The Dark Lady (30 page)

“Why?”

Eva frowned. She thought back to that day, the necessity of the letter, Thomas’s censure. The driving feeling of danger. “It is all a blur, Doctor.”

“That is perfectly normal under such distressing conditions. Do continue.”

“Adam was in the curricle with me. I needed him, needed him with me since his father was lost to me. The wheel slipped off in the mud and . . .” She tried to force her mouth around the horrible moment. Pressure began to build inside her. The wildest force until, finally, she burst out: “He was flung from the vehicle. Killed. And it was my fault, do you see? If I had just—”

“My dear lady,” Dr. Jenner cut in. “You cannot take the role of God, nor can you claim power over forces of nature and inanimate objects.”

Eva gasped for air. She blinked at him. “Pardon?”

“To say you are responsible for your son’s death is tantamount to saying it is my fault when my patients die because I cannot get to them in time, or because there is simply no medicine to cure them.”

“That must be different,” she said. “Thomas told me. He told me again and again.”

Dr. Jenner stilled. “Lord Carin?”

She nodded.

“What exactly did he say?”

“That it was my fault. That Hamilton would hate me for what I had done. That I was the most evil of mothers—”

“Your brother-in-law is an insensitive lout and, frankly, the sooner you are out of his guardianship the better, I think.”

“But—” It was true, wasn’t it? It was her fault. Yet here was this wise man telling her that it was ridiculous of her to contemplate it.

“Now I must ask you a few short questions.”

What exactly was happening? It all seemed too rash, so unexpected. She lifted her chin, ready.

“What is your name?” he asked plainly.

She blinked at the simplicity of it. “Eva Carin.”

“Who were your parents?”

Clearing her throat, she answered evenly, “Martha and John.”

“What is the year?” he asked, his brows lifting with pleasant curiosity.

“Eighteen sixty-five.”

“And . . .” He took a deep sip of tea. “What city are we in?”

She laughed at the absurd question, then pressed the handkerchief to her mouth. “Do forgive me. We are in London, of course.”

He smiled gently. “They are simple questions, my dear, but important to establishing your awareness to society.” He smoothed his fingers over his thick mustache. “Who is your monarch?”

“Queen Victoria.”

Dr. Jenner beamed kindly at her. “There, now. We are done.”

“We are?” Eva gaped at him. “I don’t understand . . .”

“My dear, you are not mad. Nor likely ever were. Grief is a hideous thing. We all need time to recover, and yours was no common loss. I will sign the paper when I leave; it will be registered posthaste with Chancery and the House of Lords. By dinner you should be a free woman.”

Eva opened her mouth, then quickly closed it.

The doctor stood and bowed. “I do hope to see you again, though in a social capacity.”

At last, Eva smiled up at him. “Thank you. Thank you so very much.”

He nodded and headed for the door, but once he reached it, he paused and turned back. “You have not talked of either of them much, have you?”

Eva couldn’t quite grasp what he was asking, not in the awe of this moment. “Pardon?”

“You should, you know. Often. It will make the pain lessen. And one day, though it seems impossible now, you will feel only pleasure when you speak of them.” He hesitated, his face creasing with consideration. “Forgive me. It may not be my place, but that young man out there, Lord Blake—”

“Yes?”

“He cares very deeply for you. And in my experience, such a thing is not to be passed lightly.” He nodded as if confirming his words to himself. “Consider it, my dear.”

With that, Dr. Jenner disappeared down the hall.

Eva stared at the empty doorway. Was it so apparent to everyone, the way Ian and she felt such a connection? Lady Elizabeth had intimated such a thing. Dare she give over to her feelings for Ian? Such a thing seemed dangerously close to a betrayal of Hamilton and her son’s memory.

But Dr. Jenner seemed to believe that all she need do was talk of her family, not make a martyr of herself to
them. Such a task should have appeared Herculean. The last year and a half had been devoted to silence on the subject.

Still, if she allowed herself to think on it, she did feel better. Infinitely better at this moment. Though such relief might be attributed to the fact that she had just been proclaimed sane, she didn’t think it the only reason. A weight seemed to have been lifted from her shoulders.

