The Cowgirl's Secret (The Diamondback Ranch Series #) (19 page)

With both of his strong arms braced on either side of her, Sam had her effectively imprisoned between him and the wall. He looked down at her. His eyes were heavy with passion . . . and anger.

"Damn it!
Do you really want me to stop
?" he asked. "You were kissing me back. Don't try to deny it."

Tori swiped back tendrils of hair that had come undone sometime during the long interminable day. "Please let me go." She needed to get away from him, before she did something stupid . . . like sleep with him again. It would be so easy to do and damn the consequences. "Please, Sam," she whispered.

"
Son of a bitch!"
He flung himself away and turned his back on her. Rubbing the back of his neck with his hand, he stared up at the moon. "You are one stubborn woman, you know that?"

The soft controlled timbre of his deep voice touched a chord low in Tori's stomach, more powerful and disturbing than if he'd shouted and yelled. "I'm sorry," she said. "I told you my reasons for breaking up, and nothing has changed."

He twirled around and stared at her. "
Nothing's change
d? You're saying that falling in love changes nothing?
Everything's
changed, damnit. Can't you see? We love one another. We belong together. Everything else will work itself out."

"How can you know that?" Tori clasped her arms across her chest again and tried to swallow the lump in her throat. "All I know is the timing for us is all off. I know my limitations, Sam. If we stayed together, I wouldn't be able to keep up with my classes. If I didn't finish my degree, I might come to resent you. I don't know if our love would survive."

"You mean you don't know if
your
love would survive. Well, you know what? That's fine. Just fucking fine. Go to A&M. Get your goddamned degree. Good luck with your life, Tori. Good-bye and good riddance." He stomped off, jerked open the door to the reception hall and disappeared out of sight.

Tori leaned against the side of the building, tears blinding her vision. She'd cried more than she'd ever cried in her life since she'd met Sam.

God, she wished their relationship wasn't so complicated. She loved him with her whole heart and soul. But she
had
to get her degree and be a vet. She knew she wouldn't be happy if she didn't. She knew she wouldn't be happy without Sam, either.

It seemed like either choice she made would be a lose-lose situation. Her brain told her one thing, her heart another. And her gut? Her gut wanted it all.

She was so
torn
.
So confused
. Had she chosen the right path? Or had she made the worst mistake of her life?

Looking up at the bright silver moon, Tori dashed ineffectively at the tears streaming down her cheeks. She hugged her arms across her chest and rocked as she wept. Only time would tell whether she'd made the right choice.

***

Ten days later, Tori finished packing up her things and getting ready to move out of the apartment she'd shared with Raenell for the past two years. She worked with a miserable and heavy heart. Not only was she packing up her material goods, she was trying desperately to seek some sort of closure for her disastrous relationship with Sam. Even better would be to create a workable plan for a future together. But it all seemed hopeless somehow.

Sleep still eluded her, and she had no appetite. She was a total mess both physically and emotionally. If she didn't get a grip on her life soon, Tori didn't know what would happen. She kept trying to figure out ways she could have it all. She wanted to go to A&M, make good grades
and
keep Sam in her life. How hard could that be?

Years ago, she'd made her plans and followed the chosen path. She'd vowed she wouldn't let anyone or anything throw her off course. She had to stay focused, but how would she be able to concentrate on her studies when her heart was broken in two?

Placing the last of her dishes into a cardboard box, Tori taped it closed. She grabbed a soft drink from the fridge and sat in the middle of the living room where boxes and moving crates littered the floor.

Her cell phone buzzed and for a minute, she couldn't remember where she'd left it. She ran to the bedroom and found it on top of a pile of clothes on the bed. When she saw Sam's name and number, her chest tightened painfully.

Tori hadn't seen hide or hair of him since the night of the wedding. They'd parted on the worst of terms. She couldn't think why he'd be calling her now. Taking the coward's way out, she let the call go to voice mail. She carried the phone back to the living room and tossed it on top of one of the moving boxes. Then she sat on the sofa, sipped her soft drink and stared at the phone, her stomach a jumble of nerves, and her heart thudding loudly in her ears.

Why had he called? What did he want? What more could they say to one another?

After a few minutes of indecision, Tori snatched up the phone and listened to the message.

"
Hey babe. I . . . uh, I just wanted to let you know . . . my mom passed away early this morning. I thought . . . I thought you might like to know. Call me, if you want."

Tori sat very still on the sofa and looked around the living room. The silence was deafening. Mocking. Scornful.

The back of her neck tensed, and she squeezed her eyes shut. Her throat closed around a burning lump, and an anguished sob fought to escape from deep within.

What the hell had she done? Was she insane?

Sam thought she
might
like to know his mother had died? Inhaling a deep shaky breath, she opened her eyes and stared at the opposite wall, now bare of all adornment. Bare and empty like her heart and soul were without Sam in her life.

She took another deep breath and another. Sure she'd made her plans, but plans could be changed. They could be tweaked, couldn't they? Dear God, how could she have been so stupid? Sam was an important and integral part of her life.

He was her
soulmate
. He was
the one
.

Was she so stubborn and set on her original course of action that she was willing to throw away the best thing that had ever happened to her?

Sam had it right:
They loved one another
. They belonged together. They needed to be there for each other . . . in good times and bad.

That's what was most important. Everything else would work itself out, just like he'd said. Or they'd
make
it work somehow. Relationships were all about give and take, encouragement, support and cooperation.

