The Decision (87 page)

‘I’ve led a very sheltered life, romantically,’ he said with a slight sigh, that first night, as they talked almost into the dawn lying in her bed, astonished at what was happening and its swiftness.

‘You could have fooled me, Mr Frost,’ she said, stretching luxuriously, her body still half-shocked at the new, gloriously sweet discovery of him.

‘Well – of course there has been the occasional encounter. Since – since Catherine.’

‘Who died?’ she said quietly.

‘Yes,’ he said, more quietly still. And then, ‘I mean – I do like – well—’

‘Sex?’ she said, and smiled at him.

‘Yes. But what just happened to us wasn’t exactly sex, was it? It was making love, in the truest sense. It was me, the whole of me, telling you I wanted you, the whole of you. It was – it was lovely,’ he said, kissing her gently. ‘Thank you.’

‘My pleasure. So – tell me about this sheltered life.’

‘Well – as you must have realised, I am rather – shy. I’m not sure why, I was just born that way. It’s hard to describe, it’s a kind of fear, I suppose. Of being judged and found wanting. A feeling you’re safer just with yourself. And quite early I discovered the best way was to stay just with myself. I was an only child, and I liked it. I dreaded every effort people made to help me as they saw it, to suggest friends, to invite me to play with other children, parties were a nightmare, I just stood in corners, watching while terrible mothers said “come along, Mark, join in the fun”.’

‘What about school?’

‘Oh, I didn’t mind school at all. School was all right, I had a role to play, I knew what I was meant to be doing and I could just get on and do it. I was quite – clever, I did well, got scholarships, things like that—’

‘Did you go to boarding school?’

‘No. My father thought I should go, but my mother wouldn’t allow it and what my mother said went.’

Scarlett had been afraid of that.

‘But day school was fine, it was a very academic place, there were other little swots, so, yes, I managed school, I did it quite well. It’s why I can give talks at those book launches and things, it’s having a clear role to play and playing it. But sitting next to some strange woman at dinner, expected to chatter and be interesting – oh, God. So just a couple of dalliances, over the past years—’

‘I can’t imagine you having a dalliance,’ said Scarlett.

‘Well – in both cases, they did the dallying. Very determined. Again, it meant I had a role to play, and they were both very nice, very attractive. It wasn’t difficult. And then – nothing. Till I met you. I saw you that first day, here on Trisos, all brown and beautiful and wild-haired, and everything lurched. I felt – physically unsteady. I thought you were the most desirable thing I’d ever seen.’

‘Goodness,’ said Scarlett. ‘Rejecting every effort I made to talk to you, scuttling away as fast as you could—’

‘Oh, I know, I know. But there was no role for me with you, clearly. Sophisticated, successful, independent woman – what truck could you have with me? It was very alarming.’

‘Well, lots of truck now,’ said Scarlett happily, leaning over and kissing him, ‘lots and lots of truck.’

‘Indeed. And the most lovely thing about you for me is that you are part of Trisos and how I feel about it, I could never think about it from that moment without thinking also of you.’

‘That’s the nicest compliment I’ve ever had.’

‘I can’t believe that. You must have had a great many in your time.’

‘Only a few that ever mattered,’ she said.

They talked about David; it had to be confronted and simply. She was brutal, did not spare herself. Even about the baby.

Mark listened quietly, only interrupting when she told him about the blackmail.

‘How marvellous,’ he said, ‘what an absolutely correct thing to do.’

It was a novel interpretation; but she liked it.

She stayed a week: as she had planned originally. A wonderful, sun-drenched week, as they explored one another and their lives, and wondered that it had taken them so long to come this far. They were at once impressed and delighted by one another; every day a delight of discovery.

On the last night, as she prepared to leave Trisos, he told her he loved her.

And now she was to meet his mother.

