The Day to Remember (4 page)

“So …” Emma interrupted my thoughts. “Is she really your ex?”

“Yes. Absolutely,” I said with conviction. “We are not together anymore.”

“So why did she stop by that morning? Does she do that often?”

I could sense the jealousy in her voice, and a part of me was thrilled to know that she was jealous. It meant she still wanted to be with me. “No, she doesn’t stop by often—actually rarely. She lives in LA. I didn’t know she was in town this past weekend and I wasn’t expecting her to stop by unannounced. She shouldn’t have done that. I’m not sure exactly what she told you, but she’s not my girlfriend. I hope you believe me.” I looked at her expectantly, hoping we could put all this behind us.

“I do believe you,” she said softly as she looked up at me. Our eyes locked and I felt
the undeniable attraction between us.

I leane
d down and gently kissed her soft, sweet lips. “I’ve missed you,” I whispered. “I’m really sorry she stopped by and said what she said to you. I don’t like seeing you hurt. I would do anything to take it back if I could. I hate that I’m the one that caused you any pain.”

She kissed me back and whispered, “I’m scared, Brandon.”

“Of what?” I didn’t understand her statement and anxiety shot through me.

“I was really hurt when I thought
that she was your girlfriend—that you loved someone else. I felt stupid and embarrassed that I was the other woman. And that really hurt. I’m scared because I know that if you can cause me this kind of pain now, I’m not sure I will survive the pain you would cause when I fall harder for you. And I will fall harder for you if I continue to see you.”

My hand reached for her face and I pulled her closer to me. The visible pain in her eyes gnawed at my heart. “I don’t want you to be scared to be with me.
I would never intentionally hurt you, Emma. I really want this to work between us. Desiree is a part of my past and I can’t change that, but you are who I want to be with—my present and my future. Just give me a chance to prove that to you.”

There were tears in her eyes and she looked up at me with a l
ook of hope and gently nodded. Relief washed through me and I pulled her into my arms and she buried her face into my chest. I embraced her tightly and kissed her forehead. “Thank you,” I whispered. “You mean more to me than you know.” I meant it. I hadn’t known it at the time, but I had fallen in love with her during the first night we met. I couldn’t explain why, but there was something about her. I felt myself gravitate towards her. Her pure innocence and sincerity drew me in and made me want to stay with her forever. I felt carefree when I was with her. I wanted to be a better man for her. And above all, she made me laugh. I couldn’t remember the last time I truly laughed before meeting her.

“Brandon?” Emma looked up from under my arms. “Can you tell me something?”

“Of course.” I felt my body stiffen at her question.

“Can you tell me about her?”

“About Desiree?” I didn’t feel like delving into the past, and this was not the conversation I wanted to have right now.

“Yes.” She looked at me tentatively. “I just want to know a little more about your relationship with her. I just don’t unde
rstand why she would just show up at your place unannounced. I need you to help me understand your relationship with her.”

“I understand
. I really do,” I said, trying to stall as I thought about what I wanted to tell her. I wasn’t ready to tell her everything, and she didn’t need to know everything. “Well, Des and I were high school sweethearts.” I paused before admitting, “And we were each other’s first love.” I saw the unease in Emma’s face at those words. “It was puppy love,” I explained. “We were young and we were there for one another during that time. But when we graduated high school, I moved to Boston for college and she moved to L.A. We tried to stay together, but we grew apart.” I paused and looked at Emma. She was deep in thought, and I wished I knew what she was thinking.

“How long were you guys together for?”

“We started dating at the beginning of our junior year in high school. We did the long-distance dating thing all through college, but I’m not sure that counted. We broke up a number of times and barely saw each other. We also casually dated other people between each break-up.”

“When was the last time you guys were together?”

I thought about my answer before saying, “We officially broke up shortly after we graduated from college. Our relationship during college was rocky. We were long distance the entire time, and with summer internships and studying abroad, we never saw each other for more than a week or two at time.”

“So when was that?”

I wasn’t sure why she wanted to know the details, and I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. “Um, about three years ago.”

“So why was she in town? I still don’t get it.”

“Emma, I really don’t want to talk about the past. I want to talk about us and our relationship.” I wanted her to drop this line of questioning. I wanted her to see me the way she did before Des showed up.

“Brandon, I need to know. I’m sorry if I’m prying, but please see this from my perspective. I’ve had one of the worst few days of my life after the best night of my life with you. I need to understand why your ex would just show up at your place and tell me she’s your girlfri
end. You owe me at least that.”

I could hear the hurt in her voice, and feelings of guilt and fear
washed over me. I wanted to tell her everything, but I was afraid that if I did, she would never look at me the way she used to—like I was the perfect man who could do no wrong, like I was the
one
for her. I wanted—no, I needed her to look at me that way.

“Emma, I do want to tell you everything—”

“So are you saying that you’re not telling me everything?”

I took a deep breath. How am I going to explain this? “No, that’s not what I was saying. Emma, please understand that I do have a long history with Des. She was there for me when I went through a dark period of my life during high school. Well recently, she was going through some things of her own, and I knew I needed to be there for her. She didn’t have anyone else to turn to.”

“Oh,” she said quietly and her expression softened. “What dark period of your life? Is she okay?”

I looked at her with pleading eyes. I wanted this to be a happy lunch for us, not something so heavy. I didn’t want to think about my past, about a time when I was at my lowest. But I knew I had to
tell her. If I wanted to keep Emma in my life, I had to fight against my urge to close her out and share my pain with her. I took both her hands and squeezed it. She looked at me with concern and love, and I realized how much I needed her in my life—how much I needed her innocence and love.