What in the world had she been thinking? Sam had called her stubborn, and now it seemed to Tori that standing by her original plans while tossing away the love she shared with Sam only proved the point a thousand times over.

Of course, she didn't
have
to go to A&M to get her degree. If she wanted Sam badly enough, and she
did
, she could go to school almost anywhere and study to be a vet. He knew how much she wanted it, needed it. He wouldn't hold her back; he'd been supportive this whole year.
She'd
been the one who'd neglected her studies. And it wasn't written in stone that she had to practice in Salt Fork, was it?

Damn, she
'd screwed up big time.

She hoped and prayed it wasn't too late. Could Sam ever forgive her? He had to. He just had to.

Tori jumped in the shower, dressed in record time, and packed an overnight bag. She wouldn't bother calling Sam. She'd do one better and just show up at his house.

He
needed
her. And she needed him. They'd work it all out somehow. Love would find a way. At least, she hoped it would.

***

Sam sat in the empty living room of his mom's house, trying to come to grips with her death. She was in a better place now; her pain and suffering at an end. He knew it was for the best, but the loss was overwhelming. He'd known the end was near, but losing his mom left his heart bruised and battered.

He'd called and left a message for Tori. He didn't know why. He knew she was no longer a part of his life and that loss was almost unbearable. Overpowering. Devastating. He felt as if an intrinsic part of him had died when she'd called it quits. He couldn't help feeling she'd betrayed him in the most basic sense.

He'd called Joe and Raenell, too. Even though he'd told them there was no need, they insisted on cutting their honeymoon in Hawaii short. They would be catching an early flight back to Dallas. Sam was glad; Joe was a good friend.

The doorbell buzzed and an impatient knock followed. He pushed off the sofa and went to answer it. God, don't let it be any visitors right now. He couldn't handle being on the receiving end of heartfelt condolences at the moment. He just wanted to forget about everything for a little while. Maybe get blissfully drunk and escape the pain threatening to pull him under.

The doorbell buzzed again. Poncho came running and barked, then whimpered like he knew who was on the other side of the door. Sam's heart revved up a beat. He didn't let himself hope, because the disappointment would kill him.

He opened the door, and his lungs stalled out. Tori stood on the porch with a bag in each hand. The relief at seeing her flooded his system and nearly knocked him to his knees.

"Sam, I--"

He jerked her into his arms and crushed her body to his. He inhaled deeply and her unique fragrance filled his lungs and his heart. He pulled her into the house, pushed the door shut with his foot and kissed her like she was his lifeline to sanity.

She dropped the bags in the foyer and wrapped her arms around him. He slanted his mouth to get a better angle, wanting to consume her and lose himself in her. He'd ached with longing for this woman. He'd needed her in this time of great loss. He'd yearned for her soothing, healing touch. The understanding and sympathy in her big blue eyes.

Poncho jumped at them, twirling and barking with joy, his tail wagging a mile a minute. If Sam had a tail, it would be wagging, too.

He scooped Tori up in his arms, and she hugged his neck, clinging tightly to him, crying into his shoulder. "Oh God, I'm so sorry about your mom. I had to see you. I love you so much. Can you ever forgive me? I've been so foolish."

"Shhh . . . you're here now. That's all that matters." He kissed her again and carried her to the bedroom. By some miracle, Tori had come back to him. He swore to God, he would never let her leave him again.

***

The last of the mourners--guests, family and friends--said goodbye and left the house. Sam closed the door and walked down the hall. The house was empty. His mother was gone forever.

He felt numb all over, like he was in a bad dream and couldn't wake up. He knew the feeling would recede. He knew the pain would lessen with time. He'd been through this when his father had died. He'd survived then; he'd survive now.

Poncho met him halfway to the kitchen and trailed after him, his tail down, his brown eyes sad. Sam picked up the little dog and ruffled his fur. "You miss her, don't you? I know, buddy. I miss her, too."

Entering the kitchen, he set the dog on the floor. "Well, that's everyone. They're all gone. Thank God, that's over with."

"Yes. Thank God, it's over." Tori stood behind the center island scraping the remains of potato salad from a huge bowl into a smaller container. "I've almost got this cleaned up. Raenell helped, as well as some of your cousins. Too bad they all live so far away. They seem nice."

Sam sank into one of the chairs at the table. "We were all pretty close when we were kids. There was a lot of visiting back and forth, especially during the holidays." He stretched out his legs and let out a heavy sigh. "Hey babe. Why don't you leave the rest of that till morning and come over here?"

"Sam . . ."

He patted his lap. "Come on. I need to hold you." He needed to feel the warmth and vitality that was Tori. Maybe some of it would rub off on him. Warm the coldness in his heart. Make him forget his grief for a little while. She'd held him in her arms while he cried for his loss. She'd cried along with him, sharing his sorrow. He'd let down his defenses and allowed her to see how vulnerable he was. He'd trusted in her strength.

They'd shared a bed these past few nights, and Tori had generously shared her body, helping Sam lose himself in sensual sensation, helping to push away the terrible emptiness threatening to consume him in the first few days after his mother had died.

He loved Tori McCade more than ever. He wanted her more than ever. He
needed
her more than ever.

"Come on, babe. That'll still be there tomorrow."

"All right." She tossed the dishtowel on the counter, walked around the island and sat down on his lap, curling her arms around his neck, hugging him and leaning her head on his shoulder. After a moment, she lifted her head and searched his face. With a gentle hand, she caressed his jaw, smoothed his hair over his forehead, and looked deeply into his eyes. "Hey you. How are you doing?" Her voice was soft and husky with concern.