The Devil of DiRisio (21 page)

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.
  Back up,” I said as things were finally starting to register.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.  I’m not pregnant.  It’s not physically possible if you know what I mean.”  Will stopped pacing and looked at me.  Now it was his turn to be confused.

“But … the doctor
… ”

“Will, I don’t have a doctor.  I know I told you I would go, but I haven’t had a chance yet.”  Will sat across from me on Anna Marie’s bed.

“But … he said … Ms. Garrison
… ”

“Wait, he said Ms. Garrison?  He didn’t give you a first name?”

“Oh, God, Sasha, not you.”
 
Will put his face in his hands.
  “I’m such an idiot.”

“Sasha’s pregnant?”

“I’m such an idiot,” he repeated.

“Yeah, you are.  I can’t believe you thought I was pregnant. ” I leaped off my bed and started hitting him with the towel.  “Why didn’t you just talk to me instead of pushing me away?” I cried.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he tried to hug my waist and bury his head in my stomach.  I pushed him off of me.

“What is the matter with you, Will?  You say you love me over and over, but you don’t trust me.  How can you love me when you don’t trust me?”  Hot tears were streaming down my face, but I refused to be the weak little girl anymore.   I wasn’t going to just collapse and breakdown and let him take care of me again.  I was past that. 
We
were past that.

“I just … I got so confused … everything’s been so weird with us lately.”  Will hid his face in his hands.  His shoulders were slumped and his elbows were digging into his knees.  He was turning paler by the second.  I thought he was going to puke.  Why wouldn’t he look at me?  Then it hit me.

“Oh God, you
did
sleep with her, didn’t you?”  I covered my mouth with my hands as the tears started coming on stronger.  In the back of my mind I had hoped the entire thing was media hype and that Will was innocent.  Will’s shoulders slumped even further.  He didn’t respond. I started furiously wiping tears away from my face.  I had to stay in control.

“You had sex with Veronica to get back at me, didn’t you?” I was yelling now but, more as a way to keep from bursting into tears. Will nodded his head.  He still wouldn’t take his face out of his hands.  He couldn’t look at me.

“I’m sorry,” he said weakly. “I’m so sorry. I love you.” Will stood and tried to kiss me but I turned my face away.  I started pounding on his chest with my pathetic weak fists. He probably barely felt a thing as he squeezed me tighter and tighter so that I eventually had no room to punch anymore.  “I’ll do anything, if you just take me back.  Please give me another chance.  I love you so much more than Damian. He’ll never love you like I do. Don’t give up on us.”

  “You already did that,” I said pushing away from him with all my strength. “You gave up on us when you didn’t love me enough to trust me!”  Will grabbed me again and held me so close I felt his tears on my neck.

“I’m sorry,” he sobbed.

 I squirmed out of his arms again, “Get out!”

“What are they saying?”  I asked Anna Marie with the covers still pulled over my head.  I knew she would be reading her newspapers by this time in the morning. I had even heard her get up to go get her coffee and her papers but I didn’t get out of bed.  My mind was still reeling over the recent events.  Sometime during the night it hit me that my sister was pregnant and I had no idea where she was.  What if she needed me?  What was she going to do with a baby?  Who was the father?

“I’m not sure exactly, but it’s not good. Do you really want to know?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I said solemnly. Anna Marie handed me a newspaper and waited for me to translate.  I rubbed away some dried tears from my face and began reading. “Will is being traded to a Madrid team.  After being ejected from four games in one week, being arrested at my performance, and fighting with Damian Karl,
Lottomatica
thinks he’s too much trouble.” 

“But this one says that Veronica
Valerio
isn’t really pregnant,” she said holding up a
People
magazine.  “That’s good news, right?”

“Yeah, I knew that already.”

“So, maybe he didn’t have sex with her at all.”

“He did.  He told me.  He thought I was sleeping with Damian so he slept with Veronica to get back at me.”

“Are you going to forgive him?” she asked.

“I don’t know. He completely betrayed me.”

Anna Marie took a deep breath then said, “You know you’re being a total hypocrite, right?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You tried to do the same thing. You told me so. When you found out Will was with Veronica, you threw yourself at Damian.”

I thought back to that night in Damian’s hotel room. There was one difference though. “But I didn’t do it. I didn’t sleep with Damian.”

“Well, it wasn’t from lack of trying.”

My mouth flew open in shock. I couldn’t believe how blunt she was being. I also couldn’t believe how right she was.

“So who do you want? 
Will or Damian?”
She asked matter-of-factly after a few minutes. Somehow I got the feeling she was getting a little fed up with me.

“I don’t know.  On the one hand, there’s Will, who loves me so much, but he just doesn’t trust me. He has attachment issues, trust issues, obsession issues.  I don’t know if I can deal with a lifetime of his jealousy and doubt.  Then there’s Damian.  I’m not sure if he really loves me or just the dancing he creates when he’s with me.”

“Well, Will’s trade goes through in two days.  I suggest you make up your mind before then since you don’t have a passport and won’t be able to go to Spain.”

“But how am I supposed to decide?”

“I guess you just have to choose the one you can’t live without.”

***

Damian came by later that day to see how I was doing. He looked so different to me now.  He had a look of vulnerability that almost made him look sincere.  Now he was the one squirming under my gaze as if I made him uncomfortable.  He was folding and unfolding his arms not knowing where to put them as he continued to stand by the door even though I had offered him a seat.

“Did he hurt you?” I asked referring to the beating he received from Will. 

“I’ve got some bruises that might be around for a while but nothing that a little stage makeup won’t cover up.”

