The Dastard (24 page)

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Authors: Piers Anthony

Tags: #Humor, #Fantasy, #Science Fiction, #Young Adult

BOOK: The Dastard
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“Okay.”

Sim firmed his beak. This might be tricky. Death was not something nice to talk about, especially with children. “I need to know the details of your--your fading out.”

“No!”

“But it's important.”

“Go away!”

Lacky interceded. “Boss and I are here only because we were showing Sim where you are. If he goes away, we'll have to go too, and Boss is really enjoying your company.”

The prince hesitated. Boss licked his face. “Well--”

“The Sea Hag is hurting folk in Xanth,” Sim squawked, grabbing his slim chance. “We need to stop her. I'm hoping you know how.”

Prince Dolin looked intently at the space Sim occupied, orienting on his voice. “I'd sure like to stop that old bag.”

“I'm guessing you saw something she wanted to keep secret, so she killed you. Is that right?”

The prince grimaced. “Yeah. My talent is doing the right thing. So I was there at the edge of my range when I saw a huge monster. It was stuck in a big hole in the ground, and looked sort of unhappy, so I thought maybe I'd try to get it out. But before I got there, I saw the Sea Hag. She was in this middle-aged body, but I knew her right away, 'cause I can't do the right thing if I don't know who's who. She was hauling along a lovely young maiden with a rope around her neck. The poor girl had her hands tied and she was crying. So I ducked back and watched. I thought maybe the Sea Hag was going to feed the maiden to the monster, and maybe I could do something to stop it, because even a girl doesn't deserve to get chomped like that. But I wasn't sure what I could do; sometimes my talent doesn't kick in right away. So I just hid and waited. I saw her park the maiden by tying her to a tree. Then the Hag went up to the monster and walked right into it. Of course it chomped her and gulped her right down; it didn't care that she was sort of stringy and sloppy. That really surprised me; I mean she did it on purpose. She didn't feed the maiden to it, she fed herself to it.”

“She was killing her old body,” Sim said. “She has to be rid of it before she can take a new one.”

“Yeah, I caught on to that. Then there was a while where nothing much happened. The monster was just burping and licking its chops, and the maiden was quietly sobbing. So I decided it was time, and I went to untie the maiden. But the funny thing was she didn't even thank me. She just said, 'There's no hope for me,' and went right on crying. I tried to lead her away, because the monster was getting hungry again and I wasn't sure just how firmly stuck in that hole it was. Then suddenly the maiden screamed 'Noooo!' in a wailing voice. Then she stopped, and a funny expression sort of traveled across her pretty face. Then she said 'Aha! It's good to be young again.' 'But you're the same age you were,' I told her. And she looked at me, seeming surprised I was there, and bared her teeth and said 'Are you trying to interfere, you disreputable boy?' And I said 'I'm just trying to get you away from that monster.' Then she said 'That's what you think, my pet,' and she picked me up and threw me at the monster, and it gobbled me up and ended my life at age eight. Then I knew she was the Sea Hag in a new body, but it was too late to do anything about it.”

There was a brief silence. Then Lacky spoke: “That's horrible. She's a really mean woman.”

Dolin looked through Sim's space. “So does that help?”

Sim was assimilating the rush of information. “I think so. She threw away her old body, and her withered old soul took over the fresh young body. Because you saw it happen, she killed you. But I'm not quite satisfied. Maybe my four-year-old mind isn't quite big enough to make complete sense of it.”

“If there's no way to stop her from changing bodies,” Lacky asked, “why does she care if anyone sees?”

“Maybe it's like panties,” Dolin said. “For some reason girls don't want boys to see them.”

“Well, panties are very personal,” Lacky said, tugging her skirt down a bit.

The Prince nodded. “Maybe that's her panties. I mean, she doesn't like to have people see her changing bodies any better than a girl likes a boy to see her changing clothing.”

A bulb flickered over Sim's head, but didn't quite flash. There was something he wasn't quite realizing. Something important. What could it be?

“There is a reason,” Lacky said. “If a man sees a woman's underwear, he gets all excited and wants to signal the stork with her. She may not want to do that, so she keeps her private clothing out of sight. Unless she wants to send a message to the stork.”

Sim's bulb remained, trying to increase its glow.

“So maybe if someone saw the Hag changing bodies, they'd want to do something she doesn't want?” Dolin asked.

“Like killing her,” Lacky said, and they both laughed.

The bulb finally ignited. “She's vulnerable when she's changing!” Sim squawked. “So she wants to keep it secret. There must be something that can destroy her.”

“That'd be great,” Dolin said. “But what?”

“She evidently went to some trouble to bring the innocent maiden to the monster,” Sim squawked, working it out. “Why do that, when she could have simply thrown herself off a cliff and taken the girl immediately?”

“There must be something about that monster,” Lacky said.

