The Cowboy's Holiday Blessing (10 page)

He knew all the right moves. He'd spent his life studying women, figuring out how they ticked. He knew how to make them feel special. This time he didn't know. Or maybe he did. Maybe standing there, letting her pull herself together, not reaching for her was the best move.

It was just a new page in his life. A new game plan.

“Why are you telling me this?” Her voice trembled but there were no tears.

“I'm telling you to explain that I didn't pull away because of you. I pulled away because of who I am. I don't want to be another person that hurts you. And let me tell you, I'm the guy who could. I've had plenty of angry messages on my answering machine. I've dated a lot of women and most of them are no longer in my life. A few still send me Christmas cards. Thirteen years ago one of those women put my name on a birth certificate as the father of her child. I'm keeping my distance because I don't want to hurt you.”

“What did you learn about me?” She turned, handing him a cup of tea before walking away. He watched her take a seat at the oak dinette.

When he'd searched her name he hadn't really expected to learn anything. He hadn't expected to learn information that would change his life. Maybe hers.

“I guess I learned everything. Or at least the facts available on the internet. But there's more to you than that story.”

“It isn't something I share with many people, Jackson. It isn't a great opening line. Hi, I was born and raised in a cult. My mom worshipped a man who con
vinced her that all of the women owed him their little girls.”

“You were a victim.”

She shrugged. “It's my past. It changes how people think of you when they learn something like that. Doesn't it?”

He moved to the seat across from her, carrying the cup of steaming tea in a tiny little cup that represented the woman staring up at him with liquid brown eyes and a soft smile that trembled and faded.

“I'm sorry.” What could he say? That he wanted to find that man and hurt him for what he'd done to her and countless other children. He didn't need for her to share the story of a man who used little girls as objects, dividing them amongst his disciples, marrying them off at young ages after their innocence was already stolen from them. He didn't want for her to have to tell him the story in her words. The story was on her face, in her eyes and hidden in her heart.

But she'd survived.

Her hands trembled as she sipped the tea. The cup clattered in the saucer when she set it on the table. He kept his hands on the porcelain cup of amber liquid, thinking it should make him calm, but it didn't.

“You don't have to be sorry.” She smiled up at him, brave, amazing. Too good for him. “Unless you mean you're sorry for snooping.”

He laughed a little, surprised by her smile, her soft laughter. “I am sorry about that. I'm sorry if anyone ever treats you differently because of what you've been through. You are more than what happened to you in that place.”

“I know.” She sniffled a little and reached for a napkin in the basket on the table. “I get caught feel
ing blessed because I escaped with fewer scars than so many of the children. And then I feel guilty because I escaped. I owe Sara everything.”

“Your sister?”

Madeline nodded again. She held her cup of tea in both hands, not drinking it. He sipped his, waiting, not wanting to push.

“She took me to town. And then she disappeared. I haven't seen or heard from her since.”

“Your parents?”

“I don't know who my real father is. My mother finds me and sends a Christmas or birthday card every year or so.” She glanced toward the hall, toward the bathroom where water still poured from the shower.

“Your mother is out of prison?”

She nodded. “Jackson, I'm glad I can help you with Jade, but you have to understand. I've spent years trying to convince myself that it wasn't my fault.”

He held the cup of tea because he wanted to hit something. Or somebody.

“I've been numb. I've been afraid. And over the years, I've been happy with my life.” Her brown eyes twinkled. “Even when I sleep with the lights on.”

Jackson reached for her hands. He moved them from the cup and he held them in his. “I haven't had a lot of experience with this, but I think I make a pretty good friend.”

She laughed at that. And laughed some more. When Jackson started to let go of her hands, she held tight until her laughter dissolved and she had to wipe her eyes.

“What's so funny?”

She laughed again. “You, being a girl's friend. The
idea of it makes you turn a little red.” She touched her neck. “From here up.”

Footsteps in the hall meant they were about to have company. Laughter and the dog barking. Madeline smiled. “You have definitely unsettled my life. My neat little house is suddenly chaos, clutter and a Christmas movie come to life.”

“I hope that's a good thing. I think we've both been a little unsettled this week.”

“More than a little.” Her eyes darted toward the door. Still no sign of Jade. “I think she's not as happy as she pretends to be.”

“I think you're right about that. I think she's trying to pretend this is some great adventure.”

“We can't run from life.”

