The Darker Side of Trey Grey (19 page)

“Now that I’ve been through this, your active nightmares, I can better handle them. When you told me you had interactive nightmares I expected you to wake up screaming or crying or... I don’t know.” He shook his head, “Not this. Trey... your voice... it changed. You sounded like a little boy. I don’t know, maybe ten or eleven. It was freaky.” He stopped, drawing in a quick, sharp breath.

“I was twelve,” I said, surprised I wasn’t shocked to hear what Justin had just told me. I studied the pillows unable to look at him. “It was the first time—”

“I figured it out pretty quickly. You talked through the whole thing... I heard everything you said when it happened. Saw everything. It was almost like being there. I was stuck inside a horror movie unable to do anything to save the victim.”  He lifted his mug, it was shaking so badly he had to use both hands to bring it to his lips.

“I, um, wasn’t sure I should wake you, so I just held you until you quieted. I don’t know, I guess I fell back to sleep, and then...” He glanced towards the bathroom. “I didn’t even feel you get up.” He grimaced before staring down at his coffee. “You were saying these horrible things, then you started screaming...” His hand came up, and covered his face.

“Justin. This is hypothetical of course. Neither you nor I can see the future. But hypothetically, if we stayed together... what if I never improve?” I looked at him earnestly as I peeled his hand away. “Can you live with this for the rest of your life?” 

His bright blues focused on me for what seemed a long time, his face a tumble of emotions. Finally he opened his mouth.

“If I have to answer that to prevent you from leaving me, then right this second the answer would be yes. But if I am going to be honest, I don’t know. I can’t answer that truthfully until we have gone through this a few times, can I?”

It was a straightforward answer. Now my question to myself was; could I put him through this over and over? Was there any hope for me to get better— well— normal... or at least normalish? Like Justin, I couldn’t answer that honestly right now either. However much I’d like to say yes.

He looked up at the ceiling. “Can we at least have a few weeks? See where this goes?” He tipped his head to me. His face had softened, and was pleading.

I wanted that time too. I nodded as I leaned over and kissed him. He kissed me back.

I didn’t sleep well. I think I was afraid to fall asleep. So I laid there dozing, wrapped around Justin, listening to him breathe. About an hour after the sun had begun to chase the night over the horizon, I was stiff, and sore, and needed to move. Crawling carefully out of bed so as not to wake him, I headed to the kitchen to make coffee.

While it brewed, I headed out onto the back deck for a smoke. The morning was shrouded in mist, but upon looking up, I saw the sky was silver-blue streaked with dawn’s pink glow. I knew it would be a beautiful day regardless of what the night had wrought.

I was halfway through my smoke when the door creaked ajar. Kelly was pushing it open the rest of the way with her pink and green alligator clad butt. Where does someone find baby-pink flannel pajamas with alligators all over them? We really needed to talk about her shopping habits. I grabbed the door for her, and she turned then frowned.

“Oh Trey, you’re already seeping through your
bandages.” She handed me a bright yellow mug then carefully touched one of the pads along my ribcage.

“Thanks.” I held up the mug then took a sip. “I’m okay,” I told her. “Thanks for your help by the way,” I added sincerely.

She nodded distractedly as she sipped her coffee. She wandered over, leaned against the railing and looked into the garden.

“I don’t have any right to ask... and you can tell me to mind my own business, but what happened?” she asked, continuing to stare straight ahead.

I watched the mist floating into the trees and I was about to tell her to mind her own business when it just strolled out over my lips.

“Justin told you I have night terrors but he didn’t tell you why.”
  I shifted my eyes towards her, but she hadn’t moved. Her hands were clasped around her mug and her eyes were still on the garden. I turned my attention back to the trees. “I was abused by my stepfather for years.”

“Where was your mom?” she blurted out weakly.

“Somewhere else. Wherever the heroin took her.”

“So, with no one to stop him he beat you,” she said slowly, shifting onto her other foot as she tapped her nails against her mug.

“Among other things,” I said quietly.

Her head whipped around, a hand fluttering to her mouth. Her eyes widened with sympathy, and I didn’t want to be looked at that way.

