The Deviants (9 page)

He burped into my neck. Then he grasped my hand and put on an announcement voice. ‘Fallon, Corneliusz, I want you both to know that I love this girl. I love this girl to Pluto and back again.'

‘Oh God, here comes the speech,' I sighed.

‘No, hear me out, I want everyone to know that one day, me and this beautiful girl are going to get married and live eppily aver rafter.' He burped again.

I chuckled. ‘Don't give him any more alcohol, Fallon, for God's sake.'

She laughed. ‘I didn't give him
that
lot! He helped himself.' Some sort of rat thing scurried across the carpet, into one of her discarded moon boots.

‘It's true,' Max went on. ‘I'd die for this girl. And we're going to make twenty babies together one day. Just got to work out all the sex stuff, and then we'll be off.' He started stroking my thigh, which felt suddenly sleazy. I felt myself sobering.

‘Stop it!' I slapped him away. ‘You're being embarrassing.'

‘Aww, I think it's nice,' said Fallon, dreamily. ‘It must be nice to be loved.'

I smiled. ‘Sometimes.'

‘I need a slash,' Max announced, staggering out to the lean-to.

‘Whose go is it?' said Fallon, reaching across for the dice. ‘Is it mine?'

‘No, it's mine now,' said Corey, probably a lot louder than he meant to, and launching his dice across the board. He'd only thrown a three, but he leaned across and stamped his thimble twenty places to Pall Mall. Then he couldn't work out how to let the thimble go. Suddenly, his whole body dropped onto the board, scattering cards and houses all over the floor like confetti.

‘Oh, Corey!' Fallon cried.

I couldn't see for laughing. ‘Guess that's Monopoly over with then.' I began to tidy it all away, even though I could barely focus on what I was doing and my head was starting to go heavy.

‘Guess so,' said Fallon, crawling across the carpet to put Corey in the recovery position so he didn't choke on the little green houses. ‘He's a real sweetheart, isn't he? I'd forgotten how much I liked him.'

‘Yeah. He's harmless.'

‘Does your dad still write those romance novels about the buff guy in the kilt?'

‘Yeah, I said. ‘He's onto number thirty-eight now. Or is it eighty-three? No, it's thirty-eight.'

‘I read the first series. They got a bit silly after that. Oh, sorry.'

‘No, you're right. They're bloody awful. Even my dad says they're awful. But he gets amazing royalties from them so he's not complaining.'

‘My mum's got all of them. Her favourite's
Call 999 For Doctor Delicious.
When Jock becomes…'

‘. . . a doctor? Yeah. From the
Doc in the Trossachs
series.
God, that's the worst one. He's a haddock fisherman for God's sake. What's he doing taking out an appendix? Dad used to read passages out to me when I was ill. Just made me iller.'

Fallon smiled and looked down at Corey. ‘Romance is nice. Being in love is nice, I imagine. I've never been in love.'

‘What about the teaching assistant at school? What was his name?'

‘Oh no, that wasn't love. He was just a quickie in the music room after clarinet practice.'

I tried hard to look unruffled but it was so difficult. I was so aware of every movement on my face.

‘You and Max are in love, aren't you?' Fallon asked, stroking Corey's comatose head. He was still lying across the board, dribble pooling on the Community Chest space between Oxford Street and Piccadilly.

‘Huh?' A blush crept slowly over my face. ‘Yeah, of course. I love him to bits.'

‘But… ?'

‘I didn't say “but”.'

‘No, but… what did Max mean about the “sex stuff”?'

‘Oh, nothing. Just something personal. He shouldn't have said it.' The blush deepened and started burning.

Fallon stacked the Chance cards. ‘Is he too rough? Some boys are like that.'

‘No,' I said, alarmed. ‘We haven't. We just… haven't.'

Her eyes widened. ‘You haven't had sex with him yet?'

‘Why is it so shocking?' I said, exasperated. ‘I'm only seventeen. It's not like I'm seventy.'

‘I didn't mean it like that!'

‘Sorry, it's just a bit – personal. Max thinks I've got this phobia about it.'

‘That's understandable,' said Fallon, her voice dropping
to a whisper. ‘You know, after what his dad did to you and everything.'