“No, we can't.” He stood, leaving the nearly empty tea cup on the table. Maybe he was a tea person after all. “I'll see you tomorrow.”

She followed him to the door. He could still hear Jade and the dog. They were probably in the spare bedroom at the back of the house. It was probably better that she didn't crash in on this conversation.

He knew Madeline's story. She still didn't know his. He thought that one was better saved for after the doctor's appointment he'd made for the next day. A DNA test and a check-up.

“Jackson, thank you.” She stood on the front porch, hugging her sweater around her thin frame. The full moon captured her features, her big eyes and sweet smile.

“You're welcome.” He leaned in, kissing her goodbye. An easy kiss on the cheek. “I'm getting very good at this.”

Her eyes narrowed. “At what?”

“Nothing.”

He tipped his hat to her and walked down off the porch, whistling a song and thinking that maybe self-control wasn't such a bad thing. But she didn't need to know that.

They were friends. He could give her a simple kiss on the cheek to tell her good-night, or an easy hug. He could be there for her, make her feel safe. Friendship.

Yeah, simple, easy, friendship.

He'd keep telling himself that.

M
ondays were always hard for Madeline. The kids were fresh from the weekend, lots of energy, homework not done and attitudes definitely not in check. This Monday proved to be even more difficult. She couldn't relax and the kids were bouncing off the walls. When she left at the end of the day she wanted nothing more than a long soak in the tub and a nice, easy dinner. Maybe takeout from the Mad Cow.

But halfway home she remembered Jade. She remembered Jackson. She remembered all the ways her life had changed in the last few days. And none of it had been her doing. A few weeks ago in their Sunday school class Clint Cameron had taught how God changed our lives to make more room for Him and His plan. She hadn't really thought about it before. She'd made her own changes, such as buying a home, forcing herself to stay and not run.

God had brought other changes. She hadn't thought about Jade or Jackson in that light. She'd thought about Jade on her doorstep as a mistaken address and bad directions.

What did any of this have to do with her? Maybe
God wanted to use this situation to show her that she could open up to people. More specifically, that she could trust a man. Of all the men she should be expected to trust, God picked Jackson Cooper? Why not someone like James Wilkins, the nice teacher who had asked her to lunch on occasion?

Why not the very handsome coach from the Tulsa school where she'd taught?

She pulled up to her mailbox and pulled the mail out, shuffling through the letters, junk mail and an electric bill. Another card from her mother. She tossed the mail, all of it, on the seat next to her?

Why another card? Wasn't one unopened card at Christmas enough? Didn't the lack of a response tell her mother what she needed to know, that Madeline had no interest in a relationship with her?

Madeline pulled up her driveway and parked. She sat for a long time, not wanting to move. She wanted to run again. But she wouldn't. She looked at her little house, now adorned with Christmas lights and two new motion lights.

People in Dawson cared. They wanted her in their lives. Jackson Cooper had installed security lights to make her feel safe. She had a church family and neighbors. She picked up her mother's card but she wouldn't open it, not yet.

Instead she forced herself out of the car into the cold December day that gusted and blew. The cold went right through her and she shivered down into her coat.

When she walked into her house she was slammed by more changes. Kid stuff. Jade had left dirty dishes on the counter. Madeline quickly washed them and put them away. A towel had been left on the bedroom floor.
She tossed it in the hamper, wiped the sink and tub and then made the bed in the spare bedroom.

Neat and tidy, everything in its place. She turned to the sound of whimpering. They'd left the puppy on the screened-in back porch. Madeline groaned, knowing this wouldn't be pleasant.

The rug had been chewed to pieces, as had her slippers that she'd left on the floor. The stink of it made her gag and she backed away. The puppy whimpered and plopped down, resting her little head on big paws. Madeline glared at the little renegade.

“No messes in my house, puppy.” She pushed the dog aside and reached in the cabinet for paper towels. “My house, my life, is neat and tidy, not messy.”

The puppy did a little dance around her feet, barking and nipping at her boots.

“You really don't care, do you?” She leaned to pet the fluff ball. “Neither does he. He doesn't care that I don't want my world turned upside down. No, he brought you, and a child.”

He'd pushed his way into her life, her thoughts, her dreams. No one belonged in those places. Dawson had been her safe place. Until last week.

She stomped into the kitchen for a spray bottle of the strongest cleaner she had. The puppy whined at the door.

