches illumined my room. In the mirror I caught a glimpse of a wild-eyed woman whom I scarcely recognized as myself.

At any moment now . There was a hammering on my door. I went to it and leaned against it.

“Open … quickly.” It was Perigot.

I turned the key. He seized my arm and dragged me into the corridor.

He ran pulling me with him. We mounted a spiral staircase which went on and on.

We had reached the watch tower.

There he touched a panel and the wood slid back disclosing a cavity.

“Get in,” he said.

“You could be safe here. They will search the chateau but few know of this place. I will come back when they have gone.”

The panel shut on me. I was in complete darkness.

I beard them come into the watch tower. I heard their laughter and their ugly threats as to what they would do when they found me.

Again and again I heard the word “Cousine’ and my thoughts went back to the peaceful days of my life when my mother had been alive and it would have seemed impossible that I should ever become a victim of the French revolution. Cousin … That was when it had began. It was when I had agreed to come to France with Margot and pose as her cousin. If I had not done so … No, I told myself, even with danger and the prospect of violent death close to me, I would do it again. I regret nothing … except my doubts of the Comte.