“Stage makeup?”  Did he plan on wearing makeup on a daily basis? I had to admit that a man wearing makeup regularly kind of repulsed me.  Was he that vain?

“Yeah, I have a movie to shoot.”

“Oh, where?”

“Los Angeles.”

“Oh,” I said with more sadness than I had anticipated. I would really miss him.  I couldn’t believe it.  I had actually grown accustomed to this sex crazed psycho and his mind games.  He was the best dance partner I’d ever had and probably ever would.  And who knows, maybe he did love me. “How long will you be there?”  I asked shaking off that absurd thought.

“Two months.”

“Oh, okay,” I said thinking the conversation was over.  He was leaving for two months. Surely in that time I would come to my senses and realize that my feelings for him were ridiculous and then maybe my life could go back to normal, whatever that was.  I would be completely alone.  Will was going to Spain; Sasha was God knows where doing God knows what with my future niece or nephew in her belly.  I would be stuck here in Rome dancing into nowhere with my idiot foul smelling, nose-picking partner Pierre.

Wow, my life sucked, I thought.  I wanted to be alone to wallow in misery, but Damian just stood there.  He was staring at me again.  But this time he wasn’t undressing me with his penetrating eyes. It seemed like he was silently begging me for something.  He was pleading with his eyes.  Pleading for what?

“I love you,” he blurted as if he couldn’t hold it in any longer.  “And I know you don’t believe that and you have no reason to.  But I thought you should know.”

“Okay,” I said uneasily not knowing if he expected me to say it back.  Then he covered the length of my dorm room in two steps, swept me up into his arms, and kissed me with such intensity that not only did I believe he loved me, but I said, “I love you too.”  I don’t know why I said it but I did.  It was like any time he touched me, I was taken over by some sort of spell.  I became weak and pliable in his hands.

“Come with me to California.  I want you to dance with me.  I’ve already choreographed your part.”

“Okay.”  What was I thinking?  I wasn’t thinking.  I was reacting.  I responded the way I did when I was on stage with him.  My mind turned off and I followed his lead. I was now going to California with Damian Karl.  All he had to do was
touch
me and kiss me and I did anything he wanted.  It would have taken Will months to convince me to move to another country with him.  Why did Damian have so much power over me?  Maybe I did have something with him that I would never have with Will. 

“Wait, wait,” I said pulling away from his hungry kisses breathlessly. “What about
DiRisio
?  I can’t just leave.  What about my scholarship?”

“I’ve already talked with Alejandro.  He’s agreed to give you a two month sabbatical if you and I sign on for six exclusive performances next summer.”

“Really?
  He wants us that badly?”

“Apparently, you do not realize what we create together on stage.”  I was speechless.  As I gazed into his turquoise eyes, I forgot all the horrible things he could be and just saw the bright, fabulous career we would have together. “Then it is settled.  I will pick you up tomorrow after your
pas de
deux
class.”  Damian kissed me again and headed towards the door.  He had such a sparkle in his eye, an excitement I’d never seen before.  He was so happy at the prospect of being with me.

“Damian, wait, I almost forgot,” I said before he got out the door.  He looked nervous for a moment like he was afraid I’d already changed my mind.  “I have no passport or papers.  My sister stole everything.  I can’t leave the country.” 

Damian breathed a sigh of relief that I didn’t call off the entire thing and said, “Don’t worry about it.  We will use Papa’s private plane.  We can sneak you through customs.  It won’t be a problem.” Then he smiled that signature Damian Karl grin that made everything in my body flutter.

Was I really doing this?  Was I really giving myself to Damian Karl?  What made me think the promiscuous Damian Karl could change his ways for me?  What was so special about me?  I wasn’t good enough to keep Will.  What made me think things would be different with Damian? 

These questions flowed in and out of my mind all day through my classes.  I had a hard time focusing.  I could barely hear the reprimands of my instructors.  Pierre had made an unfortunate recovery from the food poisoning so I was back to dancing with him, but I was too distracted to smell his stench as he awkwardly lifted me above his head and carried me across the floor during
pas de
deux
class. Then I looked over and saw Damian in the doorway.  He looked so sexy in his jeans and leather jacket with his hair standing rebelliously on end.  I smiled at him just as Pierre gripped me incorrectly and let me slip from his grasp.  Normally, I braced for this and I would be able to catch myself and recover, but today, I was so distracted by Damian that I was caught off guard. 

My left foot hit the ground at an inappropriate angle and then all of my body weight on top of it.  I heard something snap as I started to writhe on the ground in agony. Immediately, Damian rushed into the room and started yelling at Pierre in French.  I looked at my ankle and screamed more at the horrific sight than the actual pain.  My ankle looked disfigured the way my foot hung at an unnatural slant.  A bone was bulging out of the side making it looked deformed. Damian continued yelling in French as he knelt down and gently undid my
pointe
shoe ribbons.  I screamed again.

“Sorry, I just want to get this shoe off before your whole foot swells and we have to cut it off.”  Once he had the shoe off, he stood again, shoved Pierre and continued his French insults toward him. Then Anna Marie knelt beside me.

“The ambulance is coming.  Just relax,” she said as she held my head in her lap and tried to brush away my tears.

As I’d already suspected, the ankle was broken.  But I didn’t know how bad things would get.

“You need surgery,” Dr. Montero was saying.  “Your ankle didn’t properly heal from your last injury and the constant stress you put on it from dancing every day hasn’t helped the situation.  Plus, there’s the problem of your general health.”

“What do you mean?”

“You are severely undernourished.  Your body has begun to break down its own muscle which is going to slow the healing process.”