The prince brightened. “Now I remember. There was something else she said. When she was tying the maiden to the tree, she said 'I must restore my spirit.' But then she fed herself to the monster.”

“And the way you describe it, she didn't go straight to the maiden,” Lacky said. “She waited a while. Why was that?”

Sim's bulb flashed again. “Her spirit must suffer some wear and tear, getting out of one body and into another. So she needs to strengthen it. Otherwise she might not be able to take over a new body. The spirit of the owner might fight her off. So there must be something about that monster that enables her to do that.”

“They do seem to have a working agreement,” Lacky said. “Maybe they like each other.”

“Sure, she feeds it women and boys,” Dolin said. “But what does it do for her?”

Sim's bulb flashed a third time. “It guards her spirit! It helps her strengthen it.”

“What, by chewing up the souls of victims and giving them back to her?” Lacky asked.

“I don't think a monster without a soul could do that,” Sim said. “And my understanding is that this monster, which was stuffed in that hole by Prince Dolph in the form of a sphinx after Jenny Elf came through, so that no more monsters could come, has no soul of its own. So I don't think it could help her that way. But it might help her by guarding the spot beyond the hole where she stores souls. So nobody else could go after them. Then she can go there and get more spirit for herself, that enables her to beat down the spirit of her victim.”

Lacky shrugged. “Makes sense to me. But we still can't do anything about it, because she's the only one who can handle souls like that.”

“I think we can,” Sim squawked. “Because otherwise she wouldn't care. If we could block off that cache of hers, so she couldn't upgrade her spirit, then maybe she couldn't take over another body.”

“How can you stop her from going where she wants, when she's between bodies?” Dolin asked.

“Maybe by giving the monster a soul,” Sim squawked.

The two of them looked at him, not getting it. But Sim was almost sure he had the answer. Because it explained why the Sea Hag went to that spot, and why she didn't want anyone else seeing her do it. If he was right, they could conquer the Hag. If they did it just right.

Xanth 24 - The Dastard
Chapter 12: MONSTER

Melody was in hell. The Sea Hag had complete control of her body, and was about to use it for awful new purposes. She was lifting the hem of her skirt to show him her panties, and she was not about to stop there. She was going to ravish Melody's body, by making it do what Melody never would.

The Dastard's eyes were almost bulging from his face. The girl Becka. was watching with evident horror; she at least cared about what was right and wrong. The villagers of the Isle of Fellowship were beginning to realize that something was wrong. But neither the Dastard nor the Sea Hag cared about any of that.

Melody concentrated all her remaining faint strength, and forced the hem down again. Wretched girl--stop that! I'll hurt you!

It was no empty threat. But Melody had to fight, lest she lose all. She struggled to lock the hand, holding the hem in place. Her panties would not be shown in public.

The Sea Hag struck. Melody was suddenly burning up with pain. She whimpered, but hung on. It was easier to prevent the hand from moving than it was to move it, so she was succeeding. For the moment.

The pain focused on the hand. It was as if it had been plunged into a bonfire. She could feel the skin baking, blistering, and flaking off. But she knew it was not real. She was close to fainting from the agony, but she would not yield. This was all the protest she could mount, and she clung to it.

“Are you all right, Princess?” Cesar Centaur asked, concerned.

“Yes. Just a muscle spasm,” her mouth said.

“No it's not,” Becka said. “The Sea Hag has Possessed her. The real Princess is trying to fight back.”

“You lying snot!” Melody's mouth snapped. The pain eased as the Sea Hag's attention was diverted.

“The Sea Hag!” Charity Centaur said. “We have heard of her. She takes over young, pretty girls and makes them do horrible things.”

“That's right,” Becka agreed. “That's what she's doing now.”

“Is this true?” Cesar asked the Dastard.

“Of course not,” the Dastard said. “The girl is inventing it because she's jealous of our relationship.”

“That's a lie!” Becka cried. But the surrounding villagers were nodding; it was the kind of thing girls did.

“Come, my pet,” the Sea Hag said, taking the Dastard's arm with her other hand. “Let's depart this quaint village. The girl is welcome to remain here if she prefers.”

“Don't let them go!” Becka cried. “The princess is captive. She just wants to be free. I know exactly how it is.”

“Now how could you know anything like that?” Melody's mouth said. “The Sea Hag never lets go of a body.”

The villagers wavered. They were reasonable people. The problem was that they were reluctant to believe evil of others, or to credit something fantastic.

“Find her sisters,” Becka said. “Ask them. They'll tell you the truth.”

“Shut your $$$$ mouth!”

The villagers were appalled by the awful word. Two females fainted, and several children held their heads in pain.

“See?” Becka cried. “No princess speaks that way. She's the Hag! Stop her until you can verify what I say.”

