The Decision (76 page)

‘Shut up,’ shouted Eliza. ‘Just shut up. How dare you talk to me like that. How dare you insult me and Jeremy too, come to that. I had no idea he was going to be in Milan, none whatosever. He was there on agency business, there’s a branch there, and he only came to the villa because of the fog.’

‘Oh yes, the fog. The wonderfully convenient fog that prevented you from coming home. I don’t quite see how he could have got to the villa in the fog when it was supposed to be so bad you were stranded in Milan.’

‘He – he organised a car for me to get back next day, because I was so worried about Emmie. A colleague of his came too. Timothy Fordyce, you can check it if you want to, if you don’t believe me.’

‘And who would I check it with, to get an honest answer? Northcott’s minion, your friend? If the lot of you told me my name was Matt Shaw I wouldn’t believe them. I don’t think I’ve ever been so disgusted by anything in my life.’

The door opened, Emmie looked round it. She seemed less sure of herself than usual.

‘Mummy?’

‘Yes, darling.’

‘Can I watch TV?’

‘No, Emmie, you can’t. It’s bedtime. I’ll come up and read you a story.’

‘I want Daddy to.’

‘Right. Well – Matt? Would you like to do what Emmie asks?’

He took Emmie’s hand and walked out of the room without another word.

Later she heard him come downstairs and go into the study; when she tried the door it was locked.

Louise had, most unusually, slept badly. She was worried, without being quite sure why, about the Barrett article and Eliza’s involvement in it. Not that it was anything to do with her, but there was a chance that it might be the same site that she remembered, and if it was then the tinderbox would be well and truly set alight. But – surely to God, Eliza must have thought there was a danger of a link with Matt, and have checked it out? She’d worked as a journalist, for God’s sake. Although glossy magazines and Fleet Street sharks weren’t quite the same thing. And she had an uneasy feeling she’d spurred Barrett on, rather than putting him off the piece. So should she warn Eliza? And if so how?

Then she thought of Roderick; he was more likely to know about the terrace, which one it was.

But Roderick Brownlow was away on a skiing trip and had left his secretary strict instructions that he wasn’t to be disturbed by anyone.

Feeling by now extremely stupid, Louise rang Eliza’s home number. It rang and rang; and then Eliza’s clear voice asked her to leave a message on the answering machine. Well, that wasn’t on. Matt might hear. It was all getting terribly complicated … Louise decided she had done as much as she possibly could and returned to her own problems.

‘Is that Johnny Barrett?’

‘Yes, it is.’

‘Oh – Johnny. Eliza Shaw here. The thing is, I’m very sorry, but – I think I’d rather you didn’t go ahead with the article after all.’

She had been worrying about it in the night: that it might be traced back to her, that it would, after all, be casting a slur on Matt’s profession. However much he – and it – deserved it, she simply couldn’t afford to risk upsetting him any further.

‘R-i-ght. Any particular reason?’

‘Well – um, the girl in question, she’s quite pregnant, as I think I told you and she’s just rung to say she’s not feeling too good and she’s been worrying about the piece, even though I know you promised not to put her name in and –well, I just think it would be better all round if we – we forgot about it. I’m so sorry. To have wasted your time and everything.’

This was so unprofessional, she thought. If Jack Beckham heard about it, that would be her done for. You just didn’t cancel an interview you had set up on the morning it was to take place, especially for a national newspaper. But …

‘OK.’ He sounded pleasant, not annoyed, not put out even. ‘I can understand that. She must be very anxious, she’s in a difficult position, and I really don’t want to pressure her. Not in her condition.’

The old-fashioned northern expression made her smile.

‘That’s so kind of you. I’m so sorry.’

‘It’s all right. I’m not one of your ruthless, door-stepping kind of journalists. I like to sleep nights. Don’t worry, Eliza, I’ve got something else to put on my page this week. But – if you change your mind, or your friend decides she does want to talk to me, just let me know, OK?’

