The Demon Lover (28 page)

“I think of you all the time, dearest Kate,” he wrote.

“I am so proud of you. It is the one thing which could make it possible for me to accept my affliction with resignation.”

I thought a great deal about him. He was happy in Collison House and I grew more and more grateful to Clare for looking after him as she did.

He mentioned her frequently in his letters. It was clear to me that the management of the house and the care of my father were in the best possible hands.

I had nothing to worry about. I tried not to think of the Baron and when I did to remind myself that although he had behaved so abominably to me, through him the commissions had come and my child. It was strange to contemplate that my boy was partly his. I tried to dismiss that thought whenever it intruded, but I did notice, with a touch of apprehension, that Kendal was beginning to look a little like his father. He was going to be tall and broad with light blond hair and bluish-grey eyes. He will be brought up so differently though, I thought. He shall not resemble that man. I will teach him a better way of life. It may well be that he will become an artist.

He liked to sit in the studio and watch me work, although of course he was never there when the clients were. He insisted that I give him some paints, so I gave him some paints and he painted on a sheet’ of paper.

Such happy days they were, and as I watched his fair head bent over the paper in complete absorption I often thought: I

would not have had it otherwise. He has made everything worthwhile.

One day when Nicole had taken Kendal out for his morning walk in the Luxembourg Gardens, I was painting in the studio. My subject was a young woman who wanted a miniature of herself to present to her husband on his birthday. I had met her at one of Nicole soirees, as I did so many of my clients. She chattered on and on as I painted her, which suited me. I liked to catch the fleeting expressions as they talked. They were often very revealing.

She said suddenly: “I saw Madame St. Giles with your little son as I came in.”

“Oh yes,” I replied.

“They are just going for their morning walk.”

“What an enchanting little fellow!”

I was absurdly pleased when people said complimentary things about Kendal.

“I think so, but you know how these maternal feelings carry one away.”

“He is certainly a beautiful child. It is delightful to have children.

I hope to . in time. Of course I am young yet. But then so are you, Madame Collison. You must have been very young when you married. And so sad . , . your husband never to see his son. “

I was silent.

She went on: “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken of it. It must be very painful… even now. Forgive me.”

I said: “It’s perfectly all right.”

“Time heals, they say, and you have your dear little boy. My husband was at Centeville last week. He stayed a night at the castle.”

I held my brush above the ivory. It was very necessary that my hand should be absolutely steady. Each stroke was so important.

“Oh yes . , .” I murmured.

“He said the Princesse was not very well. I understand she has not been … since the birth.”

“The birth?” I heard myself say.

“Oh, didn’t you hear? It’s quite some time ago. The child must be about the same age as your little boy. Did you say he was two? Yes, that would be about it … almost exactly, I should imagine.”

“No,” I said, “I didn’t know there was a child.”

“A little boy. It’s a mercy that it was a boy. I hear the Princesse’s health might prevent her from having other children.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. She’s quite a young woman.”

“Oh yes … very young. But it was a difficult birth. Anyway, they have their boy.”

“Did you see him?”

“Only briefly. He looked rather sickly.”

“I’m surprised.”

“Well, you would have expected the Baron to have a child like himself, wouldn’t you?”

“What have they called him?” I asked.

“Rollo, I expect.”

“Oh no … no. That’s the Baron’s name.”

“I had heard that it was and I would have expected the child to be named after him.”

“No. The child is William.”

“Ah, William the Conqueror.”

“He hardly looked like a conqueror, poor little mite. But children grow out of their weaknesses, I believe.”

“Yes, I believe they do.”

“You haven’t to worry about your little one. He looks the picture of health.”

I could not get on after that. I could not shut out of my mind the thought of the Princesse in that castle. She had been afraid of it.

And then to bear a child and suffer and become weakened by it. I thought the Baron would not be very pleased with that now with a sickly child, boy though he was, son and heir and William the Conqueror.

