The Darwin Awards 4: Intelligent Design (2 page)
Read The Darwin Awards 4: Intelligent Design Online
Authors: Wendy Northcutt
CHAPTER 2
Water
Water covers 70 percent of the Earth’s surface, so it’s little wonder that this is the medium in which many Darwin demises occur. We herein encounter the dangers of “snowmoboating,” the
tide, frozen rivers, raging rivers, two waterfalls, one bungee cord, and even the kitchen sink! Dive into stories featuring water, where one soon sees that our evolutionary adaptations are not yet complete.
CHAPTER 3
Women
Few women win Darwin Awards, but this book is lucky enough to have a strong selection of female applicants. We have a spy, two explosions, pilot sex and street sex, a desperate smoker, a gymnast, an amateur mechanic, and a thief. We also have a Jet Ski, a hurricane, a raging river, a roller coaster, gasoline, and an aerosol can. It is with great pleasure that I introduce these stories about feminine wiles….
CHAPTER 4
Animals
An animal might win a Darwin Award if it migrated in the wrong direction. But in this chapter, animals are not the winners; they are the backdrop against which humans lose to Mother Nature. Enjoy these stories about elephants, snakes, raccoons, chickens, bees, bugs, birds, eels, sharks, toads, horses, and bison—animals that have the misfortune to share the planet with clueless
Homo sapiens.
CHAPTER 5
Alcohol
Alcohol plays a role in many Darwin Awards, but this is the first chapter devoted exclusively to the boneheaded things we do while inebriated. Get ready for a spy device, freeway calisthenics, saliva, bar bets, sunglasses, revenge, a beer-filled condom, window glass, a drinking glass, auto repair, firecrackers, and a submarine. Here are stories of inebriated innovations that make mice and monkeys cringe when we say we’re related to them….
CHAPTER 6
Explosion/Fire
Pyrotechnics aren’t just for professionals; amateurs frequently find the allure of explosives too great to pass up. With grenades, bombs, dynamite, gasoline, a mine detonator, electricity, ammunition, acetylene, chemicals, methane, lots of fireworks, a fire-breather, a bungee cord, and even a lava lamp, there’s never a shortage of examples for fire-safety courses!
CHAPTER 7
Weapons
Whether wielded on the right side of the law, the wrong side, or no side of the law at all, weapons tend to bite the hand that feeds them. Guns, grenades, knives, bullets, and axes all hold a grudge against those who abuse them. In the following stories, misused weapons themselves act as judge and jury to mete out their own form of justice….
CHAPTER 8
Miscellaneous
Some innovative Darwin Awards don’t fall into predictable categories. Enjoy the miscellaneous methods man has invented to bedevil himself, using thallium, an ice maker, trees, scaffolding, a confession, a nail gun, a homemade parachute, chocolate sauce, eletromagnets, an innocent paper-towel dispenser, and an auger—two different ways. They are all examples that one
should avoid emulating, if one wants to keep the body’s metabolism running efficiently—or running at all!
