The Cowboy's Baby Bond (19 page)

“He probably said something stupid.” Celia seemed resigned that every relationship should end badly.

Willow sniffed back a tear and turned toward the girls, smiling as Adam grinned at her. “He didn't say or do anything bad.” She slipped her feet over the edge of the bed and pulled the girls and her son close. “We'll go back to town tomorrow and we'll start to live like a real Hendricks family. The way Mama and Papa would want us to live.”

Celia nodded. “We don't need anyone else.”

“But I like Johnny,” Sarah said.

I do, too
, Willow's inner voice wailed.

She pushed aside the words. He wasn't the man for her.

* * *

The next morning she hurried through breakfast. “Girls, pack your things. Celia, do you know how to drive a wagon?”

“I've done it a time or two.”

“Would you please bring it to the door?” She pretended not to see the sadness in Sarah's eyes, nor the puzzled expression on Adam's face. He had looked from one to the other throughout breakfast, probably not understanding why none of them laughed this morning.

“What should I tell Johnny?” Celia hesitated at the door.

“Tell him we're returning to town.” Willow pushed aside the stabbing pain beneath her ribs. She should never have allowed herself dreams and hopes.

While Celia went to get the wagon, Willow made sure she left the house spotless. She shook out the mat at the door one last time. As she worked, Sarah held Adam, watching her accusingly.

Willow swept the hearth next. They hadn't even had time to light a fire, though she'd imagined them clustered around the fireplace, Adam sleeping in Johnny's arms as she did needlework and the girls played a game.

It was not to be.

The rattle of harness and creak of wood signaled the wagon's approach. “It's time to go.” She gathered up their bags. Celia rushed past her into the house as Willow stepped onto the veranda.

Johnny stood before her. “So that's it? You're leaving?”

“I never meant to stay more than three days.” She wished it could be longer—forever—but she would not be made to feel guilty for protecting Adam, nor for not wanting everyone to know what she'd done in the past. And she wouldn't accept less than what she needed. If he couldn't see that—

“I don't understand what you want.”

She couldn't—wouldn't—look directly at him for fear she would weaken. “That's exactly the problem.” She took Adam from Sarah, needing the comfort of his warm little body. “Girls, bring the rest of the things so we can be on our way.”

Celia carried out the box containing their supplies and stowed it in the wagon, then climbed to the bench and reached down for Adam. “I'll take him.”

“Wait. At least let me say goodbye.” Johnny bent his head over Adam's to kiss him.

Willow closed her eyes and forced slow, steady breaths into her lungs. She would not let the earthy scent of Johnny, nor the brush of his hair, cause her to change her mind.

“Goodbye, wee man. I hope I get to see you again.” Johnny met Willow's gaze, his full of wanting, hers equally full of determination. “I wish I could say something to change your mind.”

He could. But unless he figured out what it was, she had to move on with her own plans.

He held out his arms to Sarah and she ran into them. “I'll miss you, little one.” He reached up and patted Celia's knee. “I'm going to miss your sharp observations.”

When Willow went to climb up, he took her hand and stopped her.

“I'm going to miss you every minute of the day.” His eyes were bottomless, allowing her to see clear to his heart.

She swallowed hard. He cared. Just not enough. Not in the right way. “Thank you for everything you've done.” Her voice quavered. “I might never have found my sisters and gotten to Granite Creek without your help.” He'd been a rock.

But his unbending strength blinded him to the total acceptance she needed.

“Goodbye, Johnny.”

“I refuse to say goodbye.”

They might see each other in town or at church. She expected such encounters would refresh the pain that at the moment threatened to rip her from stem to stern.

She did not respond to his comment as she allowed him to help her into the wagon. She did not look at him as he held her hand even after she sat next to Celia. Finally he released her, and Willow gathered up the reins and drove away without a backward look.

Thankfully, neither girl said anything about Johnny on the way to town. Instead, Celia amused Adam. Sarah sang song after song, no doubt comforting herself.

