The Day the Flowers Died (14 page)

Rebecca smelled the array of food hidden in the kitchen which
was prepared by Deborah and Sarah while Ezekiel told the
story.  She found herself eager for the Seder to conclude so
that she might eat, but knew the Seder would be long and she tried
to hold onto her patience.  After the story finished, everyone
stood again and washed their hands and then Ezekiel gave a
blessing.  Rebecca followed behind Eli.  Two more
blessings were given over the matzo which, at this time, was broken
and taken.  Eli noticed Rebecca’s fascination with each
detail.  Then a blessing was given, followed by the
horseradish and mixture of fruit spread over the matzo.

Rebecca watched everyone and waited for the family to eat the
matzo before taking any herself.

Deborah stood, followed by Ada and Sarah and they each brought
in a plate of food to the table. Homemade matzo balls, baked potato
pancakes, braised chicken, beets, briskets, and grilled duck filled
the plates.  But before anyone ate, they enjoyed eating the
egg and then finally filled their plates with food.  Rebecca’s
appetite was well worn at this time and Eli turned to her,
whispering in jest.

“I told you it would be awhile before we eat.” Rebecca could
only smile and hold her tongue.  After dinner, they enjoyed
the dessert and chocolate-covered matzo, followed by two more cups
of wine.

Miriam made it a point at this time to share her contribution to
the dinner.  “I made the dessert myself,” she said with a high
smile that pinched her pinkish cheeks.

“With Mama’s help,” Deborah added.

“The feast was amazing.” Rebecca complimented Deborah and then
Ezekiel.  Deborah smiled with warmth like Ezekiel, but to
Rebecca her warmth seemed more heartfelt, much like Eli’s own
smiles.

Eli escorted Rebecca to the living room and, on their way, Sarah
brushed past Eli.  Rebecca continued onto the living area and
sat where she had previously, giving the two of them a chance to
talk in private.

“She’s very pleasant and sweet,” Sarah said and Eli could hear
the but in her voice, “but she is so very goy.” Sarah tried to say
the word with the utmost politeness, but tact came second to
honesty for her.  They whispered in the corner before the
entrance to the living room and Rebecca overheard the word and,
though not knowing what it fully meant, gathered it implied
something about her in a negative light.  Before Eli broke
away from his sister, she concluded, “Father will never
approve.”

When Eli walked into the living room, an outsider wouldn’t have
known any discord had occurred between him and his sibling from his
gay disposition and relaxed smile.  But Rebecca knew something
was wrong.  Eli built a wall of confidence every time his
insecurities festered, and she could see the wall now, a façade of
ease when she could feel him crumbling.

He was crumbling, not only because he knew his father would
disapprove of her despite his warm welcome, and not only because of
Deseire’s shame of him; he was crumbling because he also felt
Rebecca pulling away.  He could feel it inside of him ever
since the argument she had with her mother at graduation. For the
past few weeks she had been growing more distant.  He didn’t
want her to know his family had oppositions too, or for her to
sense any more uncertainty in the relationship.

Eli watched Rebecca watching Miriam and Leah play games on the
floor.  She watched the kids play for some time, whispering to
Eli and stealing unseen kisses until Ezekiel called Eli to the
den.

Ezekiel stood over a desk of papers and files when Eli arrived
and he waved his son into talk with him.

“Yes, Father?”

“I need to speak with you before you go.  You know I don’t
like to handle these personal matters over the phone or in the
office.”

“Yes.” Eli’s body became fixed, tense like it had when he was
scolded as a boy.

“Close the door.”

Eli followed his father’s instruction and then returned to
him.

“You know I don’t have to tell you this, but I’m going to
anyhow.  I and your mama realize you have strong feelings for
Rebecca, but the two of you come from different worlds and these
worlds can’t mix.  It’s dangerous for the both of you.”

“I know, Papa, but I want to be with her.”

“What you want and what is good for you are two different
matters.”

Eli relaxed at his father’s soft tone.  “She is good for
me.”

