The Darkest Heart (45 page)

‘They killed him for it,' I said. ‘When they found out where I was, Gato's boys came and killed the priest. I heard it from where I was hiding so I climbed through a window and never looked back.'

Daniella sighed and took a drag on the cigarette. She didn't tell me if I was right or wrong because there was no right or wrong about it. It just
was
.

‘His name was Father Tomás. He had this old church falling apart in the
favela
, built right on the hillside. From the front, you could look out and see the statue of Cristo Redentor, standing up there on Corcovado. When he was hiding me, Father Tomás told me that it sees all and blesses all and loves all. It was the same thing my sister Sofia had said and I told him it was bullshit, but maybe, though, maybe it
did
bless me. Maybe it chased me out
of the
favela
and gave me you and the old man. Not at first. Not right away. But now.'

I thought about Sofia and Father Tomás and Sister Beckett; about how everything seemed to slip beyond my control. I had chosen to turn away from Costa's demands, to warn the nun, but none of it really mattered. Now she was lying on the dirty floor in Mina dos Santos anyway, and I felt a great sadness for her and for the priest and for my sister.

‘It's my fault Sister Beckett is dead.'

‘You didn't kill her,' Daniella said.

‘But I brought Leonardo here. I should've let him drown. When she told me to help him, I should have let him drown.'

‘How much?' she asked. ‘How much money were they going to give you?'

‘Does it matter?'

‘How much?'

The words didn't want to come out. They tasted dirty. ‘Five thousand American dollars. There was land, too. A small place.' But it now occurred to me that Sister Beckett was right: the money and the land were a lie. Costa probably hadn't even contacted the Branquinos after our first meeting. He hadn't gone back to them with my terms. He had simply made something up to sweeten his manipulation. There had never been any money, just an order passed down to assassinate the nun and leave no connection.

‘And now she's dead,' Daniella said. ‘And the man who was going to pay you doesn't know who did it. Maybe something good can come from it.'

‘We can't profit from it.'

‘Can't profit from it? Why not? Maybe it's the
only
thing we can do.'

‘No.' I thought about telling her that the money wasn't real and that Costa would probably be waiting to kill us anyway, but she'd had enough. ‘The only good I can take from this is how it's made me feel. What it's made me understand.'

‘What it's made
you
feel?'

‘Yeah. About you. About us. About what's really important.'
Costa's money didn't matter to me any more. I already had the things that mattered. Daniella and the old man. They were my family, and if I could live the rest of my life with Daniella, like the old man did with Carolina, I would be happy. I didn't need to be always waiting for the next thing. I already had everything I wanted.

‘What about me?' Daniella asked. ‘What about how it's made
me
feel?'

Something was rising to the surface. Daniella's shock had subsided and something else was coming. I could sense it building like a storm, her voice rising in pitch and volume.

‘This hasn't just happened to you,' she said. ‘All this shit these last few days has happened to me too. You think I wasn't worried about Raul? That I wasn't scared having that gun pointed at me the whole time? That I wasn't afraid Leonardo was going to shoot your brains all over the boat? How do you think
I
feel?'

‘I didn't mean—' I reached out to touch her but she pushed my hand away.

‘I killed a man, Zico, and there's nothing good in that. What about
me
?'

‘You saved my life,' I said. ‘You did what you had to do.'

‘Saved your life? It was your fault I was there in the first place.' She hit me on the shoulder with her balled fist. ‘It was
your
fault, Zico.' She hit me again, the
cachaça
bottle tipping, spilling its contents onto the deck and rolling away. ‘You took me there.' And she punched me again and again, turning now so she could use both hands to beat me. ‘It was your fault.'

She was letting out her anger and her frustration and guilt and sorrow. All that emotion was boiling inside her like a poisonous broth, and she was pouring it on me and that was good. I raised my hands to protect myself but did nothing to stop her. I let her continue to punish me until she had vented her anger, and then she fell against me, wrapping her arms around me.

