The Dark Light (12 page)

‘You’re unnatural!’ he says again, his voice too high, tinged with hysteria.

‘Thomas, you’re being rude.’ I feel embarrassed. I don’t want Alex to hear this.

He shrugs. ‘I don’t like her,’ he says, as if she isn’t even there.

‘But we have a message from Naomi.’

‘Show me.’

I hold out the piece of paper, which he snatches from me.

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I’m telling you now.’

He looks at it. I still don’t understand why he’s being so aggressive.

‘Well, come on then, we’d better get back. Come on.’ He gestures to the path, and we walk in front of him, all the way with him and Job behind us.

‘What the hell’s going on?’ Alex whispers at me. ‘Who is he?’

‘I’m sorry,’ I say. ‘I don’t know what’s got into him.’

‘If he touches either of us, I’ll end him,’ she hisses. ‘Seriously. I will.’

I look at her, shoulders set, fists balled, muscle twitching in her cheek, and I don’t doubt her. It makes me like her even more.

ELEVEN

ALEX

The tack room went quiet the minute we walked in. A shiver pulsed through my body. The room was muggy and full of people and mud and piles of carrots and potatoes and courgettes. They all turned to look at me. I tried to hang back behind Rebekah, but it was as if I had some glowing spot on my head or something. Rebekah was the only one I felt safe with in the whole place. She was naive, but she wasn’t angry or spiteful. She stood up for me against Thomas, and said sorry when he was nasty to me. She didn’t blame me. I wished I could take her away from here, show her the real world, show her what she was missing, let her decide for herself. She deserved that, at least.

Thomas elbowed his way past me, in his stupid, pretend-important way. He thought he was someone special, but Mr Bevins was using him, I could tell.

‘A message from Naomi!’ he announced, opening his hand and throwing the crumpled ball of paper on to the table like he was the one who had been there and heard what the freaky woman said, not us. Something about his attitude made me angry. Who was he to make out like he was in charge? I hated him then, as I knew he hated me.

The paper was damp with his sweat.

Hannah peeled it apart. ‘Jonah 2.3.’

One of the other women, a thin and willowy shadow called Margaret, pulled out a pocket Bible and looked up the verse.

But before she could find it Hannah said, from memory: ‘
For thou hadst cast me into the deep, in the midst of the seas; and the floods compassed me about: all thy billows and thy waves passed over me.
’

Margaret put her hand over her mouth and started to cry. ‘He sends us comfort!’ she said.

‘Praise be to God,’ said Thomas.

‘Praise be to God!’ everyone repeated loudly. Thomas whooped and stamped his foot. Idiot.

‘What are billows, do you think?’ Hannah asked of no one in particular.

‘Holy pillows?’ I muttered. I couldn’t help myself.

Rebekah snorted, but no one else laughed. We looked at each other and I grabbed her hand and squeezed and she squeezed back, but she then she let go like my hand was a hot coal when she saw Mary staring at us.

‘Has Bevins seen this?’ one of the men asked, a touch of irritation in his voice.

Thomas shook his head. ‘Not yet.’ I hated the way that he took the space in the room as if he was the one that was in charge when Mr Bevins wasn’t around.

‘Before we all get carried away,
he
needs to verify this.’ The man seemed angry. I guessed it must be Thomas’s father. He looked a lot like him, with the same fat-thin face and doughy expression.

Thomas narrowed his eyes. ‘
I
am the appointed deputy!’ He was really big on trying to prove he was the favourite.

‘Thomas!’ one of the women, his mother, said. ‘Honour your father.’

But Thomas shrugged. ‘I have one Father, and he is in heaven.’

There was a hush around the room. Mr Bragg’s face was going purple but he didn’t say anything. There was obviously some kind of situation going on between the two of them.

Then Mr Bevins came in. I could sense his presence even before I saw him. The room was suddenly quiet, expectant. He stood in the centre of us, smiling benignly, hands raised, palms open as if he were like the blind beggar in his story.

Thomas snatched up Naomi’s prophecy and gave it to him.

‘She gave
you
this?’ Bevins asked.

‘No, them,’ he mumbled, reluctantly pointing to me and Rebekah. I think Thomas wished it was him. He wanted to please Mr Bevins the most out of everybody. I wished it had been him too. I didn’t want Mr Bevins to notice us. I didn’t want to be in the path of those eyes. I felt his gaze burning right through me.

