The Devil Couldn't Break Me (11 page)

There was hope. There was always a little hope. I missed my American friends so much.

At that moment Lule appeared in the bedroom and she noticed my tears.

“What's the matter?” she asked.

Without thinking I replied.

“I miss my American friends. They were so kind to me.”

It was the first thing that came into my head but it was a slip up that Lule latched

on to. She walked back out of the room straight away and I heard her relay my words to Kupi. Lule was laughing, mimicking my accent and miming me. Kupi walked into the room, he had a strange look on his face.

“I'm nearly finished with this little bit of business,” he said, “then we'll have a little fun because I hear you're missing your American friends.”

I was shaking my head trying to protest as the scenarios flashed in front of me of just what Kupi meant by having fun. Lule stood behind him grinning liking an idiot. It was clear she knew exactly what Kupi had in mind and she was going to enjoy every second. Kupi walked over to where I stood and reached behind me squeezing my backside hard.

“Don't worry,” he said, “I'll help you get over your dear American friends.”

I was shaking all over. Terrified at what was about to come my way and wishing I could have taken those words back. Lule still stood in the doorway smoking on a cigarette as Kupi brushed past her and walked back to the table.

The meeting was over all too soon and I heard the men leaving and bidding Kupi goodbye. I heard more conversations between him and his men and then they left too. Each time I heard the heavy steel door being slammed and locked it was as if it was somehow taunting me, telling me there was no means of escape.

Within minutes Kupi and Lule walked into the bedroom and Kupi locked the door behind him. I knew exactly what was on their minds as I begged them to open the door and let me out.

Lule was laughing as she slowly began to unbutton her dress and Kupi too, started to take his sweatshirt off.

“It's very boring waiting in here day after day,” he said, “don't you think?”

I was crying, begging him to stop.

“We need a little excitement to brighten up the day?”

Lule was sitting on the bed and had removed her bra exposing her breasts. Kupi unbuckled his belt and dropped his trousers to the floor. He looked over to Lule and pointed his finger at her and then to his groin region.

“Show our little virgin how to pleasure a man with a mouth.”

Lule didn't need to be told a second time. As she stood up she quickly removed her skirt and then her knickers and stood completely naked in front of Kupi before dropping to her knees.

“Please,” I begged, “please let me go, I really don't want to do this.”

I was crying and the more tears that fell the more it seemed to excite them. Lule moved forward and reached into Kupi's underpants. I covered my eyes with my hands.

“Watch,” Kupi screamed at me, “watch what she does or it will be you who takes her place.”

Lule was revelling in it, clearly enjoying my discomfort as she took Kupi's erect penis in her mouth and began sucking him aggressively as he placed his hands behind her head and began to moan. I had never seen anything like it before; I had never even seen a pornographic movie and the whole spectacle made me feel physically sick.

Kupi opened his eyes and looked over.

“You keep watching or there'll be fucking trouble. You keep watching and then you can copy her.”

“Please no, don't make me do this.”

“Don't worry,” said Kupi, “you'll enjoy it I promise.”

Lule pulled her head away and spoke.

“Come virgin girl, come and join us.”

Kupi slapped her across the head and she returned to what she had been doing as he looked over to me and grinned. He spoke softly.

“Are you watching bitch, are you watching carefully?”

Suddenly it appeared Kupi had other ideas as he pulled Lule from the floor and almost threw her onto the bed. He was red in the face and breathing hard. He turned to me again.

“You keep watching do you hear?”

I nodded like a trained dog but almost immediately I somehow realised that Kupi would possibly not last long enough to involve me in any of his depraved sex games. He appeared anxious and preoccupied with Lule, almost in a rush as he tore his underpants off, spread Lule's legs open and jumped on her.

Lule let out a little squeal, which clearly excited him as his fat ugly backside became a blur as he thrust and grunted his way to orgasm. It lasted no more than two or three minutes and it was by far the most disgusting, revolting thing I had ever seen. Kupi rolled off Lule as he lay panting on the bed. Lule reached for the cigarette packet once again and lit two cigarettes as she placed one between Kupi's lips. They wallowed there for some minutes like the dirty pigs that they were as I stood fixed to the spot not quite believing what I had been unfortunate enough to witness.