“I’m sorry, but your mama and I have talked about this
extensively,” Ezekiel rubbed his brows, “and we have overlooked
your propensity to see her intimately.  But you must find a
Jewish woman.” His rough words came from a place of softness and
though Ezekiel had said we decided, Eli knew it meant he decided
and Eli’s face flushed, knowing the obstinacy of his father.

“This is my life, my decision.” Eli’s sturdy words were yet like
a whimper, begging the world to understand.

“We cannot allow this under our roof.  I am sorry, Eli.”
Ezekiel’s face wrinkled with fret.  “The Nazi party has only
recently been ordered to ban the activities of the SA and SS. 
The violence is out of hand and you know as well as I do this ban
will not last long.  People are not sympathetic to the desires
of your heart.”

Eli’s hand became a fixed fist of tension holding the anger of a
world not ready to understand, and he slammed it on the desk.

“I love her!”

The anger his father knew was not directed at him, or at the
desk of papers, but at the country falling apart, at the unfair
treatment, at the tensions growing in the city he once loved and at
his desperate grip, trying to hold onto a relationship with the
woman he loved, loved more than any other woman.  Eli swung
the door open and walked out to the living room where Rebecca’s
ears perked and she pretended to have not heard anything.  He
reached his hand out to her and she gripped it with her own, then
they walked out of the house and to his car.

Saturday, May 7, 1932

Eli had not seen Rebecca since Pesach and expected to see her
this weekend since the whole of last week kept them both too busy
to find time with each other.  Eli worried the argument
between his father and himself would cause one more reason for
Rebecca to pull away from him.

He could already feel the awkwardness in the car on the drive
home that night, an awkwardness Rebecca did not know what to do
with, fidgeting with her fingers and then the car door and then her
own door as she said goodnight to Eli with a simple kiss on the
cheek.  Her kiss felt different that night, still with
passion, but sad, a subtle sadness, but there nonetheless. 
Eli never missed any of the little things when it came to her.

Knocking on her door Saturday midmorning, Rebecca answered with
a warm cup of tea in her hands.  Another teacup waited on the
table.  She knew Eli would come over that morning because he
called her Friday night.  She made his tea just the way he
liked it with a slice of lemon.  The steam from his teacup was
still intense and Eli could see it rising from across the
room.  He shut the door and walked over to her wood table
designed in a similar fashion to his.  It always reminded him
of the night they made love on his table.

He rested his feet from the race down to her room, sipping his
lemon flavored tea. Rebecca’s lace robe covered her silk nightgown,
a gown she still wore from sleeping in that morning.  She
wandered from her bedroom back to the wood table and then hung
there like moss dangling from the trees.  It was hard for Eli
to distinguish her emotions and this worried him. He was always
good at reading her, but today she seemed aloof and a bit
despondent.  He nudged her and she used an unknown smile, one
Eli had not yet seen.

“What’s wrong, Rebecca?”

“Nothing,” she insisted, but her avoidance only hinted her need
of Eli to pry into her feelings.

“Something is wrong.  Would you please tell me?” Eli’s
concerned tone wavered in uneasiness.  Rebecca sat in the wood
chair across from him.  Her eyes appeared cloudy and she drew
her hand to her other hand as if comforting and consoling
herself.

“It’s us…me.  I don’t think we can be together anymore.”
Rebecca said this statement with weak intonation and a flustered
sadness.  Eli was taken aback by her proclamation, feeling her
pulling away the past few weeks, but never realizing the full
weight until her round lips spoke those words.

“Why?” His response was sharp.

“My family, your family, this country, no one desires us to be
together.  Where is the hope in a future?” Her words were
true, but painful to Eli, to her, all the same, “I heard you
arguing with your father.  I don’t want to do that to
you.  I am tearing you away from them.”

“No, Rebecca.  My father will come to understand.  My
mother will grow to embrace you like a daughter.” Eli insisted on
solving this problem Rebecca had formed in her mind, but he wasn’t
accustomed to resolving feelings and the unseen emotions of the
heart.  Even a lawyer had his limitations.  He enjoyed
deliberating concrete evidence, figures and facts.

