The Days of Redemption (66 page)

“They helped a lot.” He felt his neck redden. “Yes, Viola and Elsie and Amanda have been doing their fair share, for sure. More than their fair share, as a matter of fact.”

“How are you getting along with the
kinner
?”

“For the most part, okay, I guess. I've had a couple of good conversations with each child.”

“That's
gut
.”

“It's a start.” He nodded. “I think it helps that my parents are in Pennsylvania. With Mamm and Daed gone, we all have even more work than usual.”

“Work can be a blessing.”

“And this might sound unfeeling, but your being in the hospital helped me get back to normal with the
kinner
. We were so worried about you, we didn't have time to bring up all of my faults.”

She winced. “Peter, don't say such things. They weren't simply ‘faults.' You had a problem. A serious problem. A disease, remember?”

“If I do have an alcohol disease, it's been of my own making, I'm afraid.” He wondered if he would ever be able to forgive himself for the trouble he'd put everyone he loved through. His own weakness had forced everyone in the family to pick up the slack—most of all, his lovely wife. “I don't know how to ever tell you how sorry I am, Marie. I feel like I've really let you down.”

“You did not let me down. We've been together for many, many years, Peter. These problems only lasted a brief moment of that time.”

Thinking about that, about one of his favorite Scripture verses from First Corinthians, “This too shall pass,” he agreed. “Though I did have a problem, it's behind me now. My counselors have told me that I'm well on my way to a complete recovery. They reminded me that my treatment program is an ongoing thing. I've had to learn to make some changes in my life. I've had to learn to adopt these new habits even on difficult days.”

“And you've been successful, Peter.”

“It's still been hard, Marie,” he murmured so softly she had to lean closer to hear. “I don't know if I'll ever completely lose the craving I had for alcohol.”

“I know.”

Her confidence in him was humbling. “Sometimes I don't think I deserve you, Marie.”

“You do. Once more, we deserve each other. For better or worse.” After gazing at him for a long moment she said, “Peter, it's time we got back to normal.”

“Are you sure? You've been able to forgive me?”

“Of course. I love you, Peter. That has never changed.”

“Well, maybe things really can get back to normal.”

She rolled her eyes. “Well, as normal as things can get around here.”

For a moment, he was tempted to reach for her hand.

Years ago when they were first married, he used to kiss her palm. She would then close her fingers around the kiss, saying that she wanted to keep that kiss close to her heart.

But were they that close again? He was afraid to kiss her palm and not see her fold her fingers around it.

Instead, he stood up and forced himself to smile easily.

“Now, I do believe, I'll go check on our Elsie and her suitor. Just to make sure, you know, that things are all right.”

Her musical laughter filled his heart as he left the living room and stayed with him right until he noticed just how close that Landon Troyer was sitting next to Elsie on the couch.

Too close, by his estimation.

Feeling almost pleased to have something constructive to do, he strode into the room. “Elsie, is there a problem?”

As he'd hoped, both she and Landon jumped . . . and scooted a bit farther apart.

“Nothing's the matter, Daed.”

“
Gut
.” For good measure, he scowled at Landon. “Nothing had better be the matter.”

While Landon looked slightly embarrassed, and Elsie sighed, he turned and walked into the kitchen to make a fresh pot of tea for Marie.

He had to smile to himself. Oh, how he remembered the early, tentative days of courting Marie. It was so long ago, but that feeling of anticipation that settled in your stomach—he remembered that as if it were yesterday. Well, if Elsie really was falling for this man, all he could do was pray that God would guide her and protect her precious heart.

Sara and her husband, Jay, were waiting at the Old Candle Barn in Intercourse when Lovina and Aaron's bus pulled in at two in the afternoon.

Lovina recognized them immediately. Sara was tall, and Jay had bright red hair and a bright red beard. They were easy to spot in any crowd. But privately, Lovina suspected she would have spotted them anywhere, she was so anxious to see them.

When he noticed them, Aaron faltered a bit as they gathered their items and started down the aisle. “Sara came.”

“
Jah
. She did.”

“I was afraid to hope that she'd be here,” he murmured.

“Me, too,” she admitted. Feeling embarrassed, she added, “I've felt so bad about our long separation, I couldn't even bring myself to call her before we left. I wrote her a hasty note instead. I wasn't even sure the letter would get here before we did.”

“Perhaps she was as eager to see us as we were to see her.”

Well, they could only hope.

Peeking at Sara again, Lovina noticed that their eldest daughter looked as beautiful as ever. And also just as determined and reserved. She always had had that look about her, Lovina thought. By the time Sara was five or six, Lovina had begun to rely on her help.

Sara had never shied away from it. She'd always been by Lovina's side, helping with everything from dishes to watching the little ones to feeding the animals in the barn. But then the teenage years had come. Sara had fallen in love with Jay and eventually moved to Lancaster County, much to her parents' dismay. That was the one place Lovina and Aaron had vowed never to visit. And because Lovina and Aaron had been more determined to stay far from the pain of their pasts instead of keeping a close relationship with their daughter, their bond slowly strained, then finally broke apart.