“Don’t... Kelly, don’t pity me, don’t feel sorry for me. I’m one survivor in a sea of thousands just like me. I’m sure there are those that never made it this far.” 

I hadn’t ever had that thought in my life. I wasn’t even sure where it had come from, but I knew it was true. And I felt oddly comforted by it.

Kelly lowered her hand. “I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to hear that, but I am, and I had to say it.”

“It’s okay.”
 

She smiled. “I should move in here,” she said matter-of-factly. “Someone needs to take care of you boys. Shit, think of all the money I would save not having to pay rent.”

I raised my eyebrows at her. “I think having you around all the time might put a serious kink in our sex life. I mean, the bedroom is fine, but where’s the spontaneity? The creativity?” I managed to shift gears with her. I was beginning to understand the girl was kind of amazing in how she digested things and went on.

She gaped at me. “My presence didn’t dampen you one bit yesterday,” she grumbled.

I laughed, plucking her cheek with a kiss. “On that note I am going back in to cuddle with my boyfriend.”

“Close the door,” she shot out as I headed into the house.

When I reached the bedroom I had to pause. Justin was cuddled up with most of the bedding in his arms and a leg tossed over the pile. His toes were curled, and his face was so quiet. Dark gold lashes lay along his cheeks, and a fist was tucked under his chin. He looked like a boy without a care in the world.

I slid in behind him, snuggling around his back, and he moved automatically into me. That little thing was heavenly. I buried my face in the nape of his neck, and fell asleep while breathing in the scent of him.

* * * * *

I stretched, coming awake and heard the drone of the flat-screen. Some guy talking about Wallabies and Bush Babies. Justin’s fingertips traveled up my spine, tickling me, and I twitched away.

His hands came around my ribcage, causing me to jerk reflexively. He laughed and climbed carefully onto me, straddling me high on my hips so he missed the raw skin on my thighs.

“Someone is ticklish in the morning,” he crooned, running his fingers threateningly up my ribcage.
 

I glared at him. “Don’t even think about it.”

He grinned rather devilishly then dug his fingers into my sides.
Bastard.

It’s almost impossible to stop someone from tickling you. You’re laughing, trying not to pee your pants, and for some reason you can’t grasp that all it would take is a shove to remove the offender.

“Stop, Justin, stop. I have to pee,” I said, wriggling and laughing, but not feeling humored in the slightest. His hands quieted as his lips crushed down on mine, taking me by surprise. His lips were slightly sticky and tasted like cinnamon and sugar. He wiggled his hips against me and I groaned. He broke the kiss, chuckling.

“I’ll have to remember that.”

“What?”

“Mm... tickling equals foreplay,” he said softly.

I grinned. “Actually, I really do have to pee.”

He sat up, and I winced, adjusting him into a more comfortable position.

“Okay, maybe I should let you up to pee.” He rocked his hips again. “Good luck with that though.” He chuckled.

“Are you decent?” Kelly yelled from the hall.

“Yes,” Justin called back. 

She came in carrying a mug and the coffee carafe. “That’s not decent,” she said, grumbling.
 

“We’re not naked,” Justin pointed out.
 

Kelly rolled her eyes. “Close enough. I thought Trey might want coffee and a cinnamon roll.”
 

That explained the fabulous taste on Justin’s lips. My stomach gurgled a yes. She set the mug down on the nightstand next to us, making odd humming noises as she poured coffee. She was working hard at keeping her eyes averted.
 

“It’s just morning wood,” Justin said seriously, pinning her with his sex ramped eyes and making me chuckle. His eyes became absolutely the most vibrant peacock colors when he was turned on, and they were three-dimensional right now. Of course the large blue tent that used to be his pajamas was awfully hard to miss.

“Its afternoon!” she stated emphatically.

“Yeah, but I just woke up... again.” I rubbed my eyes to prove it.

“Justin didn’t.”

“And
you
think you can handle us.” I said, aiming a leering grin at her.

“Huh?” Justin asked, confused.

“She mentioned she needed to stay and take care of us,” I told him, absently stroking his thighs.

He shook his head. “I don’t think she can handle us.”

I grinned slyly. “I don’t think she can either.” 

As if to prove the point, Justin leaned down and kissed me deeply. To Kelly’s credit she made a cutesy noise, and was smiling when he finally released me.

