The Darkness of Perfection (19 page)

She turned and stared at the house, her gaze sweeping over the cut limestone and cedar exterior, the front porch and upstairs balcony that spanned almost the entire length of the house, and the large screened-in porch to the right of the house that came off the kitchen and the four-car garage to the left.

The grounds were left bare for now. Jayden would have the final say as to what she wanted done for the landscaping or if she wanted to plant it herself like my mother had.

A proud smile spread across my face seeing the twostory home I had built for us and our future. It was over five thousand square feet and offered every amenity. I had spared no expense for Jayden’s comfort and security. This was where we would live and raise our family. Where we would love and grow old together. And where Jayden would never leave from again.

“Welcome home, Jayden.”

The crisp, cool air filled my lungs while I hugged my sweater tighter around me. I didn’t know if I was fighting off the wind that whipped around me in the open vehicle or the cold fear in the pit of my stomach when I thought about that kiss. I didn’t know what happened back there. It was only a split second, but I responded. I know I did. What I didn’t know was, why?

Looking at Nicholas, furtively from the corner of my eye, I tried to analyze and make sense of my actions. His light brown hair was tousled from the wind, the denim jacket he wore hid his muscular chest and back, and I knew the muscles in his arms, resting casually on the gearshift and steering wheel, would ripple when he shifted gears or turned the wheel, causing the sleeves of his t-shirt to strain in protest. Even though the strength in those arms kept me a prisoner, they also held me gently at night when I cried.

He turned his icy blue eyes on me on several occasions, which in turn made my eyes dart away.

Watching him, I had to admit Nicholas was very handsome. Maybe that’s why I responded? It was a purely physical attraction, nothing more.

I could live with that reason. I couldn’t live with anything else. Any other reason scared the hell out of me that he was actually winning. I couldn’t let him win, but if he continued to keep me completely isolated I was afraid it was a very real possibility. I was used to affection and being surrounded by my family and friends. Now the only one I had was Nicholas and it scared me. Not because he withheld that affection, but because he gave it freely and it was all I had now. How long before my resistance crumbled and I returned that affection out of desperation just to feel connected to another human being? When that happened I would be truly lost to the darkness my life had become.

As we drove further from the house, I saw just how isolated we were. There was nothing but grass and trees; barns and several outbuildings that resembled military barracks were the only other buildings around us. The only signs of life came from the horses and cattle I saw grazing beyond the barbed wire fence that lined the road we were on. As the road curved I noticed another house in the distance and wondered if I was able to escape Nicholas whether I could ask the owners for help in contacting my parents and the police.

“That’s my brother’s house. You remember William, don’t you?”

Nicholas’s voice cut through the silence. He pointed to the house I’d just envisioned helping with my rescue, and my heart sank. I did vaguely remember William. He was older than Nicholas and didn’t spend a lot of time at the house, if I remembered correctly, preferring to spend his time shadowing their father. He wasn’t ever mean to me exactly, but he didn’t go out of his way to be nice either.

Mostly, I was beneath his notice. I imagined he grew up to be just as cold and heartless as Nicholas and their father. There wouldn’t be any help coming from his direction.

The fields gave way to a more heavily wooded area filled with tall pines, broad bushy cedars and massive old oak trees. A tall black iron fence divided the land in front of us. Nicholas continued on through the entrance and I wondered how much farther we were going to this surprise he had planned.

I turned my attention to Nicholas when he clasped my hand in his and raised it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss on the back of my hand. His lips were cool from the evening air against my skin and I couldn’t prevent the slight tingling sensation I felt at the touch. Before I could think about it any further, he grinned and pointed, drawing my attention away from him and to what was in front of us.

I wasn’t even aware of Nicholas taking my hand and pulling me out of the jeep. My focus was on the house mansion really. There were no other words to describe the structure in front of us. It was huge.

What surprised me, though, was that in spite of its massive size, it wasn’t intimidating. Its white stone and rough wood exterior made it feel casual, almost homey. There was still construction debris lying in a pile on the bare ground, but I could picture how it would look with grass and the right plants and flowers. The only other thing missing was stained benches or a swing to sit outside and enjoy the view.

As I envisioned what was missing, Nicholas’s words finally penetrated my brain and settled like a stone in my stomach. He had called it home. Turning to stare at him, I saw the truth of what he was saying. This wasn’t just a house. It was his home. Our home. He had built it for us, for the life he talked about at night. Those whispered words had created the dreams I’d had on several occasions.

I turned away and saw the house with new eyes. Sweeping over the exterior, I zeroed in on the first camera I saw tucked into the eaves. As I continued along the roofline I noted several more cameras watching me. Suddenly the tall fence we passed through made perfect sense and in one moment it had gone from being a place of shelter to being a prison.

His arms slid around my waist, hugging me against his firm chest. I felt his warm breath against my cheek and stood numbly with my arms at my sides. I curled my fingers tightly; my nails dug into my palms and I closed my eyes to hide from him and the sight before me.

“I started building it over a year ago. I guess I just knew instinctively it was time, that I was going to find you soon and I would need it to be ready to welcome you home. I did the final walk-through this afternoon.” He pointed to the debris in front of us. “That will all be gone before the furniture arrives and we will move in by Monday at the latest.”

“Are you ready to see the inside?” he asked. His voice held a note of expectancy.

