The Dark Lady (56 page)

She tried to smile at Devon as he rushed over to her, but when his hand touched hers she burst into tears.

“
Amy, what are you doing here? It is not safe for you to be here.” He pulled her into his arms holding her until her sobs had slowed to the occasional hiccup.

“
I am worried about Van. She is not herself,” she said into his sweaty chest. She sighed and pressed herself farther into his warm embrace. She had felt scared and alone as she had raced toward the lists, but the warmth and comfort of his strong arms drove those feeling away.

He wrapped his hands around her arms and held her away from him. He looked into her eyes and she was lost in the love she saw there. “What happened?”

“
You saw her last night at dinner, but today it is worse.” She began to cry again as she told him Joseph’s story.

“
Perhaps she just needs time. We all do.” He spoke for all of them but he looked specifically at Peter as he spoke.

She glanced at Peter and saw the lost look on his face. It disappeared as he grimaced and joined a mock battle. She looked back at Devon and shook her head. “I am worried she is doing harm to herself. She did not eat last night, nor breakfast this morning, and I am not sure she has eaten anything since returning from her father’s.”

Devon’s brow furrowed in concern. “That is a problem.”

She relaxed knowing that he was listening and starting to understand the danger Van was in. “She has shut herself in her chambers and will not talk to me. She will not even let me close to her.”

“
What can we do for her?” Devon asked.

“
She has had so much pain and loss lately that it is all catching up with her. I was with her when her mother died. She has not cried for her. I know she has always hid her emotions, but even if she were a man she would still need to grieve.” Tears came to her again and he wrapped an arm around her, leading her back to the castle.

Devon kissed Amy gently, telling her that he would see to things and left her in her chambers. He, too, had been concerned for Van since dinner the night before. He just did not know how to express the fears he was feeling.

Devon stopped by Van’s chamber door and knocked. Nothing from the other side. He tried the handle only to find it still locked. He walked around going through Peter’s room and tried that door. It held firm, locked as well.

Back at the lists, he approached Peter, feeling closer to him than he had in the beginning when they had shown up on his doorstep, asking to be taken in. A lot had happened since then.

“
Lord Grayweist, may I speak to you for a moment?” His voice trembled, making him sound as unsure of himself as he felt.

Richard and Grant had turned to leave, but Devon raised his hand to stop them. “Can you both stay as well? I would like as many opinions as I can get.”

Devon led them to the far side of the lists away from the other men before he turned to them. “I want to pass on a concern of Amy’s...and mine.” He caught Peter’s gaze and he shook his head.

“
About Lady Vanessa?” Peter didn’t need an answer to know he was correct. It was on everyone’s minds. “Is she all right?” He had worried about her the night before. She looked so helpless when she had retired. Yet he could not bring himself to approach her. He felt guilt swarm him and a sense of failure as he realized that Amy’s accusations were correct. He had been hiding.

“
Nay, I do not think she is. She will not eat, nor will she talk to anyone.” Devon leaned closer and lowered his voice. “Joseph said she would hardly talk to him, or look at him for that matter, and she will hardly talk to Amy either.”

Peter looked at Richard’s guilt ridden face, cringed, then glanced quickly away.

“
Amy says she was there when Van’s mother died and she has not cried for her. She thinks Van is on the edge of a breakdown.” Devon’s voice shook and Peter had to look away from him.

Peter was at a loss at what to say or what to do to help her. The silence strung out between them for several long moments. Peter stared down at his hands and realized with a start that they were trembling.

His heart was heavy. Van was not his only concern, though she was his most important. He also had to figure out a way to help the men deal with this new development. Van’s men were lost and confused and needed guidance that he was unsure how to provide.

How was he to help them when he could not even help himself? he wondered bitterly.

“
I was there when her mother died as well,” Richard said into the silence. His eyes were glazed over as if he was lost in the past.

Devon raised his brows and Peter glanced at him. Devon nodded and his eyes brightened. “That is right, you were in the cabin. We were all at the funeral.”

Peter thought for a moment over what Amy had told Devon. “If Amy was there when Vanessa’s—” He took a deep breath. “—Van’s mother died and you were there as well, why did you not recognize her?”

Richard laughed. “All I saw of her was a pitchfork and hair thrown over her face.”

Peter shook his head not sure if he had understood. “What?”

Richard’s eyes cleared slightly and his gaze met Peter’s. He smiled. “She ran from us when we arrived at the cottage. Van pounded on the door and she opened it brandishing a pitchfork, but I could not see her around him...her.” He groaned and shook his head. “This is going to take some getting used to.”

“
Aye it is,” Peter agreed.

“
Van had pulled her against him and she passed out. When he—” He groaned again but didn’t bother to correct himself. “—threw her onto the pallet in the room, in
her
mother’s room, Amy’s hair was covering her face.”

Devon shook his head. “We all saw her, but at the funeral she had a thick black veil. We never saw her face and she never spoke.”

Richard nodded in agreement. “I was in there while the doctor talked to Van. He tried to get her to show some emotions, telling her that even a man had to cry.”

The men in the lists had begun to mill around instead of practicing. Peter watched them momentarily while Richard spoke. They kept casting furtive glances toward his small huddled group.

“
The doctor told her then that she could not keep it all inside or it would cause a breakdown.” Richard looked down at his hands, clenching them at his sides. “She just shook her head, saying there was no time for a breakdown. She told him she would do it later. I guess later has not come yet.”

