The Dark Light of Day (33 page)

“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully.

He shook his head. “It stands for
you
.” He pressed his forehead to mine.

Fear and love and regret ran through me, all at the same time.

“I’m just so scared.” I loved him so much I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t know where we went from there. “What if it all goes away?”

“You haven’t taken my necklace off in four years. Not only have
I tattooed your name on my body, but I’ve
killed
for you—gladly—
and I
would do it again, even if you told me right now that you never
wanted
to see me again. Your bitch of a mother is on my list, too, I’ve got
connections at Georgia Penn, could have her bleeding out by next
week
if that’s what you want.” He took a deep breath. “But, you know what made everything so fucking clear to me? The second I saw
Georgia—”
He wiped his eyes. “— I knew I would kill for her, too. I don’t care who fucking made her. She’s
my
goddamned daughter!” He was
shouting now. “I thought I knew what love at first sight was, because I fell in
love with you the moment I saw your face the night we met. But the way I felt when you held Georgia in your arms and she spoke about her
Grandpa Frank was… it was so much more than that. It was everything.”

The strength I’d built up over the past four years fell away. “I’m still scared.”

He held me to his chest. “Me, too,” he admitted. “But, I promise to work hard every damned day to make sure our fears don’t come true.” He kissed the top of my head. I took a deep breath and shook off all the doubts I’d been drowning in for four years. “That little girl broke my heart when she called me Daddy. And I wouldn’t have had it any other way.”

My chest swelled. I believed him when he said he loved me and my daughter, because I knew what love looked like. I didn’t know if I should allow myself to hope that Georgia could really have a father after all. I wasn’t convinced that love would be enough.

I wondered how two people so beaten down by the dark reality of their lives could raise another living soul and not fuck it up
entirely.

How could
broken
plus
broken
ever equal
whole?

SORTING THROUGH WHAT I THOUGHT
was the last of the
boxes was not my idea of a good time, but it had to be done. I could have smacked Jake when he so thoughtfully reminded me there were still a few boxes over at the apartment. He must have known that I was about to toss the remainder of them into the canal, so he volunteered to go get them for me instead.

We were taking things slow, but I would be lying if I said that
Georgia was anything other than completely head over heels in love
with him. We’d been functioning like a little family for a week. It
was what I’d been dreaming of since Georgia was born, though I never really thought I could have it. I still owed Jake the truth about Owen. It was something I never wanted to relive, even during my darkest
days. It was certainly the last thing I wanted to do during the happy
ones.

The front door opened and the screen door slammed shut. “That was quick. Just bring them in here, and stack it in the corner. I’ll sort it all out tomorrow. I’ve done so much today, my eyes are starting to
cross.” I folded the cardboard from the now empty box I’d been
working on. When did I get so much stuff? Jake hadn’t come into the living room yet, and he didn’t answer me. “Jake?” I called out. He didn’t answer. “Babe?”

Instead of his welcome voice answering, a much more menacing one called back. “You’ve never called me babe before. I like the way it sounds.” Owen appeared in the room, shotgun in hand that he’d aimed at my chest. I made a move to run. “Don’t fucking move.”

My mind was racing.

My first thoughts went to Georgia, napping in her bedroom.
Please don’t wake up... please.

I had to focus on how to get him out of the house and away from my sleeping child.

“Okay Owen. Let’s just go outside, and we can talk about
whatever you want,” I said. I was willing to go anywhere he wanted, as long as it meant getting him away from my baby.

“Not so fast, Miss Abby.” He glanced around the room. “It’s
been a while since I’ve been in here. Matter of fact, last time I was
here I was having a lovely conversation about you, with your Nan.”

When had he ever been in this house with Nan?

“What the fuck did you do to her?”

“Nothing. I just talked to her.” His face was troubled, like he
couldn’t understand why I’d be concerned. “I came to see you that day, but you weren’t here. Your Nan was kind enough to make me some tea. She was so nice to me. She just talked and talked. And
somewhere in the middle, she let it slip that the house was in foreclosure. She knew she wouldn’t have anywhere for you two to live but didn’t want to rain on your parade, what with graduation coming up so soon, so she kept it from you. She wasn’t going to be able to take care of you. I couldn’t let that happen.” He smiled, as if he thought I’d be happy
to hear all of this. “I watched you every day after your Nan died, looking out for you, protecting you. I even let you stay in that
junkyard so you could get a taste of how it felt to sleep among the trash before
I came to your rescue. It killed me to do this, but I called social
services. I needed you to see how desperate things would be for you without help. From me.”

Owen took a step toward me, his twisted concern turning to
anger. “Then, Jake
fucking
Dunn swooped into town and played the hero. And what did you do, Abby? You jumped right into his apartment and into
his fucking bed
.”

Owen pressed the barrel of the gun against my chest forcing me to step back with each jab until I was pressed against the wall.

“It should have been
me
- not him...not fucking Junkyard Jake.
We had one night...one amazing night on the beach together.” I
almost threw up when he said that. My stomach twisted. “I’ve done what I was supposed to since then, what you told my mother you wanted. I’ve stayed away, no, I’ve been
kept away
-from you all these years
against my fucking will. What happens next? That fucking white
trash junkyard dog blows back into town
again
, right back into your life after years of not giving a shit about you. Now, he’s going to
raise my fucking daughter?
I don’t fucking think so, Abby.”

My head was spinning. “Why, Owen? What did I ever do to you to make you hate me so much?”

“
Hate
you?” Owen laughed. It sounded surprised and confused and darkly delighted. “I don’t
hate
you, Abby. Don’t you get it yet? I
fucking
love
you!” I felt the growl of his voice vibrate though the
shotgun barrel pushing into my chest. “
I
fucking love you.
Me
. Not him.”

