The Cowboy Soldier (5 page)

“Are you really a shrink and Sierra didn’t tell me?”

“Sorry if I sound preachy. I only wanted to reassure you. There’s no need for you to act testy.” Alexa touched Willow’s flank and started off along the trail.

He caught up to her. “If I’m testy, maybe it’s because you took away the pills that made me more tractable.”

“Tractable?” Alexa raised her voice. “They made you catatonic. Tell me you don’t like feeling…emotions,” she said, groping for words. “Even if they’re painful.”

He rode along in silence for a minute, massaging the back of his neck with his free hand. “If honesty is what you want, then yes and no. I don’t like…” It took Rafe a long time to search for the word he wanted. “Remembering.”

Alexa could sympathize. For months or more after Bobby’s death she would have loved to block the hurtful, pain-filled memories with a pill. How could she admit to Rafe that she still needed herb teas and mineral soaks to help her sleep most nights? But that was a burden she couldn’t share. “Pills that turn you into a mechanical man aren’t the answer. That kind of pain doesn’t go away so easily, Rafe, it only gets buried deeper.”

“Says you.”

“Says me!”

“Is that why you chose to be an osteopath? Because MDs are too free handing out pills?”

“I became an osteopath because I graduated high school at fifteen and medical schools had age restrictions for entry.”

“You graduated high school at fifteen?” Rafe whistled. “You must be a genius.”

“
Gifted
is today’s term.” Alexa felt a pang of guilt. She hadn’t been completely honest with Rafe. In fact, she had applied to medical school and been accepted, then…life changed.

They rode for a while in silence, then Alexa said, “Hey, we’re breaking free of the trees. The ranch is a mile straight ahead, and Willow wants to run.”

“Loki, too,” Rafe said. “Let’s go. Winner gets to choose what we eat for supper.”

“You’re on!” The ride would shake out the troubling memories gathering in Alexa’s mind.

The horses ran neck and neck for half the distance, then Willow slowed and Loki’s longer legs ate up the ground. Rafe won by ten lengths.

Alexa dismounted before Willow came to a complete stop. Although she was out of breath, Alexa laughed. “You won, Rafe. Fair and square. I hope you’re not planning something high-fat like chicken-fried steak with biscuits smothered in gravy.”

“Nope. A big, fat, juicy cheeseburger and French fries.”

Alexa winced. “Almost as artery clogging. I probably have all we need on hand except for buns and enough oil to cook the fries.” She opened the barn door, led Willow inside and started unsaddling her. Alexa was surprised and pleased when Rafe followed her, removing Loki’s saddle with no help.

“Where’s the brush?” he asked. “I’ll brush both horses down if you want to go get the meal started.”

“I was thinking, since I’d have to go buy buns and oil anyway, maybe we could eat in town. Rosita’s Café does a good Tex-Mex burger. Or the tavern. I’ve never been there, but park rangers brag about their steak and fries.” The idea grew on her as she passed Rafe a brush to use on Loki.

He made a few long strokes over the gelding’s back before he answered. “I’m not ready to eat in public yet. I’m okay with passing on buns and fries this time. Winning the bet was no big deal. Racing was the kick for me. The adrenaline rush was nothing compared with bronc riding, but it felt good enough. I’d like to ride again tomorrow if you can make time.”

“No problem. I ride most days. Tomorrow I’ll ride Gigi. But I don’t welch when I lose a bet. There’s a general store at the park entrance. I can drive there and back in half an hour. Would you be okay finishing up here? I can bring Compadre out.”

“I think I can manage. Show me which are their stalls. Oh, and are the oats easy to reach? Help me locate them, and a bucket to dip the oats.” He seemed to hesitate a moment before speaking. “You know, it feels better than I ever imagined it would, doing chores again. Alexa, I’m sorry I acted like such a butthead yesterday when you wanted me to help feed the animals.”

“We all have days when things go wrong,” she said, touching his arm.

“Yeah, but as you said,” he muttered, “I started with a chip on my shoulder.”

“More like a whole tree,” she teased.

He laughed. “Okay. Rub it in.”

“Rafe, today is a better day for you. But they’re not all going to be good. Don’t let the next down day send you back reaching for the pills that shut you off from the world.”

“I’d like to try giving up all the crutches,” he said, pausing in his brushing.

