The Destroyer Goddess (70 page)

Najdan relieved Linyan at dawn and continued the search. The renewed downpour obscured visibility, yet it had also washed so much smoke and ash out of the air that there actually
was
a dawn today, which was a blessing.

Another sea-born family had found Najdan unconscious in the water, mostly dead, while searching for one of their own. They'd hauled him aboard and forced the water out of his lungs. By the time he regained consciousness, even he had to acknowledge that it was too late to dive in after Zarien again. Then the rain had started, making the search even harder.

The family who had rescued him had helped him search for Zarien until they'd encountered Linyan's boat, to which they returned him. Although not a laborer, let alone a sailor, he had done all he could to help repair the damaged boat, and then they'd gone in search of Zarien again. 

Now, more than three full days after the boy had gone overboard, he knew he would have to face Tansen and tell him he had let Zarien die.

They were only searching for a body at this point.

As for Ronall... Najdan was sorry about the
toren
. Ronall was not his responsibility, as Zarien was, but he recalled how much the
toren
had wanted to go ashore, and he regretted that his own decisions had cost the man his life. They looked for Ronall, too, but they had lost hope sooner. Zarien was sea-born and would survive as long as possible in the water. Ronall... no, they had lost hope well before now.

The
toren
was certainly dead.

The arms which held him were cool and soft, pulling him ever deeper into the dark water. 

His thoughts returned slowly, coming to him one by one, like lazy waves lapping at the side of a boat. He was underwater. He felt peaceful and serene. He wasn't holding his breath, nor was he drowning. Someone soft, voluptuous, and cool-skinned embraced him.  He felt no pain. No more pain...

Three have mercy on me, what happened
?

A feminine voice, rich and unfamiliar, filled his head. It seemed to come from within him as much as from all around him.

Don't call on them anymore. I will give you mercy. All the mercy you will ever need
.

Ronall went still, startled and confused. He tried to speak, but water filled his mouth. So he asked the obvious question in silence:
Am I dreaming?

No, you are finally awake. For the first time.

He didn't understand. He'd been in the water, and something had hit him...

A boat
, she said, silent and yet echoing all through him.
The boy didn't understand. He would have taken you from the water. From me. So I swept the water to bring you into my arms.

Ronall felt a dark suspicion.
Are you Death?

The gentle laughter which greeted this question seemed so incongruous that his eyes snapped open—which was when he finally realized they'd been closed. 

For you, I am a new life
.

She was as beautiful as she was strange, with veil-like fins flaring around her translucent body, alternately revealing and concealing her voluptuous form as they flowed back and forth. Her diaphanous skin glowed silvery-pale, like the moons on a misty night. Her full hips flowed down to a sleek tail whose undulations kept propelling both of them away from all that Ronall had ever known. Heat crept through him as he became aware of the soft globes of her breasts pressed against him. Instead of hair, something like spun pearls grew from her scalp, flowing around her in pellucid strands. Her incandescent glow illuminated the darkness all around them.

I'm not... dying?

She assured him,
You are safe. I will always keep you safe when you come to me
.

Always...
He still didn't understand.
Why...

Dar has chosen you for me, as She has chosen me for you
.

He flinched with shock, and her body undulated in response to his impulsive movement.

This can't... I can't...

The world is changing
, she told him,
and you have changed with it
.

He felt the cold and the texture of the water, and he concentrated on it, trying to understand if it was real. If
he
was still real. Her strong strokes propelled them ever deeper, and the currents that touched him were as real as anything he'd ever felt. The arms which embraced him, protected him, and kept him safe felt even more real.

You're the sea goddess Zarien told me about
, he realized.

I am Sharifar
.

Looking for your consort.

Zarien has brought you to me, as was his duty
.

No
, he protested,
Zarien thinks it's Tansen
.

What he thinks doesn't matter. He has done what he had to do
.

And what do
I
have to do?
he asked, aware of her translucent flesh, her glowing beauty, the rich feel of her body against his.

Belong to me
, she coaxed.
Make me belong to you
.

He was quivering with longing, yet bewilderingly close to shedding tears in mourning.

You lose only the pain
, she promised.
Only the loneliness, the sorrow, the shame
.