He was so sick, so deranged.

Please stay asleep, Georgia. Please just stay asleep, baby.
I sent my silent plea down the hall to where she slept.

Owen took a breath, gaining some composure. His voice evened out. “After all the trouble I went through to get you, you fucking owe me.”

“What trouble did you ever go to for me, Owen?” I spoke
quietly, more in hopes of keeping Georgia from coming out of her room than anything. “What did you ever do for me that was truly for
me
?”

“Everything. I did everything.” He leaned in closer, and I saw in more detail the black circles under his eyes, how unshaven he was. He wasn’t just drunk this time. A powdery white residue clung to
the underside of his nose. Owen sniffed, and his right nostril oozed
blood. He wiped it on the back of his hand, smearing it onto his
cheek. He didn’t flinch when he saw the red streaks of blood. His pupils were dilated, and his head restlessly shook and turned with each word. “I did
everything
, starting with your Nan.”

Nan...

“Meth labs explode all the time, you know. It wasn’t even that hard to get your Nan to say yes to making a last minute trip to that trailer in the woods. All I had to do was tell her the people living in there were poor and starving and in desperate need of her help. She
headed right over with a basket full of shit. I watched her go. She
was
so determined, like she really was on her way to a rescue.” He
laughed. “It was fucking pathetic. She was so goddamned gullible.”

My heart froze to hear him speak so coldly about her.

“It wasn’t even hard to make the damn trailer explode. Those
meth kitchens usually wind up doing it on their own anyway.
They’re like ticking time bombs. The tricky part was getting the detonator to cooperate, getting it to explode just as she knocked on the door.” He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “When that fucker went up, you couldn’t tell body parts from trailer parts.”

“You killed my grandmother because... because you wanted me to fucking
live
with you?” I spat.

“You make it sound so simple. No, I didn’t just want you to live with me. I wanted to be your hero. I wanted you to see how much I loved you, so you would love me back.”

It was too much to process, especially with Georgia sleeping
only feet away from a crazed Owen with a loaded shotgun. I steadied my gaze and numbed myself. Georgia was my only priority. I had to get through this for her.

“Nobody has ever wanted that with me before. To be my hero.” I
hoped I wouldn’t set him off, or raise his suspicion. “I’ll go with you now. Let’s go. It’s not too late.” I could hear my voice trembling as I spoke.

“Patience, baby,” he cooed. “We gotta wait for Jake to get back
first. That bitch has a one way ticket to hell, and his flight leaves
today.” Owen licked his lips. “I want to watch your face when I shoot his heart out of his chest.”

The front door opened and the screen door smacked closed.
Owen
put an arm around my neck and a dirty hand over my mouth. The
burning sensation that used to overwhelm me came back in full
force, and the pain of it clouded my vision. Owen dragged me a few steps sideways towards the living room, standing with his back against the wall.

I realized then that I didn’t really care what happened to me. I
had to protect my family. I was unimportant compared to the people I loved, the people who loved me. I would die for them. My purpose had been fulfilled—I’d had my Georgia. She was the only positive contribution I’d made to the hate-filled world I occupied.

My only hope was that she wouldn’t have to suffer in life the way I had.

Owen made a rolling turn off the wall to face the living room, and I took my opportunity. I broke from his hold and jumped on his back. I tried to wrap my arms around his neck, but I was no match for Owen’s size and strength. He easily bucked me off his back. I crashed to the hard wood floor and landed on my tailbone. I heard the crunch and felt a sharp pain run up my spine.

Owen didn’t take his eyes off of me as he shot blindly into the living room. The blast from the gun shook the walls. It felt more like an explosion than a shotgun firing. I covered my ears to block out the high-pitched ringing that overtook me. I couldn’t hear anything.

“Jake!” I cried out.

When I opened my eyes again, I saw Owen staring into the
living room. He let the shotgun drop to his side. It slipped from his hands onto the floor. His eyes were wide, his hands shaking.

“
Jake!
” I cried again. I used every bit of adrenaline I had to rush
past Owen and into the living room. He didn’t try to stop me.
“Jake?”

I still couldn’t hear. I didn’t know if he’d responded.

And then, I saw.

Of all the things I had been through in my life—the starvation, the beatings, abuse after abuse, losing everyone who had ever meant anything to me in one way or another—none of these things could
have prepared me for the devastating sight of my daughter
crumpled on the floor against the front door, with her yellow Curious George t-shirt turning a deep, wet red.

I ran to her and slipped her limp body into my arms, propping
her up on my knees. I wiped the hair from her face. “
Georgia
!” I
screamed
trying to wake her up. Her eyes were closed. There was so much
blood.
I felt her neck for a heartbeat, but couldn’t feel anything beyond my
own.

“Mama,” she said. It was weak. She was alive but barely. Help. She needed help. I couldn’t lose her.

I couldn’t let my Georgia die.

The front door opened again, and this time Jake stepped into the living room, a yellow envelope in his hands. “Bee—where the fuck are you? We need to fucking talk—now!”

He’d barely finished his sentence when his gazed dropped to
where I held Georgia on the floor. He dropped the envelope,
scattering black and white photos all over. In one stride, he was kneeling next to us, pulling Georgia into his arms.

“Owen,” I said, looking to the place where Owen had stood just seconds earlier. The shotgun on the floor was the only evidence he’d ever been here.

I pulled open the door and we rushed from the house. Before we
got to the truck, Bethany tore into the yard in a bright white
Mercedes SUV and jumped out of the driver’s side, running toward us. She had the start of a black eye, and blood was dripping from the corner of her lip. Her mouth fell open when she saw Georgia in Jake’s arms. “I... I came to warn you... I tried to stop him...”