Scarlett Shaw, half-educated, ill-read, ex-air hostess for God’s sake, being presented to this amazing woman who wrote poetry, who addressed festivals and lectured undergraduates, and not just in the ordinary course of things, not as a mere acquaintance, but as the object of his very great affection, as Mark put it – God, she loved his way with words – and by her only son. God, it was terrifying. She would have nothing to say, she would do the wrong things, she would fail the test completely, and Mark would abandon her …

And what did you wear to meet such a paragon of intellect? Did you look trendy or classic, did you wear colour or try to blend into the background?

‘Oh, God, oh, God,’ she wailed to her wardrobe mirror, looking round at her bedroom, littered with every sort of combination of clothes. And thought of the words of Eliza, whose sartorial opinion she had always relied on, ‘when in doubt dress down’, and she put on a little black dress and a long string of pearls, and some mid-height heels and very little make-up, and went out to slay the dragoness.

Who was a fairly pleasant surprise. She looked rather like Mark, with the same clear-cut features, the same grey eyes, and what had clearly once been the same dark hair, only thickly interwoven with grey and drawn back into a chignon. Her clothes were a little poetess-like, to be sure, a long skirt, a heavily embroidered Russian-style blouse, buttoned high on the neck, and a silk befringed shawl round her shoulders. She was pale, and very drawn-looking, no doubt because of the constant pain, but her smile when it came was dazzling. She lived in a rather dark large flat in Bloomsbury – where else could it be? Even Scarlett knew Bloomsbury was the centre of female literary London – every wall lined with books, every surface covered with papers. She was cared for day-to-day by a companion called Dorothy, who seemed both efficient and patient, and whose role was clearly not as subservient as Scarlett would have expected, she argued with her mistress quite frequently and eloquently indeed; but she was clearly fond of her and of Mark. ‘She’s like a rather strict nanny,’ he confided to Scarlett afterwards.

Mark had brought some special teacakes from Fortnums which his mother loved, and Scarlett had brought flowers, a rather over-large bouquet she realised, which could have been interpreted as vulgar. But Mrs Frost received them graciously, handed them over to Dorothy, and told her to sit down and ‘let me have a look at you’.

She proceeded to scrutinise Scarlett quite closely, for what seemed a long time, then she nodded as if satisfied and said, ‘good,’ as if she had passed some inspection. Which she supposed she had.

‘Mark told me you were very pretty: he was right. And what do you think of him?’

‘Oh! Oh, I think he’s wonderful.’

‘Do you? Well, he’s certainly talented. Have you read his books?’

‘Most of them.’

‘And how do you find his social skills? A lot of people find him rather dull.’

‘How rude of them to say so,’ said Scarlett. She felt surprised at this attack.

‘Oh, my dear, most of my friends are rude. Outspoken anyway. I am myself. Anyway, I’m glad he amuses you. He amuses me too. And you met on Trisos, I understand. Lovely place. I adore the Greek islands. I always wanted to do what Mark is doing and make a second home there. But my husband – now he was a dull man – couldn’t understand it. Preferred the Home Counties,’ she added disparagingly.

‘Oh,’ said Scarlett, ‘oh, I see.’

‘But Mark has been wonderful and taken me there twice. I’m going this summer, to see this marvellous new house he’s built. Have you seen it?’

‘Yes, and it’s wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.’

‘Good. Now, Miss Shaw—’

‘Oh, please call me Scarlett.’

‘Very well, but only if you call me Persephone.’

‘Oh, I’d like that. What a pretty name.’

‘Yes, it is, rather a lot to live up to though.’

‘Yes, of course,’ said Scarlett carefully. She had no idea who Persephone was and why she should be such a lot to live up to.

‘You don’t know, do you? You should. She was the goddess of spring. You obviously haven’t studied mythology.’

‘Mama,’ said Mark warningly.

‘No, I haven’t,’ said Scarlett firmly. ‘I haven’t studied much, I’m afraid.’

There was a silence. Then Mrs Frost said, ‘I believe you’ve achieved a lot of other things, though, and I must respect that I suppose. And you could argue that what matters is achievement. In whatever field. I’m not sure I agree. Still … Well done. She’s perfectly nice, Mark,’ she added as if Scarlett was no longer there, ‘I like her. Now – where is that wretched Dorothy and where is our tea.’