You know that feeling you get when the world just stops turning, just for a split second? Like that sick plunge of dread you get when you think your phone's been stolen, or you get a phone call so late at night that something bad must have happened? That's how I felt just then. Like the bottom had dropped out of my life. The top of my head had been opened like a sunroof, and my darkest secret had swarmed out into the open.

‘Fallon, for Christ's sake!' I checked the doorway. Corey was still snoring £50 banknotes up in the air. ‘Don't ever say that out loud again.'

‘I'm sorry,' she whispered. ‘I haven't told anyone, Ella, I promise. I just thought Max might know by now.'

My eyes couldn't get any wider. ‘Do you think we'd still be together if he did? Do you think I'd still have to go round his bloody house once a month and eat roast beef at the same table as the man? Do you?'

‘I'm sorry. I swear I haven't breathed a word to anyone. And I won't do. Ever.'

‘Just keep it that way. All right?'

She nodded violently.

‘Just change the subject.'

‘OK.' But neither of us could think of another subject to change it to. It was too big a subject to manoeuvre round. My heart thumped. My brain swam. A cold sweat had washed over my body like I'd just walked through freezing fog. When Fallon hadn't been in my life, sometimes I could pretend it hadn't happened at all. That it was only my secret to know. My secret to stab me silently where no one could see the bruises.

‘Corey seems to have perked up a bit,' said Fallon, eventually, after so much silence.

‘He's not happy, he's drunk. They're not the same thing.'

‘Oh.' Now it was awkward. Now I had to change the subject. We were turning in circles, like being back on the teacups at the Brynstan Fair. I'd felt sick then too.

‘So, are you looking forward to being a mum then?' I said, my eyes still fixed on the money I was shuffling.

‘I guess,' she said. ‘It's a bit scary. I'm worrying about pooing, mostly. Mum says I came out when she was in the toilet. She said sometimes, in labour, you actually do a poo.'

I rammed the title deeds into a stack. ‘I don't know what to say to that.'

‘And if you have a baby in a water bath, you poo in the water and they make you get it out yourself, with a sieve. Mum says I can't take one of our sieves cos she needs it to strain the broccoli. I've got to eat a lot of greens at the moment.'

‘Of course,' I said, numbly.

‘But when the baby's here, it'll be nice to have someone who I can love and who will probably love me back.' A guinea pig crawled onto her lap and she began stroking it to sleep. ‘These guys love me too, I know they do.'

A bubble of emotion surfaced in my chest. I stared at her belly. ‘Thanks for not telling anyone, Fallon.'

She smiled. ‘That's all right.'

I looked down at her bump. It seemed a lot more obvious now she was sitting down. ‘Can I… touch it?'

‘Of course you can!' She lifted up her top and presented her bump like a gift. I touched it with one finger. It was hard, like a basketball. I pressed three fingers against it. Then my whole palm, flat to the warm surface where her stretch marks shimmered in the firelight, like finger drawings on
condensation. There was the faintest movement beneath my hand. And I just started crying, right there.

‘Oh God I'm sorry.' I sniffed. I instinctively drew away, but she held my hand in place.

‘You don't owe him, you know,' she said. ‘Max, I mean. Don't ever feel bad about that.'

‘Huh?' I said, wiping my eyes. ‘I don't want him to see me crying.' I took my hand away again. ‘Pete said the same thing when I told him.'

‘Yeah and he's right. People might say I grew up with straw in my hair but I know some things about life, Ella. You should only do it with a guy when you're ready. If it's meant to be, he'll wait for you. If he doesn't, he's not the one.'

‘What if he doesn't wait?'

She shrugged. ‘That's his stupid fault then, isn't it?' She squeezed my hand and smiled as she let go. ‘It is most definitely not yours.'

‘You'll be a good mum, Fallon.'

‘How can you tell?'

‘Because you want to be.' She smiled even more at that. It felt good to give her a compliment.

Max appeared in the doorway, doing up his fly. ‘I forgot where the toilet was, so I pissed in the road, that all right?'

‘Yeah, whatever,' said Fallon. A one-eyed tabby cat wandered in and curled up on top of the broken piano in the corner.

Max grabbed an empty bottle from the sofa. ‘Right, come on then,' he announced. ‘Truth or Dare. We're all drunk and there's empty bottles about. We can't keep the cliché at bay any longer.'

Me and Fallon pulled Corey up into a sitting position, and set about getting him dressed again – like he was a doll.