Regardless of how much I would love to stay and let him have his wicked way with me, my bladder had sent its final warning some time ago, and Justin sitting on me was becoming painful.

I pushed on his waist. “Okay, have to pee. Move. Now.” He moved off me and I sighed loudly. “Ah, better.”
 

Rolling off the bed, I headed to the guest bathroom, while Justin said something about being chicken, missing door, I don’t know.

It had been a long time since I’d had to pee with a full blown hard-on. I remembered it wasn’t pleasant. Like an uncomfortable mini orgasm. Even with that to look forward to, I couldn’t stop grinning over Justin’s playfulness after the awful night he’d had to endure. I wouldn’t have traded a minute of his antics this morning for anything. These small moments were becoming rather priceless to me.

The rest of our time together proved just as priceless. A leisurely tour of the property, sensuous kissing in the woods, and more in the coach house on a lawn chaise, but we never let things go past salacious petting.

By the time we went to bed, both of us were in a languid state of awareness that was so Elysian neither of us wanted to ruin the sensation with sex. Tangled together, whispering words of affection, we fell asleep looking like a Kama Sutra painting.

The alarm rudely woke us at five, before the sun had even yawned. It appeared neither of us had moved in our sleep. I almost cried when I realized I knew exactly where I was, and whom I was tangled up with. I didn’t want to move for fear of losing the perfection of it all.

“Are you okay?” Justin whispered softly. 

“Perfect.” I whispered back then kissed him through my big grin.

It was harder to leave him than I ever would have imagined. For the first time in my adult life I didn’t want to go home because I felt I was already there. Justin proved to be the stronger one despite his insecurity issues. 

“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here waiting if you need to come back, even if it’s the middle of the night,” he assured me.

I drove away with a promise to call him tonight after dinner. It didn’t seem enough though. It was amazing how four little nights could irrevocably change a person’s life.

Each day brought a new challenge to me. Monday I had to wrestle my way through my classes without a brain, and choke down tasteless food. Tuesday it was returning to my room. I didn’t want to be in the sparse, ugly space,
it was remarkably depressing.

Then Wednesday, pre-dawn, had me visiting my youth as my mind tossed me through snippets of my earliest abuse. The most painful and least visited of my fearscapes. At some point my mind had walled off that extremely traumatic time, but every now and then a fissure formed, and I would catch a glimpse. I truly feared these tiny forays into hell, and this was no different. As I came around, not just the horror of it, but also the perfidiousness hung on me like a vile sweat.

Once I was able to stop wailing, I managed to call Justin.

“Trey? Baby, what’s wrong?”

I managed a strangled noise.

“I’m on my way.”

“N-o... talk...”

“Okay, I’ll just talk, you listen to my voice. Concentrate on my voice, baby.”

Justin talked and even though I didn’t absorb anything he said, his tone was steady, and soothing, and soon the demons of my past crawled back into their hole, allowing my mind to release me. I stopped shaking and my throat unlocked.

“Justin, thank you. I, um... without you this could have been a really bad day,” I said, wanting him to know how much he had helped me. I knew without him I might not have been conscious for the next day or two.

“Oh baby, I’m always here for you. Make sure you call me tonight.”

* * * * *

That night, after hanging up with a reluctant Justin, I fell into a dreamless deep sleep. When the alarm went off, I felt I had slept minutes instead of hours. I was groggy and detached as I began my day.

I forcefully dragged the weight of my body from lecture hall to lecture hall throughout the day. I didn’t come alive until late afternoon, when I remembered I would be meeting Justin for dinner following my therapy appointment. From then on I was a bundle of energy.

The appointment with Dr. Greene went well. Or at least I thought so. Doc seemed a tad exasperated with me by the end of the session. But no matter, at least I had talked. Predominantly about my relationship, and was it going to fast? Was I going to crash? Why could Justin get into my head when others couldn’t? He didn’t actually answer any of my questions. Nonetheless, I had a good go around with myself and felt better for it. Isn’t that the whole point of therapy after all?