I responded in the same way, pulling her tight, telling her that I loved her, that everything was going to be all right.

‘Show me,' she said. ‘Show me you love me.' She looked up
and held my face in her hands as she kissed me. Soft at first, then harder. She took my lip between her teeth for a moment, biting hard enough to make me wince, but she held me to her and opened her mouth as a different kind of passion overcame her. ‘Show me,' she said again as she ran her hands down my back, dragging her nails, before pushing the shirt over my head and then standing back to remove her own. She didn't take her eyes off me as she unfastened her trousers and kicked them away, reaching out to loosen my belt.

And when we were both naked she gripped my shoulders and lay back, opening her legs, pulling me on top of her, desperate to feel something other than what she had felt since leaving Mina dos Santos.

‘Tell me you love me,' she said between breaths. Tell me you love me,'

So I told her.

I told her and I told her.

Afterwards, we lay together in a tangle of limbs, and I stroked Daniella's hair until her breathing deepened.

My thoughts returned to the last conversation I'd had with Sister Beckett. By opening my eyes to a truth my mind had already been trying to understand, perhaps she might be able to save my life as I had been unable to save hers.

I could not trust Costa, but nor could I kill him. He had made it clear that such an event would have consequences. I would have to find another way to deal with him. And as I watched Daniella sleep, the seed of an idea began to take hold in my mind.

57

When dawn touched the sky, I turned the engine over and headed out onto the water. Daniella stirred, hearing the
Daus's
heartbeat. She rubbed her eyes and looked about, then got to her feet and hugged the sheet around her. She came to the wheelhouse to sit beside me, and for a while, didn't speak.

The
Deus
passed over the calm water as the day opened before us, the sun rising and the world coming to life.

‘Did you sleep?' Daniella's first words.

‘Not really.'

She nodded, still not looking at me.

‘You OK?' I asked.

‘Yes.' She edged closer to me, putting her head on my shoulder. ‘Yes.'

As we travelled east on the River of Deaths, we kept watch for any sign of being followed, but there was none. We didn't see any other boats.

Coming closer to the spot where the
Estrella
had grounded, I told Daniella she needed to get dressed, so she threw off the sheet and went to the back of the boat. She found her skirt and vest, and pulled them on, kicking Raul's jeans and shirt into the store.

We rounded the bend in the river and spotted the
Estrella
in the distance, still marooned. ‘There they are. The sand didn't shift,' I said. ‘Good.'

Daniella looked up at the boat in the distance, a streak of white, reflecting the sun. ‘Why is it good? If it shifted, they might have got away.'

I slowed the engine. ‘I have to leave you now, Daniella. You have to get off the boat. I want you to stay with Santiago and Matt.'

‘What? Why?'

I chose my words, wondering how I was going to tell her, but knowing I had to. One way or another, she deserved to know everything and, if anything happened to me, she might
need
to know. ‘Remember what I told you about Costa? About the money?'

‘I shouldn't have said it,' She jumped in. ‘I was angry. I shouldn't have made ... shouldn't have suggested—'

‘It's not that.' I put a hand on her cheek, making her look at me. This isn't about what you said, this is about what Costa is going to do.'

She creased her brow, not understanding.

I swept the hair from her face, tucked it behind her ear and thought about how much I loved her, how much I admired her now, even more than ever. There was something between us that few lovers ever have – a bond of life and a shared experience of death.

‘Sister Beckett said something to me last night,' I said, ‘and I can't believe I was so stupid. If I had half your brains ...'

Daniella shook her head.

‘I don't think he was ever going to pay me. What he asked me to do ... his people won't want to leave a trace. You, the old man, me, we all lead back to what he asked me to do.'

‘But you
didn't
do it,' she said. ‘You didn't do it, Zico, everything's going to be OK. You said so.'