“Great. After supper we can look at possible alternatives to wean you completely off the meds.”

Rafe nodded, and Alexa left to get Compadre. As a rule he’d whine to go with her in the pickup, but today he was content to stay with Rafe. Alexa found it interesting that the collie had been so devoted to Rafe in such a short period of time. Especially since Rafe continued to call him Dog, as if using a name made him feel too attached.

The man still had a long way to go.

“Everything went well in the barn,” he called out, poking his head out the bathroom door. “Except I dropped a scoop of oats down the front of me. There’s probably oat husks all over the bathroom floor.”

Alexa was about to reply when Rafe walked into the bedroom, a towel wrapped around his hips, his hair wet, his chest muscles slick with water. She caught her breath. Rafe was stunning. The word
sexy
popped into Alexa’s mind. She’d never dated much, and couldn’t recall ever being struck mute merely by the sight of a man until now. Oh, she’d had a huge girlish crush on Bobby. But dear and sweet as he was, he’d never had a monogamous bone in his body. They were better being friends.

If she wasn’t Rafe Eaglefeather’s doctor… Alexa’s fingers itched to explore that satiny bronze skin. She had to jerk her eyes away, and even then found herself stuttering when he spoke her name aloud again as if he wasn’t sure she was still in the room.

“Uh, I didn’t mean to interrupt your shower, but I brought you a surprise.” She spun away from the sight of him to shake out the contents of the box and two bags she carried onto his bed. “The general store had just got in a new shipment of cowboy duds. I thought maybe you were sick of wearing your army stuff. If not…if I overstepped just say so,” she continued nervously. “It’s only a few pair of jeans, a couple of Western shirts and…gosh, I hope I guessed at the right size in boots. Leather tooled,” she added.

Rafe crossed the room, crowding close to her.

Alexa felt heat emanating from his wide chest and fumbled with the silver-covered snaps on one of the three shirts.

“You bought me clothes?”

“Nothing fancy. Two shirts are blue, the third is gold. Jeans are—well, denim. Like I said, the boots are tooled brown leather. I’ll run along and start the burgers if you want to try them on. Or not,” she continued in a rush, dropping the shirt on the bed desperate to escape the heat from the bare, still damp body close to hers.

“Don’t run off. Let me go put on a pair of shorts and I’ll try them on now.”

When Alexa said nothing, Rafe asked, “Will that embarrass you? I thought, uh, with the way you barged in here and jerked my covers off the other day and all…” He left the words hanging.

“Guilty as charged. If you must know, I was startled, but I was hardly going to admit it. At that point I felt I needed to flex my muscle.”

“But you’re a doctor. You must be used to dealing with male patients.”

“Most men still tend to choose a male doctor in any field. And
you
didn’t choose me, your sister did. But I should go start our burgers. You don’t really need me to stay, do you?”

“No,” Rafe hesitated. “I’m not real good at saying thank you. Other guys in the military got presents from their wives, or girlfriends, or moms. Sierra sent me things, but she’s practical. Stuff like wet wipes and deodorant. But it’s been ages since anyone bought me something for no special reason.” He clutched a pair of jeans in both hands and shifted awkwardly.

“You’re welcome, Rafe. I saw these and thought you might like to wear cowboy gear again. You are training my horse, after all. And remember, I’ll exchange anything that doesn’t fit. See you back in the kitchen for supper.” She slipped out of the room, mentally kicking herself. Here she’d been beset with lustful thoughts while Rafe struggled with a dutiful thank you. She had to get a grip.

Some twenty minutes later he walked into the kitchen decked out in a new outfit. Alexa’s heart tripped faster at the sight of him.

Compadre got up, sniffed Rafe’s boots, then sat back and gave an excited bark.

“Wow, you look different,” Alexa exclaimed. “But Compadre approves.”

Rafe rubbed both hands down the front of a dark gold shirt that magnified the amber color of his eyes. “Been a long time since I’ve worn civvies. I don’t look like a complete dude, do I?” he asked anxiously.

“You look like a rodeo cowboy to me.” Alexa almost added,
a very hot rodeo cowboy.

“Everything fit. The boots will take getting used to. I’ve worn combat boots for the better part of nine years. I started thinking, though, it’ll be good to discard the military trappings. My life was less complicated when I was a cowboy.”