‘And how was she?’

I didn’t know what to say so I kept my mouth shut.

‘OK,’ Rebekah answered.

‘Did she say anything? Was there any other message?’

‘No. She just gave me that.’

‘See!’ he said. ‘I told you she was the one!’ He pointed at me as if that prophecy had something to do with me. ‘That she would set off a chain reaction. It’s in motion! The countdown has started! The time is upon us! I must now discover the hour!’

It sounded like craziness to me, except that everyone was drinking it in. Some were nodding, some had their eyes closed and hands raised to the ceiling. I didn’t know what to do.

‘Praise Him!’ Hannah said.

I stared at the table, at all the grooves made by scratches and weathering, at the grain of it, the whorls and rings, the knot marks. I could almost hear the tree that made it creaking in the wind, the shudder of a chainsaw, the—

‘I asked you a question!’ I looked at him. I hadn’t heard any questions. ‘What do you think of our paradise?’ he said, slowly, like I was dense.

I flinched, then nodded. ‘Really nice,’ I said, like a sap. In my head I wanted to tell him to fuck off, to let me go home, but what came out of my mouth was something else. That was the effect he had on people. ‘Great.’

He nodded. ‘Great and
nice
,’ he said. ‘Yes, it is nice. But not
too
nice – lest you get too comfortable. Life is a short dream, Alex. You don’t want to get too
attached
to it.’ I nodded, even though what he was saying sounded like riddles. He turned the piece of paper over in his hands thoughtfully. ‘Didn’t I say? Didn’t I say that this would happen?’ A few people murmured and nodded, as if they were encouraging him. ‘It’s uncanny. So soon after the vision. And now this . . . and the girl . . .’ He looked at me again as if I contained a puzzle or a secret and shook his head. ‘We should be in the church on our knees! Thanking God for revealing His mysteries!’

‘Yes!’ Thomas leaped up and punched the air.

But Mr Bragg blinked and cleared his throat. ‘Mr Bevins, if I may . . .’

‘
What?
’ He looked suddenly irritated.

‘Some of us have been talking . . . Everyone is very
tired
. The crops . . . The farm needs working. We can’t be at church all the time. People are exhausted. They need to rest, to eat, to sleep.’

There was a silence that lasted a beat too long, then a long-suffering sigh. ‘They need to sleep?!’ He sounded incredulous. ‘When the hour is at hand? We don’t need sleep! We need to be walking on the high wire to the glory. It could be weeks now,
days
even. Brothers, we are so lucky to be here.’ He made his eyes big. ‘How long since we’ve had a word from Naomi? How many
years
have we been waiting? And now this in the same
week
!’

‘But people will be able to think better in the morning.’

‘No better time to think about God than the present!’ He folded his arms.

‘No one doubts you, Bevins, but . . . The people, we,
I
, need a rest tonight. Maybe you can read to us from the Book of Jonah, before we retire. That will sharpen our minds and in the morning we can gather . . .’

There was another long pause, like the vacuum suck before an explosion. I thought Mary looked scared.

‘You’re telling
me
?’ Bevins’s eyes narrowed. ‘You’re telling
me
what to read to
you
?’

Everyone looked at the floor. Mr Bragg had gone red.

‘You know this is how it starts! With a little rest, a little
weakness
. And before you know it, you are so far down the path of backsliding no one can save you. You know what it says in the scriptures! I was sent by God to keep you to the path, keep you
safe
, so that you will live for all eternity. That is my calling. I work so hard for you, so
hard
.’

‘But . . .’ Mr Bragg looked scared; his chin wobbled and his voice became high-pitched. ‘There’s so much to do on the farm that we don’t have time to spend all day in church.’

‘Pffffft,’ Mr Bevins whistled through his teeth. ‘There’s the struggle, my Brothers, right there. See how it starts, with just one little doubt, and then it all falls away and before you know it the whole of eternity is lost because you were
tired
.’ His eyes narrowed. ‘We’ve had such exciting news! And all you want to do is sleep! Who are these people? Who among you is coming to the church?’

‘I will!’ said Thomas, first to put his hand up. He looked at his father with contempt.