‘You playing, Core?' said Max, slapping his cheeks to wake him up.

‘Yeah,' he said, eyes barely open. Fallon spun the bottle first – it pointed to Max.

‘Truth or Dare?'

‘Truth.' He smiled. My mouth went dry.

‘Umm… tell us a secret.'

I could tell this wasn't going to end well. It never does in films.

‘I don't have any secrets,' he said, looking at me. ‘You know them all, anyway.'

‘I didn't know about your drug addiction,' I said.

‘I go in Jessica's bedroom sometimes. At night.'

We sat, silent, still like Stonehenge. Corey's eyes widened.

‘I can't go in her room during the day cos my mum treats it like a shrine. No one but her is ever allowed in there. Even her pyjamas are still where she left them the morning she went. Her hairbrush has still got her hair in it. There's a pot of Nivea in there with her fingermarks in. It's like one of those rooms in a stately home that's roped off. Mum keeps a shoebox full of the newspaper cuttings from the accident as well.'

Fallon and I blinked at each other but said nothing.

‘I look through the photo albums sometimes too. That's where I got the idea for your anniversary card.' He smiled at me. ‘I found all these photos of her with us as kids. Trips to the beach. Trips into town. Trips out to the island. There's pictures of all of us, even Zane. She loved being with us. She taught me to ride a bike. I'd forgotten that till we saw those kids on the Strawberry Line today.'

Fallon smiled. ‘She taught me how to spell “Mississippi”. And she gave me all her old dolls' clothes. I've still got them.'

‘She taught me to swim,' said Corey. ‘Well, I can stay above water. And sort of move along. A bit.'

Max fumbled in his pocket and pulled out his wallet. From a secret pocket under the credit cards, he pulled out a folded photograph –
the
photograph of all of us that he'd copied for my card. He handed it to Fallon. Corey scurried over to her, looking at it over her shoulder.

‘Wow,' said Fallon. ‘I'd forgotten how beautiful she was, Max.'

‘You've got the same eyes. The same smile actually as well,' I said.

‘She looks like Jennifer Lawrence.' Corey hiccupped. We all looked at him. ‘She does, though, doesn't she?'

‘Yeah,' said Max. ‘I guess there's some resemblance.'

‘Did I do those plaits in your hair, Ella?'

‘Yeah, most likely,' I said. ‘My mum could never plait hair and I can't do them on myself.'

‘God, look at Zane,' she said. ‘Haha, look at his buck teeth! We're all so tanned.'

‘Is that me?' asked Corey.

‘Yeah,' said Max. ‘In that bloody Ben 10 T-shirt. I was beginning to think it was a layer of your actual skin.'

‘We lost touch just after she died, didn't we?' said Fallon, still gazing at the photo. ‘We were all… ruined.'

None of us could say anything more. It was like someone had blown a huge bubble of truth and it had popped stickily in all our faces.

It was a heavy minute of silence until Max snapped his gaze away from the flickering flames and spun the bottle again, hard. It landed on Corey.

‘Aha! Truth or Dare, my friend.'

‘Truth,' said Corey, with a gassy burp.

Max thought for a second. ‘Where's the weirdest place you've ever done it?'

‘I haven't,' said Corey, as quick as a tick.

‘What, never?'

‘Is that such a major surprise?' said Corey, picking up a new bottle of Acid Rain. ‘Who's gonna want to sleep with a guy who hasn't got the fine motor skills to undo a bra? I can barely tie my own shoelaces. As you can guess, my fingering game ain't so hot.'

Max shrieked with laughter, not for the first time that day, and doubled over in hysterics. So did Corey.

‘Oh you poor sod,' Max breathed, wiping tears from his eyes. ‘Bet your arm cardio game's amazing though, innit?'

‘Oh yeah, I got that down, mate. I got that down. My right bicep's bigger than Thor's.'

They both rolled around in a hysterical embrace, like two kittens with a ball of wool. I couldn't help but smile.

‘Corey, your turn to spin,' said Fallon, replacing the bottle. He and Max were still too out of control to concentrate, though, so she spun it instead. It landed on me. ‘Truth or Dare, Ella?'

‘Dare,' I said. She looked at me. ‘What? It's boring if we keep saying Truth all the time. I'd prefer to do something.'