The only comfort Willow could find was in the verse she had looked up last night and memorized.
God is in the midst of thee...he will rejoice over thee with joy.
God loved her. She would not look back on her past, but only ahead to her future. One in which she forgave herself. One in which she would not allow anyone to make her feel guilty about what had happened in her weakness.

Chapter Eighteen

T
he house echoed with their absence. Johnny couldn't stand the silence and would not sleep inside, preferring to continue sleeping in the barn. But even keeping his back to the yard and working at breakneck speed did not make it possible to pretend he didn't ache to see them dashing about. Sarah on the veranda with Adam. Willow in the garden.

No two ways about it. The yard was empty, the house was barren and his insides were hollowed out, aching with loneliness.

He should never have invited them to stay here. Now he missed them in every corner.

Perhaps that was how Thad felt and why he had left.

Johnny renewed his determination to make sure that nothing was out of place to risk sending Thad back to the dark space he'd gone when his sister drowned.

But even thinking of Thad and trying to convince himself their partnership would ease his loneliness failed to make Johnny feel better.

After two days he couldn't stand his own company. Perhaps he'd find peace at the waterfall. He always had in the past, though now that he'd taken Willow there, perhaps that, too, had been ruined. He climbed the path, hoping the sound of splashing water would fill his mind.

But after a few minutes of letting the mist wash his face, he turned to stare at the spot where he and Willow had stood. He'd thought to make things right between them. Instead, he had made them worse. He wanted to forgive her, but she didn't want forgiveness.

You didn't trust me. I need someone to stand by me.

The words played over and over in his mind. She'd accused him of judging her. He hadn't.

He jerked back as if someone had punched him in the jaw. Yes, he had. He'd been so consumed with the fact she kept a secret from him that he had not realized his reaction was judgment on her. Judgment on Adam.

Johnny fell to his knees, moaning. He'd treated her as if she were Trudy, hiding the truth in order to take advantage of him. Willow's only concern had been to protect Adam and her sisters. Johnny had failed to stand by her, just as she said.

He sat on a rock and stared at the frothing water. He wanted them back, to stay. He wanted to make them his forever family. Would she give him a chance to put things right between them? If so, would she want to live in this house by the waterfall?

But what about Thad?

Maybe if Johnny sent a telegram explaining the situation and it caught up with his friend...

He bolted to his feet. He had to try.

Johnny scrambled down the hill, in such a hurry that his boots slid out from under him in the steepest places. His mind scrambled with plans. First thing he had to do was clean up.

A bit later, his hair slicked back, his skin glowing from the scrubbing he'd given it, and wearing a brand-new shirt he'd been saving for a special occasion, he stepped from the house.

The rumble of approaching hoofbeats pulled him up halfway across the veranda. Coming up the hill toward him were a number of horses. He recognized the lead stallion immediately. This was the herd he and Thad had meant to breed. Sure enough, bringing up the rear rode his friend.

He waved his hat. “Open the gate.”

Johnny jogged to the corrals and threw it wide, then stood to one side to herd them through.

The horses, recognizing the corrals meant food and water, turned in. He closed the gate after them.

Thad swung out of the saddle and grabbed Johnny's hand. “I'm here. Got them all. What do you think?”

I think your timing stinks. I think your arrival is going to change my plans
. But he didn't say that. Instead he pumped his friend's hand, then turned to study the horses. “Fine stock. We'll do okay with them.” No one else raised draft animals. Soon they would be selling well-broke, matched teams and making a nice living. They were partners. He'd given his word and had no intention of going back on it.

He turned to Thad. “So how are ya?”

“Couldn't be better.”

It was good to hear the joy in his friend's voice. He couldn't risk taking it away.

Thad clapped him on the shoulder. “Let's get these animals taken care of, then you can make me coffee and I'll tell you all the news.”

