The Darkness of Glengowyn (11 page)

Given that the city had been at war for two years, Nuala suspected her room was one of their best and was grateful for the Sinnale’s thoughtfulness.

Einar stopped pacing at the first of two large windows that spilled morning light into the room. He studied the street below, the outside walls of the building and the lock above the double panes before moving to the next window.

Checking on her security, she thought. Even here in allied territory.

“I’m sure we’re safe,” she commented, though she didn’t stop him from doing what he thought best. He was here as her bodyguard after all. Though there was more between them—and his actions—than that. No one would begrudge him his precautions.

When he’d finished his study of the windows, he opened the wardrobe and nodded approvingly at the clothing. “I’m glad some of the wagons made it through the attack.”

That had been one of his first questions to Ulric once they were inside Sinnale borders. She and Einar had both been relieved to hear the casualties of that attack had been minimal. Once she’d escaped, the fighting had ended quickly. Because of that, the supplies of arrows—both her standard; the fire-tips, which were only now being traded with the Sinnale; and Nuala’s particular special arrows, also only now being allowed into Sinnale hands—had arrived safely and were waiting for her to set.

“The elves of your guard are still here,” he continued. “You’ll have a proper escort back to Glengowyn.”

The thought of going home sent her stomach dancing with nerves. She wanted to say something about that fear, but Einar’s mood seemed so pensive she decided it best to wait for him to say what he was here to say.

He finally stopped moving and settled his hands on his hips, his head bowed forward. Then he straightened. “You need rest and food. We can talk later.”

“Einar…” She stopped him as he made for the door. “What’s wrong?”

He held perfectly still with his back to her for a moment. Then he turned and closed the space between them in two steps. Before she could gasp, he had her face between his palms and he was kissing her, desperately, hard, like they’d been separated again for a century. She wrapped herself around him, matching the kiss, matching the passion. She couldn’t stop. Though she didn’t fully understand what drove him, in that moment, she didn’t care.

He lifted his mouth too soon and stared down at her. “I would do anything for you. Remember that.”

She sucked in a sharp breath at the intensity in his gaze.

“I will let you go if you don’t want to face banishment.”

The statement startled her and she stepped back quickly as if she’d been slapped. He let her. “What are you talking about? I thought I made myself clear on this subject.”

“Passion in the moment.”

“How dare you?” she hissed. “After everything, how dare you presume my feelings for you are that fleeting?”

“When the queen and king demanded we separate, you broke with me.” He firmed his shoulders and there was no longer emotion in his expression. “You chose then.”

“I chose? I knew what you would choose and simply beat you to the break.”

He frowned. “You have no idea what I wanted. You never asked.”

“You were the king and queen’s personal guard. You have always been about duty above anything else. Your loyalty was beyond question. Of course you would choose them over me. How could I think otherwise?”

He crossed the space between them in a single step and took her shoulders in his hands, bringing his face close to hers. “Listen to this well, Nuala. I was prepared to choose banishment. I came to you that day to tell you I wanted you above everything. And
you
set
me
aside. In the name of duty.”

She shook her head, denying words she couldn’t believe.

“I told the queen, before I came to you, that I would not be separated from you if you wanted me. She threatened banishment, the
Or’roan
. And I chose you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she wailed.

Two centuries. Two centuries of pain and loss and longing. Two centuries of denying this love between them. Because she
thought
he would choose his sovereigns over her.

“You made your choice.”

“Only because I thought I knew what you’d say, and I didn’t…” Her throat closed up as centuries of suppressed tears built and threatened to flow. “I couldn’t hear you say you didn’t love me enough to stay,” she finally whispered. And the tears fell.

Between her exhaustion, the recent battles, the bonding with Einar, Nuala was overwhelmed and exposed. She couldn’t hide from him. She couldn’t control the emotions roiling through her. Regret and fear tangled with love and need, desperation and loss all one giant hand closing around her heart and squeezing.

Einar released a sigh that took all the tension from his shoulders and his grip on her arms. He hugged her close, tucking her head beneath his chin, and held her as tightly as she clung to him.

When the emotional storm started to ease, Einar skimmed one hand up and down her back, the gentle stroke a comfort.

“I’ve always loved you,” she said. She’d held those words inside for so long, even during their initial mating, it felt cathartic to finally allow them out and hear them aloud.

“You’ve never told me before,” he murmured into her hair.

“Neither have you,” she challenged. But she knew he loved her. It was there in the
Shaerta
when they made love.

His chest rose and fell with a deep breath. “I’ve loved you much longer than you could know. Well before our first mating. Before the war.”

She leaned back to look up at him. “Before the war? We barely spoke before then.”

“I knew.”

“Knew?”

“We would bond. I could feel it in my soul. If we mated, we’d bond. Our magics would mix. I knew that would…complicate things. And you would break my heart. But I couldn’t stop loving you.”

She wanted to cry again, but her tears had dried up. “What changed?” Because as soon as the war had ended, they did give in to the
Shaerta
. They only had two nights together before the king and queen demanded they part, not long enough to fully bond, but enough to change her life forever.

“You didn’t run away when you saw what I could be. You weren’t afraid, after that night in the camp when the goblins snuck in. You were the only one who didn’t change toward me.”

“Ulric didn’t. The soldiers in your regiment didn’t.”

“Ulric was my commander. He’d seen me in battle and knew what I was capable of. He’d already seen my worst. You don’t really remember our friendship before that war, do you?”

“No.”

