The Days of Redemption (61 page)

It was Monday afternoon. The whole house was in an uproar after hearing the wonderful-
gut
news about Marie's recovery.

While Viola and Beth went with Aden to the hospital, Elsie made the choice to stay with Amanda and make some cookies and casseroles. If Elsie knew her mother, the moment she started feeling better, she would want to start managing the household again. The only way to encourage her to rest was to have everything in order before she came home.

“What do you want to make first?” Amanda said. “Oatmeal cookies or chicken-and-stuffing casserole?”

“Let's make the cookies,” Elsie decided. “The kids can have a few while we are working on the other dishes.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Amanda turned on the oven, then left to check on Regina, Lindy, and Caleb.

Elsie busied herself with getting out the ingredients for the cookies. She hardly needed the recipe; she'd made them so many times. But after she got out the mixing bowl and combined the brown sugar and the butter, her eyes began to betray her.

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't read a single word on the recipe card. Her head started to pound behind her eyes as she squinted, trying to discover whether the recipe called for one tablespoon or one teaspoon of cinnamon, baking soda, and salt.

To her dismay, it seemed as if her vision had decided to take a sharp downward turn over the last week. Tears of frustration pricked her eyes as she realized that she wasn't going to be able to hide how bad things had gotten for much longer.

And just as frightening as the degeneration was the knowledge that her family would use it as an excuse to shelter her all the more.

That was the last thing they all needed, especially with her mother likely to come home from the hospital in the next day or two. Elsie didn't want all the attention centered on her instead of her mother.

She'd been concentrating so hard on trying to decipher the recipe's squiggly words and on her frustration, she didn't hear Amanda enter the kitchen until she was standing at her side.

Amanda laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Elsie, what's wrong?”

“I . . . I'm having trouble reading the recipe,” she admitted.

After a pause, Amanda picked up the card. “What did you have trouble reading?” she asked, her voice even and matter-of-fact.

“I, uh, can't read the measurements for the seasonings,” she said reluctantly. “I can't see the exact measurements.”

“It says here we need one teaspoon of cinnamon, one teaspoon of baking soda, and a pinch of salt. Does that help?”

“
Jah
.” Swallowing her pride, she said, “Could you read the rest of the recipe out loud to me?”

“Of course.” Slowly, she recited the amount of flour and oatmeal needed, as well as the note her mother had made about vanilla.

When everything was in the bowl, she picked up a metal spoon. “
Danke
, Amanda. I've got it now.”

“You're welcome.” She turned away and started cutting up vegetables. But even with her poor eyesight, Elsie knew Amanda was struggling with holding her tongue.

Elsie felt Amanda's gaze as she stirred, then dropped spoonfuls of cookie dough onto the baking sheet. As one minute bled into two, Elsie braced herself for the inevitable lecture.

But Amanda stayed silent, the sound of her chopping more vegetables into neat, uniform pieces their only company.

Only when the cookies were almost ready to come out of the oven did Amanda speak.

“Elsie, what are you going to do?”

Elsie could have played dumb but she knew exactly what Amanda was referring to. She sighed. “I'm going to go to the
doktah
soon.”

“When, exactly?”

“When things settle down around here,” she replied, wincing. Even to her ears the excuse sounded feeble. She opened the oven door and busied herself with taking out the tray of cookies.

“You need to make an appointment, Elsie. You should have already made an appointment. We both know that.”

“I said I will.”

“Elsie . . .”

“There's no hurry. My sight has only recently taken a turn for the worse.” Then, of course, there was the little matter of her being afraid to see the doctor and hearing what his prognosis was. Sometimes not knowing the truth was easier than confronting it head-on.

Amanda continued to work on the casserole, not looking Elsie's way. But her attention did not waver. “You're playing with fire, Elsie. It's wrong to ignore your problems, and you know it.”

Elsie expected this kind of bossing from her sister, Viola, but Amanda was new to their family, and had seemed more reserved. This insistence was surprising. “I thought you would be more understanding.”

Her voice gentled. “Elsie, my first husband died of cancer. Since then, I've had a little girl to raise by myself. I couldn't have gotten through any of it if I had been an ostrich. You can't ignore your body. It's a mistake to ignore a problem, and a bigger mistake to not get help when you need it. ” With a grimace, she added, “Believe me, I tried.”

“You don't understand. You've seen my family already. If my vision is worse, my family is going to treat me like a child, even more than they already do.” Worse, like a prisoner, not letting her do anything without supervision.

Amanda turned from her preparations and looked at Elsie. “Listen to me. If you are pretending to see better than you can, something terrible could happen. What are you going to do if you hurt yourself or someone else?”

“I won't. At least, I hope I won't,” she added under her breath as she picked up a spatula and started carefully transferring the cookies to the countertop to cool.

“But what if you do?”

Amanda's voice was so solemn, Elsie forced herself to stop and really look at her. That's when she noticed how very worried she was. Not just about Elsie, but about Regina, too.

A lump formed in Elsie's throat as the reality of her denial hit her hard. What would she do if she accidentally hurt Regina?