“Sounds good.” It wasn't that he didn't care to hear about Thad's family or his trip. But how could Johnny tell his friend he didn't want to continue with their plans? Oh, they could be partners, but not the way they planned if his visit to town achieved all he hoped. He didn't want to share his home with Thad. He wanted to share it with Willow and her family.

His insides twisted as he helped with the horses. If only Thad hadn't come at this moment. Except Thad was his partner no matter what. Sooner or later Johnny would have to deal with this sticking point in his plans. Guess sooner was better.

“Come on in,” he said. “Though it's more your house than mine. You lived here several years, while I've only been living here a few days.” Good days. Memorable days.

Thad paused in front of the house. “I don't know if it will ever feel like home again.” He stepped inside. “I see you've made a few changes.”

“Not much.” Johnny had pushed the furniture from one place to another and added his own books. That was about all.

“What's this?” Thad plucked a blue baby bonnet off the chair closest to the fireplace. “Looks a little small for you.” He perched it on top of his head.

Johnny's laughed sounded strained even to his own ears. “Had visitors for a couple of days.”

“That a fact? Seems like you might have some news, too.”

Johnny filled the coffeepot and set it to boil. Willow had left two pieces of raisin cake and he placed them on the table along with two heavy china mugs. By then the coffee was ready and he filled their cups. “Tell me your news first.” It would give him time to decide how to explain about Willow. Though, he sadly admitted, there was little to tell apart from what he hoped to achieve by going to see her.

Thad rubbed his finger around the rim of his cup with some concentration. “I met someone.” His expression seemed sheepish.

“Someone. Like a girl?”

“A very special girl. She's agreed to marry me.”

“Well, congratulations.” Johnny slapped him on the back. “I'm happy for you.” He truly was, though that gave Thad first rights to the house. “I guess you'll be wanting this place for you and your girl. That's okay. I'll put up a little cabin out of sight.” Maybe he could manage one large enough for a family. But it would take time. And he couldn't be building here and courting Willow in town at the same time.

“Actually, I'm hoping you will buy my share of our partnership. I know it isn't what we planned, but me and Annie want to live near her family.”

“Thad, you mean it?”

“I'm sorry. I don't like to have to choose between you and her, but that's the way it is.”

Johnny whooped. “I can't believe it.”

Thad tipped his head to study him. “You don't sound upset.”

“Nope. Far from it.” He told Thad how he had met Willow and everything that followed.

“So you see, I kind of messed up with her. I was about to go to town and apologize when you rode up.”

“Well, then, get on your way before it's too late. Maybe you can convince her to say yes before I leave, so I can be your best man.”

“Wouldn't that be something?”

* * *

Willow smiled even though it hurt. She would not let her disappointments of the past few days steal from the happy home she meant to establish. The roof had been shingled and Mr. Marsh had informed her the owner meant to pay for the repairs. He'd seen the pile of garbage behind the shed and arranged to have it taken away.

Today was Saturday, and recalling some of the things Mama had done to make the day special, Willow had secretly made a batch of their favorite oatmeal cookies and hidden them away. She had thankfully found a source of fresh milk and made chocolate syrup, also secretly, so they could have hot chocolate and cookies after their bath, just as they had at home.

The girls had created a hideaway in the bushes at the corner of the yard and spent hours there reading, often taking Adam with them. Willow was happy to see her sisters together. Of course, they had been together these past two years while she had—

The past was past. She meant to leave it that way.

A knock at the door jerked her from her thoughts and she hurried to open it. “Johnny.” She stared. She hadn't expected to see him again in a long time.

He clutched his hat to his chest. “Can I talk to you?”

She nodded and stepped outside, pulling the door shut behind her. She couldn't imagine what more he had to say and surely did not want a repeat of their conversation by the waterfall.

“I've come to apologize.”

She gaped at him. “Why?”

“Because I was wrong. I judged you wrongly.” His eyes told her he meant every word. “You don't need my forgiveness. You have God's. Only He can forgive. I realize now that what you need is the assurance that I accept you, flaws and all. And I do.”

