The Dark Side (6 page)

I knew what he wanted. Submission. Control. Something to soothe the alpha wolf who’d been so tightly leashed all night. He wanted to stamp my very skin with possession and know that I’d do whatever he wanted.

And I wanted to give that to him. Loved the dizzying mix of lust and anxiety and safety that being pinioned against the door while he did whatever he wanted sent boiling through my veins. I tilted my head slightly, just the slightest baring of my throat. Let him win this round.

His mouth met mine again, sweeping me away, pleasure screaming through me as his fingers played me and I swayed against him with another groan. This time it was met with another growling rumble and suddenly my hands were free. Dan sank to his knees and my legs started to tremble. I put my hands on his head for balance. His hair was soft under my palms. Dan.

His tongue flicked against me just as I heard the rumble of a car engine. Then lights swept down the road, briefly illuminating us and making me feel like a rabbit in headlights. I squealed, pushed Dan away and dropped to the tiles.

Dan fell back, chest heaving. “What?”

“Car,” I managed.

He blinked, looking as lust-fogged as I’d felt until the headlights. “It’s gone now.”

“So am I.” I hauled myself to my feet, pressed my hand to Dan’s whiz-bang palm reader front door lock and ducked inside as soon as it opened. I’d barely gotten six feet down the hall when Dan strode through the door, his hair sticking up every which way.

I tried to draw some of the tattered shreds of leather around me. “Someone could’ve seen us.”

“You started it,” he said, his voice dangerously low.

“Yes, I did. I changed my mind.” The headlights seemed to have acted like a bucket of cold water to my libido. My headache had returned with a vengeance and suddenly all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep for a week or two.

He moved closer. There was enough light for me to see he was still ready for action. I shook my head. “I think we’ve lost the moment.”

“Christ, Ash, I’m not some toy you can switch on and off when you’re in the mood.” He moved closer and I backed against the wall. “You started it,” he repeated. “You liked it.”

“Yes,” I admitted. “That doesn’t change—”

“Did you even know it was me?” he snarled.

“What?”

“Admit it, you were riding whatever wave Esteban set off. I was just handy.” His eyes burned. “Whose face did you see?”

“Whose face did you see?” I shot back. “You were in that room too. I know he got to you.”

“Not like he did you. I’ve been a wolf longer. My control is better.” He lifted my chin. “So who was it, Ash? Who got you all hot back there?”

Did he really think I was thinking of Esteban? I stared at him, not knowing what to say as guilt suddenly twisted at the back of my mind.

He stepped back with a snort. “You don’t even know, do you? Jesus, you’re a mess.”

The scorn in his tone made my temper snap. “How do I know you weren’t thinking of Leah?” I shot back.

His face twisted. “Because it’s never been anyone but you. No matter what they do to me, all I see is you.”

Shame boiled in my stomach. He loved me. I loved him. So why was it so goddamn hard right now? “I didn’t mean to—”

“Admit it. You’re out of your depth. You need to turn down this job. You’re not ready for something like this.”

I squared my shoulders. “I know that. But I don’t have any choice.”

“There’s always a choice.”

Not if I wanted us to have a chance, there wasn’t. “You can’t have it both ways,” I snapped. “You can’t hate me owing Marco and then hate me trying to stop owing Marco.”

He shook his head. “Yes, I can.”

Every muscle in my body tightened with frustration. “You want to explain why that’s okay?”

“Because I can’t protect you,” he roared. “Don’t you get it? You go somewhere like that and I can’t protect you.”

“I’m not made of glass, Dan. I don’t need to be wrapped in cotton wool,” I yelled back. I’d kind of proven I could take care of myself. Hell, I’d beaten Tate and survived.

Dan made a chopping motion with one hand. “Yes, you do.”

My hands curled against the urge to snatch something up and fling it at him. “If you’re so keen on protecting me, why didn’t you warn me about Esteban? Did you know he could do that?”

“I’d heard rumors.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I figured Ani was teaching you about shielding,” he snapped.

“Shielding?” I had no idea what he was talking about.

“Guarding against vampire mind powers. You mean she isn’t?”

