The Day Of The Wave (18 page)

A smaller boat pulls up to the side in minutes and the guy on board throws a rope up. I gather up our bags and towels, help Izzy to her feet. Kalaya storms ahead of us and says something to Justin. He's surrounded by people, obviously talking about me. 

I help Izzy down the ladder and let a Thai guy help her across into the rubber rescue boat. Kalaya's next. She doesn't let me help her on and she sits down heavily, still with her arms folded, makes a point of staring out at the water and avoiding eye contact as we speed off, back to the beach. Izzy's quiet too as she grips the side handle hard and keeps her eyes on the approaching mainland, still with the towel around her. The tension's back in the air, a thousand times stronger now, bubbling up like a volcano.

*

'I'm going to Bamboo Island,' Kalaya informs me as soon as we're back in the room. She stalks around, picking up all her clothes, all her accessories and make up, shoves them as fast as she can into her bag. 

'Really?' I say, sitting down in the chair by the desk. My head hurts and so does my hand - it's still throbbing. I down a whole bottle of water and watch her go to the bathroom for her toothbrush.

'Yes, I'm going to camping party with Justin.' The way she spits his name is nothing short of venomous; towards me, not him. 'Boat leaves at three.' She pulls the flier off the bedside cabinet, slams it up against my chest.

'With Justin?' I say, looking at the flier the hippy guy gave us on the beach. So that's what she was talking to him about. Did they plan this yesterday, while I was looking for Alan with Izzy? 'We're supposed to be getting the last boat back to Phuket,' I say. 'We have to look for Alan some more, then we have to get back for the school...'

'You should not have hit him, he was just joking!' she yells, ignoring me.

I put the flier down on the desk. 'Kalaya, he knows Izzy hates the water, he spent a whole day with us!' 

She steps up close to the chair, stands almost between my legs, simmering. 'He saw Izzy swimming.'

'Yes, in the waterfall, not the ocean,' I say. 'It's different.'

'Same,' she says.

'Not to Izzy.'

'SAME,' she hisses, and I bite my cheeks. Why bother arguing? Would it really stop her standing here, looking at me like I'm the worst, most insensitive asshole on the planet? 'Why you don't have sex with me?' she demands now, putting her hands on her hips.

'What?'

'Let's have sex, now!' She goes to straddle me in the chair but I catch her waist, stand up with her legs still around me and put her down.

'No, not now,' I say, walking to the window. I know what's coming.

'You not have sex with me since she got here!' she shouts. 'Why not?'

'Kalaya, keep your voice down.'

'You said you're not a bad man, but you are!' She balls her fists as she walks up to where I'm standing, then raises her hand. I catch it quickly, right before it reaches my face. 'Ben, you're a bad person!'

'No I'm not.'

'Yes you are!' She brings the other hand up and maybe because I'm tired, or maybe because I'm not actually expecting her to do it, but I can't stop her this time. She scratches me right across the cheek hard with her nails. 'I go to Bamboo Island! You think about what you've done.' 

She picks up her bag and goes to storm out of the room, but I sprint after her, catch her arm.

'Kalaya, wait.' I put a hand to my stinging face. She looks smug suddenly as I look at the warm wet blood streaking my fingers. Holy shit, she drew blood. She's like a tiger. I picture Justin's black eye back on the party boat and I don't know whether to be impressed or pissed at such an instant dose of karma. A bit of both, I guess. Maybe I am a bad person. I don't even know who I am right now.

'I'm sorry,' I say to her, leading her back to the chair, sitting her down this time. I get to my knee on the floor in front of her and she folds her arms again over her daisy-patterned sundress. 'Listen, I know I haven't been paying you enough attention and I'm really sorry, but... it's really hard to know what to do here, Kalaya.'

'What you mean?'

I exhale loudly, put a hand to her knee. 'You know I really like you. But I didn't know I would ever see Izzy again, and it's bringing all this stuff up I didn't think I'd ever have to deal with, and I'm having a really hard time knowing what I should do with that. I was thinking maybe you and me should...'

'Stop.' She puts a hand up in my face and I duck instinctively. I don't need a second bloody cheek. 'Don't say any more.' She leans forward, grips my chin in one hand. 'I'm going to Bamboo Island. You think about what you've done.' She stands up, pushes past me, picks up her bag again. 'See you in Khao Lak, I go back tomorrow. You go back today.'