“This was not how I had
wanted to tell you about this part of my past. I haven’t shared this with many people. Actually, I haven’t told anyone who didn’t already know because they were in my life during that time.” I paused and looked at her, and the reassuring look in her eyes made me feel more relaxed.

I took a deep breath before continuing, “
I lost my mom when I was 16.” My heart twisted in pain from saying this out loud, from admitting it had happened. It had been almost 11 years since I’ve lost her, but time had not made it easier. Time had not healed those wounds.

“
Oh, Brandon. I’m so sorry,” Emma whispered softly and I saw the sadness in her eyes. She pulled me into her arms and hugged me, and I felt myself relax in the security of her embrace—in the security of her pure love, a place where sadness did not exist. “What happened?” There was no pity in her voice, just unadulterated concern and sadness, and I felt my feelings for this beautiful woman deepen.

“She died from breast cancer.
” I felt a surge of emotions surface inside me. “The doctors discovered the lump the year before she passed away, but at that point, it was too late. The cancer had spread to other parts of her body, and the doctors said it was terminal and that she only had up to a year to live.”

“That’s awful.” Tears welled up in Emma’s eyes, and it pained me to cause her more tears.

“Yeah, it was,” I whispered as I thought about my mother. “My mom was one of the most amazing women I’ve ever known. Everything good about who I am today was because of her and how she raised me. I wish she knew how much she meant to me.”

“Brandon, I’m s
ure she knew,” Emma said softly as her hand rubbed my back.

“
She had convinced my dad not to tell me right away about the cancer. She didn’t want death to be what our family thought about during her last days with us. She wanted us to think only about love. She gave me so much love during the last year of her life while she was in pain, and I didn’t even know. I didn’t know until they rushed her into the hospital due to internal bleeding. I didn’t know until the last week of her life that she was dying. I didn’t even get the chance to show her how much I loved her.” Tears blinded my vision as I relived the darkest days of my life. I felt Emma’s gentle hands brushed against my cheeks as she pulled me into her embrace. I buried my face into the contours of her neck and hair and inhaled her comforting scent.

“I’m so sorry, Brandon. I’m sure she knew you loved her very much. She sounds like an amazing
person.”

“She was. Losing her was the hardest thing I’ve gone through. My dad tried to be there for me, but he was going through his own grief over my mom.
I went into a deep depression and shut the world out for a very long time.”

We remained silent for awhile as I relived those memories in my mind.

“So, was that when you met Desiree?” Emma asked tentatively. I could hear the discomfort in her voice when she said Des’s name.

“
We had just started dating a few months before my mom passed away. She had refused to let me shut her out and was there for me. For the longest time, she was the only one I really spoke to outside of school. In a way, she saved my life.”

“I see,” Emma said softly. I saw the anguish in her face.

“Emma, this is why I didn’t want to tell you about this so soon. Des was there for me and I will always be indebted to her for not giving up on me when I was at my lowest. Recently, she was going through some tough times of her own, and I wanted to be there for her. I do still love her and care about her, but as a
friend
.” I emphasized the last word, hoping that Emma could understand and accept this. “Emma, there’s nothing you need to worry about between Des and me.”

I leaned down and kissed her lips. “She may be an important part of my world, but I want you to be in the center of my world.
”

“I’m not sure what to say. This is a lot to take in.”
Her face was a mixture of emotions that I couldn’t quite understand.

“I know,” I said with a nod. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this sooner, but we haven’t known each other for that long and I wanted you to get to know me for me, and not me with my past.”

“I understand. And I’m sorry I didn’t let you explain things sooner and ran out. I was just so hurt when I saw her. She’s gorgeous, she showed up unannounced at your place on a Saturday morning, and she said she was your girlfriend. There was no reason for me to doubt the truth of her words.”

I felt a wave of anger for Des and the mess she had caused.
“Don’t apologize. There’s nothing you should be sorry for. I’m sorry you had to meet her that way. I didn’t realized she told you she was my girlfriend. She kept denying she said anything. We broke up three years ago. I know it’s not an excuse, but she’s going through a lot right now. We dated for eight years, and sometimes, I’m not sure if she has completely accepted the fact that we’re not together anymore.

“Yeah, it doesn’t seem like she has,” Emma agreed. Her voice was even, and I could tell she was trying to hide her feelings from me.

“Hey,” I squeezed her arms lightly, “that doesn’t matter. I told her about you and she knows that we’re together—at least I hope we’re still together.” I looked at her for affirmation.

She nodded with a
small smile, and I felt a huge weight of anxiety lift from my shoulders. I was relieved that we’re finally moving on from this misunderstand.

“Hey, I’m really sorry for putting you through all this. I know I caused you a lot of pain. I want to do something special for you.”

“Oh, you don’t have to. Just don’t hurt me again, and I’ll be happy.” She gave me a smile that masked the pain I could see that I had caused.

Man, she was too swee
t and forgiving.
I pulled her in for another kiss—this time, our lips lingered and we explored each other with a rushed eagerness. I almost forgot how much I missed her lips; they were soft and sweet, and instantly, I wished the pier wasn’t full with the lunch crowd rush walking past us.

“What are you doing after work today?” I asked brightly. I wanted to show her how much I cared about her. I wanted to plan something romantic for her. I wanted her to know how sorry I was
for causing her so much pain.

“Honestly, I haven’t thought that far ahead. When I got up for work today, this wasn’t how I anticipated the day to go,” she
said.