“No. Why aren’t you?”

“You have to learn it from an Alpha.”

Great. Something else I was being kept in the dark about. Of course, I hadn’t exactly given Ani many chances to tell me anything lately. I’d been avoiding her because I didn’t want to have to tell her about my problems. “You didn’t tell me that either.”

“I figured she would’ve.” He studied my face for a moment. “Let me guess, you haven’t been talking to her?”

I dropped my gaze.

“Christ. And you wonder why I need to protect you when you won’t even learn how to be a werewolf.”

“I didn’t ask to be a goddamn werewolf,” I yelled.

He went still. Too still and I wished I could take the words back. “I—”

He closed the gap between us in one too-fast movement. We were body to body, face to face, temper to temper.

“Too bad.” He snarled. “Because you are one. You can deny reality all you want but it’s not going to change the situation.”

“I’m perfectly aware of the reality of my situation.”

“Are you? Because you don’t act like it. The reality of your situation, Ashley, is that they’ll try and take you again,” he said in a tone that made me wince. “Don’t you understand? Tate was supposed to kill you. He didn’t but we haven’t caught the people pulling his strings. They still want you dead. They’re coming for you
again
.”

His voice cracked a little and I wondered what it cost him to admit his fears.

“Jesus, Dan. Do you think I don’t know that?” I couldn’t let his fears rule my life. Rule
our
lives. I had to make him understand.

He blinked. “What?”

I blew out a breath as I took advantage and ducked around him, gaining some space. “I know they’ll try again. But I can’t put my life on hold and let you lock me away to keep me safe.”

“Why not?” He swiveled as he spoke, eyes like silvered glass as they locked with mine again.

So much for understanding.

I stared at him, feeling like there was a double-reinforced plate glass wall between us. We could see each other easily but neither of us could make ourselves heard. He wanted to protect me. I got that. But I couldn’t seem to make him see that I wanted to protect
him
. Him and everyone else in my life. And I couldn’t do that, couldn’t help solve the case, couldn’t do anything if I was under twenty-four hour lockdown. Besides, if I lived my life in fear, if everyone I cared about had to live their lives in fear, then Tate and Doctor Smith and whoever the hell was behind all of this had already won.

“This is my life now, Dan. The life you and Tate gave me. It’s not the one I wanted. It’s probably not the one you wanted. But I have to deal with it.”

He shook his head. “Dealing with it doesn’t mean risking your life.”

“I’m not. And I don’t intend to. But I will do whatever I can to make it a good life.”

“Hanging out with Old Ones is hardly a good life.”

“I’m not ‘hanging out’, I’m clearing my debts so they’ll leave me alone. Leave us alone. Why can’t you see that? You want the picket fence and the happy family. We can’t have that while an Old One has a hold over me.”

“We can’t have that if you get yourself hurt.” The unspoken ‘or killed’ hung in the air between us.

My teeth ground together. He was scared, I knew that. I was scared too. But I wasn’t going to let it rule me. I’d worked too hard to build a life for myself after Tate killed my family, to not let fear and grief destroy me, to give into it now.“We can’t have it if you want me to do everything you tell me to all the time. That’s not how we work.”

“This doesn’t feel much like a ‘we’ right now.”

“Then goddamn bend a little for once.”

He didn’t speak. But I could tell what he was thinking. I was the one who should bend. Trouble was my whole life had been bent almost out of recognition since Dan had reappeared. I didn’t know how much more I could give without breaking.

And he just stood there, looking like everything was my fault. It was all too much. I had to get away. I turned and ran moving blindly through the house until I reached the back door.

I slammed the screen door behind me, not caring who heard. The wood vibrated and for a moment I was tempted to pull the whole damn door loose from its hinges. Instead I raced down the backstairs and into the yard, trying to wipe tears away.

The moon—blooming toward full—shone down and silvery light washed over me. It should’ve been calming but instead, it made the wolf snarl. Too much anger, too much stress, too many people pulling me in too many directions.

I wanted just to be. The peace of the wolf mind seemed irresistible and I just changed before I had time to think too hard and talk myself out of it.