That decided them. Several centaurs closed in and caught the swearing, struggling Sea Hag. Others surrounded the Dastard, preventing him from interfering. They conducted them to closed separate cells, and, to be fair, put Becka in a third cell. They sent out runners to locate the other princesses.

You started this, the Hag thought at Melody. You just couldn't keep your hand to yourself. Now you'll pay.

The pain came again, encompassing and awful. But Melody knew that as long as the Hag was distracted with her, she wouldn't think of a worse danger to her. Melody might not be able to save herself, but she might at least prevent the Hag from winning.

But the Hag caught the thought. What's that? What are you plotting?

Melody tried to stifle her thought, but the Hag ferreted it out. So that's it! You cunning little schemer!

Then she raised her voice and called across to the Dastard. “The centaurs are on their way! They will bring the other princesses. Destroy this community before they can do that.”

“No!” Becka cried from her cell. “Don't do it! Then you won't be able to unhappen the Hag!”

“I don't want to unhappen her,” the Dastard responded. “We have a deal. We can do each other a lot of good.”

“But you can't trust her!” the girl called. “She's just using you. She'll throw you away the moment she's tired of you.”

“Who are you going to believe?” the Hag called. “Get us out of this, and the princess's panties are yours.”

The worst of it was that the Sea Hag was sincere. She had concluded that the Dastard was genuinely useful, and she knew how to keep him happy. She didn't have to like him; she liked nobody. But she could use him for a long time. She didn't care about the body at all; she would make it do anything she needed to, to keep things moving. So she would satisfy the Dastard early and thoroughly, so that her will would gradually become his, and he would be her puppet without knowing it.

There was a silence. How was the Dastard reacting? Was he considering sliding into limbo to unhappen that first key meeting between Ann Chovie and Demon Strate? Or would he listen to the dragon girl and let the princesses come and deal with the Sea Hag?

The cell faded away. They were standing in a glade empty of all buildings and all people except the three of them. The Dastard had unhappened the Isle of Fellowship.

Becka was crying. The girl had clearly liked the community. Melody was sorry too. The Dastard had done a huge amount of harm this time. All because he wanted to--

“To get at your pretty body, honey,” the Sea Hag said, using Melody's mouth. “It's a good body, and now he's going to get it. I won't have to make you hurt any more; I'll just let him hurt you another way.”

It was true: There was no worse way to hurt Melody than by making her acquiesce to what the Dastard wanted. The horror would be emotional more than physical, for all that it was a purely physical act. She couldn't stop it; even if she managed to freeze her whole body, it wouldn't stop him from having at it. She was inevitably lost.

“I'm so glad you understand, my pet,” her mouth said. “I will love this; you will hate it.” Then her feet propelled her toward the man.

Melody tried to resist, to drag her feet, but the Sea Hag's control was complete. She continued toward the Dastard.

He in turn approached her. “You will truly do it, Sea Hag? Our deal remains?”

“Our deal remains,” Melody's mouth said. “But let's make this a bit more fun. I will free the princess' head, so you can hear her. No more than that. The rest of her body will be mine. The next voice you hear will be hers.”

Suddenly Melody had her head back--and no more. She screamed.

The man paused. “You're really the Princess Melody?” he asked.

“Yes!” she cried. “Don't do this!”

To her surprise, he actually seemed to listen. “Why not?”

“Because it's not right! I don't love you. I want you to stop doing dastardly deeds.”

“But that's my mission in life,” he said. “That's how I get ahead.”

Melody found herself somewhat at a loss. She hadn't expected him to listen, or to talk with her. She wasn't prepared. “How does it help you to do dastardly deeds?”

“It makes me feel good, because then others who were happy aren't, and I'm ahead of them.”

“Why not feel good about doing good deeds?”

“Because I have no soul. I traded it for my talent of unhappening.”

No soul, She had for the moment forgotten about that. So he had no conscience, no sense of decency. That explained a lot. She was wasting her time trying to appeal to any sense of honor. “But you can't get ahead by hurting others. You have to help yourself.”

“I'm trying to. I'm going to marry you and be a prince.”

“But I don't want to marry you!” she protested.

The Dastard shrugged. “The Sea Hag will make you.”

“But you shouldn't do it!”

“Why not?”

This grows tiresome, the Hag thought. She put Melody's arms around the man and pressed her body in close to his.

“That's not me doing that!” Melody cried.

“I know. I like it anyway.” The Dastard moved to embrace her.

Then there was a roar. A green dragon wedged in between them. Melody was caught up on its body and borne away. Somehow the dragon was supporting her as it ran, leaving the Dastard behind.

The Sea Hag took back Melody's head. “What are you doing, you despicable girl?”

The dragon carried her on across a stream and to an isolated glade. Then it became the girl, Becka. “I'm stopping you from abusing the princess,” she said.

“You wretched thing! This is not your business.”