I found the Japanese restaurant Justin had picked easily enough, and pulled kitten into the small lot next to Fawkes. Justin was leaning against his door waiting, and looking too luscious for words. I didn’t know a single person who could pull off skinny jeans and cowboy boots, yet he managed, and with flair.

I climbed from the car and lit a cigarette, figuring it would keep me from jumping him like a horny teenager. He straightened then turned towards me, I groaned and “IT” stretched.

Justin’s lips crooked up on one side. “What?”

He knew
what
.

“You know... if a woman wore that it would be considered obscene.”

I gestured to his sweater which was cut so deeply I could see a fair amount of tanned pecs and all his chest hair.

“You don’t like it?” He glanced down at the offensive sweater, grinning much too cheekily.

“Oh no, I like it— even if it is pink,” I said, reaching to finger the soft vee’d edge.

“It’s not pink, its magenta,” He took the smoke from me and inhaled.

I laughed. “It’s pink. But it looks fabulous on you.” I shook my head. “I could never pull off that color.”

He ran his gaze over me, shaking his head slightly. “No, you’re a winter. Cold colors all the way.” He took another drag then handed the smoke back to me. “Is there a reason we are talking fashion choices here?” he asked, his lips twitching as he lifted an eyebrow.

“Maybe.” I adjusted myself for his benefit.

He laughed. “We better go eat before this gets truly obscene.” He took my hand, guiding me towards the restaurant. “How was your session?”

“I don’t think Dr. Greene was thrilled, but I thought it went well. I talked about you.”

“Good things I hope,” he said, and I nodded, flicking the butt into the shrubs.

The interior was minimalistic; done in red, black and white. Steam, as well as the sound and smell of food frying came through a long rectangular opening located in the center of the restaurant. The petite Asian hostess seated us in a small cozy booth with a lovely, if fake, orchid on the table.

“Was there a reason you picked this particular restaurant?” I asked, personally noting the two other gay couples, as well as the girls in the back corner that appeared to be on a date.

“They have good food, and I always feel comfortable here,” he answered as he slid a menu between us. I decided not to tease him about it, instead looking down at the menu. Everything was à la carte. We picked out several items together, argued over glazed chicken or pork, then when the waitress came for our order, we decided to get both.

“What have you been doing while I have been going crazy in my dorm room?” I asked.

“Drawing, watching porn.” He waved his hand dismissively.

“What have you been
drawing?” I asked.

He blushed. “You.” He shrugged lightly. “It gives me something to do until I can go back to classes Monday.” His fingers worked around his tea cup nervously. I couldn’t quite figure out why he was nervous. I ignored it for now, opting to tease him instead.

The corner of my mouth quirked. “And the porn?  Is that for inspiration?” I raised an eyebrow.

He shook his head. “No. I don’t need
that
to be inspired. I find it amusing, is all.”

“Amusing? Why amusing?”

“You wouldn’t ask that if you saw my collection.” He shook a finger at me, and I laughed. “It’s not real, and the acting is horrid, thus I find it amusing.” He shrugged slightly, lifting his tea to his lips.

Just then our food arrived and he blushed furiously, as if the waitress knew what we had been talking about. She didn’t seem to notice, or if she did, she ignored his discomfort.

The food was quite good despite the bland appearance. Both of us were adept with chopsticks and chose to eat from the serving bowls. It was one of the few things my father had taught me. He had spent time in Thailand, then Japan as a boy and felt I should know oriental customs. It was the only legacy he left me, and one I’ve tried to honor by remembering all he taught me.

“Hey, what is it?” Justin asked, lo
oking concerned.

“Nothing.” I gave him a wane smile. “I was remembering my dad. He taught me how to use these.” I ticked the tips of my chopsticks together before snatching a pea pod.

“Do you remember much about him?” he asked.

I chewed the pea pod, swallowed then took a sip of tea before answering.

“I remember quite a bit actually. At least the last few years he was still alive.” I snared a piece of pork and chewed thoughtfully. “He was always busy.” I shook my head at the memory. “I used to sit on the floor of his study while he worked and play with Lego or my Hot Wheels. He never yelled at me. Not once. Even when he’d step on toys I had forgotten. It seemed no matter how hectic he was he always found time to read to me before bed.” I smiled, remembering.