It's...
He felt her encompassing him, healing him, engulfing him in an embrace that sank through his own flesh and into his soul.
I didn't think it would be hard to give up those things, but it is.

You gave up your life to save Zarien. Clear-headed when you did it, cleansed of all your poisons... 

He felt as if he were inside of her now, and she inside of him. He felt half water god, and now she felt half human to him.

Cleansed of my poisons...
He learned from her, letting her teach him how sea spirits made love, how he could share himself with a creature whose miraculous and exquisite body was so different from anything that walked the dryland.

Poisons of the soul
, she said,
poisons of the body...

All that seasickness, he realized. It had emptied his stomach every time he drank. Sharifar had inflicted it, not wanting him to come to her so numbed by liquor that he felt only half-alive. 

That was no dragonfish I kept seeing in the water
, he realized,
it was you
. Not a monster stalking its next meal, but a lover preparing to welcome him into her watery domain.

I waited until you were ready.

The first time Zarien went in the wate
r... he realized. 

Yes. 

You did that to him?

And fear still poisoned you.

I didn't go in after him. I failed.

You weren't ready,
she said.
So I waited...

Until I was ready to die to save him?

Until your fear was gone, and only your hunger remained
, she told him.

That consuming hunger for something he could never name, that endless craving which had ruled his life... She was feeding it now, satisfying it at last, nourishing that long-starved void within him.

Sharifar...

Contentment flowed through him in soft waves, filling that ravenous ache inside of him.

Why?
he wondered, truly coming to life for the first time in his whole miserable existence.
Why me?

Because you need what I can give
, she said inside his heart,
and I need what you can give
.

And what was she describing if not...

Love
?

Chapter Twenty-Six

Secrets are like children. No one can 

guard them night and day forever, and no 

one can predict what they will become.

                                    —Kiloran

Despite Tansen's eagerness to get to sea, he nonetheless took time to meet with Jagodan's son-in-law, the new leader of the Lironi, to plan a complex counterattack on their enemies.

"Then, while you've all got Verlon's remaining allies fully engaged in half a dozen skirmishes," Tansen explained, going over the plan he had formulated on the way here, "I'll lead the assault on his stronghold." He paused, allowing himself to hope. "If our timing is good, I think we can finally break the Society in the east. Forever."

"Surely the
torena
is traveling slowly. Does your plan allow enough time for you to accomplish what you must when you reach the coast, then rally with the Moynari to attack Verlon in his lair while we're conducting our battles elsewhere?"

"It does. Don't worry. I'll be there," he promised.

"You'd better be. We're all likely to die if you fail to engage Verlon when you're supposed to."

It was a bold plan—even risky. Tansen suspected it would also seem restful after so much time spent with
both
of the women who had obsessed him during his life. Mirabar and Elelar incited such regular and uncontrollable bad temper in each other that he couldn't imagine how they expected to cooperate in the education of Elelar's remarkable child. In a moment of exasperation with them both, he had foolishly said so—and then they had united in turning on
him
.

Women
.

He loved Mirabar and cared about Elelar, but he didn't really regret that his duties here would prevent him from going all the way to Shaljir with the two of them. Even Faradar's sturdy temperament was starting to show signs of the strain.

Nor was Jalan, also traveling in their entourage, the most enjoyable companion. If Tansen had to hear one more long-winded, convoluted, effusive recounting of Gaborian's birth, no matter how extraordinary...

Then there were the praise-singers who made up the greater part of their entourage. Tansen permitted them to come along because he knew they'd die to protect Gaborian if anyone tried to attack. Moreover, now that the child had been born, Dar seemed willing to let most of the pilgrims return to their own lives. Many of them were already drifting back to their native villages and cities, spreading the news of Gaborian's arrival across Sileria as they abandoned the tormented slopes of Darshon. Witnesses to the baby's Dar-blessed birth, they would convince the rest of Sileria that he was indeed the prophesied ruler.

Tansen only wondered if those pilgrims were all as
noisy
as the ones now traveling with him. The constant chanting and singing, the praises and prayers, the elaborate vocal celebrations of Gaborian's birth and Dar's merciful favor were... getting on his nerves. He'd always been the quiet type.

He sighed, cleared his thoughts, and returned to discussing with the Lironi leader what he hoped would be the decisive battle in eastern Sileria.