The Desire (13 page)

C
hristina was stuffed, which made the already bloated feeling she had just being seven months pregnant even worse. But she didn't care. Nothing could take away the excitement she felt being moments away from getting the key to her new apartment.

Her new apartment in River Oaks.

What would her mother say if she saw her now, living in a place like this? One of the last things her mother did say when Christina left her in New York with her latest boyfriend was, “You go down to Florida and I guarantee you, you'll be homeless or else a prostitute before you know it.” Always a source of encouragement, her mom. But Christina didn't want to think about that now.

She walked out of the main house into the backyard and stood under a shaded patio facing a gorgeous pool. The whole backyard was beautifully landscaped, like a scene out of a magazine. To the right was the cozy garage apartment. She remembered the living room had a nice view of the pool. Looking the way she did, she had serious doubts whether she'd be using it before the weather changed and it got too cold.

Just to be able to see it every day would be something. To
be able to walk outside in the morning, every morning, and see what she was seeing now. To walk across the lush green grass and onto the stone patio surrounding the pool and sip coffee at the wrought-iron table. It would even make decaf bearable. To enjoy the beautiful garden areas outlining the pool, the tall white fence and the garage. Marilyn had said Christina could work in the garden as often as she wanted.

It was like a dream.

“You ready?”

She turned toward the voice. It was Doug. She hadn't heard the door that led inside to the apartment steps open. “You mean to get my stuff upstairs?”

“Yeah. Got my stuff all loaded into the car. I'm all yours.”

Wouldn't that be nice, she thought. No, stop. “We've got to go to the front of the house. My car's parked in the street.”

“I tell you what,” Doug said, “how about we switch? I'm heading back to school right after this. I'll go pull my car around to the front of the house, and you drive yours into the open parking space in the garage. That way, I won't have to walk so far carrying your boxes.”

“That's a great idea. But after you leave, how will I get my car in and out of the garage?”

“I'm glad you mentioned that. I'll talk to my dad. I think he has a spare garage door opener somewhere in the house. I'd give you mine, but it's built into my rearview mirror. They just plugged in some kind of code to get it to recognize our door.”

“Okay.” How exciting, her own garage door opener. Her car had never spent a night indoors. Of course, it hardly belonged next to the two cars in there now. But still . . . starting today, she would be parking her car in a garage.

“So I'll go move my Mazda now, and you go move your
car.” Doug turned to head back inside. “But hey, if you see my dad in there, ask him about that door opener. Once I leave, you won't be able to close the big door without it.”

“I will.” She hurried back into the house. Tom, Jean, and the kids were upstairs. Michele and her mother were watching something on TV, looked like a Hallmark movie. She didn't see Jim anywhere.

When Marilyn looked up, Christina told her what they were doing, then asked, “Is Jim still here?”

“He just laid down for a nap,” Marilyn said. “Why?”

Christina told her about the garage door opener and what Doug had said. “But I can get it later.”

“He can't be asleep yet,” Marilyn said. “I'll go see. Even if he is, I think I know where it is.” She got up. “Could you pause it, Michele? I'll be right back. You go take care of what you need to, Christina. If I find it, I'll bring it out to you.”

“I don't want to interrupt your movie,” she said. “You can just leave it on the counter near the back door there, and I'll get it after.” Christina walked across the living room and out the front door.

After they'd switched the cars, it took Doug less than fifteen minutes to carry all her stuff up the stairs. He wouldn't let her lift a thing.

“You do realize,” she said, “I loaded all that stuff into my car by myself this morning. And I carried it down some rusty metal steps, not this plush carpeting.”

“That's because I wasn't there,” he said.

“Guess that smothering thing runs in the family,” Christina said. Of course, when Doug had used that phrase earlier, he'd included the words “with love” on the end. That wouldn't
quite work here. But she sure did love being treated this way. Seeing the muscles in his arms and back flex carrying those boxes up the stairs did nothing to lessen the growing attraction she'd begun to feel for him.

She knew there was nothing to it on his end. He was just raised right. All she had ever known were guys raised totally wrong.

He looked at the pile of boxes in the center of the living room. “How about I move these into the rooms where they go? Might as well put me to work while I'm here.” He looked more closely at them. “I don't see any rooms written down.”

“Doug, it's not that big of a project. I really appreciate your help. Seriously, I mean that. But I can take it from here.” She walked into the kitchen. “You look like you could use a cold drink. I haven't had any time to shop, and I'm not sure the tenant who lived here before me left anything good in the fridge.”

He laughed. “I doubt it. I heard that guy was a total loser.”

She opened the refrigerator. It was empty. “Well, at least it's clean.”

