The Darkest of Shadows (21 page)

“If you let me, I can keep him away from you,” Charlie told me gently. I appreciated the way he worded it. He acknowledged my words from previously, that it wasn’t a security issue that related to work, but that if I needed his help, he was there for me.

“Just stay close.” I was such an emotional wreck at the moment that the words were barely loud enough to hear. Charlie must have heard enough, though, because he gave me a nod in acknowledgment and didn’t bring it up again.

We left the next morning for Moscow, and I immersed myself into work and Lawrence’s engagements; by the end of the next week, I was almost back to normal. I had my world back in alignment; the pain was mild enough that I barely noticed it. Lawrence was quiet and attentive for that week, and he shouldn’t have been. I wasn’t a huge help to him for the first few days. I could barely remember what country we were in, let alone anything else.

Charlie never left my side, and the few evening appointments that Lawrence had scheduled, he went to alone and was always home earlier than normal.

“I feel like a broken record, but I’d like to say that I’m sorry for the way I’ve been this last week,” I told Lawrence, as he walked into the hotel room late one night about a week after the MDs’ meeting. He had attended a political dinner party, a dangerous and controversial place to be; and with my current state of mind, we both agreed that I shouldn’t attend.

He pulled his jacket and tie off and threw them over the back of a chair, then walked over and poured himself a drink. He didn’t say anything until he sat opposite me on the armchair before the fire. It was cold in Russia tonight.

“The way you choose to manage your own affairs is your business, Lilly,” he told me. “If this is how you deal with your problems, then who am I to question that?”

“You are far too good to me sometimes.”

“I want to be your friend,” he replied, his expression sincere.

“I know you do, and I hope that we are friends. But please don’t ask me for any more than that.”

“I am here, Lilly,” he said. “You can take whatever part of me you want. If it is friendship, then friendship is what you have.”

“You look tired,” I told him. He had dark circles under his eyes, and his face was shadowed with fatigue.

“I’ve been worried about you,” he admitted. “And the meeting tonight was…” he paused, “difficult.”

“Please don’t be worried about me,” I told him honestly. “I’m OK. I have my thoughts clear now. I know what’s important to me and what I want.”

“I’m glad.” He seemed to relax slightly at my words.

“So what happened at the meeting?”

“Nothing important,” he assured me. “It’s just tiring to have to verbally fence with politicians for an entire evening, and as I didn’t have you to buffer me, I had to put up with a lot of conversations. Hence, I’m home early. I might have used you as an excuse, and if anyone asks, you have been unwell.” He grinned sheepishly.

“Glad to be of assistance.” If I couldn’t be there to help like I was supposed to be, then the least I could do was help him get out of it.

We spent the next week in Paris, then it was back to London, then down to Portugal, and inevitably back to London to get ready for the Christmas season. Lawrence had told me once before that Christmas for him was a busy period, and considering how hectic his normal schedule was, I found it difficult to imagine how much more intense it could get.

We were back in London by the fifteenth of December and had functions confirmed for every night up to and including Christmas Day. We were flying to New York on the twenty-seventh for a charity event on New Year’s Eve.

I had already told Lawrence some time earlier that I didn’t work Christmas, but my time off after the MDs’ meeting had me reluctant to bring it up again. I still felt bad about not being more help to him in Moscow, and I knew how difficult it was going to be to take more time off over this season, but I was still left with the dilemma that I physically couldn’t work.

We were at a ball a few days later when I finally got up the nerve to speak with him about it. We were standing off to the side of the room, trying not to attract anyone’s attention. We had only just managed to get away from a particularly enthusiastic businessman who was adamant that it would be in Lawrence’s best interest for them to engage in business together, and we needed to recover from that before delving back into the mass of people.

“Lawrence?” I asked.

My tone must have given away that I wanted something, because a mischievous smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, and he fairly drawled my name back at me. “Yes, Lilly?” He moved from where he had been leaning against the wall and stepped in front of me, so that his body hid me from the rest of the room, giving us some small amount of privacy.

“I know how busy you are, and I know I have no right to ask you for anything, but I was wondering if we could talk about me having Christmas off,” I began hesitantly.

“Sure, we can talk about it,” he replied. I noted that he said we could talk, not that I could have the time off. “What do I get out of this arrangement?” he asked and I could sense a touch of amusement in his face.

“You get to keep me sane.” That was about all I had to offer him, and it took the mirth out of his expression.

He nodded. “I can give you Christmas Day and Boxing Day. I’d love to be able to offer more than that, but the company Christmas party is on Christmas Eve, which you know—and it’s impossible for you to miss that—then we fly out on the twenty-seventh.”

Two days was more than I expected. “Thank you.” I practically beamed at him. “Thanks, that will be great.”

“Will you be OK at the company party?” he asked. “Do you want me to have Patrick stay away?”

I shook my head. “No. Patrick is something that I need to deal with,” I said. “As long as Charlie stays close, I’ll be fine. Sooner or later Patrick and I will have to talk, clear the air. He needs to know how I feel and what is and isn’t possible between us.” That was a conversation I wasn’t look forward to. I didn’t do well with complications in my life, and until I had that talk with Patrick, he would continue to be a problem.

Lawrence watched me closely for a moment. “Do you want me to tell him?” he offered.

“Thanks, but no.” I smiled hesitantly. “It’s not your problem. As long as I can get Patrick to accept my decision, it should be fine.”

“And have you made a decision?” he asked, almost reluctantly.

I hadn’t realized that Lawrence would be worried about that, but clearly he was—unnecessarily. “There was no decision to be made,” I assured him. “There is no ‘Patrick and I.’ A relationship isn’t what’s good for either of us.”

He nodded, relaxing, his body unconsciously leaning closer to mine. “Where are you going to spend Christmas?” he asked, changing the subject, seeming happy with my response to the issue of Patrick.