“Oh,
now
you want to go outside?” She pushed the door open and watched the little dog race outside.

It chased blowing leaves, sniffed grass and then found a stick to chew on. Madeline pulled on rubber gloves, held her breath and started to clean the mess that should have been Jackson Cooper's to clean. Yeah, she should call him and tell him to come down and clean up after his rotten puppy.

If it hadn't meant having him in her home, all male and smelling good, she would have. But she didn't want his faded jeans and cute grin cluttering up the place that way.

Tires squealed and she heard a horrible yelp. The puppy. She tossed the cleaner and paper towels and ran out the front door. A truck sat in the middle of the road and an older man had picked up the puppy.

Jade's puppy. Her puppy. The stupid, sweet, messy puppy.

“I think she's okay.” The farmer, a neighbor named Clark, held the ball of fur. “I tried to stop but she was chasing something.”

The puppy whimpered and stared with dark eyes. Her little body trembled. “I should take her to a vet.”

“I think you probably should. I'm real sorry. She came out of nowhere.”

Madeline closed her eyes to the surge of tears. “I let her out. I didn't think about her running across the road.”

She didn't know a vet. She didn't know anything about dogs. Or cats. Or cows.

“Let me put her in your car.” The farmer, in bib overalls and a straw cowboy hat, trudged through the ditch and up the hill. “Do you know where to take her?”

“I'll figure it out.”

“Doc Marler is good. If you can catch him.”

She nodded and her mind spun in crazy circles trying to think about dogs and vets and what to tell Jade. A new batch of tears streamed down her cheeks. She'd have to tell Jade.

“I think she'll be okay. And if you send me the vet bill, I'd be happy to pay it.”

Madeline rubbed the useless, silly tears from her
eyes. “No, I'm the one who let her out and didn't watch her.”

“Well, you let me know how she is. She's a cute little pup.”

“She is, isn't she?” Madeline sighed and shook her head. “I didn't know I wanted a dog.”

The farmer left the dog in her car and headed back down the driveway. Her cell phone rang. She pulled it from her pocket and groaned when she saw the caller ID. She didn't need this, not right now. And then, she did. Because he would know what to do.

She answered her phone with a quick hello and then said, “The puppy got hit by a car. I don't know what to do.”

Her body trembled the way the puppy trembled. The poor little thing hunkered in her front seat, holding her front leg out.

“I'll be right there.” Jackson's voice over the cell phone undid a little of the fear. He wouldn't leave her alone to handle this. Of course he wouldn't. He helped everyone. He rebuilt tornado-damaged homes and searched for missing children.

When he pulled up a few minutes later, she breathed a little easier. Jackson jumped out of his truck and headed her way. His smile shot clean through her, tender and unexpected. And she started to cry.

“Hey now, what's this all about?” His voice had a huskiness that undid every last shred of calm. “The puppy is going to be fine. Look at her, she's getting all worried about you.”

Madeline nodded but she couldn't stop the tears. Everything inside her broke loose and she couldn't shove it all back inside. The puppy whimpered and belly-crawled to the edge of her car seat.

“Shh, you're okay.” Jackson pulled her to him and held her in strong arms. “Shh.”

She sobbed against his shoulder and knew that the strange calm seeping into her body, into her heart, was from him. Safe. And suddenly, not so safe.

“I thought she was dead.” Make it about the dog, much easier to make it about something other than the Grand Canyon splitting open inside her heart.

“A puppy against a truck. She beat the odds today.” He still held her. His lips brushed her hair and he didn't let go.

“Jade will be so upset.”

“She's fine. I called and she's going to stay the night with Heather. Doc is waiting for us.”

“Thank you.” Madeline moved from his arms, brushing her hand across her face. “I'm a mess. And I need to run inside and get my purse.”

“You aren't a mess.” He brushed hair from her face. “Get what you need and I'll put her in my truck.”

She nodded and rushed back into the house for her purse. She turned off lights on her way out and locked the front door. When she got to the truck Jackson had the door open for her.

The puppy crawled close, head resting on Madeline's leg. She looked quickly at the man sitting next to her. A friend. He had said it himself. They were friends.

 

The local veterinarian had been in town most of Jackson's life. He had even delivered a baby once, years ago. It had been a stormy night and the woman, a dairy farmer's wife, had gone into labor while Doc had been there taking care of a sick cow. When things had moved a little too quickly, Doc delivered Jasmine Porter.