“Don't worry about it, I'll get something in the house when I say good-bye to my folks.” He walked toward the stairwell, then turned. “Say, Christina, you don't need to answer this if you don't want to. Maybe I am being nosy like my mom said at dinner. But you were talking about that big decision you made recently about your . . . baby, when my mom cut you off. You said something about my sister, Michele, helping you make it. Mind telling me what it was? You know, whether or not you're keeping the baby?”

She didn't mind answering this question and even remembered telling him he could ask her about it later. For some reason, she wanted to know
why
he wanted to know. What
was fueling his curiosity? But she couldn't think of how to ask him. She walked toward him and sat on the edge of the sofa. “I don't think it's nosy to ask. I was about to tell you before. I've decided to place my baby with an adopting couple.”

A surprised look came over his face.

“Did you figure I was gonna keep her and raise her myself?”

“So you know it's a girl?”

“They told me after I had an ultrasound a few appointments ago.”

“Doesn't that make it even harder . . . giving it up. I mean, giving
her
up?”

“You mean, knowing it's a girl makes it seem more real, like I'm giving up a real person versus an
it
?”

“I guess. I mean, I know it's real.” He shook his head. “
She's
real. I was just thinking it might make it harder to let her go.”

“It wasn't a big thing for me. I mean, I know it must be for some people, the way they use words. Like calling an unborn baby
it
, instead of saying
he
or
she
. The clinic I went to before going to the one where your mom works does abortions. I didn't go there for that, just to see if I was pregnant or not. They did free tests there. They called babies
it
all the time. Either
it
or
fetus
. The unborn fetus
.
I hate that term. It's a baby. They use words like
it
or
fetus
, because then they don't have to face the fact that they're talking about ending the life of a person, a little baby.”

Doug walked over and sat on the edge of an upholstered chair. “I was watching a video during some prolife weekend at the church. Our youth group was serving refreshments. It was a few years ago. They were showing this doctor who performed abortions, but he also delivered babies for patients who wanted to keep them. I thought that was really odd. But even weirder than that, they showed how he changed what he
called the baby when he was talking with the mother, based on whether she was having an abortion or keeping the baby. If the mother was having an abortion, he called it a fetus. If she was planning to keep it, he called it ‘your baby.'”

“See,” Christina said, “that's exactly what I'm talking about. It's a baby. It's always a baby.” She patted her stomach. “That's what's in here, a baby. Whether I keep her and raise her as a single mom or let another couple, a married couple, raise her as their own, she's always a baby.”

“I like that,” Doug said. “I can tell you feel strongly about it.”

“I really do. And I think because I do, it was easier for me to make the decision I made.”

“You mean giving her up for adoption?”

Christina nodded. Suddenly her emotions began to kick in. She didn't want them to, but she couldn't stop them. Maybe it was just the way Doug said “adoption.” She hated how it sounded. But she still knew it was the right thing to do, the only thing she could do.

“Are you okay?” he said.

“Yeah. It's just, I hate being a girl sometimes. But don't think these tears are because I'm not sure I know what I'm doing. I'm totally sure. Talking with your sister helped, and seeing all these other moms at the playground with their children helped. Seeing kids who had moms and dads who lived in nice places, had decent jobs, who were ready to be parents and planning to be parents. That's what a baby needs.” Tears fell down her cheeks. “That's what my baby needs. But that's not who I am now. I can't give her that.”

Doug got up and grabbed a napkin off the kitchen counter, handed it to her.

“Someday, I want that to be me. I hope God lets it be me. But I want my baby to have that right away, not years from
now.” She wiped her eyes. “She deserves to start off that way. And this way, I can give her that chance.”

Doug stood up. “That's really something, Christina. And if it matters at all, I agree with you. What you said. All of it. And I respect you for it. I really do. It's probably the hardest decision a person can ever make.”

D
oug had just left. He'd said a pleasant good-bye and see-you-soon. Christina had thanked him again, not just for his help but for his willingness to move his things so she could stay there. He'd said that he was happy to help. He'd even written down his cell phone number then invited her to call if she ever needed his help again.

It was a nice and polite thing to say, but then, it really didn't mean anything. Oh sure, if she was ever in some kind of jam, she supposed Doug might come to her rescue. But he didn't say, “I'll call you sometime.” Or, “Let's keep in touch.” This wasn't the start of a real friendship, much less a romance.

She got up from the sofa and watched him walk across the backyard into the house. She wanted him to turn around, if only for a moment, and look up at her. He didn't. She didn't really expect him to.

It was as she thought; he was just raised right. She walked to the other window, the one facing the pool. She reminded herself that God had given her a wonderful place to live. That needed to be her focus. This wasn't a guy/girl thing. She looked down at her stomach.

Look what that got you
.

ddd

Marilyn heard the back patio door open. The movie she and Michele had been watching was just getting good, but she recognized Doug's footsteps coming across the kitchen floor. She knew what was coming: a sad moment. His weekend visit was coming to an end. “You can keep watching it, Michele. I think Doug's leaving now.” She got up to greet him.