“It’s not just your family, its mine too.  It’s everyone.”
Rebecca wiped her face, her tears from her reddening eyes. 
“You can’t tell me the prejudice is not there when it is.  I
don’t want to admit it, but it’s there all the time.  We can’t
even get away from it with the people who raised us, the people who
are supposed to love us, no matter what.”

“Don’t do this.” Eli’s calm demeanor, which formed habitually
out of practice at his law offices, crumbled and his emotions
intensified.  “Please, don’t do this.  I love you.” His
words pressed hard into her ears as he drew her close to him. 
The emotions she tried to hide, to forget, leapt to the foremost of
her mind.

“I love you.” Rebecca reached for his hand and her forefinger
glided across his knuckles and wrist and back again, “but we have
to be apart.” With a heavy breath, she took her hands away and
wiped more tears from the corners of her eyes.

Eli pressed her to his chest.  “I don’t want to let you
go,” he said and Rebecca struggled with her arms to push him back,
wanting with every instinct to pull him toward her and make love
once more.

“You have to,” she said with a brief exhalation of air, her sigh
caught between pleasure and retreat.  They pushed and pulled
in each other’s arms, not in a dance of passion, but in a dance of
sadness and pain.

Rebecca’s robe became entangled in Eli’s embrace, clinging to
his fingers and then she pushed him with frail hands and red eyes,
with a spirit that wanted to pull him back.  Eli turned away,
released the silk robe, and walked to the door with his head down
and without looking back to say goodbye.

For Eli, goodbye would not come easily, not with someone he
loved more than himself.  He knew in this moment he loved her
more than anything else, because when she asked him to go, he left
not for himself as everything in him drew him to her, but for her,
because she asked him to.  The last request that he could
honor between them and he did because he loved her.

The next day was terribly upsetting for Rebecca and she could
barely get out of bed, regretting what she had done and second
guessing her decision, but the phone rang and she did not have time
to dwell in her thoughts.  The man on the other end spoke and
requested that she come back to the hospital to fill out paperwork
if she still wanted the job.

Rebecca hung up with a new hope inside of her, a hope that the
course of her life had not ended with Eli, but perhaps had another
beginning, a beginning that would be spent in healing the sick and
nursing the wounds of patients.  She told herself this was
best between them.  He could live in peace with his family and
marry the kind of woman they expected and she could fulfill her
familial obligations.  She, half despondent and half with
earnest diligence, clad herself in a long black silk dress with a
gold colored belt and made her way to the hospital across town.

She found the steps of the hospital to be wide and long and had
to walk a bit before hitting each next step.  The gentleman on
the other end of the phone waited for her in the front office and
escorted her to a back room where the man who interviewed her
sat.

Her long brown hair with hints of warm honey was pinned up into
a bun.  A black silk scarf wrapped around her neck and her
black long heels helped her decadent dress wear easy on the
eyes.  The man asked her to sit and she obliged with a
tightened smile that curled downward in the corners. A bundled mix
of nervousness and politeness, she fidgeted with her hands before
placing them on her lap.

“Miss.  Baum, it is Miss, correct?”

“Yes, I’m not married.”

“Fine young lady like yourself should find a husband in no time
at all.” Rebecca tried not to linger in the thought of marriage and
puffed her smile a bit to show she heard him, then waited for his
instructions.  “I guess I should get to the point.”

He surveyed a pile of papers and then returned his gaze to
Rebecca.  “We recently lost a nurse who was with us for some
time, a Ms. Eppes.” He said her name slowly as if he had to read it
off a chart, “and we need a replacement.  She was mostly in
charge of handling paperwork up front, but we also needed her to
occasionally assist the doctors in the back with their
patients.  Does this sound like something suitable for
you?”

Rebecca nodded before the words came out of her mouth, “Yes,
yes,” she said, excited yet uncertain of the way the job had become
available to her.  “You say a Ms. Eppes left the
hospital?”

“Yes.”

“May I inquire the circumstances of her departure?”

“It’s really a private matter, but we received too many
complaints from patients who didn’t want to be treated by her.”