Later, as Scarlett recovered over a stiff vodka and tonic in the nearest pub, Mark said, ‘You did so well. I was so proud of you. I was terrified you were going to pretend to be what you so clearly are not, and she’d have hated that.’

‘Mark,’ said Scarlett, ‘I never pretend to be what I’m not. It doesn’t work. I learnt that long ago.’

‘And it’s one of the reasons I most love you,’ he said. ‘And now shall we go back to my place?’

‘That could be a very nice idea. And I’m glad I’ve cleared the first hurdle.’

‘With furlongs to spare,’ he said.

Eliza, staring at the letter, or rather at the bottom of the second page, felt rather sick.’

‘I thought I should let you know our terms … charges will be calculated by reference to the time spent by me and other fee-earners dealing with this matter … this will include advising, attendances, dealing with papers, correspondence, telephone calls and travelling time … my own charge-out rate is at present fifty pounds per hour … my assistant’s charge-out rate is thirty pounds per hour … I estimate that handling your divorce case will take at least fifty hours of my time, and possibly more of my assistant’s, taking into account with yourself, meeting and interviewing witnesses, briefing a QC, attending court … our charge may therefore be in the region of, and certainly not less than, four thousand pounds … I will review this with you as necessary … in addition all expenses incurred will be added to the bill …’

‘Shit!’ she said aloud. ‘Shit, shit, shit.’

‘Naughty Mummy.’

‘Sorry, Emmie. Yes, very naughty Mummy. Don’t say that at school, Emmie, and don’t, please, say it in front of Daddy, all right? He wouldn’t like it.’

‘Daddy says rude words too, sometimes. But you say more.’

… Right. Let’s add that to the list of misdemeanours, shall we, your honour? The mother persistently uses bad language and has taught her daughter to use it as well …

‘Come on then, finish your breakfast and then go and clean your teeth or we’ll be late.’

‘I was late two times last week.’

‘Were you?’

‘Yes, those two mornings you were crying and you said you just had a cold, I was late.’

… And there’s another. The mother delivers the child persistently late to school …

‘One day I was so late that my teacher asked me what had happened and I told her that you were crying and that you’d even told me not to clean my teeth so we wouldn’t be even later—’

… And another: the mother frequently tells the child not to clean her teeth; the dentist reports considerable decay as a result …

‘Well, there’s time for you to clean them today. Go on, Emmie, get a move on.’

Emmie went upstairs; Eliza sat reading the letter again and then again, as if willing the words to change. They didn’t.

Four thousand pounds at the very least. She didn’t have four hundred pounds, not that she could call her own. There was, in her own bank account, eighty pounds, and when she had paid Margaret, there would be twenty pounds. Shit indeed.

A new reason to panic, she thought, to add to the other, darker fears.

She asked her mother – ‘I’m so sorry, darling, I’d help if I could’; she asked Charles – ‘Sorry, Eliza, still being stung for a hefty amount by Juliet every month.’ She even, heart thudding so loudly she felt he must hear, tried to talk to Matt about it.

‘I don’t have any money, you know I don’t, how can I possibly pay for solicitors and barristers and courts, it’s so ridiculous—’

‘You should have thought of that,’ he said, ‘before you started on this. Why don’t you ask one of your lovers, Northcott’s got plenty of money, I’m sure he’d love to help. Or your friends in Italy. Or even that art director, they earn a lot, don’t they?’

‘I hate you,’ she said, ‘so much.’

‘I know you do,’ he said. And walked out of the room.

With only ten days to go before the party in New York and a week before they were due to leave Italy, Giovanni developed a very nasty cold. Which in turn developed into bronchitis, and then a more generalised infection, and his doctor advised him very strongly against making the trip; alarmed by the speed with which he had felt himself become ill, he acquiesced and told Mariella she must go alone.