Grant drew Peter’s attention when he spoke. His voice was soft and low. “She has had much more to deal with since then. I do not know exactly what is going on with her father for it is not my business, but I know it is straining her.”

Peter nodded when Grant looked to him for confirmation. The problems with her father were tearing her apart inside. Peter had seen it in her face when she had left for her father’s home. Even though she tried to hide it, Peter had felt the pain swirling within her.

Grant nodded. “If she has stopped talking to anyone, she may be hiding inside herself. Changing from a man the scope of the Dark Knight to a dainty lady, cannot be easy.”

“
I know. I know.” Peter did know, but this was not helping him any. He understood the problem already. What he needed was a solution. He was afraid that those answers would not come and he would lose her. “We all saw her last night. She is finally dressing like I want and trying to act the meek little wife, but it is not her.” He hung his head shamefully. “I just do not know how to face her or what to say to her.”

He closed his eyes and prayed for some answers to be bestowed upon him, but no one spoke. He sighed deeply, a black streak of dread winding its way around his mind, darkening his thoughts and eating away his hopes of a brighter future.

A sad smile crossed his lips and they trembled when he spoke. “I have wondered at the things Van told the king that night she became the Dark Knight.” He looked up at them. Their faces held the same lost fearful look that he imagined his own face held. “She said I had faced adversity for her. I thought at the time she meant the boys, but nay, she meant her.”

“
The boys, my lord?” Richard asked him gently.

“
I saved her from a group of six boys when she was still a page here.” His mind drifted back to that day long ago. “They had her down and she was losing dreadfully. When I saved her, she was mad. Mad at me.” He shook his head in wonder. “Yelled at me, said she had it all under control. The next time it was only four boys and she looked to be losing then as well. I almost did nothing with the last gratitude I had gotten.”

Richard laughed. Devon and Grant both shook their heads. Peter noticed the men had ceased even the pretense of practice and were now standing around, watching curiously. He said nothing to them, but returned to his tale.

“
When I saved her, I received the same reception. She was angry at me again. She took a swing at me. Telling me to mind my own business.” He rubbed his knuckles against his palm.

Richard shifted from foot to foot and the men began to move closer to them.

“
She hit me. I...” Peter was not sure how to continue. He closed his eyes against the wave of guilt that crashed against him. “Now that is all I see. The bloody lip that I left her with.”

Things obviously had not changed, he thought, cringing as he recalled the bloody lip he had given her by the lake.

“
I understand.” Richard’s voice shook with emotion.

Peter opened his eyes and stared at the Dark Knight’s second-in-command.

“
I see the same things, but more.” Richard looked at them all, from one to another, and then focused on the dirt between his boots. “I left her with broken ribs one time. I gave her more than one beating. Treated her like...” A deep breath trembled through his shoulders. “I cannot bear to think of the delicate lady she should be, would have been, had it not been for me.”

Peter watched a tear slide down his cheek. His throat clogged with emotion itself. He swallowed hard and looked at the other two men who now studied their own boots.

Richard ignored the tear and continued, his voice husky. “When we got the missive from her mother, she stopped me before we headed out. Told me that everything she had become was to my credit.” He sucked in a deep breath that wheezed slightly. He smiled at Peter.

Peter thought it looked forced and slightly painful.

“
I can tell you though why she was so mad when you saved her.” Richard glanced at the men, who had advanced another step or two toward them. He looked back to Peter. “When she first arrived, she was not as good as some of the boys who were already here, not as strong. She was young for a page.”

Peter shook his head. He already knew that. He had seen the way they taunted her. His stomach lurched when he thought of the way the boys had tormented her and Peter had done nothing about it.

“
She fought hard to become the best, but they were cruel to her.” Richard continued. “She fought dirty. Anything she had to do to win. Soon they knew that, one–on-one, they were no match for her.”

Grant laughed disgustedly and added to Richards words. “They would torment her if there was two or three. I saw her lose at first to a group, but soon she got to where she could win against them as well.”

“
Aye,” Richard agreed, smiling as he remembered. “In order to get better, to learn, and get practice she would seek out groups.”

Peter sighed. “She would torment them, lose or not, just so she got the practice?”

“
Aye,” Richard said. “She got good enough. No matter the group, they would no longer take the bait. She may lose in the end, but there were many injuries to the boys before she let up. No one was willing to risk it.”

“
I do not know what to do with her. After supper I will talk to her.” Peter gestured to the men and led them all toward the castle, his mind in a turmoil every step back.

How was he to face her? How could he ever apologize for all the things that had happened to her? How did he help her become a woman, a wife? How could he get her to let go of all she was before?
Could
she let go?

Did he really want her to?

***

Van was feeling stronger, but she knew most likely it was from the large amount of brandy she had drank. Not used to drinking, the alcohol went quickly to her brain, making her feel lightheaded.

She was not one of those silly drunks. That much she understood quickly. The anger that had disappeared over the last days had returned full force. It clouded her mind as much or more than the brandy and she was in a foul mood.

Her life was falling apart and the master of all situations found herself in control of nothing. She could not do anything. She did not even know who she was anymore.

She had been better before the brandy. She had felt numb, felt absolutely nothing. Now the anger was beginning to swell. She felt trapped and didn’t know what to do to fix it. It was too late to turn back now. Everyone knew who she was. She closed her eyes and considered mounting Damien and just riding off and losing herself.

“
Milady, I brought you food.” Amy stood in the doorway.

Van threw back another mouthful of brandy and turned to glare at her.

“
Milady?” Amy knew that Van did not drink.
This cannot be a good sign
, she thought sadly.