“All right. All right. I promise I will call the doctor.” Sometime soon.

To her surprise, Amanda walked her to the phone. “How about you call right now?”

“Amanda—”

“Call now or I'm going to tell Roman. And we both know what he'll be like.”

“That's not fair.” Roman would bully her, practically drag her to the doctor, appointment or not.

“Don't you understand that there is nothing ‘fair' about what happens to a person? People get sick and hurt. Accidents happen. God doesn't give everyone only what is fair. Instead, He gives us what He thinks we can handle.”

Elsie wanted to protest again. But under her sister-in-law's watchful expression, she realized that she no longer had a choice about what to do. And worse, she realized that Amanda was right and she'd been wrong. There was something worse than knowing the truth about her blindness—hurting someone she loved through her stubbornness and fear.

Feeling resigned, she picked up the phone. Taped to the inside of one of the kitchen cabinets was Dr. Palmer's card. “Amanda, could you dial the number?” She couldn't bear to admit that she couldn't discern any of the numbers.

But then she realized she was fooling herself more than her sister-in-law. Amanda probably knew she couldn't read the numbers at all.

“Of course.” She punched in the numbers, then handed the phone to her.

It only rang twice. “Doctor Palmer's offices,” a pleasant voice said upon answering. “May I help you?”

“Yes. This is Elsie Keim. I'm . . . I'm afraid my vision has gotten worse. I need to come in.”

After a pause, the receptionist said, “Well, Elsie, I'm sorry to hear that. Is it an emergency? Do you need to come in this week?”

“It's not an emergency. But I should probably come in soon,” she said, not daring to look at Amanda.

“Please hold.”

As she held the line, Elsie felt her stomach start to churn.

Finally, the receptionist returned. “Elsie, I just spoke with Dr. Palmer. He wants to see you, but he's booked fairly solid. Is there any way you could call us early next week? Sometime on Monday? By then, he should know when he can squeeze you in.”

Glad for the tiny reprieve, Elsie took it and held on tight. “
Jah
. I mean, yes, I can do that.
Danke
.”

When she hung up, she explained the situation to Amanda. “So, I should be seeing the doctor sometime next week,” she said at last.

“I wish you had an appointment, but I guess he's a busy man. Well, listen, I'll go with you if you don't want to ask anyone else,” Amanda said.

“You're not going to let me sneak to this appointment, are you?”

“I'm sorry, but I won't. This is too important.
You
are too important, Elsie.”

It looked like the decision had been made. In a week, the news that she'd been dreading forever would become fact.

The floors of the kitchen they were sanding now felt as smooth as a newborn lamb's fleece.

Satisfied with the job they'd done, Daniel and Landon decided to end their day a little early. Tomorrow morning, they'd have Zip and Craig meet them at the house, and the four of them would apply layer after layer of stain, rubbing the color in with soft rags until Daniel was satisfied with the depth of color.

Landon headed home and hit the shower, washing the dust and grime off his tired body. He was just about to make a thick turkey and ham sandwich when Roman knocked on the door.

“Roman?”

“Hi. I was hoping you'd be home.”

“You caught me on a good day. I'm usually still at work.” He opened the door wider. “So, have you decided to offer your services to me this afternoon as payback for all of my hard labor?”

“I do owe you, that's for sure.”

“I'll take you up on it one day soon. There ain't much that needs to be done at the moment.” He paused and grinned. “But you can mow the grass if you've got a mind to do it.”

Roman's lips curved in what could only be described as a reluctant smile. “I'll pass on that, but thanks.” Still hovering in the doorway, he said, “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Come on in, then.” Landon led the way to his sparse kitchen. “Want a sandwich?”

“No, thanks, but you go ahead.”

Landon was so hungry, he didn't need any further encouragement. But as he was chewing that first bite, he started to realize that Roman hadn't come over to talk about work. “What did you want to speak to me about?”

“Elsie.”

“What about her?”

“I know you took her out.”

Landon wondered why he brought that up. “ You were there when I asked her.”

His mouth suddenly felt dry. Grabbing his glass, he took a gulp of water. “I took her on a buggy ride, Roman. That's it.” He hoped his friend knew his intentions were nothing but honorable. Being a big brother himself, he could imagine the protectiveness Roman might be feeling.

“I know. But my sister and I got the feeling that you might be seeing each other again soon.”

“We might. Is that a problem?”

“Maybe.” Looking increasingly uneasy, Roman took a chair. “We need to talk about you courting Elsie.”

“I'm a grown man, Roman, and she's no child.” Suddenly, a terrible thought entered his mind. “Is something wrong? Did Elsie say I upset her?” He couldn't imagine what she would have found fault with, but he'd learned that sometimes a woman's perception didn't always match what a man's was.

“It's nothing like that.” Looking aggrieved, Roman added, “Matter of fact, she said she had a
gut
time with you.”

“And why is that a problem?”

“You need to know something about my sister.”