For the first time in months, she felt very nearly free. Perhaps, just perhaps, Hamilton wouldn’t hate her. Perhaps it had not been her fault. Perhaps she could smile when speaking of her son. And most surprising of all, perhaps she could open her heart to love.

“Y
ou are free.” Relief had Ian floating as he spoke. Finally. It was what they both deserved. What they had so longed for.

Eva beamed up at him, her pale face alight with happiness. “Yes. I am my own woman now.”

Own woman. Those two fatal words sucked his relief from him. It was true. She was technically independent. Free of any who would tell her what to do.

“What is it?”

“Eva, you must remember those men.”

The light faded from her face. Nodding, she slid her arms from his. “I do.”

Thank God she still needed him. He wasn’t ready to let go of her yet. To step from her life and allow her to be free of his interference. But then it was likely that she might need him for ages yet. How would she survive in society without him?

Of course she still needed him. He reached out to her, tangling his fingers in hers. “I didn’t mean to steal the happiness of the moment.”

She turned back toward him, her eyes dark. “Of course you didn’t. How could you?”

But he had. He could see it in the way her face had resigned itself. Resigned itself to more fear. More waiting. God, he was a bastard. However, it was true. As long
as Thomas was free, she would never truly be. “Wyndham and I will find a way to keep you safe.”

“Don’t you think Thomas will just leave me to myself now? He has no legal claim.”

Ian pulled her back against him, loving the feel of her frame tucked to him. “No.” He lowered his head, kissing her hair. “It just doesn’t seem possible. Not when he went to so much trouble to imprison you. I cannot see him letting you go. He’s an ass.”

“That’s what Dr. Jenner said.”

“Indeed?”

Eva nodded. “Yes. Well, not exactly. I think he used the word ‘insensitive’ for telling me it was my fault.”

“Thomas told you that?”

“Daily. Hourly. There is much I had forgotten. Now, with my head clear, those days are slowly coming back. Lord, I was so drunk on laudanum, it’s a miracle I didn’t do myself in.”

Ian’s gut clenched. “Eva, you tried.”

A disbelieving laugh rattled from her. “What? That’s ridiculous. I would never—”

“Thomas said you were caught by gardeners walking into the lake.”

“Well, that would be very foolish of me. I certainly couldn’t kill myself that way. Unless it was suicide by pneumonia.”

Ian paused. “How do you mean?”

“I’d just have swum, Ian. Unless Thomas says I loaded my pockets down with bricks.”

Blinking, he hugged her tighter against him. “You can’t swim, Eva.”

She glared up at him. “I most certainly can. I didn’t spend all my time while you two were in India in my room waiting for you and Hamilton to come back. On my last trip to Bath, I learned. I sea bathe quite well.”

A gnawing suspicion started working at him. What was Thomas about? “Eva, why would Thomas have said that?”

“Because as you said, he’s an ass. A jealous, vicious ass.”

Ian laughed, though the sound was forced. A chill stole over him. It raised the hairs on the back of his neck and gave him the battle-ready feeling he felt under the hot sun, artillery in view. “You’re right, of course.”

He’d worried her enough. Now was not the time to press her with questions. Come morning light, he’d set Wyndham on the track of those two gardeners. If anyone could find them, the former spy would.

Eva let out a worried sigh. “Do you really think a ball is a good idea?”

Ian snapped his attention back to her. Uncertainty creased her brow. “I do. It will be one more mark against Thomas when you make your triumphant return to society.”

“As you say.” She lifted her face toward his, a smile playing at her lips. “Care to kiss a free woman?”

Free woman.

Ian brought his palm up to cup her soft cheek. A sudden desire to brand her with his touch seized him. Somehow, with their bodies, he could erase the past from both their minds.

He grabbed her against him, lowering his mouth to hers with fierce need. In response, Eva pressed her body tight into his, her fingers pushing into his back near to the point of pain.

Eva pulled away and lowered herself to the floor. “Make love to me, Ian.”

Ian needed no further urging. He knelt down beside her. The light of the fire flickered over her body. She
looked like living stone. Alabaster. Perfect. Ready to come alive under loving hands.

There was something restive yet desperate in this moment. She’d offered herself up to him, and he was more than ready to take. But fear clung to his heart. Fear that this was all going to evaporate like a flickering image of palms in the desert.