I follow her to the door. 'Kalaya, listen, I'm trying to do the right thing here. I'm just trying to do the right thing! We can't keep...'

But she doesn't let me finish. She walks out and slams the door in my face.

I had to leave the hotel when I got out of the shower. I couldn't listen to the shouting through the walls. I couldn't hear a word that wasn't muffled but I'm pretty sure I know what it was about. I pulled on a dress, tied my hair up in a bandana and left a note with Rick at reception along with my bag, ready for check out.

'Green coconut please,' I tell the guy at the bar. 

I came down here to the Sunflower Beach Bar, right at the end of the beach where it's quiet. I looked in all the other shacks on the way for Alan, but I couldn't see him. I'm starting to lose hope on that front. There are just so many people here. I only pray I don't see anyone from that snorkeling trip again before we leave - I'm still so embarrassed about my stupid panic attack. I've only ever had a few of those, but none for years. 

In a funny way though, once the shock wore off, I just felt exhilarated. I'm tired and a bit achy, but on that boat my blood was pumping, I was covered in sea salt and Ben was dishing out punches for me. I can't get the look on his face out of my head; he was crying at the same time I was. He lost it at Justin. I don't know if seeing me the way I was brought something back for him, too, but whatever happened just now, it flipped something in my head. I want to be here for Ben, and the school, and for the sake of feeling alive for the first time in my life since the tsunami. Kalaya might not like it but this is my life. I'm doing it for me.

A group of girls are playing Uno on a bunch of floor cushions, sharing a bucket of something greeny blue. I pull out my iPad and sit on one of three beanbags squished together, line my flip flops up in front of me. I figure we have some time before we have to get back to Phuket. I want talk to someone now. I want to talk to Amy. 

I connect to the WIFI and call her up on Skype. It's almost eight a.m in London but I know she has her phone right by her while she's getting ready for work because she listens to Spotify empowerment playlists in the shower. 

'Izz?' she says when she answers. 

'Hi, sorry, is this a bad time?'

'No, no, God, it's so good to hear from you, where are you? Bali, right? Is it amazing?'

I smile. I forgot she doesn't know anything. I've hardly been on email at all. 'No, I'm on Phi Phi, in a beach bar,' I tell her as my coconut arrives. I take three sips through the straw. It's just what I need. I'm still a bit dizzy if I'm honest. I take three more.

'Wait, you're on Phi Phi?' Amy sounds shocked. I can hear the kettle boiling in the background. 'Put the camera on!' she says. I do as she asks and our faces appear in two windows. I see her prop her phone up and watch her spoon her Nescafe into a mug. 'What the hell are you doing there? I thought you hated the sea?'

'I do, I did,' I say. 'But you were right, this whole thing really helped. I actually feel like writing now, Amy. About the tsunami, I mean.'

'Wow!' She gets the milk out of her fridge, pours it into her mug and I watch as she leans against the counter in her favorite green TopShop dress. 'That's amazing, Izz. So, wait, how come you went there instead of Bali? This was your worst nightmare!'

'There's a boy I never told you about,' I say now, feeling my heart rate spike instantly. I've never said his name out loud to anyone. 

'A boy? Like a diseased backpacker?' she teases.

I roll my eyes. 'He's a man now. He's a diver and he's travelled the whole world... well, except Europe. Amy, he's the nicest, most generous...'

'Hold on a minute, Izzy, this isn't the call you make to tell me you're running away into the sunset with Prince Charming and a unicorn while the rest of us freeze our tits off in purgatory, is it? Because I might have to hang up.'

I laugh. I'm aware of how gray it looks through her kitchen window. 'No, I never told you but I met a boy before the tsunami. We both thought the other was dead, but then we found each other again, in Bangkok, and now we're here.'

Her eyes widen in all their mascara, right into the camera. 'Jesus. How did you find him? How did you recognize each other?'

'Long story, but listen,' I say. 'Do you think Farzana will let me stay a bit longer? Ben built a school and I want to help out for a bit. Plus, I lost my passport so I'm still trying to sort that out.'

'Wow. OK... well, Izz, you have like a million days of holiday leave, you never bloody go anywhere. I shouldn't think she'd mind, but more to the point, tell me about this man-boy, Ben. How the hell did you just randomly find each other after all this time? You do know that's the most incredible story ever, right? Is he hot?'