Kupi climbed from the bed as he reached for his trousers and dressed. He took the key from his pocket and walked towards the door.

As he passed me he turned and smiled.

“Next time it will be your turn.”

Witnessing Pure Evil First Hand

Lule walked around with a smile on her face for most of the following day teasing and taunting me about what I had witnessed. This was not the introduction to sex I had envisaged. I expected a tender beautiful moment on my wedding night with the husband I loved but instead experienced the actions of two perverted monsters sharing an act which should have remained private, but worse than that, I realised that the majority of the pleasure had been derived from the fact that they had disgusted and terrified me in equal measures.

She goaded me and convinced me that it was only a matter of time before it would be my turn and whenever I walked through to the toilet or into the kitchen she would make a point in bringing Naim into the conversation and once even suggested that he take my virginity there and then. I think she embarrassed even Naim. Naim was the youngest of the guards, about twenty-two years of age and certainly not as confident or cocky as the others.

As always I was relieved to make it back to the relative safety of the bedroom where I closed the door in an attempt to block out the horrors that lay beyond. I'd stand by the broken window for hours looking down onto the street below and thought, if only people in the city knew I was up here, knew I was being held prisoner for no reason then surely they would come and get me. I looked down in the forlorn hope I would see Brian and Peter searching for me and that somehow I could shout or throw something to them to tell them where I was. I thought constantly of escape, of some idea where I could get messages out to people and yet I didn't even know the name of the apartment block or the number of the apartment.

Over the next few days I managed to sneak a pen into the bedroom as well as some paper and I was always on standby to write a message and break the glass and throw an ornament or something heavy out of the window with my message attached if I saw a policemen or a UN soldier. I knew that if my message fell into the wrong hands I would undoubtedly be killed. b Judging from Kupi's conversations with his gang and his boasts and claims, his gang numbered many and I knew his influence in the city was vast. I wondered if I would ever have the courage to attempt anything remotely resembling an escape. There were times of determination when I sincerely believed I could at least try something.

“It can be done,” I told myself over and over again, “find a way.”

And yet the message, whatever it was going to be never made it onto the paper and in time I even lost the pen. But still I would stand by that window and look down and hope that by some miracle I would see Brian and Peter and they would see me and they would come to my rescue somehow. I daydreamed about them breaking through the door and shooting Naim and Kupi and I would take a little revenge and slap Lule hard across the face while they held her. I hated myself for thinking that way.

As the days passed there was no sign of Kupi or his gang, just me, Lule and Naim. I was aware that Lule was free to come and go as she pleased which puzzled me because at first I assumed she was a prisoner like me. I hated her even more when I discovered she was part of Kupi's gang too, there of her own free will. I had been right from the outset, the woman was positively evil.

Lule did the shopping and cooked meals for her and Naim as they sat at a table and dined together at least once a day. The smells coming from the kitchen were pleasant enough but not once was I asked to join them. After they were finished Lule would bring me a plate of bread, sometimes some cheese and now and again a suxhuk, a smoked sausage cooked in herbs. That was my diet for the three or four weeks I was there while Naim and Lule ate soup, pasta and rice, fish and meat and always plenty of fresh vegetables. I confess it didn't worry me too much as my appetite was none existent. I ate the bread to survive, nothing more and I wanted to survive because I was determined they would not kill me through starvation. I had a strange, almost terrible hunger to survive. At times I was almost ashamed of my determination.

As I undressed at night I could see that my flesh was hanging from my bones and I could even see the shape of my thigh bones protruding through my skin. I had to stay strong I told myself, just in case I ever got the chance to run and pledged one night that I would not send anything back to the kitchen from that moment onwards.