‘Yes, of course. And thank you so much for being so nice about it.’

She rang off weak with relief. Thank God. Most journalists would have been totally furious and at the very least bawled her out. Heather would be relieved too, she really hadn’t been very keen. If only she could ring her; she didn’t have time to go round today, she’d have to drop her a note. What a nice man. It had been worth looking a bit silly; just to have one thing less to worry about.

Barrett put the phone down and looked at it thoughtfully. He’d been right, there was much more in this than met the eye, or rather ear. He wasn’t quite sure how he was going to find the unfortunate pregnant woman, but he’d faced greater challenges. A Victorian terrace in Clapham, just off the Common, falling into dereliction: it would clearly involve a bit of legwork, and it was unlikely to be the only one, but it shouldn’t be impossible. As for the landlord, Louise was right; he did have plenty of contacts. And a short list might contain a clue, a recognisable name. It was almost better this way; he could follow the story at his own pace and in his own way.

He went to see Jack Beckham to tell him the story wouldn’t be ready for the paper this week, but that he had a cracking one about the new Covent Garden proposals to put in its place.

Jeremy was very understanding too; he said he was sorry and that Rob Brigstocke would be very sorry as well, but of course she must do what she felt right, and that they could have lunch any time that suited her. And if she changed her mind about the job, or had any other ideas that might suit him or the agency, he would always be pleased to hear from her.

Matt was rather less accommodating.

‘Can you give me one good reason why I should believe you?’ he said, his eyes hostile in his white, exhausted face, as they talked far into the following evening.

‘No,’ she said, ‘I can’t. Except that I’m giving up what seems to me to be the perfect job, simply to please you. Which might even mean I still love you. Isn’t that worth anything?’

He was silent; then he looked at her.

‘It’s worth a lot to you, I can see that. Yes. But you see, I find it so hard to understand why your work means so much more to you than Emmie and me do. It hurts me so much.’

‘Matt, it doesn’t mean more to me than you do. That’s ridiculous. It means there’s more to me than just – just looking after Emmie and you. I’m sorry. But it does. The person you fell in love with was about more than that. Working, doing something I’m good at, is so much part of me.’

He was silent.

‘Matt, you love what you do. Would you give it up to care for Emmie and me? If I asked you, if I was earning enough money?’

‘No, of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.’

‘So – what’s the difference?’

‘It’s my job,’ he said, ‘to look after you.’

‘Matt, that is such crap. You were doing it – and loving it – long before you even set eyes on me.’

‘Yes, but now there is you,’ he said. ‘I can’t help how I feel.’

‘And how is that?’

‘That it’s right for me to look after you. And for you to be at home looking after me and the children.’

‘We don’t have children though, do we?’ she said soberly. ‘We have one child, and she’s at school, all day, every day. If – if Baby Charles had lived, it would be different. But he didn’t. And the thing that hurts me so much, is that you should think I would have an affair with Jeremy Northcott. I don’t love Jeremy and I never did. I realised that when I fell in love with you. More importantly, I would never, ever betray you. I just wouldn’t, Matt.’

‘You deceived me though,’ he said. ‘You hid the fact he was in Milan.’

‘Yes, and why do you think? Because I knew you’d never believe me, that it was all completely innocent. That’s pretty ugly, from where I’m sitting. Love is about trust. Do you love me still, Matt? Do you?’

There was a silence; then he said, ‘Why do you think I care so much, what you do? Of course I bloody love you. You’re everything to me, you and Emmie. Everything. More than everything.’

The funny thing was, she still believed him.

She lay staring into the darkness that night, still hurting, still half-resentful, reflecting on what she had given up that day and wondering quite what for. She would not have believed once that Matt, and loving Matt, could result in what was literally self-sacrifice, and she could only hope that it was, in the long run, right for her and her life. There seemed no certainty in any of it. And that made her very, very sad.