I smile to myself. 'He just punched someone for me, on a boat.'

'That's so romantic!'

'I knew you'd think that. It wasn't really. Someone pushed me into the water and I had a panic attack.'

'Oh fuck, are you OK? That's awful!'

'I'm alright. I freaked out at the time because of all the triggers, I suppose, but now I'm looking at the ocean and I know I've been in it, and I know nothing really happened, and I feel OK.'

'Can you imagine Colin ever punching someone on a boat?' she says, grinning over her coffee mug and I scrunch up my nose.

'He offered to send me money, when I lost my purse,' I tell her now, feeling guilty again.

She rolls her eyes. 'Doesn't mean you owe him anything. Forget that loser. He wears trouser clips for God's sake...'

'Only when he rides his bike!'

'A
fold-up
bike. Didn't he spend nine hours straight on Worlds of Warcraft on your anniversary?'

'Eight,' I say, 'anyway, stop it, listen, if I come home now and I don't keep pushing myself, I think it would be a waste. I think I need to stay longer, for me, you know?'

'I understand, definitely. I'll tell Farzana we spoke, and I'll tell her you'll be making a longer holiday request, OK? I need more gossip from you, way more by the sounds of it, but I have to get ready. Call me later?'

'I'll call you soon, the time difference is crappy,'

'Oh yes, I forgot. Oh, before you go, check it out!' She pauses now, grabs the phone and points the camera round at the back of her leg. 'I finally got it! What do you think?'

'Wow,' I say, taking in the tattoo that's coming into focus. It's a looking glass with the face of a rabbit inside it. She's a huge
Alice in Wonderland fan
- she's been planning this for years. 'I can't believe you did it, Amy, it looks really nice,' I say. 'Did it hurt?'

'Like Satan was pissing on me in hell, yes, but I love it.' She pulls the camera round to her face again. 'I put some more photos of it on Facebook. OK, I should go, I'm proud of you Izzy, be careful out there, OK? No more panic attacks.'

'That's not in my plan,' I say. She air-kisses the screen either side and then hangs up, but just as she does, Colin calls me. 

'I just saw you online, how are you now?' he asks when I answer. 'Did you hear any more about your passport?'

'Not yet,' I say. His face comes into view and I can see he's at work already. He's clean-shaven and wearing a striped shirt. 'We came to Phi Phi to find the thief.' 

A bolt of lightning strikes out to sea and makes the group of girls playing Uno screech and giggle. A rumble of thunder follows and I realize the sky has turned a very dark shade of gray. It doesn't look good. It looks worse than London.

'That's very Thomas Magnum of you,' Colin says. 'Sounds stormy in paradise. Is that the beach I can see behind you?'

'Yes,' I say. 'Think it's going to rain, but it's really pretty here.'

'I know, I've been there, remember?'

I take a breath and another three sips of my coconut. My heart's still beating hard with the adrenaline in my system and when another bolt of lighting makes the girls scream again I can't help letting out a laugh. 'In other news,' I say, 'I just went on a snorkeling trip, kind of, and I was actually just talking to Amy about staying in Khao Lak for a bit longer to do some teaching. I'm going to rent a scooter...'

'Hang on, what?' Colin's leaning into his phone, trying to keep his voice down in his office. I can see right up his nose. 'A scooter? Is that safe? They don't want motorbike licenses over there Izzy, but that doesn't mean you should ride them.'

I bite on my lip, feeling my mood plummet all over again. 'I'm fine Colin, don't worry about me.'

'Of course I worry about you, I miss you. Are you still with your friend?'

I don't miss the twinge of annoyance in his voice. Obviously he hasn't forgotten I'm with a guy out here. 'Colin, you know we're not together now,' I say instead.

'Not officially, not physically maybe, but Izzy, we're going to make this work when you get back. You're sounding happier already.'

'Happier?'

'You just laughed, on a beach. Beaches used to make you want to cry, even when you saw them on the TV.'

Wow. He's right.

'Look, I'm being called into a meeting, are you OK for money?'

'I'm OK, but Colin, I think we should really talk about... '

'I love you Izzy. That's all you need to know. You take all the time you need. I know I buggered things up, OK? You know how sorry I am, but you know you're the only one I want. I have to go. Don't ride any scooters. Bye.'