Lule made me wash the dishes and clean the apartment every day as her and Naim sat smoking in clouds of toxic smoke that eventually made it into my lungs and I ended up with a permanent cough. No matter how well I cleaned the apartment and how much cleaning fluid and aerosol spray I used, it seemed to have little effect and always had that horrible stale smell with an almost permanent yellow, greyish cloud of smoke that seemed to hang in the air a few centimetres below the mustard coloured ceiling.

There were periods when Lule came over as being quite pleasant. She'd venture into the bedroom with hot coffee and sit on the bed beside me and she'd start asking me questions about my family and what it was like in Serbia. I'd give her the same answers and then the real questions would start as she hid behind her false smile. She'd ask about the Americans and my political views and try to trip me up with questions about Albania and Kosovo. I knew exactly what her remit was and that was to try and befriend me and take me into her confidence so that I would disclose some information that would prove I was a Serbian agent after all. She was the worst interrogator ever and the worst actress in the whole of the Balkans and I could see right through her. But nevertheless I answered her questions with the same answers I had given Kupi and his mob, time and time again.

At times Lule acted more like a man than a woman. Her hygiene left a lot to be desired and more often than not she'd leave the toilet unflushed and thought nothing of breaking wind loudly although only in front of me, never the men. I'd make a point of trying to wash every day even if it meant standing at the sink with a handful of wet tissues. Lule on the other hand would quite happily go five, six, seven days without a shower and at times as she passed me in the corridor or in the bedroom I would get an unpleasant whiff of the stench that hung over her like a shroud.

I only had one pair of knickers, as I was too frightened to ask for some more. I'd asked Lule just a few days in to my captivity but she'd flatly refused to give me a spare pair and said I had to ask Kupi for anything extra I needed. That was never going to happen.

Whenever I spoke to Kupi I found myself speaking in a whisper. I couldn't quite explain it and at times I was very conscious of my soft voice. It was as if I was too frightened to upset him and the louder I spoke the more aggressive it would surely sound. When I spoke in a whisper to Kupi he generally responded likewise as I lived in fear of him raising his voice.

Looking back on my time spent with Kupi, his gang and of course Lule, I sincerely believe that they knew I was not a Serbian spy. They had possibly thought that in the beginning, but as time passed by and they interrogated me over and over again, sometimes brutally and sometimes gently like Lule tried to achieve, they would inevitably realise that I had to be telling the truth and did not fit the profile of the kind of girl who had been trained for that sort of thing. I clung to the hope that one day the truth would hit them. I suspected that happened quite soon into my internment and when it did, Kupi shrugged his shoulders and decided to make money from me instead. Releasing me was not a consideration that had ever crossed his mind.

I was dozing on the bed feeling weak and pretty tired. For eight, nine, ten days I had hardly slept at all and inevitably it was now catching up on me. I was going to bed quite early and sleeping right through until the morning and I would sometimes get the urge to return to bed early afternoon. Lule seemed quite happy with that and left me to clean up and wash the dishes in my own time. My mind was also a little more relaxed as I had thought the worst thoughts possible to the point where I could think them no more and I almost resigned myself to the fact I was going to be holed up in the apartment for some time. I began to try and think of the nice things back home and my family and summer walks in the mountains and consciously tried to push the wicked thoughts and the despair out of my head. I figured there was only so many things I could fill my head with and believed the more good things I could squeeze in there, the more bad things would be pushed out.

I told myself there had been no violence for some time, nothing since I had been forced to watch Kupi and Lule's sordid little sex show. I convinced myself that those days had ended.

How wrong could I have been, as one day the door to my room burst open and Kupi ordered me through to the lounge. I must have been sleeping deep because I hadn't heard anyone come through the doors and when I walked through the lounge seemed to be filled with people. I was still half asleep and took a while to take everything in. Lule sat with her legs crossed in the armchair smoking as usual while Naim stood by the window holding his rifle, almost standing to attention. The fat guard with the balding head and the big nose, who I now knew as Rexha, sat at the table holding some sort of baton that looked as if it had traces of blood on it. Two of the other guards were apparently wrestling in the middle of the floor while everyone looked on.