Her thoughts stalled. She might have wished this, but didn't expect it. Certainly not less than two days after he'd generously offered to forgive her.

He swallowed loudly. “I'm hoping you will forgive me and give me another chance.”

“Chance for what?” Her heart pressed to her breastbone with hope.

“To show you how much I care.”

“How much do you care?”

A smile creased his eyes. “You don't know?”

She shook her head. “You've never said.”

“But I did. When I kissed you. But even more, with everything I did, I was saying I love you.”

Her heart did several summersaults. “You love me?”

“Yes, I do.” He dropped his hat to the step and opened his arms.

She hesitated, wanting everything to be right. “What about Adam?”

“I love him, too.”

“I have two sisters.”

“Love them, too.”

“You might have cause to be embarrassed about my past.”

“Nope. Never have. Never will.”

She believed him. “Do you trust me?”

He hesitated and she almost regretted her question. “I do,” he said finally. “But I think the bigger question is, do you trust
me
?”

She didn't have to think about her answer. “You are the most trustworthy man I've ever known.”

“Am I forgiven for being so stupid?”

She chuckled. “Johnny Harding, I forgive you. And I love you.”

He opened his arms again and she gladly went into his embrace. She lifted her face to him and welcomed his kiss.

From the bushes came clapping and Celia called, “We thought you would never see the truth.”

“What truth is that?” Johnny asked, his breath warm against her cheek.

“That you two love each other and we all belong together.”

“Come here.” He opened his arms to welcome Celia, Sarah and Adam into their embrace. “Do you think we can be a family?”

The girls nodded.

“I better ask Willow what she thinks.” He released the girls. Celia held Adam, and they stood nearby, smiling.

Johnny bent to one knee and took Willow's hand. “Willow, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

She cupped his face with her hands and bent over. “Johnny Harding, I will gladly marry you and spend the rest of my life loving you.” She lowered her head and kissed him gently.

He rose to both feet and pulled her into his arms, returning her kiss.

They broke apart to look at the children.

The girls cheered and Adam gurgled.

Willow decided this was the special occasion she had prepared for, and they crowded around the wooden table in the kitchen to enjoy cookies and hot chocolate and to make plans. He told them that Thad had arrived with the horses to announce he wished to live elsewhere, so they could live in the cabin if that suited them all. Willow knew her sisters were as pleased as she at the news. They had fallen in love with the place.

Willow smiled at her family. “Maisie is right. God uses unexpected events in our lives to give us more than we ask or dream possible.”

“Amen to that.”

Johnny stayed in the hotel that night and joined them the next day for church.

“It's just like going to church with Mama and Papa,” Sarah whispered as they sat in the pew.

Willow nodded. “It is.”

That afternoon, Willow and Johnny left Adam with Sarah and Celia, and went for a walk away from prying eyes and listening ears.

For a bit they were content just to be together, the misunderstandings and barriers between them gone.

“Thad is hoping we marry soon so he can be my best man,” Johnny said.

“I see no reason to wait. I don't want a big wedding, though. After all, I'm a recent widow. Many will judge me for marrying too soon.”

“We don't need to broadcast the news about your past.”

At those reassuring words, she hugged his arm. “I want to tell you about my marriage to Bertie so there are no more secrets between us.”

Johnny pulled her around to face him. “Willow, I never meant to make you feel like that.”

She ran her fingers along his cheek. “I'm not telling you out of guilt, but because I want you to know everything about me, just as I want to know everything about you. Because I feel safe telling you.”

“Thank you.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me since last night, when you told me you loved me.”

She chuckled, then sobered at the thought of Bertie. “He was like his father, using words as weapons. He shamed me daily for having Adam. He never acknowledged Adam's presence except to complain when he cried.”

Johnny's jaw muscles bunched and he drew in a deep breath as if forcing himself to relax. “Poor Adam. I will be sure to make it up to him.”