“He wanted to read Mark Twain, and I wanted him to read me Ray Bradbury. He compromised. I had to hear two chapters of Mark Twain and then he would read me one chapter from a Ray Bradbury novel. But he always skipped over the parts he thought were inappropriate, so the story was chopped up and didn’t make much sense. I don’t know. I think I argued on principle.”

I stopped and took a sip of tea, trying to clear the lump that had begun to form in my throat. When I set my cup down, Justin wrapped his fingers around my empty hand and waited patiently.

“We were halfway through Huck Finn and Illustrated Man when he died. I never have finished either one. Every time I think I might, it feels like a betrayal.”

“It sounds like he loved you.” Justin squeezed my hand.

“He did,” I admitted. Smiling sadly I added, “He loved my mother too. When he died I think he took all her love with him.” I swallowed the memories that still ached.

“I don’t think that’s true. I’m sure she loved you.”

I snorted. “That’s why she disappeared into a heroin haze, because she loved me?” I shook my head emphatically. “No, I don’t buy it. She knew what was happening to me in the very beginning— but she left me anyway. She made her choice and I hope, wherever she is, she’s happy.” I pulled my hand away and rubbed my face, done with this conversation.

I didn’t want to think about my mother. I didn’t hate her. But I could never forgive her for abandoning me.

We sat quietly for several minutes while the waitress boxed up the rest of our food. I excused myself and headed to the restroom at the back of the restaurant. After I washed my hands, I patted my face with cool water until I felt a little more in the present before I headed back to the table.

As I passed, there was a rustle and whispering from the girls in the corner booth.

“Stacy!” the other girl squelched out, sounding hurt.

“Well, he is. Just look at him.”

I cleared a chuckle from my throat. Justin slid out, standing up when he saw me.

“What’s so funny?” he asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously at me.

“Young love. I don’t think the girls in the corner are on the same page.”

He shook his head, not comprehending, and I grinned.

“One of them just ogled me,” I explained with a raised brow, and Justin chuckled.

“Well, you are pretty fine, especially from the back.” He sighed, running a hand down my ass.

“Justin!” I hissed in mock indignation. My lips were twitching which made my admonishment less than sincere.

“Your right, we should leave before I become lewd and inappropriate,” he said breathily then latched his lips to mine, shoving his tongue to my tonsils. He flew past inappropriate as his fingers dug into my ass. I couldn’t stop myself though, and latched a hand around his neck as I pressed against his chest. It was the first time we had really touched in several days, and damn, the connection was electric.

“Boys, there is enough heat coming off you two to turn the whole restaurant on.” Our lips parted as our heads swiveled simultaneously towards the deep voiced intruder. He was mid-thirties and attractive in a cool statuesque sort of way. His thin mouth was turned up in a sensual smile aimed right at the both of us. “Any chance you swing?”

Considering the first night we met, it was ironic we both blurted out, “No.”

He raked over us appraisingly and tisked. “Too bad. It never hurts to ask though. Enjoy...” he said with one last heated look before he wandered back to his booth. A fairly decent blond man in a business suit looked at him expectantly, and he shook his head. The blond gazed at us hungrily for several seconds before returning to his meal.

Justin gathered the two boxes under his arm, and we headed out, his hand possessively on my ass.

“Why in the world would those two need to swing?” Justin asked as the door closed behind us.

I shook my head. “Who knows? Maybe they have small equipment, or are bored with each other. It happens.”

“That’s a depressing thought.”

“They
are
still together,” I pointed out.

“I suppose. I hope we never get to that point. Bored with each other I mean.”

I knew our relationship would be anything
but
boring. My disturbed mind guaranteed that.

“I think I can keep your life interesting for a while longer,” I said dryly.

He shot me an unamused sideways glance. He slid the boxes onto Fawkes’s roof then pulled me against him, choosing to ignore my comment and I gladly followed his lead.

“You are coming home with me aren’t you?”

I closed my eyes, grimaced, then shook my head. “I have class in the morning.”

“I can wake you up in time. I promise.” He nuzzled my neck and I almost melted.
No! I can’t.
Be strong, I told myself, but man, I wanted him in the worst way, and “IT” was unquestionably in agreement.