Jackson parked and got out. Madeline, still pale and
shaken, held Angel in her lap. He'd heard her murmur a few prayers, even promise the dog that she did like her and was glad she had her. He smiled as he helped the two of them out of the truck.

“You know, you didn't do this to the dog.”

“I was really angry that she chewed up my rug and made a mess in the utility room.”

“So every time a dog's owner gets mad, God sends a truck to teach them a lesson?” He kind of chuckled, and she shot him a look that took the humor right out of the moment.

“It isn't funny.”

“It kind of is, if you think about it. I don't think life works that way. I don't think God works that way. He doesn't get us back every time we have a thought He doesn't approve of.”

“I know.” She smiled a little. “I know it's a crazy thought. I'm a woman, we get at least three crazy thoughts a week.”

“I'll try to remember that.” He opened the door and she went through, still holding the puppy she hadn't really wanted. He smiled as he followed her inside. He couldn't stop smiling.

Something must have happened to him when he got tossed off that horse. Maybe he'd hit his head and they hadn't realized.

A door to the left of the desk opened. Doc walked out, slipping into a pale green jacket as he did. He nodded at Madeline and the dog before turning to Jackson.

“How old?”

“Eight weeks, Doc. Looks like her front leg.”

Doc's bushy gray brows shot up. “You're a vet now?”

Jackson laughed. “Doc, you're more than a vet.”

“Yeah, I'm the guy that…”

Ran Jackson off when he took Doc's daughter out a few times. But since Doc had the only veterinary clinic in Dawson, they'd worked past the resentment.

Doc took the puppy from Madeline.

“I'll take it back for X-rays. You two stay here.”

Madeline stood in the center of the room, looking a lot like a woman letting go of a kid for the first time. Jackson looped his arm through hers. “I'll buy you a cupcake if you'll stop looking so guilty.”

He led her to the vending machines at the end of the room.

“What kind?” He pulled a few ones out of his wallet.

“I love cinnamon rolls.”

He fed the dollar into the machine and pushed the button. The package of cinnamon rolls dropped down and she reached in and grabbed them. “Thank you.”

“Something to drink?”

Madeline shrugged. “Water. I'm so sorry that I dragged you over here. I know you're tired and still trying to heal up. And you have other things to do. You have a life.”

Pink flooded her cheeks and he grinned at the rush of random words that spilled from her lips.

“I do have a life.” He fed a dollar into the machine and pushed the button for a bottle of water.

“I mean, you know…”

He laughed. “You mean…women?”

“You know what I mean. Don't make me say it.”

“Dating women is something I do enjoy. I'm a single man. That makes it okay.”

“Right, I know that.” She took her cinnamon rolls and the bottle of water back to one of the hard plastic chairs that lined the wall near the door. “I'm apologiz
ing because I know this is keeping you from your life. I can't even, I don't know…”

He sat down next to her. “You can't, you don't what?”

“I could have called Jenna or Beth. I have friends. I do have a life.” She glanced at her watch. “I have play practice in two hours.”

“I know you have a life.”

“I just panicked and when you called, I blurted it out.”

“And I offered.” He couldn't tell her the truth, that he liked being the person who came to her rescue. “Don't worry, she'll be fine and as soon as she's taken care of, we'll head over to Back Street.”

“We?”

“I have some work to do over there.”

“Oh, okay.” She reached for her purse and pulled out a stack of mail. Her face paled a little and she looked away, shoving the letters back into the side pocket of her bag.

“Bad news?”

She shook her head and she her shoulders slumped. “My mother sent me another card.”

“What does it say?”

“I didn't open it. I don't open them.”

“Why?”

She looked up at him, staring as if she thought he'd dropped off another planet. Okay, maybe he should get this, but he didn't. Women weren't the most understandable creatures in the world. Beautiful, nice to hold, but definitely not easy to understand.

“Why would I open it?” She held it in her hands and he wanted to take it from her, open it himself.

“Because you need to.”

“That sounds easy.” She smiled up at him. “So, just open this card and, ‘tah-dah,' everything is better?”

“No, but I think it would be a beginning. Look, Maddie, I know that my family looks pretty great from the outside, but we've had our problems and we've learned that it's best to take care of situations from the get-go. Don't let it drag on. Don't let it take root.”