That weekend they went to Summercourt; Eliza had not been there for a while and she had only to see the iron gates, the gentle incline up to the house, its charmed outline against the sky, the woods and meadows beyond, and she felt healed and comforted. It was extraordinary how much she loved that house; more than anyone else in the family, she felt. And at least Matt had done that for her, made it possible to keep it.

Sarah had made soup for lunch and her own bread. They all sat in the kitchen, looking out at the frosty February landscape and chatting quite easily; and afterwards Emmie dragged them off to see her adored new pony, Mouse, and Eliza and Sarah helped to groom her and then Eliza gave Emmie a lesson, refusing to allow her to canter because she still couldn’t kick the wilful Mouse into a trot, but had to be led. ‘You’ve got to let him know you’re in charge, Emmie, it’s the whole secret of good riding; that and trusting him to look after you. Now come on, try again, kick him hard, that’s better, really hard. Good girl, good girl, well done…’

And Matt, who found all things equine intensely boring, even when Emmie was involved, went off for a walk on his own, and came back looking almost cheerful, talking about thinning out the trees a bit to let the new young ones grow, and Eliza thought happily how he too was becoming properly involved with Summercourt and its care; and they ate an early supper with Emmie, and played an endless game of Ludo, and then after Emmie had gone to bed, and Sarah had gone to her room, Matt and Eliza sat in a peaceful silence by the fire that he had lit in the drawing room watching a terrible play on the TV and then found themselves in bed by ten o’clock, just lying in one another’s arms, not making love but finding themselves early in the morning turning to one another in a sharp, intense awakening, and Eliza thought that truly Summercourt did exercise a sort of magic and if nothing else could save their marriage, being there perhaps would.

‘Good afternoon, Miss Scarlett. What are you doing here, in this particularly unlovely airport?’

‘Oh – hello. Yes. Well – I’m on my way back from Trisos, to London.’

‘And I am on my way to Trisos, from London. There is a certain symmetry in that I suppose. How was it there?’

‘Lovely. Quite chilly, but lovely.’

‘Did you look at the house?’

‘Yes, it’s amazing, Mark. Truly amazing. That stone spiral staircase up to the terrace roof – inspirational.’

‘I thought so. I’m glad you like it. I’m actually moving in in May and I’m going to have a lavish housewarming party. I shall hope very much to see you there.’

‘Oh. Well – that’d be very nice – but—’ She thought of his launch party, all those snooty, clever people.

‘No buts, Miss Scarlett. I insist. It wouldn’t be at all the same without you. It would hardly be a party at all.’

‘Mark, that’s just silly.’

‘I’m not being silly. It wouldn’t. I mean, think about it. Larissa. Demetrios. Possibly Stellios. Ari the Ferry, Ari the Poison as well, of course, hopefully without that truly disgusting wine he produces, Stavros’ – who hired out the scooters – ‘and me. Surely you can see we’d need you.’

‘Oh,’ she said, smiling now, for she had not liked the vision of the London literati descending on Trisos at Mark’s behest. ‘I thought you meant a – you know, a proper party – people from publishing—’

‘Scarlett! I thought you would know me better than that. I cannot imagine anything worse. Oh, now I have to go, get a taxi down to Piraeus, I shall miss the big ferry. Goodbye for now.’

‘Bye, Mark. Have a good trip. Hope it’s calm.’ For the crossing could be extremely rough and even the goats – inevitable passengers on the small ferry – got seasick.

She looked after him smiling, thinking how nice he was, and what a shame he was married – and as she settled into her seat on the plane, how odd that Mrs Frost had not been named among the guests at the house warming.

Twenty-four hours later, Mark sat on the veranda with Demetrios and Larissa, admiring the new baby, and hearing how Miss Scarlett had been not very happy at all and they had more than once heard her crying in her room late at night.

‘We think she has no boyfriend still, so sad,’ said Larissa.

Mark agreed that it was very sad; but reflected that if it meant whatever relationship Scarlett had had with the blow-dried blond bugger was over, it was an excellent thing and a big relief to him at least. He wondered if he might try to see her in London.