Mr Bevins smirked. ‘Of course there’s no
pressure
, Brothers – those of you who would rather follow the doubter here, there is no shame in it, in admitting that you are backsliding, but . . .’

‘But, Mr Bevins, you know, my heart.’ Mr Bragg touched his chest. ‘I need to rest.’

‘Indeed I do know the weakness of your heart, and it is wretched and faithless. You can rest.’ He nodded at Jonathan and another man who came up behind Mr Bragg and took him by the arms. ‘In the Solitary.’

‘Please! No! I have a weak heart. Dee, tell him.’

But Mrs Bragg was turned away from him, shaking her head. ‘I told you that you were backsliding, but you wouldn’t listen.’

‘See?’ Mr Bevins said. ‘Even your wife can’t bear to look at you.’ He nodded at the men. ‘Love the sinner, hate the sin, and he is so full with sin right now I can’t even see him. You need to spend some time in prayer and private contemplation. Take him away.’ And he waved his hand to dismiss them.

‘No!’ Mr Bragg said. ‘This isn’t right! This isn’t what we came here for!’ He struggled, but the men were much taller and stronger than him, nearly lifting him off his feet as they dragged him out of the room. I tried to catch Rebekah’s eye, but she was staring into space, her hands clasped in front of her, same as they all were.

When they’d taken him, Mr Bevins asked again, ‘Who is with me? Who will come and pray?’

One by one everyone put their hand up. Even me.

The church smelled of damp and dust and it was cold. Bevins stood at the front with his eyes closed for a long time. Everyone was standing, stiff and obedient, for ages, until the twins started to fidget. I was right at the back with Rebekah and the other women who were all praying silently, their heads bowed.

Once the boys started to make a noise Bevins opened his eyes and stared at Mary. She looked flustered, but it wasn’t her fault. Children can’t be expected to stay still for that long. She shushed them, then made a bed for them under the chairs out of her coat, where they curled up and slept. I could see through the windows that it was already getting dark. I wanted to look at my phone to find out the time. But I didn’t dare get it out in front of everyone. At some point Jonathan and the other man came back from taking Mr Bragg to the Solitary. The door closed behind them, and they took their places down the front right next to Mr Bevins, but he didn’t even open his eyes or acknowledge that they had returned.

After ages, he inhaled loudly through his nose and brought himself up on his tiptoes. He pushed back his sleeves and stretched his arms to the sky and started speaking, except it was in a language I didn’t understand. Then others started to join in until the room echoed with the babble of everyone speaking a loud mumbo-jumbo.

I prodded Rebekah. ‘What are they saying?’

‘They’re speaking in the spirit.’

‘Sounds like baby talk,’ I said, too loudly.

‘
Shhhh
. It might be a prophecy,’ she whispered. ‘Someone will translate it.’

The noise went on and on, someone even started clucking like a chicken, Jonathan started laughing. I’d been in church before where they’d had a kind of free prayer, but it wasn’t like this.

Then Bevins lowered his arms like a conductor, and the noise stopped and he smiled at everyone benevolently, then stared at me. I looked at the floor.

He motioned for people to sit. He said he’d had a message from God, ‘something important that needs to be heard’. He started talking about sin. About the temptations of the flesh and how easy it was to be led astray. He talked about adultery and the abomination of homosexuality. He talked a lot about homosexuality. He said the word
sexual
like it was a disease. He got very red in the face, describing how God would punish the ‘deviants and sodomites’ – how he couldn’t bear to look at sin, how he must turn his face away. ‘It’s these among all other sins that have ruined this world for the rest of us!’ He talked about how you would end up in hell if you did any of these things, although it wasn’t really clear what he meant by ‘things’. But he described very vividly exactly how painful it would be when the fires of hell were burning you, melting the flesh from your bones, charring your skin like a barbeque, boiling your brains inside your skull, and the pain and torment that would last for eternity. I felt sick. I knew he was talking about me.

After he’d finished speaking he insisted we all knelt to pray. I watched Rebekah beside me, folding herself up on her knees, clasping her hands together and resting her forehead on them. She was muttering a prayer under her breath. I wanted to interrupt her and ask who she thought she was speaking to, I wanted to grab her hand and pull her away from all of this, I wanted to shout loudly and tell them all not to listen to his madness, but I caught Mr Bevins staring at me like he could see straight through me and I quickly closed my eyes and pretended to pray.