The world blurred. Suddenly I was several feet shorter and the night air was alive with sounds and smells my human senses—even the improved by lycanthropy versions—just never noticed.

My headache had vanished.

I shook myself and stretched. Front legs and then back, drinking the night in. I wanted to run, to explore but I knew that this wasn’t the Retreat and the sight of a Great Dane sized wolf sprinting down the streets of Ravenna—while not completely unusual in a city with a reasonable sized werewolf population like Seattle had—would be enough to cause a commotion. I paced around the yard instead, winding my way around the various bushes and garden beds and pieces of patio furniture, trying to work off some energy.

Problem was, in this form, I was more aware than ever that this was Dan’s house. His scent was everywhere, both his human scent and the muskier wild version of his wolf form. It was both enticing and infuriating. I shook my head, whining softly. I wanted to get away from him, from everyone.

Then I remembered Dan had bought this house because the yard backed onto Ravenna Park, which had all the space a gal could want. A six foot fence is no big issue to a werewolf. I cleared it easily and landed in the soft grass, pausing to scent the air and check whether anyone else was using the park for a very early morning stroll.

Nothing. I smelled people and dogs and other small furry things but the scents were faded, nothing was fresh and immediate in the way that would mean someone was in the park with me. The only sounds were leaves rustling and the creak of a distant swing set moving in the night breeze.

Much better.

I eased forward from the fence, letting my eyes double-check what ears and nose were telling me. Deserted. So I just let go and ran. Ran with the effortless ground-eating stride that drove all thought from my head and let the wolf take charge.

When my lungs started to burn, I sat on my haunches beneath a tree and half-closed my eyes.

“
Having fun?
”

The mental voice startled me and I twisted, a snarl rising as I realized I’d zoned out enough to let someone sneak up on me.

Dan. In wolf form, fur darker than the shadows. He moved forward out of the shelter of a neighboring tree. Downwind. Which made me feel slightly better about being startled. But only slightly as I wondered how long had he been there and what had he seen me doing?

“
What if I was?
” The fur on the back of my neck and shoulders lifted, ready for round fifty-seven of our argument.

Dan stopped and sat just out of reach. He tilted his head, showed his teeth in a wolf grin. “
I’d say good.
”

I blinked. Good?

“
You need to change more. It will make you stronger. Besides, it’s good to let off steam.
”

“Then why come find me?”

”
I wanted to know if you were okay.
”

I whined. God. I’d pushed him all night, had made him go to Maelstrom with me, had let Esteban come between us when I’d given into the lust and he was worried about me. I didn’t deserve it. I dropped to the grass, whining softly.

“
Ash
?” He padded forward, nose touching my ear.

I closed my eyes.

“Ash, what’s wrong?” The voice was human this time and I opened my eyes to see him kneeling next to me, naked in the moonlight.

He reached down and ran his hand over my head softly. He’d never touched me like that before, me in wolf form and him human. It felt weird but good and I leaned into the caress, suddenly understanding why dogs liked being petted so much. His touch soothed me, made the guilt fall away. The smooth flesh of his palm moving over my fur felt sensual, like someone rubbing velvet across my skin.

“Why don’t you change and we can go back inside?” he coaxed.

I whined again and nuzzled his hand.

“Sssssh, everything’s going to be okay,” he said softly.

I wanted to believe him. I wanted him to hold me until I did believe him.

I shifted in a rush and held out my arms. “I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about.” He pushed me back into the grass, covered my body with his. I knew I should object. This wasn’t really any different to the front porch. But the park was deserted and no one could see us. The trees cast dark shadows, the night air felt good and Dan felt even better. As his mouth descended on mine I suddenly forgot there was anything to object to.

I drank his scent in as we kissed, letting the wild male tang surround me and arouse me. He tasted even better than he smelled and I abandoned myself to his mouth, wrapping my arms and legs around him, suddenly wild to get as close as possible.

This was what I was working so hard for. This. These moments when it was just Dan and me and nothing mattered except the fact we were alone with each other. Not just sex but togetherness. Dan-and-Ashley. The place where the world made sense.