Later that day when I was alone with Nicole I mentioned that conversation to her.

She nodded.

“You knew?” I said.

“I’d heard.”

“You didn’t tell me.”

“You know how you felt every time his name was mentioned. You still do, a little, I think.”

“All the same, I would rather have heard from you.”

“I’ll remember that if I get any more snippets of gossip.”

“Yes, do. I like to be informed.”

“Even about… certain people?”

“Yes, even about them. How did it go in the Gardens today?”

“Very well. Kendal is becoming interested in statues. He loved the one of Chopin and I had to tell him as much as I knew about the musician.

I even had to sing some of his pieces, with disastrous results I’m afraid. Still, Kendal liked them. “

It was a few weeks later when I received a shock. Kendal had risen from his early afternoon nap and was as usual full of energy. We were finding it hard to keep up with him these days and Nicole often said it had been easier when he could only crawl. He had been out with Nicole all the morning, and after his nap I had promised to take him out. I had taken him to the shop where I bought my brushes and after we had made a few purchases we returned to the house.

As we entered I heard Nicole talking. Visitors, I thought, and was about to take Kendal up the stairs to our apartment when Nicole appeared. She looked rather flustered.

“Kate,” she said, “Your father is here.”

I stood very still. I couldn’t believe I had heard correctly, and just at that moment Clare appeared in the doorway.

“Kate!” She ran to me and embraced me. And there was my father. Kendal looked on at the visitors with curiosity. I had to make a hasty decision.

“Father,” I cried and we embraced.

“We have news for you. We had to tell you in person.. he said.

“What a dear little boy!” cried Clare.

I felt myself flushing scarlet. I was numb and could not think of what to say. Often I had pictured myself telling my father, for I knew that my son’s existence could not be kept secret for ever. But I had certainly never imagined anything like this.

“There is a great deal to explain,” I said.

“Nicole, will you take him up. He can come down and see my father in a little while.”

“I want to see him now,” said Kendal.

“You’ve seen him, darling. I have to talk to him first.”

Nicole took him firmly by the hand and led him away.

I went into the salon with my father and Clare.

“First, tell me your news,” I said firmly, trying to find the words to explain Kendal.

“Clare and I are married,” blurted out my father.

“Married!”

“Three weeks ago. We didn’t tell you because we knew you’d be too busy to come to the wedding and perhaps feel you ought and so make it difficult for you. We thought we’d surprise you on our honeymoon.”

“Oh, Father!” I said.

“You’re not pleased,” said Clare quickly.

“Of course I’m pleased. I think it’s wonderful. No one can care of him like you.”

“I want to care for him,” she said earnestly.

“Particularly now …”

My father was smiling in my direction and I realized that he could not see me very clearly.

I said slowly: “As you have guessed, I have something to tell you.”

“Do you want to speak to your father alone?” asked Clare.

I shook my head.

“No, Clare. You’re one of the family now. I’m afraid this will be a shock to you. The little boy is my son.”

There was a deep silence in the room.

“I couldn’t tell you,” I rushed on.

“That’s why I had to stay here. I couldn’t come to see you …”

“You are married?” asked my father.

“No.”

“I… see.”

“No,” I said.

“I don’t think you do.”

“What happened to Bertrand? You were going to marry him.”

“My child’s father is not Bertrand.”

“Someone else?”

Clare said, “My poor, poor Kate.”

“No,” I said fiercely.

“I am not poor. It happened … and now that I have my boy I wouldn’t have had it otherwise.”

My father was looking bewildered.

“But you were to have married …”

“There was someone else,” I said.

“And you couldn’t marry him?”

I shook my head. My father was struggling with his principles and his love for his daughter. It was a great shock to him that I should have an illegitimate child. I felt I owed him some explanation for I did not want him to think I had been blithely immoral with no thought to consequences.

I said quietly: “It was forced on me.”

“Forced! My dear child!”

“Please … do you mind if we don’t talk about it.”