“I've missed Sara,” he murmured. “To my shame, I tried not to think about her, because I missed her so much.”

“I did the same thing sometimes,” she said as they waited for the driver to pull out one more of their bags from the luggage compartment of the bus.

Lovina peeked at Sara again. She didn't look all that happy to see them, but to be fair, she'd rarely ever showed her emotions. Of all their children, Sara was the most like her father. She rarely spoke her mind and had a habit of standing rather stiffly, watching the world go by with a quiet expression on her face.

It used to drive Aden and Peter crazy when they were younger. Both had been chatty boys with big hearts and had never had much patience for a sister who rarely smiled.

Much of Sara's reserved manner had seemingly changed overnight when she and Jay started courting, though. Jay was as easygoing as Sara was not. Lovina had been relieved to see that he could always manage to coax a grin or a burst of laughter from Sara when no one else was able to.

Finally their bag was retrieved and they were on their way.

When they were within calling distance, Lovina raised a hand and called out a little hello.

After a moment's pause, Sara lifted her hand. Her husband smiled but remained quiet. Lovina knew he was letting Sara take the lead.

Please Got,
she prayed silently to herself.
Please help me find the right words to say
. Now, more than ever, Lovina wanted to heal their relationship, not make more fissures.

After a pause, Aaron took the lead and quickened his steps. “Sara and Jay, it's mighty
gut
to see you again!” he called out heartily. “Thank you for coming here to meet us.”

Right away, Jay stepped forward. “I'm glad to see you, too, Aaron. We wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else.”

“I am glad to see you, Daed. At long last,” Sara said quietly.

“Ah.
Jah,
” Aaron said, then looked over his shoulder at Lovina. Her heart sank. She knew that look. He was disappointed with their daughter's greeting and unsure of what to do next.

Well, she supposed she could do her best to patch things by keeping her voice merry and light. “You two are a sight for sore eyes. And sore backs, too,” she joked. “Boy, am I happy to get off that bus,” she said as she caught up with them.

Then, without giving Sara a chance to do anything else, Lovina reached out and hugged her daughter. After the briefest of seconds, Sara lifted her arms and hugged her back. Tightly.

And just like that, the years and the distance and the excuses melted away. For a few moments, at least, things were back like they used to be when Sara was a little girl. Her sweet daughter was close at hand, and because of that, Lovina felt better than ever.

“I've missed you, Sara,” she said. “I truly have.”

“I've . . . I've missed you, too, Mamm.”

Oh, those were golden words. Wonderful to hear. Never would she take such things for granted ever again. Too soon, they broke apart. That's when Lovina realized her eyes were a bit damp.

“My eyes can't seem to stop watering,” she muttered as she wiped her cheeks.

“It's all right, Mamm. Mine seem to be doing the same thing.” This time, when Sara smiled, it looked far more genuine.

“Sara, do you think you can give me one of those?” Aaron asked, his arms already half open.

“Of course, Daed,” she said, walking into her father's arms.

As Lovina shared a quick hug with Jay, she realized that this trip had already accomplished something wonderful. It had brought them to their daughter.

Before it was too late to make things right.

“I can't wait to see the
kinner,
” Lovina said. “Aden said when he saw them your boys were mighty rambunctious.”

Jay chuckled as he grabbed one of their suitcases. “That's one way of putting it. There's others, far less complimentary.”

After getting the other bags, Aaron and Lovina followed Sara to the van and driver who was waiting.

After they all piled into the van, they were on their way to Bird-in-Hand. She and Aaron were in the back row of the van, Jay and Sara in the bench seat in front of them.

As the driver pulled onto the highway, Lovina couldn't help but gaze out the window, anxious to see everything that looked the same but yet so different.

Beside her, she noticed Aaron doing much the same. “It looks so different,” he murmured. “I should have realized that it would.”

“When was the last time you were here, Aaron?” Jay asked.

“Long before you were born.”

Sara turned to look at them. “I wish you would have come out here before now.”

“I know. I wish we would have, too.” Lovina paused, then dived in. “I know you've talked to Peter and Sam and Lorene about everything . . . ”

“Your past wouldn't have made much difference to me, Mamm.”

“I know that. I guess I was hoping that might explain a bit more our reluctance to visit. And I just kept hoping you would come back home,” Lovina said. She felt bad about their estrangement, but she wasn't willing to take all of the blame. Though she'd never exactly said so, Lovina was fairly sure that Sara had moved far away on purpose.

“Lovina,” Aaron whispered. “We will talk. But later. Now is not the time.”

“I can't help how I feel.” She needed to defend herself. “But you're right. I feel bad about how I handled things.”

Sara stared at her again. “Muddah, you are going to tell me everything now, right?”

“I hope so.”

“Good, because everyone has a different story about what is going on with the two of you.”

Lovina raised a brow. “And who is everyone, child?”

“You know. Sam, Lorene, Aden . . . ”

“I suppose everyone has something to say. You could have asked me, you know,” Lovina reminded her.

But instead of taking the olive branch, Sara's voice hardened. “Oh, please. For as long as I can remember, you've never talked about things that make you uncomfortable.”