I couldn’t open my mouth to offer any response. My stomach churned and I clenched my teeth to stop them from chattering as anguish threatened to overwhelm me. This house destroyed all my hope for rescue or escape and made everything final. It wasn’t a dream I could hold off any longer. It was real and he was leading me down the path to my destruction.

Fortunately, he didn’t seem to expect a verbal response from me, accepting the jerky movement of my head as an affirmative. He led me across the porch and through the front door, ignoring the reluctant dragging of my feet.

Inside was just as beautiful as the outside and under different circumstances I would have loved it.

The ceilings were open all the way to the roof, only separated by stained beams that divided the open air. The double staircase in front of us was the only division between the living space around us.

Marble and wood floors defined the space. The smell of fresh paint and wood filled my senses.

Funny, but I never imagined hell would smell of paint and cedar. But then again, I never pictured Satan would be handsome, either. I guess evil is always easier to believe when it’s ugly; being attractive made it that much more insidious.

Our footsteps echoed throughout the house as he led from room to room describing the furniture he’d ordered to fill them. The kitchen was any woman’s dream with its commercial stove and refrigerator, smooth granite countertops and cherry wood cabinets, and I couldn’t stop the imagery that flashed in my mind of one year flowing into another cooking in that space until the day I died.

I closed my eyes to block out the sight, wishing I could erase it in my head as well.

“Once we’ve settled in, if you don’t like the furniture it can be changed. You’ll just need to tell me what you want,” he was explaining.

We climbed the stairs to the second level, entering an empty bedroom and he released my hand. I took advantage of the freedom he offered and walked to the window seat to put distance between us and stare out the window. I was disappointed to see nothing that could help me escape, though I didn’t know why I should be surprised. Obviously Nicholas had put a lot of thought into my kidnapping.

“The bedrooms are on this floor. I only ordered furniture for our room for now since we won’t be needing the other rooms for a while yet.”

I turned to him in confusion. My brain was evidently so overwhelmed that I didn’t grasp his meaning.

“Why not?” I couldn’t prevent myself from asking.

Instead of answering immediately, his demeanor shifted, a wolfish grin spread across his face and he seemed more predatory as he crossed the room and joined me in front of the window. Stopping in front of me, he leaned in close and placed his hand low on my stomach, pressing lightly. “The other bedrooms are for our children, Jayden,” he explained, slowly. I felt his lips brush against my neck, making me shiver, as his voice took on a husky quality. “Even if we started tonight, it would be a few months before we need to start furnishing a nursery.”

“Oh God, please don’t,” I cried. I feared the worst was about to happen and pushed his hand away, backing away from him until he reached for me and grabbed my wrist to bring my retreat to a halt.

He jerked me forward, causing me to stumble into his chest and held me against him. His expression darkened, glaring at me. “Stop that,” he snarled. “I’m not gonna hurt you! I won’t say it again.”

No matter how many times he said it, I wouldn’t believe it. At some point he’d get fed up waiting on me to be willing and force me. He might be honest about his intentions, but what if he got angry or impatient? It’s not like I could stop him if he tried. I was at his mercy.

He loomed over me; his expression filled with anger. “If I wanted to force you beneath me in my bed, I would,” he snarled. His grasp tightened painfully around my wrist, causing me to wince. “I could rape you by force or by drugs. I could threaten you to make you spread your legs for me and we both know there isn’t a damn thing you could do to stop me.”

I cowered in terror at his icy glare and the truth of his words, and twisted my wrist in a vain attempt to get away from him. My vision blurred with the tears that filled them. I flinched as his free hand cupped my face, waiting for him to strike. His fierce gaze slowly softened and I would swear I saw remorse in his eyes when he looked at me.

“If I was going to force you, I would have done it already,” he said again. This time his tone was calmer when he spoke. He used his thumb to wipe away the tears that spilled down my cheek and pressed his lips against my eyes, causing them to close in response. “I want you to accept me willingly. You’ve always belonged to me, Jayden. From the moment you were born, you were mine.

Do you remember when I used to come to your house with my dad? You always wanted me to play with you and I did. When you finally came to live with me, I took care of you. You colored your pictures while I did homework. I always took care of you when you had nightmares, so no one would know and you wouldn’t get in trouble for wetting the bed.”

His softly spoken words were punctuated with chaste kisses pressed against my eyes and the corners of my mouth and I found myself tilting my face upward, recalling those times he spoke of. Nicholas had always been kind to me before; punishing me at his father’s insistence had upset him almost as much as it terrified me. A slight whimper escaped my lips, recognizing my action for what it was. I was seeking that old comfort and reassurance from my Nicky and a part of me wished he was still inside of the man in front me now. At my surrender, he released my wrist, pressing my hand against his chest where my other lay as well. He wrapped his arms around me, sheltering me now instead of threatening.

“That’s all I want, Jayden, is to take care of you. You’re the most important thing in my life. Just let everything else go and let me take care of you like before,” he murmured against my ear. “Can you do that for me?”

My brain was a fog, wrapped up in cotton so that clear thought couldn’t get through and the warning bells were muffled in my head. I was so wrapped up in the tenderness he was showing me and my memories of a young Nicky who I had thought was my friend at the time, that I opened my mouth to give an affirmative answer, before I could stop myself.