Happiness was not for men like him.

Instead of immediately covering her body with his, Ian lowered his head and rested it against her silk-covered abdomen.

She remained still for a moment before her hands came to stroke his hair. It was the most tender thing he had felt in his life. The most dangerous.

This was how men lost themselves.

Closing his eyes against the fear, Ian allowed himself to breathe in her scent of roses and soap. What was he doing? “Eva—”

“Shh,” she whispered, her hands still slipping through his hair. “Think of nothing but this.” She tucked her fingers under his chin and forced his face upward. “Look at me.”

He opened his eyes.

Her indigo blue gaze burned with passion. “Don’t,” she whispered, as if afraid to pierce the silence.

“What?” he asked, unable to tear his gaze from her face.

“Run away.” She stroked the side of his face. “I can see it in your eyes. Hear it in your voice. You are on the verge of running from this. From us.”

He wanted to laugh. He’d been running for so long now. Was it even possible for him to stop? At last, he leaned forward and looked down into her eyes. “I will never leave you.” The words burned in his throat. He
meant them. He did. “As long as you need me, I will never go.”

“I want to be with you, Ian.”

Ian’s heart pounded with wonder. Now. Here. He was hers. She was his. And he would not contemplate anything else under the darkness of night.

It wasn’t gentleness that set him back toward her legs. Oh, no. It was the need to devour her. The firelight danced over her as he bent and smoothed her silk robe open, exposing her long, pale limbs.

He stared down at the soft skin. Slowly, his breath tightened, coming in shorter, hungrier gasps. Needing to taste her, he bent her knees and knelt between them.

Her eyes were locked on him, her mouth half open. He wanted her wild for him. Thinking of nothing but the pleasure he could give her.

He rubbed his face gently against her inner thigh, then pressed an open-mouthed kiss to the velvety flesh before he lightly bit the skin.

She gasped, her hands coming to weave into his hair. Blindly, he pushed her robe open all the way. Ian lifted his eyes to her body, taking in the beautiful curves and hollows of her. With every day she looked healthier, fuller. That alone set his heart beating faster.

The sight of her breasts, small yet taut, pink nipples hard, elicited a groan. He worked his way up her body, savoring every kiss, determined to live in this moment. Determined to pay homage to every part of her body as it deserved.

When he sucked a nipple into his mouth, she arched against him. “Ian—” She gasped. “Don’t wait.”

He flicked his tongue over the hard peak.

Her hands fumbled at his trousers. Finally she worked
them free. She slipped her hand into the fine wool and wrapped her hand around his hard cock.

A groan tore from his throat. Where had the insecure woman gone? She was fading away. Replaced by this beautiful, enigmatic beauty beneath him. The one who would take what she wanted as she’d done before heartache’s cold embrace had found her.

Knowing that she was finding her own strength with him here was intensely erotic.

“Now,” she ground out. “Now.”

Ian smiled at her passion, though his body was on fire with a pleasure that neared pain. He shoved his trousers down his legs. Gently, he rubbed the head of his cock against her opening.

She moaned and urged her hips up to him.

But he wanted her completely ready. Taking his cock in hand, he slid the head over her most sensitive spot, then up and down her slick core.

Another moan came from her throat. She reached forward and grabbed his buttocks with her hands. Ian positioned himself at her center and thrust forward.

Slick heat welcomed him, wrapping his cock in it. His chest expanded as he sucked in a breath. It was almost impossible to control himself with this woman, he needed her so much.

As if a wild creature had replaced Eva, she pushed herself up onto her elbows and stole his mouth in a long, soul-searing kiss. It nearly sent him pummeling over the edge.

Ian reached down and cupped her bottom, completely tilting her up toward him so that he could thrust deep and hard. To fill her completely.

Eva tore her mouth from his, clinging to his back, nails raking against his flesh.

The feel of her holding on to him, racked with desire, pushed him even harder. Consumed in it, he thrust deep against her, making sure he stroked the spot that would send her spiraling into pleasure.

As he sped his thrust, she dropped back, her legs locked around his waist. Pleasure lit her face. Finally a piercing cry came from her. She grabbed his shoulders, her head back.