Jay laid a calming hand on his wife's arm. “We're almost home, Sara. We can discuss things there.”

She shrugged off his touch. “Mamm, when we get home, we're going to be surrounded by the boys. Please, just tell me. . . . Are you both okay? I already know about your English past and Daed's former marriage. Why else did you two travel here? What else do you two possibly have to discover?”

Before Lovina could formulate a reply, Aaron said, “Only the truth, daughter. Your mother and I learned something mighty important over the last few weeks. Sometimes it ain't enough to admit a problem. Sometimes a man must seek forgiveness . . . and the whole complete truth.”

Sara's eyes widened. Obviously Aaron had surprised her with his bluntness. “And that's what you intend to do?”

“I'm going to try,” Aaron said.

“But . . . what if nothing goes like you hoped?”

This time it was Lovina who answered. Unable to help herself, she chuckled. “Oh, Sara. If nothing goes as we hope, I have a feeling we'll feel right at home. That, my dear, has been the story of our lives!”

Next to her, Aaron grinned. Slowly, Jay did, too. At last, Sara looked at her, really looked at her.

And Lovina saw something in her eyes she'd long given up ever seeing: hope.

Softly, Lovina added, “Besides, your
daed
and I wanted to see you and Jay. And the
kinner
, of course. Now that I've gotten to see you? Now that I've gotten to hug you? Why, it's already made this trip a successful one.”

Aaron added, “We should have paid you a visit years ago. I'm sorry, Sara.”

Sara's eyes widened, and Lovina knew it was her father's touching words as much as the fact that he even verbalized them that shook her up so much.

Anxious to move the conversation on, she gave Sara's arm a little pat. “Tell me about the
kinner
, Sara. Tell me about your projects and your gardening and your travel plans. We want to know everything.”

“You knew about my garden?”

“
Jah
. And your upcoming trip to Pinecraft.” She sniffed. “You are not the only one who asks questions, daughter,” Lovina said with a bit of a smile.

And that did the trick. Slowly, Sara began to talk. And as she did, Lovina felt as if a lifetime of broken fences that lay between them slowly started to mend.

The feeling was a glorious one, indeed.

E
lsie was nervous, and the man beside her knew it.

“Elsie, just tell me what you want,” Landon said as she fidgeted beside him in the waiting room of the ophthalmologists' office. “Do you want me to go into the examining room with you? Or, would you rather me stay here?”

“It might be a while. . . .”

“I'm happy to be wherever you want me to be. Elsie, I want to help you in any way I can.”

His selflessness almost took her breath away. For so long, everyone around her told her what they thought she should do . . . as loudly as possible.

But here was Landon, ready to do her bidding.

She was debating what to tell him when the door opened and the receptionist called her name.

“Landon, would you come with me?” she asked.

He stood up and waved a hand, gesturing her forward.

“Got company today, Elsie?” Jennifer, the receptionist, asked.

“
Jah
, I brought a . . . a friend. This is Landon Troyer.”

“Hi, Landon,” Jennifer said as she led Elsie down the hall. When they got to the examination room, Elsie sat down on one of the plastic chairs instead of the fancy examination chair in the middle of the room.

Jennifer left, then a nurse named Maggie came in armed with a blood pressure cuff and a large folder with her health history.

As Landon sat quietly, Elsie awkwardly told the nurse about all the recent problems she'd been having. Sometime during the drive to the office, she had made the decision to be completely honest with both the doctors and nurses and Landon. She had come to find out that the only person who was getting hurt by withholding information was herself.

As Elsie carefully explained her symptoms, stopping often while Maggie wrote down notes, she took care to keep Landon out of her sight. She didn't want to risk seeing his reaction to her news. If she did, she was sure she'd see pure dismay written all over his face.

If she could even see his true expression, she added dryly to herself. At this point, it was becoming harder and harder to do.

Finally, she stopped for breath.

Maggie's pen hovered over her notepad. “Is that everything, Elsie?”

“That is everything.” Inside, her heart sank. What more could she share? It felt as if she had more problems than a dog had fleas.

After Maggie took her blood pressure and pulse, she left the room.

When they were alone, Landon leaned forward. “That was quite a list, Elsie. Are you doing all right? You seemed nervous earlier.”

His tone hadn't been as full of shock as she'd feared. Instead, he sounded caring and worried about her.

Figuring that there was nothing more surprising that she could share, she gazed his way in complete honesty. “I'm doing all right. Fine. Actually, I had imagined telling Maggie the truth was going to be harder than it was.”

“Isn't that how most things are? It's the worrying that gets us.”

She was about to try to come up with something clever to say when the door opened after two brisk raps.

“Elsie Keim. I'm happy to see you, but not for the reasons I heard!” Dr. Palmer said as he gazed at her over the top of his wire-rimmed glasses. “You are having a time of it, aren't you?”

“I suppose I am.”

Right away, her doctor shook Landon's hand. “I'm Scott Palmer.”

“Landon Troyer.”

“Nice to meet you. Glad you came with Elsie. Sometimes I think she tries to do too much on her own.”

“I try to be normal. That's what I try to do.”