Kupi told me to sit with him at the table and as I rubbed my eyes and tried to focus, I realised that the two guards weren't in fact wrestling each other but instead, violently struggling to hold a young blond girl down.

“What...”, I said, “what is going on?”

“Sit!” Kupi barked out. “This will be entertaining I promise you, I want you to see this.”

Before I could utter another word one of Kupi's men knelt down and struck the poor girl several times in the face and around the head. She appeared to stop struggling.

Rexha laughed.

“Hah, that will put a stop to her little fight.”

Kupi spoke too.

“Untie her. If she resists again hit her again but only harder.”

“No!” I cried out. “What has she done?”

I instinctively stood but Kupi pulled me hard back into the seat. I tried to appeal to the better nature of Lule as I looked over to where she sat.

“Lule, please make them stop.”

I was wasting my breath. Lule didn't even look up from what was unfolding in front of her. It was as if she hadn't even heard me.

The girl was clearly dazed and bleeding from her mouth that was covered in sticky tape. Another the guards ripped the tape from her mouth and her head banged off the floor. I could see she had her hands taped behind her back and the other guard was working on that, cutting it with a large knife. When all of the tape was removed they started ripping and cutting at her clothes and I knew exactly what was coming next as I covered my face with my hands. Kupi lunged at me and pulled my hands away.

“You watch I tell you.” he screamed. “You watch or you'll be taking her place.”

They clawed and ripped at her clothes as she whimpered and pleaded with them but within minutes the fight in her had clearly deserted her. One of the guards kicked her hard in the stomach and she gasped for breath as her tears mixed with the blood that now covered her face. They removed her coat and her skirt and a blouse as she tried in vain to cover her modesty.

I looked at Kupi.

“What has she done, why are you doing this?”

My questions fell on deaf ears and as I looked again the poor girl had been stripped completely naked as Rexha looked on shouting encouragement. The two men stood and began to remove their own clothes until they too were completely naked.

Kupi was smiling as he pointed to them.

“This is good. Watch them closely now and take it all in.”

He smiled.

“Knowledge is a good thing, you'll see now why they've removed the tape from her mouth.”

The girl was beaten some more, kicked about the back and the head as she lay defenceless on the floor until she resembled nothing more than a limp rag doll. She was putty in their hands as the two men lifted her onto her hands and knees. She offered no resistance as one of them forced her head onto the floor. The eldest of the guards knelt behind her forcing her backside into the air and as he penetrated her violently, he began laughing, thrusting in and out of her roughly as his colleague forced his penis between her lips and took his pleasure with her mouth. Kupi, Lule and the rest of the animals burst out into a spontaneous round of applause and I couldn't watch as I screwed my eyes tightly shut. Thankfully Kupi, Rexha and Lule were too pre-occupied with events on the dirty stained carpet to even notice. I opened my eyes as someone let out a little cheer. Lule was grinning at the man kneeling behind the girl as he continued, his companion satisfied and clearly finished as he pulled his trousers on but still unable to take his eyes off proceedings. They looked on like a pack of animals as the second participant eventually climaxed and fell moaning onto his back while everyone in the room applauded. The poor girl collapsed onto her stomach and at that point I was convinced she was actually unconscious.

The two men dressed while Rexha congratulated them.

“A fine display gentlemen,” he said and mumbled something to Kupi.

I heard the words
pastrim etnik
which means ethnic cleansing, and my blood ran cold. What did they mean? Were they going to kill her?

I turned to Kupi.

“You're going to kill her?”

Kupi looked puzzled.

“Not at all, what makes you think that?”

“I heard...”

Kupi interrupted.

“I asked you to watch not listen. Make sure you do as I say from now on is that clear.”

“Yes Azem.”

“Good.”

He stood and walked over to where the girl lay.

“She's had her punishment now she can return to the street.”

He looked at me.

“You can get back to your bedroom, I've some business to attend to.”