“What do you mean?” Landon didn't care for the way the conversation was going. He and his brother were close, and they'd both looked after their baby sister, Mary, too. But never had they ever interfered in each other's romances.

Or in his case, his
almost
romance. After all, all he'd shared with Elsie was a few conversations and one buggy ride.

Roman glanced at Landon's face, then at his sandwich, then settled on his folded hands. “It's like this. My sister Elsie has an eye disease.”

Landon stopped chewing. Pushing his sandwich to one side, he gave Roman his full attention.

“She was diagnosed at age twelve.”

“Diagnosed? I know she wears glasses . . . ”

“It's more than that.” After taking a breath, Roman exhaled softly. “Ever since she was a little girl, her eyesight has been steadily getting worse. Fact is, she'll one day be almost blind. Even now, her vision is very poor.”

“What?” He chuckled, though what Roman was saying wasn't funny. “Roman, I watched her unpin clothes from the clothesline. I've walked by her side. She can see just fine.”

“Not as well as you think.” He cleared his throat. “We're starting to find out that Elsie can't see as well as she pretends to. And one day, probably sooner than she'd like to admit, she won't be able to see at all.”

As Landon sat there, stunned, Roman continued. “I like you, Landon. I think you're a good neighbor, and I believe we could be close friends. But I also care for my sister
verra
much. I don't want to see her get hurt.”

“And you think I might hurt her?”

“Maybe, if you don't want to marry a woman who can't see,” he said bluntly. “Landon, I didn't come over here to make trouble. But I thought you needed to know this about her . . . just in case she didn't tell you about her vision problems herself.”

“Obviously she didn't tell me. No one did,” Landon said testily. He was starting to resent this situation. Both the fact the he hadn't even noticed her problem and the fact that no one had even hinted about her trouble. He'd worked hours by Roman's side and not once had he mentioned it.

“I didn't think she had.” Roman shrugged. “I don't want Elsie getting her hopes up about a relationship, you see. On the off chance that your, ah, feelings for her might have changed.”

“Because I wouldn't want to court a lady who is going blind.” Landon knew his voice was flat.

“She's going to need to be cared for, Landon,” Roman stated as he got to his feet. “I don't mind looking after her, and neither does anyone in my family. Elsie is a wonderful sister and a good person. She may be able to make some man a wonderful-
gut
frau
one day. But she needs the right man.”

Looking even more uncomfortable, he continued with his hat in his hand, “I'm not saying that's not you. . . . But sometimes, when a man looks for a wife? He wants a woman to be his helpmate. Anyway, I wanted you to know . . . to know the truth.”

“And what did Elsie think about you coming over to tell me this?”

“She doesn't know. And she's going to be upset with me when she finds out.”

“You aren't worried about that?”

“
Nee
. If hurting her now will save her from pain down the road, I knew I had to take that chance.” Roman chewed on his lip, clearly contemplating whether to say any more. “Landon, you've been a good friend. I figured you might not want to court a woman who is going blind, and I felt I owed it to you to tell you the truth. I also wanted you to take some care when you were with her. You can't simply assume . . .”

“That she could see,” he finished quietly.

“Jah.”
After shaking Landon's hand, he strode out of the house, leaving Landon grappling with the news. Slowly, he walked back to his kitchen table and reached for his plate again.

He wondered if he should have picked up signs. But everything he'd seen of Elsie revealed a determined, capable woman. He'd seen her in the kitchen, helping to cook, and she walked inside without needing any help when he dropped her off. She might not be able to see perfectly, but she definitely hadn't seemed helpless.

Roman had to be exaggerating. Most likely, he was simply being overprotective.

But as he worked his way through his sandwich, he began to reconsider.

From what he'd learned of Roman Keim, the man wasn't one to overstate things. He was honest to the point of bluntness. So telling a tall tale about his sister didn't make sense. Plus, why would he want to prevent her happiness?

As he washed his plate and dried it, Landon began to think about what he really wanted in a wife.

For the last few years, he'd done everything he could to realize his goals. Being able to achieve them in a relatively short amount of time had been a great source of pride. Now that he was working with Daniel, he wanted to be successful. When he married, he had expected that his wife would be much like Daniel's Edith. She would take care of things at home and be in charge of raising their children. That way he would be able to devote the time he needed to his job.

But what would it mean if he had a wife who couldn't see? How could a woman care for a baby if she couldn't see him? How could she do anything without help?

Once more, how would he feel about that? He was a fairly independent man. Did he want to have a wife whom he might have to care for like a child? Even a woman as sweet and attractive as Elsie?

He honestly didn't know.

Well, rather, he knew, but he didn't want to face his worst fears. He didn't want to believe that he was the type of man who wouldn't be interested in a woman who had a disability like that.

He was going to have to face the facts. . . . He wanted a wife one day. A real one in every sense of the word.

Not a blind one.

It didn't make him proud, but he couldn't deny how he felt.

Leaning against the wall, he rested his head back and closed his eyes. It was a difficult day, to realize one wasn't the person one hoped to be.

At least, not yet.