“I’m going to go back to my apartment.” I answered.

“Why not stay in the office?” he countered. “You’re already home there, and it will save you having to travel to and from.”

“I can’t.” I shook my head. “I’m sorry, I don’t like Christmas, and I’ll only end up ruining it for everyone else.”

“Lilly, there will only be Frost, Charlie, and me there,” he reminded me. “Who do you think you’re going to ruin it for? None of us believes in Santa anymore, and not having you there will feel wrong.”

“It’s not a good idea,” I replied, trying to make him understand.

“Will you at least wait before making that decision?”

I could do that. I nodded to let him know I would think about it. But I doubted that I would change my mind. I knew exactly how I would feel on that day, and there was no way I was sharing that with any of them.

“Let’s dance,” Lawrence suggested. “If I get nothing else out of having to attend all these things, at least I’m getting to dance with a beautiful woman each night.”

I laughed and followed him out onto the dance floor.

Lawrence and I hosted the Monterey Enterprises client Christmas party a few days before Christmas. It was for clients and associates of the company and was different from the employees’ Christmas party that was being held on Christmas Eve. It was the event that Patrick and I had attended last year, where I had met Lawrence for the first time.

As much as I hadn’t enjoyed the experience then,—and I had to admit that I still believed in the vulgarity of the event—I now understood the world that Lawrence inhabited better, and I finally had to admit that the concept for that event worked.

Having attending countless functions over the last few months, I understood that the division between classes was necessary. If those private areas weren’t available, then the night would be very long and very unpleasant for the more affluent of Lawrence’s acquaintances. I knew all too well what it was like to be stalked around a crowded room by people who wanted a chance to talk to the likes of Lawrence Monterey.

I tried not to hide in the private booths, but after a few hours, it was a welcome relief to sit down with people who weren’t gushing in amazement at my presence.

.

Nine

The night of the company Christmas party arrived quicker than I would have imagined, but Christmas Day loomed even darker on my horizon, so all anxiety I would have felt about the party disappeared in the gut-churning trepidation I felt about the day that would follow it.

“Lilly, you look spectacular.” Lawrence voice echoed around my room as I dropped my phone into my clutch. He was dressed in an expensive black tuxedo, and I found my thoughts echoed his own as I went out to meet him.

“Thank you,” I told him, with genuine warmth. I felt beautiful. The dress was simple and stunningly sexy. It had long sleeves and was extremely short, black, and fitted like a glove. It was covered with tiny, soft, glittering particles that reflected the light back in shimmering sparkles of silver light.

I kind of looked like a Christmas bauble.

Lawrence stopped before me, a small parcel held in his hands. “I know you’re probably going to be extremely unhappy with me, but I got you something, and considering you’ve decided to go back to your old place tonight, I’d like you to have this now.” He looked hesitant, and I had to smile.

“Am I that fearsome?” I asked him.

“Yes,” he replied, with a more confident smile.

I took the package from him and carefully unwrapped it. I knew it was jewelry even before I saw the name of an extremely expensive London jewelry manufacturer on the lid. I tipped my head to the side and gave him a rueful grimace. “I’m almost afraid to open it.”

“Don’t be,” he told me. “It belongs to you.”

“It” was a stunning diamond necklace so intricate and spectacular that I couldn’t even begin to comprehend its value. It was in a choker design and had matching earrings, both of which would match what I was wearing tonight.

“Do you like it?” he asked.

“Lawrence.” I breathed his name in a hushed whisper. “It’s stunning, beautiful, and way too expensive.”

“Like I said.” He reminded me. “It was made for you.”

I hoped he didn’t mean that literally. “Will you help me put it on?” I asked, knowing he would never allow me to return it. Not that I particularly wanted to. It was the most extraordinarily generous gift.

I held my hair up out of the way so that he could fasten the clasp of the necklace. His hands lingered on my shoulders when he finished, and then he turned me around to see the result. I slipped the earrings on and watched his face for approval.

“It’s difficult to imagine you being more beautiful that you are right now,” he told me seriously, and then slowly, so that I could pull away if I wanted, he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on my lips.

He didn’t linger; he didn’t try to take possession of my mouth; and he didn’t grab my body and press it against his own. In fact, the only part of our bodies that did touch was our lips, and that’s probably why I let him do it. I realized that I trusted him implicitly. He wouldn’t push me where I didn’t want to go, and he wasn’t looking to make a statement. He gave me a gift, and I liked it.

There were more than five hundred people at the Christmas party, so the organizers had chosen an old estate just out of town for the venue. It was bathed in silver and white, with sprigs of green holly and millions of twinkling fairy lights. It looked enchanted and amazing, and much to my delight, the lights did remarkable things for my dress.

Lawrence was the absolute center of attention at the party, as he should be, considering he was paying for this extraordinarily lavish bash. Everyone wanted a piece of him, and I was in their way. When we strolled into the main room after we arrived, I walked beside him, but before long we were sandwiched in so tightly that it was difficult to do much more than stay upright.

Lawrence finally took offense after a particular exuberant partygoer tried to squeeze between us and ended up knocking me forward and into the arms of Allan Marsh, whom I laughingly apologized to. I was just thankful that neither of us had a drink in our hands at the time.

Lawrence reached out and hauled me back beside him, but this time he kept hold of my hand tightly in his own. Then he looked out over the heads of the vast sea of people until he locked eyes with Frost across the room. With a decisive nod, first Frost and then Charlie worked their way through the crowd to take up position behind Lawrence and me. It was a much more ordered affair after that.

There was something about the two hulking military-type giants that had people take a step back, and boy, was I thankful for that space. It was much easier to enjoy the evening when I wasn’t worried about people standing on my shoes.