‘No, I didn't do it, but it was still done. And whether it was done or not, I don't think it would matter. There might be people waiting for me, Daniella. Waiting for
us.
Costa will want to bury his secret with me. Hide it deep.'

‘So why did you listen to him? Why did you let him ask you to—'

‘I didn't have a choice,' I said. ‘And maybe I was blinded by the money. I thought we could use it for ...'

‘I know what you wanted it for. I understand.'

‘But we don't need it; I can see that now, Daniella. We'll manage another way.'

‘So what are you going to do?' she asked.

I shook my head, looking at the
Estrella.
‘I'm not sure. But I have to go to Raul and Carolina and you can't come back to Piratinga. Not yet. Costa will already know you came with me, it's not safe for you there.'

We were closer to the
Estrella
now, and Santiago had heard our engine. He was coming on to the deck to stand with his back to the sun.

‘Let me come with you,' Daniella said. ‘I can help. Like I did last night.'

‘No. Santiago and Matt will take care of you. And if anyone follows from the mine, you just tell them I passed by without helping. You don't know me.'

‘You still think someone might come after us?'

I looked back at the river and shrugged. ‘Maybe Leonardo mentioned the name of the boat, I don't know, but those guns were worth something and if they had plans for them ...'I took a deep breath. ‘I just don't know, Daniella, but I need you to stay here with Matt and Santiago. Will you do that for me? Please?'

Daniella watched me for a long time before nodding.

‘I'll send someone to help you get off the sand,' I said. ‘To pull the
Estrella
out.'

‘Let me come.'

‘You'll be safer here.'

‘I'll be safer with you.'

I remembered the last time she had said that – when we went ashore at Mina dos Santos. She had been wrong that time, and she might be wrong this time too. I couldn't take that risk.

‘Can you forgive me?' I asked.

‘For what?'

‘For all of this.'

‘Of course,' she said.

When we were close enough to the other boat, Daniella climbed down and let me row her out to the
Estrella.

I told Santiago I had business in town, and that I would send help as soon as possible. He and Matt knew not to ask any questions.

Daniella held me tight and kissed me before I left, and once I was back on the
Deus
, I started the engine and raised a hand to her, then settled behind the wheel and guided the boat east along the river.

As I rounded the bend, Daniella was at the stern of the
Estrella
, watching me disappear from sight.

I tried not to think that I might never see her again.

58

Several hours into the morning and the sun was already scorching the land. Any sign of last night's storm was long gone and the cloudless sky gave no protection. The
Deus
chugged along the River of Deaths with me behind the wheel willing it to go faster. The current was flowing in my favour, so the journey was quicker in this direction, but it still seemed like an eternity before I reached the Araguaia and turned north towards Piratinga.

The creeping sense of dread that had settled in my stomach stirred into life. For these past few hours, alone on the river, I had thought of nothing but Daniella and the old man. I had led them into danger and my regret was dampened only by my fear for them.

I knew I couldn't take the
Deus
into town because Costa would have people watching. He would know about it, the moment I arrived. I also suspected that whoever had hired Leonardo – either the seller or the buyer of the weapons – would be planning their next course of action. I had to assume that they would know the name of this boat; perhaps they would even know my name.

There was nothing I could do if they knew who I was, but there was something I could do to prevent them from finding the boat and tracing it to the old man.

The
Deus e o Diabo
would have to disappear.

Just before noon, the sun arcing towards its highest point, I came to the final bend in the river before Piratinga. The river was more than five hundred metres wide here and at least a hundred metres deep. On both sides, the beach was receding beneath the murky waters as the season swelled the course. Soon the levels
would reach the tops of the mudbanks and flood into the trees, washing through the forest floor.

It was the perfect resting place for the boat that had served the old man so well for so many years.

I took the
Deus
into the centre of the Araguaia and cut the engine. The need for urgency that had gripped me earlier had subsided now that I was so close to Piratinga. Desperate though I was to check on the old man, I was also afraid of knowing what had happened to him.