“He was already an admired soldier from the first war. I respected him and looked up to him. I wanted to fight under his command. But until we went into battle, even I didn’t know what I was capable of. He… Well, he wasn’t as easy with me after that. There was respect but no longer the camaraderie he had with the others under his command. None of the other soldiers were comfortable with me either.”

He cupped her cheek in one large hand, his thumb lightly caressing her cheekbone. “But you… You worried about
me
after seeing what I became when I let myself. You came to me immediately. Washed away the blood. Checked for wounds. The same as today. You didn’t shy back. You weren’t afraid.”

“I could never be afraid of you. Not that way.”

“What way then?”

“Oh, Einar. The damage you could do to my heart terrifies me. I’m afraid of that. But I don’t worry, even in the heat of battle, that you would lash out at me.”

She watched his throat work as he swallowed hard. “I would do anything for you, Nuala. You know that? I would happily go into banishment, take on the
Or’roan
… I would even give you up again if that made you happier.”

“Stop. Don’t ever say that to me again. Not ever.”

“It’s not too late—”

“Enough, I said. It is too late. It was too late centuries ago. We just weren’t ready to accept. I didn’t trust your feelings, and you didn’t trust mine. But this time… This time the bond is tightening fast. Faster than the first time we were together. You can feel it too. There’s no going back now. I wouldn’t want to even if we could.”

“Your magic?”

She looked away. “I don’t know. I’ll know when I try. I haven’t felt different, so it’s possible we haven’t melded completely yet.”

He stepped away from her so suddenly, she rocked backward. “I’ll leave then. If we can keep the balance for a little while longer, so you can finish this last trade, maybe the king and queen will be merciful. Banishment but no curse.”

She was exhausted, emotionally wrung out, and in need of food and sleep before working her magic later. He was right, it would be better if he left. If for no other reason than she’d actually sleep. But she didn’t want him to go. They’d been through too much in such a short period of time. All she wanted was the comfort of his big body next to her.

“Don’t,” she said, flattening her hands on his chest. “Not yet. I know I need to rest, but… At least keep me company while we eat. I don’t want to be alone yet.”

His entire body loosened as tension dropped away and he tugged her back into his arms. “I never could refuse you anything.”

She snorted, snuggling her cheek against his chest. “You refused to teach me how to fight, as I recall.”

“Ah. That was an order from King Varim. He didn’t think you’d need it and was afraid it would take too much time away from working your magic.”

“Ulric and Althir still taught me to throw a knife.”

“Ulric is a favorite of the sovereigns. He could get away with more than I could. At least where you were concerned. And Althir…Althir could charm his way out of a
dargem
pit.”

She shivered at the mention of the deadly creatures that called the Unseen Plain their home. They were the stuff of elven nightmares, grotesque and lethal. Since she didn’t want to have nightmares when she finally slept, she concentrated on the first part of his comment.

“You’re a favorite with the sovereigns too. Queen Rohannah made that clear when she ordered me to stay away from you. She didn’t want to lose you any more than she wanted to endanger my magic.”

“I’m…a good threat. Having me behind them ensures no one risks their wrath.”

Nuala pursed her lips. “Hmm. I’m not sure that’s the only reason the queen favors you.”

She felt his silent chuckle in the sudden movement of his chest against her cheek. Looking up, she scowled. “Why are you laughing?”

“I’m surprised. Is that jealousy I hear?”

Her scowl deepened. “Don’t you dare tease me. The queen is beautiful and powerful, and she gets what she wants. You’re always around her. How could she not want you?”

He leaned down and kissed her frowning mouth, the humor in his eyes mixing with tenderness.

“As I’ve said, my heart has been yours for a very long time now. Even the queen couldn’t change that.” He set his nose close to hers, forcing her to look him in the eyes. “And she never tried. She recognized a lost cause when she saw one.”

Wrinkling her nose, trying to ignore the heat in her cheeks, she shrugged. “Fine.”

“And you?”

“Me what?”

“There have been men since me who’ve wanted you. Powerful elves.”

“Oh, I was never one to worry about. After the war, the queen and king made it perfectly clear to all that I was off limits.” Though why they’d bothered, she had no idea. Even if she’d wanted to have sex with anyone else after being with Einar, which she hadn’t, bonding had only ever been a risk with Einar. “I was too valuable to risk,” she finished. She couldn’t stop herself from sneering that last. Her
value
had kept her from the man she loved for so long, resentment was a ready companion.

“So…” Einar drawled, tilting his head to the side. “There would have been others, if not for their order?”

She raised her brows at the sudden deepening of his voice. Her turn to smile. “You know better than that.”

“Do I?”

“You should by now.” She snuggled close to him, running her hands over his shoulders and down his chest, loving the feel of his heartbeat picking up under her palms. “I only ever wanted you. I still want you. More than I want food or sleep.”

She rose onto her toes and kissed him, hard, sure. Letting him know just how much she did want him. Silly man, thinking she could ever bed another after being with him. He hesitated to return her kiss, and she knew why. But she took his pause as a challenge rather than a warning. She nibbled her way along his jaw, then kissed the strong column of his throat, licking her way across freshly cleaned skin.

“Nuala…”

His groan made her smile. She slid her hands up under his shirt, flattening her palms on the solid muscles of his lower abdomen. Low enough to hint and tease, promising without delivering. Yet.

He gripped her wrists but didn’t do more, and she knew he would give in. He could no more resist her than she could him. There was power in that knowledge, power magnified by her love for him. She continued to kiss her way down his throat, to the hollow at the base of his neck. His shirt was in the way, so she nuzzled it aside, leaving her hands braced exactly where they were. His muscles were tight everywhere now, and the tension in his grip was thrilling.