“Of course we won’t,” Clare said.

“Kendal dear, Kate is happy now .. whatever happened. And she’s successful with her work. That must be a great compensation for everything. And the little boy is such a darling.”

“Thank you, Clare,” I said.

“Perhaps I’ll be able to tell you later.

This has come so suddenly. “

“We should have told you we were on our way,” said Clare.

“We wanted it to be a surprise.”

“It’s a wonderful surprise. I’m so happy to see you. It is just that

”

“We understand,” said Clare.

“You will tell us when you want to. In the meantime, it is not our business. You have this studio and all this success. It is what you dreamed of, isn’t it?”

My father was looking in my direction as though he had been confronted by a stranger. I went to him and taking his hand kissed it.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“It’s been unfair to you. Perhaps I should have told you. I didn’t want to make difficulties. Believe me, it was not my fault. It… happened to me.”

“You mean … ?”

“Please don’t talk of it. Perhaps later. Not now. Oh, Father, I am so glad you are happy and that you have Clare.”

“Clare has been very good to me.”

I reached for her hand and we all stood close together.

“Please understand,” I said.

“I did not seek it. It … happened. I have a wonderful friend in Nicole who has smoothed the way for me. I believe that in spite of it I have been lucky.”

My father clenched his hand and said softly: “Was it that man… that Baron?”

“Father, please … it’s over and done with.”

“He did a lot for you. So it was because-‘ ” No, no. That’s quite wrong. Perhaps I can talk to you later. not now. “

“Kendal dear,” said Clare gently, ‘don’t distress Kate. Imagine all she has gone through. and then our coming so suddenly. She’ll tell us when she’s ready. Oh, Kate, it is wonderful to see you. Is the little boy interested in painting? “

“Yes, I really think he is going to be. He daubs a bit but I’m sure he has an eye for colour. I named him Kendal.. just in case.”

My father smiled gently. He gripped my hand tightly.

“You should have come to me, Kate,” he said.

“It was my place to help you.”

“I almost did. I might have done if Nicole hadn’t been there. Oh, Father, you have been so lucky to have Clare. I’ve been lucky with Nicole. It is a wonderful thing to have staunch friends.”

“I agree on that. I want to see the boy, Kate.”

You shall. “

He murmured: “Kendal Collison. He’ll carry the torch perhaps.”

My father and Clare stayed with us for three days.

Once he had recovered from the shock, my father accepted my position in much the same way as he had accepted his oncoming blindness.

He did not ask any more intimate questions. Whether he presumed that I had actually been forced to submit to the Baron or whether he thought he had overpowered me with his persuasion, he did not ask and I did not tell him. He realized that talking of the matter distressed me and he wanted the visit to be a happy one. He wanted to stress the fact -which I already knew-that whatever happened to either of us our love for each other would remain as steady as a rock.

They talked of village matters. Hope had a little baby and was happy although for a long time she had been unable to get over her sister’s death. Everything was the same at the vicarage. Frances Meadows was a wonderful worker and managed the household efficiently as well as countless village concerns.

“Life is very quiet for us compared with you in your wonderful salon,” said Clare.

“But it suits us very well.”

My father’s sight had grown much worse. He did not wear glasses because they made no difference. I thought the time must come when he would be totally blind. I dreaded that day and I know he did.

Clare had long talks with me.

“He is adjusting himself gradually,” she said.

“I read to him. He loves that. Of course he can’t paint at all now. It’s heartbreaking to see him in the studio. He goes up there quite often still. I think your success means a great deal to him.”

“Clare,” I told her, “I don’t know how to be grateful enough to you.”

“It’s I who should be grateful. Before I came to you, life was so empty. Now it is full of meaning. I think I was meant to look after people.”

“It’s a very noble mission in life.”

“Your father is so kind … so good, I’m the lucky one. I am so sorry for people who haven’t had my luck. I often grieve for poor Faith Camborne.”

“She was always so helpless,” I said.