“What?” Michele grabbed the remote and hit the pause button. “No, I'll wait.”

Doug stepped into the living room. “Well, I'm all done back there. Christina's all set. I guess I'll get going.”

Marilyn gave him a hug. “Thanks so much for all your help, Doug.”

“No problem. She's a nice girl.”

“I think so too,” Marilyn said. “I really like her. She's made some big mistakes, but she's back on track now, and she's got a great attitude.”

“She's definitely got a tough road ahead, but she seems up for it.”

Marilyn pulled back from the hug, though she didn't want to let Doug go. “You want to take a soda with you? We've got some cans left in the fridge, ice cold.”

“Thanks, think I will.” He walked back into the kitchen.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Marilyn said. “There's a plate of food in there for you on the top shelf. Just some leftovers from today. Thought you could heat them up in your microwave back at the dorm. I know it'll be late by the time you get back.”

“Thanks, Mom. That'd be great.” He opened the refrigerator and pulled out a can of soda and a big paper plate wrapped in plastic. “It's been great getting dinners like this the last three weeks.”

Marilyn stood a few steps behind him. “It's been great having you at the table again too. You know you're welcome back every weekend. You won't have to keep sleeping on the sofa bed in Dad's office. Tom and Jean will be moving into their new house soon. You can sleep in one of the beds upstairs.”

Doug turned around, looking hesitant to respond. She had to be careful; she didn't want to push him away. She just loved him so much. Having him at home three weekends in a row had been so nice, but it would be like a frustrating tease if things returned to the way they were before.

“I sure do love your cooking, and it's been nice seeing you all more often.” He stepped around her and headed back into the living room toward the front door.

Michele got up off the love seat. “Oh no you don't. You're not getting out of here without giving your sister a hug.” She met him halfway to the door. “Mom won't say this, but I can. You only live ninety minutes away. Do us all a favor. Keep this new trend going.”

“I'll try.”

“Really, Doug,” she said. “I know classes are starting up again. You'll go back, get back with your friends, and get busy again. But don't forget us. We're family.”

“I won't.”

“You won't what?”

“I won't forget. Really, Michele, I've gotta go. There's a big storm front coming in from the west. If I don't leave now, I'm going to get stuck in it.”

Michele hugged him again. “All right, go on then.”

He walked into the foyer.

“I'll get the door for you,” Marilyn said. She hurried to get around him and opened the front door, then followed him
out to the wraparound porch. His red Mazda was parked in front along the curb. “So what do you think of Christina?”

He stopped at the edge of the porch and turned. “What?”

“Christina . . . do you like her?”

“Yeah, she's nice.”

“You two seemed to get along pretty well.”

“I suppose so. She's pretty easy to be with. I feel kind of bad for her, though.”

“Because she's pregnant?”

“Definitely that. But from things you said, it sounds like she's had a pretty rough life from the start.”

“She has. That's part of the reason why your dad and I want to help her. I don't think she's ever been part of a real family before. And she's made really good progress with just a little investment of time.”

“That's a pretty brave decision she's making, with the baby. She told me about it upstairs.”

“I hope you know I wasn't trying to embarrass you or her at the dinner table.”

“I know. It wasn't something we should've been getting into with Carly and Tommy there. But she told me the process she went through to reach her decision. I can't imagine having to make a choice like that.”

“I hope you never have to. You know, her problem is . . . totally avoidable.”

Doug gave her a look. “Mom, I know.”

“I'm just saying . . . you know how the world is now.”

“I have no intentions of getting a girl pregnant. That's one phone call you don't have to worry about getting. Okay, I really should get going.” He walked to the edge of the porch and looked up. “Look, it's already starting to get dark off to the west.”

“I know you have to go. Your sister thinks you and Christina would make a cute couple. If she wasn't, you know . . .”

“Mom, I can't believe you guys are talking like that.”

“You think she's wrong?”

“What? Yeah, I think she's wrong.” He lowered his voice. “Christina's pregnant, Mom. She's carrying some guy's baby. I don't want any part of that. So, let's be done with this conversation. I like Christina. And I know you guys are trying to help her, but I'm not the answer in this situation. I did say she was brave. She's even . . . pretty in her own way. But you and Michele gotta get rid of any ideas about me and Christina.” He thought a moment. “She's going to your church now, right? I'm sure after this situation is over, she'll meet a nice guy there. Start looking in that direction.”

She shouldn't have brought this up now. Obviously, she had totally misread his interest in Christina. She had to trust God for Doug, even though it was hard. There were so many temptations at school. “I'm sorry, Doug. I won't talk about this anymore. I wasn't trying to make you feel uncomfortable.”

His eyes softened. “Don't worry about it. I better go.” He reached forward and gave her a hug good-bye.