“You are what you are, Rafe, a cowboy turned military hero.”

“I wasn’t a hero,” he said darkly. “A hero would’ve mowed down the enemy and saved all of his men.”

Alexa couldn’t let the comment pass. “I read your report and it disputes your version, Rafe. You shoved a corporal behind a boulder, and went out under fire to drag a private to safety. But, hey, let’s find a new subject. One rule of alternative medicine is to keep mealtime conversations upbeat to aid digestion.” Turning, she scooped the meat off the grill and deftly built two cheeseburgers. Then she flipped fries out of crackling oil onto folds of paper towels and dusted the hot potato strips with herbs and a little pepper.

Rafe took a seat in the chair he seemed to consider his spot. The dog immediately moved close and laid his muzzle across Rafe’s thigh. “Mooch,” he murmured, affectionately rubbing Compadre’s silky ears. “I’ll save you a bite of my cheeseburger, but you’ll have to wait for it to cool.” He bent his dark head toward the animal.

“He knows better than to beg for scraps at the table.” Alexa chastened the dog with a look Compadre understood. Head down, the dog slunk off to lie in his usual spot near the door.

A soft touch herself, Alexa passed Rafe a cool piece of cooked hamburger. “Go put this in his bowl. I made it thinner for him.”

Grinning, Rafe broke the meat into smaller pieces and carried it to the dog’s dish. He was still smiling when he returned to the table.

His lazy smile made Alexa’s skin tingle as she sat down across from him. People didn’t call men beautiful, did they? But the truth was, Rafe was beautiful when he smiled. He had by far and away the most gorgeous eyes of any man Alexa had ever met. And his lashes were long and black and luscious.

He ate several bites and made delighted sounds before depositing the burger back on his plate. Then he dived into the still piping-hot fries, and after downing several, sighed. Cocking his head to one side, he asked, “Is something wrong with your burger, Alexa? Why aren’t you eating?”

That’s when she realized she still sat, chin propped in one hand, just watching him. “Honestly, I was sitting here wondering how many hearts you broke at every rodeo.”

He smirked a purely male prideful smirk. “Is that question personal, or part of my medical evaluation?”

Alexa cleared her throat, saying primly, “Neither. Just a line I read somewhere that’s guaranteed to be a great conversation starter.”

“Oh.”

From his nonverbal response, Alexa figured Rafe wasn’t buying it. Best to direct the conversation along other lines. “Tell me what you liked best about riding in rodeos.”

“The challenge,” he said at once. “That, and the people there felt like family. I had Sierra, but she worked two jobs, and if she had any spare time she spent most of it with Doug.”

“So they knew each other a long time.” Alexa picked up her burger and bit into it.

“From first grade. Then when she was fifteen, at her
quinceañera,
Doug told our parents and his that he was going to graduate, join the border patrol and marry Sierra.” Rafe slowly shook his head. “He had his life mapped out at sixteen. Not me.”

“Were you jealous of them?”

“Never. Probably more in awe of how both knew exactly what they wanted in life.”

“Rodeo, military—you didn’t exactly choose easy roads, Rafe.”

“No, I suppose not.”

As they neared the end of the meal, Rafe told her about some of the tougher horses he’d drawn to ride. “I taught myself to study each twitch in a bronc’s shoulder muscles. It signaled which way he planned to buck. Turned out to be a skill that helped on foot patrols in Iraq. The guys all said I had magic, because I’d know before a seemingly innocent shopkeeper pulled a weapon on us. Sight.” His voice sounded almost sorrowful. “Everything revolved around my ability to see and prejudge a person’s moves. Do you think I’ll ever get my sight back?” he abruptly asked.

“I won’t lie, Rafe,” she told him. “Your military doctors found no ironclad reason for your loss of vision. But they didn’t project any hope for reversing your condition. I doubt they considered acupuncture. If you’re interested, I have some books on ancient Chinese techniques I can dig out and bone up on.”

“Let me think about it,” he said. “I’m not keen on doubling as a pin cushion.”

“I understand,” she murmured. He excused himself to go to bed as soon as he finished eating. Alexa hated that the turn of their conversation had clearly put a damper on what had otherwise been a really enjoyable day and evening. It was difficult for her to admit, but truthfully, she liked having Rafe Eaglefeather around.