“Yes it is. I'm helping the Dastard avoid entrapment.”

“It won't work. I'll take this body back to him.”

“No you won't.”

“Why not?”

“Because I'll stop you.”

“Foolish girl! How do you propose to do that?”

“If I have to, I'll bite you so that you can't walk. Then you'll be alive, and won't die, so you can't leave the body, but you'll be helpless.”

Melody knew from the Sea Hag's reaction that the dragon girl had scored better than she knew. The woman could leave a body only by death, except in one very special case. Even then she could not desert it for another; she could leave it only briefly, and had to return to it soon.

Meanwhile the Hag was laughing, faking unconcern. “You wouldn't want to hurt the princess, you fool.”

“I think I would hurt her worse by letting you have your way with her,” Becka said stoutly. “I think if she could talk now, she'd thank me for stopping you.”

Yes! The situation might be hopeless, but the girl had the right spirit. “Maybe you're right,” the Sea Hag said aloud. “Maybe I shouldn't try to seduce the Dastard.”

But Melody knew that the Hag was merely trying to deceive the girl, to lull her so that she could grab her and throttle her. The Hag knew how to kill a person rather quickly, when she wanted to, and now she wanted to.

“Then why don't you take that body away to Melody's sisters, and tell them you have changed your mind?” Becka asked, not trusting this.

“I will. Right now.”

“How can I trust you?”

She couldn't, of course. The Sea Hag had nothing but treachery in mind.

“I will shake your hand, Mundane style.”

“What would that prove?”

But the Hag was already putting forth Melody's hand, and the girl was about to take it, not realizing. Melody tried to scream a warning, but could not.

The girl took the hand. The Hag gripped it tightly and hauled her forward so that she stumbled. In no more than three quarters of an instant she had Becka's neck in her grasp, and was squeezing cruelly. “Now see what your arrogance has reaped, idiot girl,” the Hag hissed. “Suffer, before you die.” She squeezed harder.

Suddenly she was squeezing the neck of the green dragon. The dragon's head twisted around and bit her arm. Melody felt the pain flare; it was a bad bite. She was paradoxically glad of it.

The Hag screamed and let go. “You villain! I'm bleeding.”

The girl reappeared. “You forgot who you were attacking. Now I know how treacherous you are. I'm not going to let you go.”

The Hag stared at her, outraged but helpless for the moment.

Then suddenly they were back in the clearing where Fellowship Village had been. Melody's arm no longer hurt; it had been unbitten. The Dastard had unhappened the whole sequence. Melody clung to the fading memory, knowing that it could be useful; as a Sorceress she could do that, though it wasn't easy.

“I'm so glad you understand, my pet,” her mouth said. “I will love this; you will hate it.” Then her feet propelled her toward the Dastard.

Melody realized that though she had managed to salvage the memory, the Sea Hag had not. Yet the Hag had remembered the prior unhappening, when the village disappeared. Oh--because that had been the Fellowship Community unhappened, not their own little group. The memory was lost only when a person's own experience was unhappened. Regardless, it was a remarkable talent the Dastard had, one that could do incalculable evil--or good. The man could change reality, to a degree.

Meanwhile they were replaying the earlier scene, just before Becka had turned dragon and carried Melody and the Sea Hag away. Did the Dastard himself remember? Yes, surely he did, because otherwise his talent would not be very useful to him. He would need to know what happened in one version, in order to change it in the next.

The Dastard came to meet her. “Good to see you again, Sea Hag. Our deal remains?”

Yes, he did remember. So how would he play it this time?

“Our deal remains,” Melody's mouth said, following the script exactly. “But let's make this a bit more fun.” She freed Melody's head.

Melody screamed, because she was sure the Dastard remembered, and would notice if she played the scene differently before he himself did.

But the man's attention was on the dragon girl. “Go forage for some food,” he told her. He was trying to get Becka away, so he could have at Melody's body without interference.

“Sure. I'll take the princess with me.”

“&&&&!” he swore. “I keep forgetting that you remember. You can be a real annoyance.”

“Remember what?” Melody asked innocently.

“Nothing. Princess, you have the wrong idea about me. I want to be your friend.”

“Then let me go,” she said.

“That would not free you from the Sea Hag.”

He was right. She tried another tack. “You won't really be getting me if it's only because of the Sea Hag.”

“You may have a point,” he said. “Explain it to me.”

He was allowing her to stall for time? Could it be that there was a fragment of decency in him despite his lack of a conscience?

“You're just trying to get beyond the last unhappening,” Becka told him. “Because you can't overlap unhappenings of the same events.”

The Sea Hag's mind was perplexed. What was this about overlapping? But Melody understood: It was a limitation of his power. It seemed that he couldn't unhappen the same sequence twice. So if he grabbed her body, and the dragon interceded again, he would not be able to undo it. So he was waiting until his power could be effective again.

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